


inside out

by undeliveredtruth



Series: good to me [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A concept, Alternate Universe - Corporate, Alternate Universe - Prostitution (not SVT), Alternate Universe - The "dark side" of Kpop, CEO Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sponsors & Shady Deals, not really light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-10-02 09:19:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 86,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeliveredtruth/pseuds/undeliveredtruth
Summary: Jihoon is an idol that has seen too much and knows too much about the world he chose to live in, and who is constantly burdened by the responsibility of his work. If he had a choice, he wouldn't get involved with Choi Seungcheol, who, with his many secrets and mysteries, only looks like he will bring more trouble to their lives.But it's the wellbeing of his group that's at stake, so he doesn't have one. Instead, Jihoon has to deal with the consequences of getting closer to places and people with who he's never imagined he might find himself with, and with seeing his life turned upside down and inside out.





	1. careful, careful

**Author's Note:**

> Adding on to the many kind of dark Jicheol fics because I couldn't help myself. Starting the year off right. Actually started this before Getting Closer dropped, but I'm not going to pretend like I'm not going to listen to it thousands of times while writing this. 
> 
> A few notes before you start: Seventeen in here have their actual birth years (not aged up or down), but their debut is pushed back by 2 years (2017 instead of 2015), and their discography or so follows the real-life timeline, so keep that in mind when you read and form the world in your head. Also, besides SVT, no characters in here are based off of real-life characters, so if you see a name that you know or a character that you think might correspond with someone in real life, there's no correlation, and everything was made up. 
> 
> Also keep in mind that when I say "dark side" of Kpop, this is simply based off of rumors and speculations and things that people mention, or believe might happen. I am definitely not basing myself on things that actually happen because frankly, I have no clue, but I don't believe that anything I write is true, and I am not in any way promoting the understanding that stuff like that exists, so yeah. It is the idol world I'll be writing about, but this is also as far away from the idol world that we know as it can be, and everybody is now also very far from their real personalities, but I tried to adapt who I think they are to how they'd be in the world and the circumstances I write about. I hope that's understandable, but if you want, leave a comment and I can expand on this, because I find it very important to separate real world and fiction when talking about heavy topics like these.
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy this, and I'll be looking forward to your feedback!

_"Hyung... Seungcheolie won't be too happy," he pouts, lounging in the armchair._

_"I'll get to you soon, Jeonghanie. Be patient."_

_"You better, hyung. You better."_

* * *

Seventeen has one rule. They don't sleep with sponsors.

Meetings, private performances, texts from different numbers, even going to their houses if they want, as he knows Minghao does for someone, they'll do that if they have to. But they won't sleep with them. Deniability.

Not that Jihoon has personal sponsors, so it doesn't matter for him, but it does for the others.

It's Jihoon and Soonyoung's most important decision as co-leaders, and perhaps the biggest reason for which they've been able to keep afloat when it comes to dealing with that part of life as an idol. No mention for how close they are as a group, because they're not really, some kind of weird business partners whose lives are co-dependent on each others'. But not friends.

Or maybe it's just Jihoon who sees them like that. Making sure they enjoy each other's company and they're in sync with what they do, and with the company as well, is a task reserved for Soonyoung. Jihoon just writes the music, and makes sure they continue working hard.

* * *

"Again." Hansol runs through his verse again, but it's still not there. "Faster on the beat, you're not on the melody for the last five or so syllables."

"Sorry, hyung."

"Don't apologize. You're doing great."

Once, twice, three more times, it's still not good, and he seems distracted. "Your voice is getting rough. Take a break, drink something, and come back a bit later."

Hansol leaves the recording booth and then the studio, closing the door quietly behind him. Jihoon's headache blasts behind his temples, so he takes off his cap, runs a hand through his hair, and puts it back. It doesn't help.

Soonyoung walks in unannounced, dropping down in the armchair behind his work desk. Jihoon swivels in his chair to look at him.

"Did you meet with them?"

"Yes. I don't know why you didn't want to go. I had to lie to them that you're sick."

"I am sick. I have a headache."

Soonyoung tsks at him disapprovingly. Jihoon just didn't feel like it today.

"They said we're doing good. Sales aren't as great as they should be to really help everyone else, but since we haven't had a comeback in a while, we're doing better than they expected."

Jihoon hums in approval, taking his hat off again. It's too tight and it's pressing on his temples, probably fueling his headache. When he turns around, Soonyoung has his eyes closed and looks ready to go to sleep right then.

"You're tired."

"Mhmm... had to stay up last night to work on the chorus part in the choreo. Still not happy with it... then I had to read over the files before the meeting, and only slept for like an hour and on the way here before meeting with them."

The guilt stabs through Jihoon. He should've gone to that damn meeting as well, Soonyoung has more than enough on his plate already.

"Go sleep."

Soonyoung hums, his eyes still closed. "Can't. Got to stay for interviews for the new manager, they're still not done. Let me record before that, I have like half an hour."

"I'll go to those, and you'll record tomorrow. Go to sleep."

"No, it's okay. We don't have a schedule tomorrow until afternoon, so I'll sleep tonight."

"You didn't sleep yesterday night either, and you'll stay up for the choreo again. This is not comeback time, you're supposed to relax. I'm going," Jihoon rants, getting up from the chair. They know each other too well.

"You never volunteer to go to things."

"So this is why now, when I'm saying you go sleep, you do it. I'll have manager hyung take you home and lock you in." Soonyoung chuckles, but it's weak. Some other time, he would've put up more of a fight, but now he's not, which tells Jihoon how exhausted he actually is.

Usually, Soonyoung is the one that nags Jihoon not to work too much, so he forgets how much Soonyoung works himself. When he remembers, it never fails to make him feel terrible about it though; Soonyoung is responsible for being the link between the company and them because Jihoon hates it, organizing their meetings and getting their acting together for the concept they're doing, making sure they're okay and being the support person, doing the choreography and teaching it to them, and also feedback and fixing mistakes, not to talk about scandal management. Jihoon just writes the music and has them record it, and sometimes is the one to look for feedback and gather fan responses. What a shitty co-leader he is.

As he walks to the damn interviews he resolves to have a talk with Soonyoung about how to share the responsibility better when they get a sliver of time, but for real now.

The first person interviewed is tall and broad, looks more like a bodyguard or a bouncer than a manager. Jihoon immediately says no in his head but waits until the interview's done.

"He seems alright. Good qualifications, good recommendations too."

"Absolutely not," Jihoon chimes in. They all turn to look at him, the contempt for his presence here obvious. "We need someone less threatening. You fired the last one for hitting Seungkwan, but it took months of threats before you even thought about doing it, and you want someone that looks like he'll do more than that?" He doesn't even care that he's basing himself on appearances. He doesn't really want anyone new around them right now anyway. "You promised us you're going to let us decide on this one, so let Soonyoung and I decide."

"Where's Soonyoung?" One of the executives asks. She's never liked Jihoon.

"He's sleeping, because he almost passed out in my studio from overworking." Maybe it's the frustration from his headache, or maybe it's his annoyance with how the day seems to be going like shit, but today, he has no qualms with going at them.

That's why Soonyoung deals with the company.

* * *

Scheduled interviews for the day are done, and Jihoon has vetoed every single one of them. There's nobody that looks like he could even begin to trust with the kids, so they're not going to step near them.

"Jihoon, a word in my office," one of the vice-presidents, Mr. Choi, says, and Jihoon follows him. He's been kinder than most people with them, so he doesn't put up a fight or comments on it.

"The people we had today were some of the best who applied. You can't reject everyone, Jihoon," he says, settling down in his chair and Jihoon taking a seat across from him.

"They just didn't look like we could trust them. After what happened, do you want to give us someone who will make them feel even more scared?"

"So what do you want?"

"Give us more time. We can deal with the managers we have. Soonyoung and I will work harder."

"Soonyoung and you work hard enough already, Jihoon," Mr. Choi says with a sigh of frustration. "We need more security for you, we expect this comeback to be big, and there is something else planned already we'll need help with."

"What's planned? You didn't let us know of anything besides the comeback."

Mr. Choi looks like he said something he shouldn't have, so Jihoon gathers his courage to look at him, making sure he waits until he gets an answer.

"There's the CEO of a very large company that contacted us. About you."

Of course this is what it's about.

"Who?" Jihoon squints his eyes. Mr. Choi doesn't chastise him for being impolite, but he looks like he's feeling bad about something, not meeting Jihoon's eyes.

"They'll let you know later when they finish up the details. But it's big, bigger than anything we've ever gotten before, so we need security and everything to make sure it's alright." It sounds like the contract is already written up.

"Having someone we don't trust won't help, then. Are you sure you want to bring in someone new before this? You'll risk them finding out before you get to scare them into complying."

"I know you think you know better, Jihoon, but you do not run this company," Mr. Choi warns. Seems like Jihoon's struck a nerve. "If we say you need more security, you do. We're making a massive compromise here by letting you chime in, but we need this. We'll look into bringing in someone already in the company, but you will be more allowing of people we interview and propose. Next time, both you and Soonyoung come to the interviews. You're dismissed."

Jihoon gets up, bows, and leaves. The last thing they need now is more creeps they'll need to please, but by how it looks, they have no power to turn the tide.

No more recording will happen today because he's too annoyed for it. He goes home instead, to sleep his headache off because he'll have to discuss this with Soonyoung and see what they can plan before it starts.

* * *

"Again?"

"That's what they said," Jihoon hums, rolling the pen between his fingers.

Soonyoung sighs, resting his head on the table. Jihoon gives him a few moments to breathe.

"What can we do here?"

"I don't know," Jihoon admits. "If it's big, we need security. But I don't think it will help anyway. The kids are still messed up from the manager stuff. But again if it's big, the company is probably going to put a lot of importance on it, so..."

"We can't win anyway, right?" Soonyoung chuckles, but there's no humor.

"I think we could maybe try to convince them to only let a few of us go. Maybe we two can try to go."

"If we do that, they'll want like Mingyu or Minghao, or Hansol. Not us. We have to ensure we all can go so we can keep an eye on it."

"Right," Jihoon acquiesces. "Let's talk more when they give us details."

"Okay. I'm heading to the studio, I'll see you later."

"Soonyoung," Jihoon chides. "Don't. Just sleep tonight."

"Can't, Jihoonie. Have to fix the choreo."

"You don't. You can do it after the schedule tomorrow. It's a shoot, it's short."

"Why are you arguing with me on this?"

"I'm not having it today. And you need to rest. Please, you've been working too hard." Whenever Jihoon brings out his softer, caring side, Soonyoung melts. No matter how tough they've had to become and how much they had to change, both he and Soonyoung are the kind of people that need someone else to rely on, to tell them how to be better.

At least they have each other to stop from working too much, even if they're terrible at it themselves.

* * *

The wait in the conference room before the sponsor comes is torture. They've had to deal with that so many times, but you never know who might come in. If the company gets directly involved, it's usually big though; either the bored housewife or daughter or a very successful businessman, or the old, repressed businessman himself. One or the other.

Except when the door opens, the man walking before Mr. Choi is _young,_ and extremely good-looking. His clothes are sharp, even though simple: a decorated white shirt tucked in slim black pants, with a black suit jacket on top. The telltale signs are what give his wealth away: the watch, the belt, the long overcoat in his hand. He sits down at the head of the table directly to Jihoon's right, and when his eyes meet Jihoon's, a shiver runs through him. He looks intense.

"We will introduce ourselves," Soonyoung says, as he's in charge of the greeting, and they do, lifting their heads quickly. Jihoon doesn't want to miss a moment.

"Mr. Choi here is a very big fan of yours."

"It's true. I wanted to be an idol rapper a while ago too, so I kind of relate to where you are. I am here because I truly love how honest you are, and how you put your soul into your music, and if I can't do it anymore, I want to support that."

There are many surprises to this man. His voice is much kinder than how his eyes look, way more... warm. To his left, he can feel how Minghao switches minutely, a bit surprised, but positive. He trusts Minghao when it comes to first appearances.

"You're very young though..." Seungkwan says, stumbling a little bit on his words. Jihoon will have to talk to him about inappropriate remarks.

"Thank you for your remark Seungkwan-ah, but I'm not that young anymore," the man, Mr. Choi too, like their executive apparently, chuckles.

"I don't want to put more pressure on you any more than I bet you already have, but I just wanted to come here and talk. I think you have a lot of potential and you're going to make it big anyway, you don't really need anyone's help, but if I can make the process easier, I'd be more than happy to." He's definitely strange, something is very strange.

"We're very grateful, but what do you want from us in turn?" He can't help but ask, fixing his eyes on the stranger and trying not to flinch when he meets his gaze.

"I don't want anything. Whatever you want to do with what I have is your choice," the man smiles, looking at them.

"There's always a catch. You don't just want to give us money for free and get nothing in return," Jihoon retorts. The bad cop card has always suited him; if something's shady, better to find out early.

"Who said I don't get something in return?" The man says, tilting his head. "This is fun for me, trust me." Jihoon doesn't buy it. "Look, I'll be honest with you. I don't regret giving up on being a trainee because I do lead a good company, as you'll get to see, but I do feel like I'm missing out on a bit of fun in my life. I wrote some of my own music a long time ago, and the reason I'm here is that while watching one of your stages, I actually felt something, like that could've been me, or my music. But I can't go rap on your stages with you, so at least seeing you up there and knowing I'm a part of that will be very fun. I have way more money than I know what to do with, and I'm not the type to invest them in myself. So I'm investing them in you."

Jihoon has nothing to say to that... he sounds genuine, and that's confusing.

"Rap something for us then," Seungkwan says, all of a sudden. "I'm curious, and we have a norebang machine in our building," he adds, and everyone else nods. Jihoon is legitimately going to kill him.

On the way to the room, Soonyoung stays back and elbows Jihoon, grabbing his attention from where his eyes are fixed on the man. 'What do you think?' His eyes say, and Jihoon grits his teeth a little, and bends his head, saying 'I don't know. Let's wait and see.'

The man raps some parts of Very Nice so skillfully, he's a little bit impressed. His voice fits very well on the music, and the raspy qualities of it would be ideal to play with in a song. His technique though is what makes Jihoon believe he was trained; he doesn't sound underground, and considering he still sounds good after years of probably not doing it, he's definitely trained.

Overall, the meeting is awkward, to say the least, and so unlike anything they've experienced before he's almost shocked. Usually, in cases like these, sponsors choose a member or two they like most, make their demands, and from there it's the job of that member to not fuck it up. He doesn't seem to want to do that, nor make any demands. It almost sounds too good to be true.

That is until their company's Mr. Choi asks him to stay behind. That's when they hit familiar ground.

"I thought you said you don't want anything from us," he says, as politely as he can, but he's sure it doesn't come across like that.

"I don't want anything from you," he reaffirms. "You just look displeased with this whole situation, and I wanted to see if there's anything I can answer you. You're the leader, and I don't want you to not like the situation. I truly want to help."

"There's nothing I'm displeased with." His answer's curt.

"Look, I understand you don't like this, and if this is so, I can retract my offer, that's alright," he answers, and Jihoon picks up on annoyance amongst the understanding. Oh no.

This is an opportunity that can make them or break them, as the agency said, and so, if he doesn't behave, he'd be messing their chances up. They can't afford that for Jihoon's hunches and feelings, so he makes an effort to calm down.

"No, I apologize for coming off as cold, just tiredness from practice. There is nothing I am unhappy with. We are very grateful for your offer, and we would be more than happy to accept it."

"Let me take you out to dinner," he announces, a bit too sudden and too loud, startling him. "Nothing like that whatsoever, I apologize. You just look like you work very hard, and I identify with that. I am honestly curious to know more about this world from someone who actually is in it before I help promote it. Away from your agency and everything." Nothing like that? He's a sponsor, it's everything like that.

In his eyes he finds a bit of... maybe hope? In a way, it reminds him of the bored housewives and daughters looking for excitement in the dazzling idol world, but in a different way. Like he doesn't believe he's entitled to Jihoon or Seventeen just because he's paying, but he's grateful for the opportunity, and that takes him aback. The intensity in them combined with that sliver of hope make him feel this is something different than what he's used to.

"Oh, okay... I'd be happy to," he answers, stumbling on his words.

"Look, I'll give you my private number, and you can text me whenever you'd like to. I know this is a strange dynamic, but you helped me get some of my excitement back, and I wanted to do more than buy your albums and donate to charities through your fansites. I know you don't trust me now and I understand, but I would truly like to support you," he smiles.

Jihoon's still hesitant, but again, this is not his decision to make. Something in this man is different, not what he's used to, and even if usually he'd stay away, now he can't.

* * *

"What do you think?" Soonyoung and Mingyu stop him on the way to his room when he comes back. There's a smell of something wafting from the kitchen, Mingyu must be cooking, and so he hurries back from dropping his bag in his room, sitting at the table and getting a glass of water until the food's ready.

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"Right? It's really strange," Seungkwan says, walking in the kitchen with Chan after him.

"Is everyone home?"

"Think so. Minghao's sleeping."

"Wake him up, and go and gather everyone. Let's talk," Soonyoung says, sensing Jihoon's intention.

In five minutes, they shuffle in, sitting in the mismatched chairs at the table, even Mingyu turning away from the food away for a little bit. Jihoon quickly counts heads. Eight, great.

"I'm just going to start by saying I'm actually impressed," Seungkwan throws, his head resting on his palm. "He could rap, he was rich but nice, and he genuinely seems like he's not a pervert. Unless he said something to you," he immediately realizes, and everyone turns to Jihoon.

"Not much," he shakes his head. "He asked me if I was displeased, I said no because I have to, and then he asked me for dinner. But said it's 'not like that'," he quotes. "Didn't even ask for my number, just gave me his."

"I'm also just going to put it out there and say that he's hot as hell," Seungkwan also says, shrugging his shoulders. "If we essentially have another sugar daddy, might as well be a hot one."

"Seungkwan," Soonyoung admonishes him, but it's true. Mr. Choi is ridiculously good-looking, which makes him even more suspicious. "Do you think you should go to that dinner?"

"He said he just wants to hear more about the industry since he knows we work hard. Seemed like he was genuinely interested in that, so I don't know," he shrugs.

"If you are willing to risk going somewhere private," Minghao intervenes.

"What do you think?" He asks him since he's the one with the most "experience" out of them.

"I don't think you can afford not going. Just go talk to the company and make sure it's secure."

"I don't think that's a good idea," he tilts his head a little, smacking his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

"Why?"

"He said something about away from the company. I think he's genuinely interested in funding us, not Pledis."

"How are you going to pull that off then? No offense, hyung, but going behind the company..." Minghao says, and he's right. No offense taken since he really wouldn't be able to.

"So then no?" Mingyu says. "Seems smarter, and they already have a contract, it'd be bothersome to leave. I think he looks chill, he'd get it if you wouldn't be able to if you give him like the public excuse or something."

"I'll see. I don't think he'd do anything weird though. Can still go somewhere with people but like not expensive, people could assume we're just friends."

"They won't," Minghao says sharply. "I googled him, he's a famous, very rich businessman who's 7 years older than you. If they see you, they're not going to think you're just friends."

Googling him, he didn't even think about that.

"That sounds legit..." Hansol says under his breath.

"If you go, ask him to get the private room at a very expensive restaurant. If you get one that's used to idols or actors going there, they have ways to monitor the situation and intervene, and they're discreet, don't need the agency. You can contact them before and let them know, and they'll walk you through the procedure. I can send you a list of the best ones if you want," Minghao offers.

"Thank you. Just do that now, in case I decide. Anyway."

"Be careful, hyung," Seokmin says, concern obvious in his expression.

"Can I just ask something though? Why me?" He says, his tone rising. He's not attractive, not mysterious, not appealing, not anything of the sort. Objectively speaking.

"Hyung, don't underestimate yourself. You're hot. I'd date you," Mingyu comments on his way back from putting the food on the table, patting his head.

"Not with the hand you used to rinse the noodles, Mingyu-ya, ah!"

* * *

Googling Mr. Choi, or Seungcheol, as he's saved himself in his phone, only tells Jihoon he should stay away. He's not going to fool or seduce a 29-year old who inherited one of the biggest investment and real estate companies in Korea at age 23. Plus, no matter how convincing it might be, Jihoon is 100% certain that Seungcheol is not giving them money from the goodness of his own heart, as talented as he might find them. There's something beyond him here that he's not that curious to find out.

If worse comes to worst, and Seungcheol truly expects Jihoon to text him as part of his "duties", and he brings it up with the company, Jihoon can use work and his lack of social sensitivity as an excuse and it won't be too far fetched. He has an album to finish in a month, choreographies to learn, leader duties. Besides Lean On Me and Highlight, he has to work on all the tracks, so he's so busy recently that even if he really wanted to go, he doesn't think he'd have the time.

* * *

"Did you deal with it?" Soonyoung walks into his studio unprompted, not even knocking.

"No," Jihoon throws, blank. For the past few hours, he's been struggling with the arrangement of the bridge in Boom Boom, since something's off. They rehearsed the choreography earlier today and it didn't go well, and it's the song. It's the part between the percussion where they do the jacket thing and the rest of the bridge for Seungkwan that doesn't tie well, but for the life of him, he can't figure out what to put to tie them together.

"Take a break. If you didn't figure it out in four hours, you're not going to figure it out by staring at your computer for more."

Jihoon turns to where Soonyoung's lounging in his chair, his eyes fixed on Jihoon. It's his turn to be the calm one today since Jihoon's frustration is reaching peak levels.

"Do you need help?" Soonyoung asks, his eyes still on him, intense and searching.

It would be good, but... Jihoon's promised himself he's not going to rely on that. The rarer, the better.

"No."

"As you wish, but we have a meeting in like half an hour with exec. So you'd better find another way to relax until then."

"I can't unless I figure this out."

Soonyoung gets up then, dragging the chair from the corner of his room. "Show me then."

He's not of much help either. Jihoon has to come up with a sound that would work well, but he doesn't manage to do it before the meeting, so when they leave the studio, the annoyance makes him slam the door.

Jumping at the sound, Soonyoung suddenly grabs his wrist and drags him in the opposite direction from where they need to go, turning a corner that leads to a dead-end in their building, barely lit and quiet. Jihoon doesn't say anything when Soonyoung backs him up against the wall, a hand lightly grabbing his neck and one pressing on his chest.

"Calm down."

Jihoon closes his eyes and grabs Soonyoung's wrists. His breaths time after Soonyoung's slower ones, _one, two._ In and out.

Soonyoung waits. It's something they've built over the years, for when Jihoon's feelings get the better of him and they don't have a lot of time. When Jihoon feels even more overwhelmed, annoyed, or like he wants to cry, he'll squeeze Soonyoungs's wrists tighter, and Soonyoung will press himself against him even more, and ground him down, or hug him. The weight of his hands, slowing his breaths down, the solid wall at his back, instead of making Jihoon nervous, they make him gather his thoughts. It's not often that he's not in control of his mind, but when he's not and he has to be, it helps. Soonyoung needs something different, but for Jihoon, that's how he can relax.

When he feels collected, he lets go of Soonyoung's wrists, and Soonyoung steps back.

"Are you ready? We have to go fight."

"Mhm," Jihoon nods. Instead of anger, the fire in his chest burns cold.

* * *

"You can't remove Highlight," Soonyoung throws, his hands on the table and leaning forward. "That means killing the whole plan for team-focused songs. You're going to release Check In in like a couple of days already."

"We know."

"You're essentially killing our whole concept," Jihoon adds. "You said you want to go all-in with the self-producing, good-at-everything, team concept since before debut." Jihoon hasn't spent months in the studio and Soonyoung months in the practice room for this.

"It's still early. We'll still promote that, but with less emphasis on the teams. There's not enough anyway for it to work as we thought."

"That's..." Bullshit. That's what it is, Jihoon wants to complete Soonyoung's phrase.

"There's not enough budget to put towards two videos yet. We'll see after we release the album how it does. This is not up for discussion."

Soonyoung takes his hands away, turning his head to the left so he calms down. From next to him, Jihoon can see his hands clenched into fists under the table.

Soonyoung, Minghao, and Chan had the concept and the choreo and even how they wanted the video to go for Highlight, so being told so late in the game is unnerving, to say the least.

"Hopefully we haven't given up working with VM Project, have we?" Jihoon says.

"For now, we have." Jihoon's eyes bulge out of his head. They're kidding. They literally want to see this comeback flop. "Don't worry, we're bringing in someone good for the music videos."

"I think it is fair to say we're very worried," Soonyoung says, and Jihoon nods. It's pretty much a month and around a week before the scheduled release, they're still playing with their songs and their videos, wanted to bring in a new manager they're not going to have time to train, and changes to their concept seem to still happen. They've built a steady fanbase from previous comebacks, but this is still ridiculous. Jihoon is _pissed,_ and Soonyoung looks like he is too.

"These are not bad changes. We need them to be able to put money towards where it is needed most, so we appreciate your cooperation in this situation. Your sales are steadily rising, so it will be better for the next comeback, when we can pull sales from other groups. For this one, we have to pull through."

Jihoon closes his eyes and breathes, trying to calm himself down.

"We hope these are all the changes."

"About your manager..."

"We'll kindly refuse," Jihoon interrupts. He knows he's being rude now, but if they have to do that too, Jihoon will throw a fit. "Considering all these changes, I think it's fair you let this one on us." They're probably the only group who don't ask for more help, but this is enough change for now.

"We'll give you more time, since you seem to be dealing fine with Mr. Choi. He only had very good words about you, so I won't ask."

Good words? He's done nothing. Soonyoung takes a peek at him from the corner of his eyes. They'll have to talk later.

When they get out, they walk wordlessly back to Jihoon's studio. No matter how much he tried to calm down, he's still so angry, and by how Soonyoung is quietly fuming next to him, he is too.

Soonyoung lets him enter first, and without words, Jihoon turns to him.

"Yes?" Soonyoung asks.

"Sure," he answers. Soonyoung locks the door behind him.

* * *

It's still not working. Five hours later, running on cheap energy drinks, and after having tried probably all of the combinations of things for that second in the song, he still can't find it.

His head is swirling, and the mixing program starts to blur before his eyes. In situations like these, he's prone to start asking himself questions. How, what, why?

The worst part is that he never has an answer to the why. How to do it and what to do, that he can tell himself; he has to go on and bury his issues. But if there's nobody around him, he can't help but ask himself why. Why he does this, why he took this path.

Soonyoung texted him earlier, if he's coming back to the dorm. The notification still glares at him, because he doesn't have an answer.

He picks his phone up to do something, scrolling through his contacts. Maybe he'll actually call Soonyoung or one of his other friends that might be up to get a drink at midnight. Except he doesn't find any, and before he reaches Soonyoung, another contact glares at him.

_He only had good words about you._

One second of thinking, and he opens his messages.

_'Your invitation? I'll take it.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this! I will be aiming for regular weekly updates on Tuesdays, but as life sometimes gets in the way, I don't want to get content out just to get it out. Looking forward to your feedback!


	2. come in to my 머리

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I want to mention before you read this chapter is that while I mentioned the people besides Seventeen are not real, all of the places, objects, or things I will mention are real, I really like doing that in my writing. Sometimes, also, if I use Korean words or things that do not translate well, I will paste the explanations here so you can see them before you read, like now. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> banmal = informal speech in Korean, usually used with friends of the same age or people younger, it's rude if used unprompted with older people; however, if an older friend or someone similar asks you to use banmal with them, you usually do.  
> ssam = a dish where you wrap something in a lettuce leaf, like meat or fillings, and eat it whole.

_"Pledis Entertainment," Jeonghan throws the file on Seungcheol's desk, walking over so he can sit on it. Seungcheol swivels in his chair, the ice clinking in his glass. "Jun happens to be an actual sponsor for someone there, and he says they're going bankrupt."_

_"Why?"_

_"They're big, but their groups aren't successful anymore, or yet. They were almost purchased by the biggest entertainment company in Korea, but it fell through."_

* * *

"Good afternoon. This is Pierre Gagnaire à Séoul, how might we help you?"

"Good afternoon. I am calling about your private reservation for Choi for tonight."

"Of course, what can we do for you?"

"I will be accompanying Mr. Choi, and I called you to ask about your privacy procedures. I am an idol, and I wanted to... let you know."

"I see." An idol calling on a private restaurant number about a reservation from a rich businessman. Of course she sees. "Can I get your details?"

"Yes."

After the phone call, he's not feeling any less nervous, since he doesn't think the issue tonight will be with Mr. Choi trying something on him. It will be with Jihoon not fucking up.

* * *

Jihoon enters through the back door, as he was instructed, led by a waiter who waited for him. It's much more elegant than he's used to, being an idol from a company which still scrounges to pay for their necessities and toiletries. It's been better after their latest comeback, since they gained more fans, but they're still nowhere close to being successful. Joshua helping him squeeze the last of the toothpaste before he left only reminded him of the 9-digit sum in won Pledis told him Seungcheol would help them with, and for this year only. The amount is pasted behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes, making his nerves even stronger.

The door opening and the red curtains being pulled back by the waiter feel just like the last moments before a stage.

Seungcheol, or Mr. Choi as he has to get used to calling him, lest he slips up in the middle of the conversation, stands up as he walks in, and the waiter quickly closes the curtain behind him. With all of the confidence he can muster, he smoothly walks to the chair Mr. Choi is holding for him, and bows before he sits down, with Mr. Choi following, sitting down across from him.

"Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for reserving this," Jihoon answers, lifting his head to glance at Mr. Choi, determined to hold his glance.

But no matter how much he tries, he can't bear to do it. How Mr. Choi looks at him is too much, like he's being split open and analyzed. It's unnerving.

"I don't want you to be nervous, can I do something to not make you nervous?"

Jihoon gulps before he meets his eyes again.

"I still don't get it, I'm sorry." His gut is telling him he might benefit from being honest since all of Mr. Choi's interviews and articles showed he is incredibly smart and amazing with reading people and situations. For once, Jihoon has to not pretend in front of people more powerful. "This is not what we're used to. People who sponsor us, they all want something. It's business, and so you pay for something. You said you don't want anything, but I still don't believe it."

"You're here, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You came to dinner with me," Mr. Choi points out, folding his hands on the table. "All I want is to see you succeed and sometimes, if you want, to chat with you."

Jihoon struggles to not raise his eyebrows.

"Why do you find this so hard to believe?" Mr. Choi asks, and Jihoon stops. How does he justify his thoughts?

"It's just... our fans are usually young, not to discredit all our fans from different demographics, but our music isn't exactly..."

"What you'd expect me to listen to?"

"Yes."

"You're not wrong, but while I do like some of your more hip-hop and rap-focused songs, I can still see the quality of your music for who you target. And let me be honest, music is not the reason I'm here or a fan of yours. You'll be changing concepts a lot as time goes, and I'm sure I'll find them good anyway. You're a good songwriter."

"What is it then?" Jihoon asks, a bit taken aback. This is not where he expected this conversation to go.

"It's the people behind the music. You. Your personalities and your talent." Jihoon's jaw drops a little, but he's trying not to let it show.

"What you don't understand, Jihoon, is not what I get out of this. You're right, this is business, but we don't invest in concepts. Your music is one of the few reasons why you'll be popular and build a fanbase; what people follow is you, the people who work to make the music, and I saw you are worth investing in. What I get out of it is your success. What you don't understand is my motivation.

I know you think your fans are only young people because of your music, but now that you see how I view this, can you understand and accept why I'm here? Many people treat entertainment as shallow or childish, but I see it very seriously because it shapes people in ways nothing else does. And so, I also take the people in it seriously. So you shouldn't think so little of what you do, Jihoon. Idol groups have a massive impact on the shaping of a whole generation, but your group is especially poised to be the leaders of it. You are all very independent, self-producing, very honest and very hardworking, and everything you do has an element of strength and power, and people can see that.

I've looked at many groups since I thought about kind of getting involved with entertainment again, but you really stood out to me because of the quality of what you do. You make no mistakes and you are so dedicated to your job, and that is, above all, what will make you successful. It's not surprising to want to be a part of it, it's surprising to not. Do you get it now?" Seungcheol finishes. Jihoon can't even pretend he's not shocked. Mr. Choi's smirk tells Jihoon he can tell.

What can he say to that? It... makes sense, and it soothes the uncertainty Jihoon drew in his mind. He honestly wishes he had as much confidence in themselves as Mr. Choi seems to have in them, then.

"Mr. Choi... "

"Call me Seungcheol, please. I know I'm older than you, but you don't have to be too polite to me. I'd ask you to use banmal, but I think you'll refuse." Of course he would. That's too much.

"Do you want to order?" Jihoon forgot they're even in a restaurant. He quickly looks over the menu, but there's a set course menu anyway, which he's probably supposed to order. Seungcheol does the same, and they get asked about wine, but he refuses.

"I... why did you say no to wine?" He's never been in a fancy restaurant, but he knows this is the way to go.

"Because you wouldn't be able to drink it, correct?"  
  
"Yes... thank you." It seems to be Jihoon's fate to be taken aback by anything Seungcheol does and how attentive he is to details. He's never felt this out of his element before.

"So tell me more about your group and yourself. You all seem like amazing people, I'm so excited to hear about you," Seungcheol says with a little smile, folding his hands again and leaning forward to Jihoon.

What can he say?

* * *

Their waiter checks on them occasionally, taking his time to meet Jihoon's gaze and wordlessly inquire about his wellbeing. Seungcheol's not an idiot, he probably can tell, but he's also probably supposed to be able to tell.

But it goes well. _It goes well._

"Ah, Jihoonie, 2 hours of sleep per night for a whole month doesn't sound healthy," Seungcheol comments, leaning back in his chair with his glass of water.

Jihoon's shoulder raises, his head tilting. "I know. We don't have much of a choice though," he acquiesces.

"Is it the company or is it just how what everyone goes through?"

"Everyone," he nods. "I haven't met any group who doesn't work that hard during comeback period."

"What do you even have to do?"

Jihoon sighs, trying to figure out how to put this.

"Before the comeback, it's obviously coming up with the songs, choreographies, recording, thousands of times practicing one song, and we have from like five to fourteen, sometimes, depending on the album, and that's a few months before."

"Could you do them in your sleep?"

"Easily," Jihoon assures, Seungcheol laughing at how confidently he says it. "A few weeks before, it's filming what we need to film such as music videos, teaser clips or so, we do photo shoots, fan meetings, organize teasers and a comeback plan and strategies with the company. When it gets to comeback season, it goes crazy. We go to recordings around four days a week, and we can be there for as long as ten, twelve hours sometimes, depending on when our pre-recording is or what else we have to do there. We then have fan meetings, more promotional photoshoots or CFs, if we have it, and we also practice for a couple hours every day, to make sure we're still all good. We do variety shows or radio shows sometimes to promote, which can take half a day or more, depending, weekly or biweekly meetings with the company during comeback time, and Soonyoung and I... Hoshi, my co-leader."

"I know," Seungcheol nods.

"He and I, but in reality all of us, also monitor all our stages and look through fan feedback every day for a couple of hours. We film little clips or shows for our channel sometimes, plus moving from place to place, make-up and outfits, it adds up." Putting it like this... he can see how it can be seen as a little crazy.

"Whew," Seungcheol whistles. "I thought running a company was hard, but this is insane. And you do this three, four times a year for like a month or so?"

"Two or three, but we also tour, world tours or not. We just finished some shows in Japan and Asia," he adds. "I'm sure it's not harder than what you do though," Jihoon says, shaking his head.

"Don't put yourself down, this is incredible. And you still have the energy to put forward a smile for fans?"

"I think that's a given," Jihoon shrugs. "It's exhausting and it's a lot of responsibility, but we've all made this choice. It's not something a lot of people get to do, and as you said before... to be able to move people and influence them, it's quite amazing. Our fans are genuinely great with supporting us, so I don't even want to complain, I don't see myself ever doing anything else."

"Hmm... when you were trainees," Seungcheol starts, twirling the little water he still has in his glass, relaxed in his chair. "Did you know this is what it would be like?"

"Not really. We obviously have senior singers and you can see and hear things but... you don't really know until you go through it."

"So you just kind of... go?"

"Yeah. Your goal is to debut. That's it."

"Why? Not even knowing what it's like? I understand it must be a given that you train to debut but... isn't it also scary? I remember going through it, I didn't train for a long time, barely a couple of months, but I was honestly terrified of debuting."

"It is. But our trainee period was much worse than what we do now."

"How so?" Seungcheol asks, raising his eyebrows. His statement could be surprising if you didn't really go through the whole journey.

"It's hard to explain. You are busy as well, but the atmosphere is different." Jihoon's already explained more than he ever has to anyone. "Training is stifling. It's so much pressure. Your parents sacrifice so much and you put so much time, money, and effort into it, that what it's like after doesn't matter. Plus... the people aren't too nice either, if you train for long you're respected in that way that is kind of demeaning. You already know everything, you've done the same practices and evaluations hundreds of times, rookie trainees are getting better than you, and everybody's like 'why aren't you debuting yet' since groups sometimes get formed around trainees and it's been a long time since your company debuted a group, so it must be you that's the issue," he shrugs, but he was one of those people. And that almost finished him even before he debuted.

"How long did you train for?"

"Around 5 years."

"Okay. I see," Seungcheol nods, his eyes wide. It was a long time, he knows. "You must have known everything about the company and what being an idol was, even if you didn't really understand it."

"Somehow, yes."

The curtains suddenly get pulled back, and the waiter bows at a fair distance from them.

"We're sorry, sirs, we are closing for the night in the next ten minutes."

Closing? A glance at his watch tells Jihoon it's almost been three hours. Three hours he's spent talking with Seungcheol, and there hasn't been one break in their conversation. Jihoon doesn't think he's ever talked for this long, ever.

"Oh, thank you," Seungcheol says, and the waiter bows again and leaves. "Let me take you home," he says to Jihoon.

"It's alright. My manager is waiting for me in a cafe nearby, I'll just meet him behind."

"He's been here this whole time?"

"Yeah..." Jihoon says, a little bit embarrassed. It's obviously to be near if something happens so he shouldn't have said that. "I prefer not taking the subway or even a taxi, and I also can't really exit from any car since there are... certain types of news agencies."

Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. God, did Jihoon fuck this up right at the end?

"How do you live with cameras on you all the time?" He asks rhetorically, shaking his head. "Must be insane."

"I am sure you are quite followed as well."

"Not like this. What you go through is admirable."

Jihoon can't respond to that with more than a bow of his head. Seungcheol sits up and grabs his coat, and Jihoon does the same, looking for the mask in his pocket. Before leaving, Seungcheol turns to him.

"I had a really good time chatting with you," he begins, and surprisingly, Jihoon did too. Despite his nerves, the weird dynamic, the pressure, Seungcheol seems genuinely interested in them and what they do. "Thank you for meeting with me. You have my number, so any time you would like a break, text me, and I will buy you a meal or a coffee, or just listen to you vent, whatever you'd like. I hope you know I'm not just saying this to say it. You and your group are absolutely amazing, and I'm kind of emotionally invested now," he grins, and Jihoon smiles too.

"I will. Thank you very much. It means a lot to us."

"Don't mention it. It's nothing if it gets you to where you deserve to be."

"We will work hard."

" _Fighting,_ " Seungcheol says, adding two thumbs up with a wide smile, and Jihoon smiles again. "Goodbye, Jihoon. Take care and keep me updated with your work."

Jihoon bows until the flap of the curtain and the door behind it tells him he's left, raising his head up just then. He puts his mask on and fishes his phone out of his pocket, calling his manager.

"Did you find everything alright?" The waiter comes in, getting Jihoon to take him to the staff exit.

"Yes, everything was great. Thank you very much for your help."

* * *

The lights in the dorm are all off except the one in the kitchen, and he hangs his coat up and heads there. Unsurprisingly, Soonyoung is at the kitchen table on his laptop. Seungkwan is across from him on his phone.

"Monitoring practice?"

"Mhm," Soonyoung nods, closing his laptop and folding his hands. Seungkwan raises his eyes to him and they widen almost comically. It probably just hit him where Jihoon's come from.

"Everybody! Jihoon hyung's back!" He screams, and in a matter of a few seconds, the entire group's footsteps can be heard paddling to the kitchen. If only they got themselves together this quickly in the morning too, it'd be amazing.

"How was it?" Seokmin asks from the hall before he's even entered the kitchen.

"It was good," he says absentmindedly, opening the fridge for something to eat.

"That's it?" Seokmin whines. "Tell us everything."

"There's kimchi fried rice on the second shelf," Soonyoung says, knowing what he's looking for. He picks it up and finds a spoon, digging in while leaning on the counter.

"Didn't you come from dinner, hyung?" Chan asks, raising his eyebrows.

"It was a fancy restaurant. I barely ate," he says with a mouthful of rice. The tasting course was good, but it was small, and he was also too nervous to eat much.

"Tell us, hyung," Mingyu says too, and he gets ready to, sitting in the leftover chair to make time to think.

"It was okay. Surprisingly, it went really well."

"Really? What did you talk about?"

"Idol life, mostly. He asked about us and like how it is, and mentioned some stuff about his training life too. I was too nervous to ask much, so next time."

"So you talked more than him?" Chan raises his eyebrows. It sounds hard to believe indeed.

"Yes. He was very nice. Not that imposing, very nice and understanding, fun to talk with too, so I didn't feel that awkward talking."

"Wait... next time?" Mingyu suddenly picks up on what he said, his tone questioning. He didn't even realize he said it, but he guesses there is a next time.

"I guess so... "

"He asked to see you again?" Soonyoung asks, obviously surprised.

"Yeah. Said I should text whenever I want a break, and he'll buy me a meal or coffee, or listen to me vent. Said he was 'emotionally invested' in us now."

"Hyung..." Minghao pipes.

"I know. No choice though, right? Plus, he was really interesting. He is a businessman and you can see he's sharp, but he's also very human. It could be much worse."

"You don't have to do it if you don't want to."

"You all pretty much do it, right?" He says, looking at all of them. Except for Chan and Seungkwan, all of them have dealt with sponsors at some point. How are they telling him to skip on it, as the leader, when it's a responsibility they all took on their shoulders? "I actually don't mind it. I think it could be interesting."

"Let's hope it works out," Soonyoung concludes. "Let's talk about your impressions more another day, we have an important practice tomorrow, and you need to relax too," he tells Jihoon, but they all scatter. Jihoon announces he'll take a shower, to have a few more moments of silence and think.

* * *

"We're getting the Highlight video," Soonyoung announces, walking unprompted into his studio again. If Jihoon didn't want him there, he'd lock the door, so he can't exactly scold him.

"We are?" Jihoon turns to him, excited to hear. "Congrats!"

Chan's in the recording booth, and he looks confused, so Jihoon presses the button for Chan to hear him.

"We're doing the Highlight video," Soonyoung announces to him too, leaning on Jihoon's desk, and Chan suddenly brightens.

"Really, hyung? That's amazing!"

"Come out and take a break, Channie," Jihoon instructs him, since he's pretty much killing his parts anyway, so it won't take long.

"I'm so excited," he announces, dropping down on the new sofa next to Soonyoung. When you have seven other people you record with, a bigger place to sit was kind of necessary.

"We need to practice a lot since we're doing it in the next few days, I think maybe three days from now."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, we got the choreography down."

They take a little break from speaking, Jihoon arranging his stuff on his desk.

"I'm excited for fans to see this comeback," Chan starts, lounging on the sofa.

"I'm sure they're too, after Soonyoung's massive spoiler," Jihoon raises an eyebrow at him.

"Why are you still on my case? It was great!" The one in question whines. Jihoon's sometimes convinced he's twelve.

"I can't stop you, so I don't even try anymore."

Three knocks on his door ring out and Seokmin peeks his head in.

"Am I too early?"

"No, come in. We're taking a break, talking about how Soonyoung's spoiled every single comeback and everything else he could have possibly spoiled since we debuted," he throws, his eyes pointed towards Soonyoung. Seokmin laughs, dropping on the couch next to Chan.

"Let him be, hyung. I'm sure the fans expect it and like it."

"Exactly. I can't let them down!"

"Builds anticipation!" Seokmin adds.

"Clearly!"

"You two are just..." he stops there, Chan between them looking like he sympathizes with him.

Chan finishes recording eventually, and after Seokmin's left too, Soonyoung's still there, working on some choreography sketches.

"You know it's because of you, right?" Soonyoung starts, all serious all of a sudden.

"What?"

"The Highlight video. The sofa I'm sitting on. The company buying us meat. Finally having a functioning rice cooker that doesn't look like it'll electrocute us to death every single time we make rice. It's because of him, but it's you too. He clearly liked you."

Jihoon's silence reveals enough, that he doesn't know what to say.

"I've thought about it a lot, but still... if you don't feel okay with it, you don't have to do it. All of this new stuff is worthless. I wanted to tell you this, that if you feel it's getting too much, quit it. I'll support you no matter what, and we can fight the company together. We're always going to be more important than anything like that."

"It's okay, Soonyoung. I... don't mind it. I think for what he gives us, me going with him to a few dinners is totally fine. He was alright to talk to, and he really doesn't want to try anything on me, so I'm alright."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Soonyoung acquiesces. "But listen... one time you feel something's off or not alright, or you're uncomfortable, tell me right away. And we'll figure it out. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, Soonyoung-ah."

* * *

Practice starting at 5 AM is not something he usually minds. What he does mind, however, is not having eaten anything since 5 AM, now being 11 AM, while company executives discuss their choreography and stage presence in front of them like they don't exist. What he also minds is them explicitly going against Soonyoung _and_ their dance teacher's opinion and arguing that they should make some parts sexier just for the sake of it, that they need to charm people, show their more mature side. The choreography is already "mature" enough, different from their previous concepts, so what more do they want?

Jihoon has nothing against groups that show abs or make their choreographies sexy or whatever, he's friends with them, respects them, likes their concepts and their music, but it's not them. The intention behind their debut is to make their kind of music, the kind they like and find themselves in, and damn if Jihoon's not going to fight for it.

For now, they have to agree, but a glance at Soonyoung tells him he's also determined to keep the choreography like this. They have another fight coming ahead of them, and this one he's sure not to lose.

* * *

They don't. Armed with their dance teacher and with strong opinions, the company lets them keep it, probably understanding this is not a battle worth fighting.

Three weeks left now, they're supposed to start doing fan meetings and teasers and maybe concept videos in addition to Highlight, and they're still messing with their concept. He tried to make sure in their most recent discussions that this is the last time it happened and hopes he got his point across. But it still leaves Jihoon feeling a little bit annoyed and anxious about everything, and he takes refuge in his studio.

His phone shows it's nearing midnight when he opens it. He's been stuck in his studio again since a bit after the meeting, trying to polish some of their sidetracks. He's been mildly productive, got sidetracked a couple of times, but now he's so hungry he can't even think about layers and frequencies and whatever, and he's also getting a bit hangry. He needs food, but he doesn't feel like eating alone. Everybody's probably home or practicing, so he doesn't want to bother them.

Seungcheol immediately pops up in his mind. He's been beating himself up these past couple of weeks for not doing more on that end than answering some texts, so maybe it's time.

_'Hello. You mentioned I could text if I wanted a break. I could use one right now if you are not busy.'_

It sounds off, but whatever. Jihoon's not good with words anyway.

_'I am not. Do you want to eat something?'_

_'I'd love to.'_

_'I go to this place often, it's open late and they have a private room. I can let them know to get you from the staff entrance, if you'd like.'_ Seungcheol types and then sends him the address for a restaurant. It's 20 minutes away by car, so he'll probably have to get a taxi.

_'It's alright, it's late, and I can put on a mask. Nobody will see me. I can be there in 30 minutes.'_

_'I will see you there.'_ Seungcheol finishes, and Jihoon gets up, putting his hood up and his coat on, fishing a black mask from his drawer. This is stupid, but Jihoon needs to make some stupid decisions too, once in a while.

On the way there, in a Kakao Taxi, he texts his manager, just for him to know. He's probably not awake since Jihoon said he'd walk home. Their dorm is so close he's never had issues doing the 5-minute walk alone, but he's never really gone out like this, to meet with someone without managers or at least Soonyoung knowing. Whatever. The company probably wouldn't be mad, since it's for money.

When he walks in the restaurant, a young man immediately sees him and welcomes him, leading him to the private room. Seungcheol must've told him how he looks. There's nobody looking at him from the few patrons in the restaurant, the nerves from being noticed going away.

Seungcheol is already there when he enters the private room. He didn't even notice the meat menu posters on the wall, but it is a samgyeopsal place, and it looks really nice. The room is kind of tiny, but Jihoon likes that he can sit down across from Seungcheol and still be able to rest his back on the wall, from what he can see.

He bows and greets Seungcheol, who tells him to sit down quickly.

"Do you have any meat preferences?"

Jihoon shakes his head, saying anything is okay, settling down on his cushion and taking his coat and mask off. He's so underdressed, in a hoodie and worn ripped jeans, but Seungcheol looks dressed down too, so he figures it's okay.

"How come you decided to text me?" Seungcheol inquires with a smile, resting with his back to the wall too. He doesn't say it teasingly, which it should sound like. However, Jihoon doesn't even have an answer for himself as to why he did.

"I wanted to see if your offer was true."

"It is. Did something bad happen?"

"Not necessarily. Just the usual. I was kind of hungry though."

Where his confidence comes from he's not sure. But now that they're not in a very fancy place, and Seungcheol seems so relaxed with him, he feels strangely comfortable. It's a dangerous train of thought, since Seungcheol and he are not friends, but he doesn't feel that nervous anymore.

"How's your comeback preparation going?"

Jihoon scoffs, grabbing his glass of water. "Not great. They're on us to make it sexier or something."

"Sexier?" Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. Since he's pretty much participating in their life now, maybe it's not that terrible for Jihoon to talk to him about things like these.

"Something like this. They want us to get a different demographic too."

"Like older people?"

"Yes. Strengthening our international fanbase too."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"It's not... it's just that how they want us to do it is not really us. And it's really late, I don't want to make the members switch this late."

"If it's not you, then I hope you've made your point clear. It's always really obvious when a concept or something doesn't really come from the people that do it. I'm sure they'll understand."

"I hope so too."

Their food comes not soon after, and Seungcheol starts grilling it. Jihoon wants to do something, but there's nothing much he can do but wait while he grills it and cuts it.

"Can I ask a question?" He starts at some point. Seungcheol nods, to show that he heard. "How were your trainee days? You've mentioned them but haven't talked much. I'm really curious."

Seungcheol's smile says he probably was expecting this question. The meat is almost done, so Jihoon shamelessly starts taking the meat pieces and piling some up to make a ssam.

"It was a long time ago, around 11 years I think, and it was at a no-name company. I don't even think they exist anymore. Big Bang were rookies back then," he chuckles. Wow, it really was a long time ago. "My father ran the company I run now, but I had an older brother who was poised to take over it. So, characteristic to the younger sibling, I had more freedom. I lived with my grandmother in Daegu actually, for a long while. Then I decided I wanted to be a rapper when I was a teenager, and I did a few underground shows before I moved to Seoul and was cast by this company. They were very small, but I didn't care much since I was convinced I'd make it big anyway.

After a few months, my brother left. Didn't want to do it, went to the US and completely cut contact with my family for years. So my father made me come back to reality, and I started doing a few things, going to college, and preparing to take over the company. Don't imagine it was one of those 'quit your whole life' kind of scenarios, I still partied a lot and made a lot of questionable decisions until I had to actually take over when my father moved to something else, but I still had to quit training. So that was it."

The way he tells his story is so peaceful. The little shrugs of his shoulder, his barely-there smile, it looks so wholesome, so easy. Jihoon can tell that's not it.

It's not exactly curiosity, but there's something that's drawn Jihoon to text him again, to ask about his life. Something that even now, leaves him wondering about how Seungcheol really must be like. Maybe it is curiosity, to break that façade. He's not comfortable with how Seungcheol knows so much about him, and Jihoon knows barely anything.

"Do you regret it? If you had a choice..."

"That's two different questions, Jihoonie," he smiles, eating a bit, to delay the answer. A peek at the grill shows Jihoon devoured the food, he didn't even notice it's almost gone.

"If I did have a choice, I would have probably continued training, but that's different. I don't regret taking over this company exactly because it was not a choice I was able to make. Sometimes, you get things given to you, and you make sure you dedicate yourself to them as much as you can. Regret is pointless," he shrugs. This is not an attitude you gain easily. Sometimes, it's easy to revolt. Knowing when you shouldn't and when the difficult things are what you need to do, but keep a balance with reaching success and changing things from inside, that's what's truly difficult, that's how Jihoon sees things. He's very much working on it because it's not going that well.

"I see..."

"Do you relate?"

"A little bit. With the company."

"Do you regret joining them? Would you have gone somewhere else, if given the choice?"

"There are some things I guess I'm not happy about. Many of them. But I have my members, and I can't see myself doing this with someone else, so..." Jihoon raises his shoulders.

"Your relationship seems genuinely good. Like you actually care about each other," Seungcheol remarks, sounding curious.

"I'm responsible for them. I have to."

"That's not it. You care about them. You talk about 'us' all the time," Seungcheol points out. "It's stronger than friendship or responsibility, I can tell."

"I guess so," Jihoon says. His relationship with his members is definitely something he won't discuss with Seungcheol.

They chat for a bit more before Jihoon realizes it's almost 2 AM and he really should go home because they have practice in the morning again tomorrow.

"Is your manager here?"

"No, I'll just take a taxi."

"Let me drive you home. Seriously, it's late. I can park somewhere behind or something so people won't see you."

Jihoon thinks about it for a second. He really could use the money that he'd pay for the almost half-hour drive.

"Okay. Thank you very much."

"Sure. We can go through the back exit, I'll take you."

Jihoon puts his hood up and his mask back on, less suspicious now that it's almost winter. Seungcheol has a mask too, which even though useless if somebody was to really look, makes Jihoon feel a little bit better.

Seungcheol's car is a matte black Range Rover that looks so clean, it's almost like it just left the factory. When Seungcheol opens the door for him and Jihoon has to step inside, it seems like he's in another dimension. The black interior has some red leather accents that look incredibly sleek, and when he peeks in the back and sees how good the seats look, Jihoon's jaw drops. He should've expected it, but _god_ , it's the nicest car Jihoon will probably ever step foot in.

"Like it?"

"Oh my god. I don't have a driver's license, I don't care much about cars but... This is gorgeous."

Seungcheol laughs from the driver's seat, pushing a button that starts the car.

"Do you not have a driver?"

"I don't like it. I have a driver, but I always drive myself, unless I drink or I'm too tired for it. I love cars."

Rich people and their interests.

"Is this your only car?"

"Oh no," Seungcheol laughs. "I have a few more."

"What's your favorite one?" Jihoon asks as he'd know what they are.

"To drive? An Audi R8. To show off? A Rolls Royce Ghost Black Badge."

"Why are they different?"

"Because the Rolls Royce is made to have a driver with it, actually, not really to drive. It has a purple interior that's so strange it's actually good, and it looks great. I'll drive you around in it someday if you want."

Oh my god, Jihoon would probably lose it if it's a fancier car. He almost lost it now, is sitting on the passenger seat like it's going to eat him. Seungcheol is a great driver though so he's not nervous, he knows because his members have driven before, and some are disasters on wheels.

It seems like hours before they get to his dorm and he instructs Seungcheol to park behind, where he can jump and go. If there are any people waiting by, him already walking out of this car will be suspicious, nevermind the owner, but what can he do?

"Text me anytime, Jihoon-ah," Seungcheol says, leaning over him to open his car door when Jihoon obviously fumbles to work the handle. "Good luck with the comeback."

"Thank you so much. For everything," Jihoon says and bows his head, and quite literally jumps down, since the car is so tall, and walks to the back entrance of his building. He doesn't look back, but the pull to is really strong.

When he walks into their apartment, Mingyu's sitting on the couch, on his phone with the lamp on. Jihoon doesn't quite feel like sleeping, so he sits down on the couch too, moving to lay down with his head sideways on Mingyu's thigh.

"Did you come from the studio?" Mingyu absent-mindedly asks.

"Nope. Met with Seungcheol."

Mingyu dropping his phone on Jihoon's head would be comical if it didn't _hurt._

"Ow, Mingyu," he exclaims, pinching Mingyu's side hard in retaliation.

"You're kidding."

"No. Went for meat."

"Seriously?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Why would it be easy to? It's 2 AM and you just went on a date with our sponsor."

"It wasn't a date," Jihoon says, relaxed, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I have to do it."

"You don't really have to, we don't really meet with sponsors if we don't have to. Seems like you like it."

"I don't mind it," Jihoon shrugs, opening Safari. He doesn't want to overthink it now. He writes 'Rolls Royce Ghost Black Badge', as well as his English skills allow him to fill in the gaps, Google's autocorrect helping, and when the images pop up, he almost drops his own phone on his face with a loud gasp.

"What's wrong?" Mingyu asks immediately, startled. Jihoon opens an image of the car.

"Ya, Mingyu, that's one of his cars."

Mingyu whistles in appreciation. "Did he drive you in it?"

"No. Said he would sometime though, if I want to."

"Hyung..." Mingyu tells him, the implication obvious in his voice. When Jihoon puts it like that... Jihoon gets how it can seem a bit... like that.

He looks up the price, and when he sees the number, he shuts his phone off.

"I'm going to sleep." Enough world for the day.

"Good night, hyung. Be careful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I actually wanted to post links to Seungcheol's cars, because I am a car freak and I can finally have an outlet for my love for them haha. Looking forward to your feedback!
> 
> Range Rover SVAutobiography: https://www.landrover.co.uk/vehicles/range-rover/svautobiography/index.html  
> Audi R8: https://www.topgear.com/car-reviews/audi/r8-1  
> Rolls Royce Ghost Black Badge: https://www.topspeed.com/cars/rolls-royce/rolls-royce-ghost-black-badge-ar172661.html
> 
> I just also wanted to say... since it's ISAC season and I am again reminded of the cuteness of Jihoon leaning on Jeonghan, I especially miss writing Seventeen as a whole asfhsfkhs. In other words, Seokmin nailed four consecutive 10s in archery, which I still *bow* down to, hah. See you next week!


	3. breathlessly

_Seungcheol sees Jeonghan's trademark robe before he sees him lounging on his couch._

_"Why are you here?"_

_"I had something to talk to you about but you weren't answering your phone. I told you this is how it would be if we're neighbors. Where were you though? It's 3 AM and you smell like meat. You have no friends besides Jisoo and I, who were you with?"_

_"Ha ha," Seungcheol retorts, hanging his car key and his coat in the hall. "I was with Jihoon."_

_"Jihoon?" Jeonghan perks up. "How's that going?"_

_"Great. He's basically doing the work for me."_

* * *

"Hyung! Happy birthday!" Mingyu's cheer assaults him right as he enters the kitchen. He actually forgot it was his birthday, disoriented as he is from sleep.

"Ah, thank you, Mingyu-ya."

He closes the fridge door almost on Jihoon's fingers, and turns him towards the table.

"No eating bad stuff. I made seaweed soup." Jihoon wakes up, his eyes widening at Mingyu.

"When did you have time to make seaweed soup?" The strong smell actually registers to him just then. How could he miss it? It smells just like childhood, since his mother used to make it often, but especially never missed his or his hyung's birthday.

"I woke up early."

"You slept late last night."

"I'll nap in the afternoon, I have nothing to do. Eat, hyung," he instructs, putting a bowl of seaweed soup in front of Jihoon, and getting one for himself.

"Mingyu... This is delicious." It tastes like home, almost exactly like his mother used to cook it for him. "Thank you. Really."

Mingyu smiles widely, obviously happy to be complimented. Jihoon still can't believe he woke up early to make him seaweed soup after yesterday's grueling practice.

"Ya Lee Jihoon! Happy birthday!" Soonyoung comes into the kitchen bellowing loudly, bending to kiss the crown of Jihoon's head with an exaggerated sound. Jihoon buries his head in the crook of his elbow, he's so done with him.

Soon enough, everyone's in the kitchen, sitting down or leaning on the counter with a bowl of Mingyu's soup.

"How do you feel being a year older, hyung?" Seungkwan asks, munching on the seaweed.

"I am not a year older. I am still 23."

"Ya! Jihoonie is old," Soonyoung joins in, patting him on the shoulder like an old man.

"You're older than me."

"Ya, Jihoonie is not that old," Soonyoung turns and points accusatively to Seungkwan, who doubles down in laughter on Seokmin, almost dropping his soup. Jihoon laughs from next to him, slapping Soonyoung's shoulder.

Later that evening, Mingyu almost drops the cake, Seungkwan hurts himself with laughter when he hits his head on the wall because of one of Jihoon's poor imitations, he gets attacked with more kisses than he would ever ask for, but all in all, it's a great birthday. That he gets to spend it with them is more than he could ask for.

* * *

"Yes, it's Seventeen. Congratulations!" The MC says, and the confetti burst around them, the cheers of their fans loud in their ears. From the corner of his eye, he sees Seungkwan take the trophy, looking like he is going to cry soon. "Please say a few words."

Soonyoung takes the mic and starts the speech, thanking everybody for the win, their Carats especially, and Jihoon takes it after, completing it with a few words for their album and thanking everyone once again, making a big half heart with his arms. He's truly grateful because everyone worked so hard.

They start bowing deeply to the audience when their song starts, and then the members chaotically start jumping and singing, Jihoon observing them from the back. He's so happy to see them happy, Seungkwan still crying and holding on to the trophy. He's trying to comfort him when Mingyu grabs his hand and drags him to the middle and they characteristically start piling kisses on him. He closes his eyes with laughter, because he might hate it, but it makes them happy to make fun of him like that.

* * *

_'Congratulations on your win!'_ A text from Seungcheol comes right as he takes off his shoes, walking into the house. They have no other schedules tonight, so they're free to relax, thankfully.

"Do you have a headache?" He asks Seungkwan, who still looks like he's on the verge of crying when they get back.

"No. I'm really happy," he says, despite the fact that his red eyes contradict him. He's happy, but he doesn't doubt he cried because of all the stress put on him lately, with the vocals for his album. Jihoon feels so proud of him, and he doesn't hesitate to say it. "Thank you, hyung," he hugs him, and Jihoon hugs him back, patting him on the back.

"You worked hard. Go get some sleep."

When everyone's gone or in the kitchen, he settles on the couch in the living room with his phone.

_'Thank you.'_

_'Let me buy you a meal to celebrate. Whenever you have time.'_

Jihoon hasn't seen him in weeks, since they were so busy with preparing for the comeback, and with end of the year award shows, it's a little bit crazy. Seungcheol texts him constantly though, since Jihoon mentioned to him he likes hearing about things that could inspire his music. It is both good and bad since now he gets a glimpse into Seungcheol's admittedly hectic life, and it's really interesting. Good and bad.

_'Is tomorrow okay? We only have schedules until late afternoon, but after tomorrow, it will get crazy for a while again.'_

_'Of course. I'll actually be on a business trip for the next couple of weeks after Saturday. Want to meet at that restaurant? The samgyeopsal one?'_

_'Sure. Can I text you tomorrow about the time?'_

_'I'll wait for your text. Good night, Jihoon. Congratulate your members too.'_

* * *

Despite it being his second time here, he kind of feels comfortable now. He has to take the back entrance this time since there are way more people here in the early evening, but entering the same room, sitting down in the same place, Seungcheol saying hello across from him, it seems familiar. Familiar and comforting.

"How are you? You must be tired."

"A bit," Jihoon says, leaning on the wall. "But it's going really well, better than we expected."

"Really? I'm glad to hear that. So the album was received fine?"

"I think so. So far, we've gotten mostly positive feedback, despite the change in concept. It probably won't be our most famous comeback ever, but it's good."

"Congratulations. You deserve it."

An ahjumma comes in with their side dishes, arranging them on the table. Seungcheol helps her, rearranging them a little bit, and they discuss which meat they want. She leaves to bring it, and Seungcheol turns to Jihoon. Out of a sudden, he pulls out a black gift bag from next to him and hands it to Jihoon. Oh no.

"Seungcheol..."

"I wanted to get you something to congratulate you. It's not a big deal, but I hope you like it."

Jihoon really doesn't want to take the bag. He really doesn't want to, but he has to, so he does.

He pulls out a thin turtleneck sweater, so soft it feels like Jihoon's touched clouds. As sneakily as possible, he tries to take a look at the tag.

Saint Laurent. End him.

"I... this is too much." Jihoon's never really owned designer clothes, besides anything his stylists might have put on him in a performance. He doesn't believe in brands much anyway, he just wears clothes. But still, something with a price tag this big from Seungcheol... he's a bit unnerved.

"Look. I know," Seungcheol starts. "If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't buy you anything else. I was shopping, and when I saw it, it looked like something you'd wear this comeback, under your tracksuits and stuff," he smiles, Jihoon just now looking at him.

"Thank you. I love it, I don't want to seem impolite. You just..."

"I get it. I know. But you should let me." Seungcheol looks at him, his eyes piercing. "I really don't care much about money, and if I see or think of something that reminds me of someone, I just get it. You should tell me if there's ever something you want. You and the rest of the members."

"I don't want to seem impolite, again, but... you've done so much for us already. There's nothing else we can ask for."

A second before he finishes speaking, the ahjumma comes in with their meat, and Seungcheol puts it on the grill.

"You could ask for many things, Jihoon. There are many things out there. You don't want to," he says as matter-of-fact, but he can tell Seungcheol's questioning him, but not in a negative way.

"I've never cared for things. Of course, there are things everyone needs, and I'm not completely against materialism or whatever, I admire things and I like things. It's just... I don't want them for myself. Not that I don't care about how I look or how I dress either, because I do... just. Up until a point, I guess."

"Interesting," Seungcheol says, searching him.

"Thank you for this though. I will wear it, I really like it," Jihoon says, and plays around with the meat. He's starving, he actually didn't eat since the morning and the smell is killing him.

"There's a couple of things I also realized I wanted to tell you," Seungcheol starts a bit later. "First, you can call me hyung if you want. You seriously don't have to be awkward around me, I really don't care for things like this."

"Okay... hyung." It sounds strange on his tongue, to call Seungcheol that. Like they're close.

"The second thing: when's your birthday? I remember it being around this time, and I wanted to ask you."

"Ah... it actually was around a few weeks ago. November 22nd."

"No," Seungcheol's jaw drops in shock. "You didn't tell me. I'm hurt."

"I'm sorry, we were busy with practice and stuff, I only had time to get dinner with my members at home."

"It's okay, I'm kidding. You have to let me do something though."

"You already bought me a gift," Jihoon points out, pointing to the bag.

"That doesn't count because I didn't know. But then let me take you somewhere. Or cook you dinner. But whenever you're done with all the stuff. I don't want to put more pressure on you."

"I'm sorry... it's just that having a comeback at the end of the year means it coincides with end of the year award shows too and it gets kind of insane."

"Don't apologize. Why are you apologizing? I said I don't want to put more pressure on you. When you're done, I also think I mentioned I have a business trip until pretty much the end of the year."

"Okay," Jihoon agrees, finally being able to eat the cooked meat, piling it up on his plate. Seungcheol chuckles at his appetite, ringing the bell for more meat.

* * *

Since they had to record for Gayo Daejejeon on the 31st, they didn't have their New Year's party. It's not really a party, since they only hang around at home with champagne and drinks, chilling and talking about their year usually. They do that every New Year's, unless they have schedules, like they did this year. And then, if they do, they have it on the 1st, some symbolic gathering so they start their year off together.

They do like dressing up for it, for some reason, so it at least feels a bit more festive, but one glance at his closet doesn't leave Jihoon feeling inspired.

But then he remembers the bag at the bottom of his closet, the one he left unopened for more than two weeks, and in a split second decision, he takes it out and puts the sweater on.

It's indeed so soft, the comfortable material both flowing and hugging him so nicely it feels luxurious even when he touches it with the tips of his fingers. It's large on him, which he guesses Seungcheol intended, since Jihoon wears oversized things anyway, so he tucks the long front in his black jeans and leaves the back out.

He goes by the kitchen to get a drink, and then he joins everyone in the living room, sitting on the floor in front of the sofa. When he walks in, Minghao quiets down from where he was talking with the other members. Jihoon feels his gaze on him for the entire ten minutes he sits down. When he goes to the kitchen to get a drink, Minghao follows.

When Jihoon closes the fridge, beer in his hand, Minghao stops him with a hand on his shoulder from behind him, and flips the back of his sweater to check the tag.

"Hyung. You're wearing Saint Laurent."

"I know. It was a present," he says and pops the can of beer away from his body.

"Who?" He asks, surprised, and stops himself. "Really?"

"Let's go back," he throws and turns around.

"Mingyu might know."

"So what? There's nothing to hide, I don't care. But how did you know?"

"Expensive clothes look different, you also kept fiddling with it, grabbing it like you're uncomfortable. Plus I know the entirety of Saint Laurent's website."

"If you want to wear it, take it whenever."

"No. It's hyung's present, don't worry about it."

* * *

Jihoon thinks that if there ever was a competition like ISAC, but with video games instead of sports, they'd rank last. 100%. They're so terrible at it, he doesn't know why they even try anymore. They're decent at arcade games and sports, but at video games, it's hilarious how bad they are.

The only game they've successfully introduced into their house is Just Dance, per Soonyoung's hilarious suggestion that Mingyu then got competitive at, Chan followed, and somehow it became an actual competition in the dorm.

He's currently watching Chan and Seungkwan battle each other dancing to Blackpink, which is kind of a hilarious sight. Soonyoung doesn't miss his chance to film them, add to his blackmail bank. Jihoon remembers he needs to go delete some images from there again.

All of a sudden, his phone vibrates in his pocket. It's from Seungcheol, and he unlocks his phone to see his message.

_'Are you free?'_

_'Yes, at home. Why?'_

_'Are you up for a drive? Was going to go somewhere I wanted to show you.'_

It's almost 10:30 PM, but they don't have any schedules until almost late afternoon tomorrow, so he can afford to do it. There's something pinging in his head asking him if it's a bad idea, to go on a drive with Seungcheol to god knows where. But the idea sparks something in him too, something he has to admit to as being curiosity.

_'Sure. I'd love to.'_

_'I can pick you up from your dorm. Wear something warm.'_

He gets up then, to the background of Chan and Seungkwan having started another song, and Soonyoung takes a look at him.

"I'm going out," he tells him.

"Where?" Soonyoung narrows his eyes at him.

"With Seungcheol. Probably to go get food. I'll be back soon."

"Be careful. Text me if there's anything." Soonyoung knows when something's futile with him, like trying to convince him it's not a good idea. It's beyond that point now.

* * *

The door opens when he comes close to it. This time he's not that worried, since he's instructed Seungcheol to go to the underground parking of their dorm so he's not as easily spottable, but he still hurries, the hood of his puffed coat up and his mask on.

"Hi," Seungcheol says when he jumps in, and Jihoon bows a little.

"Hello."

"How are you doing?"

"Good. I was just relaxing with members." Watching Seungkwan and Chan try to destroy each other via a dancing game. "How about you?"

"Doing alright. Just came from work."

Now that Jihoon looks at him, he is dressed in an obviously expensive suit, without a tie and with a few buttons of his dress shirt open. This is the first time he's actually seen Seungcheol in a full-on suit, since the times when they met and he was dressed nicely wasn't in a suit.

It leaves him a little bit surprised. He's gotten so casual with Seungcheol that somehow, in his mind, the first thing he associated with him was not his position or his work anymore. With Seungcheol dressed like this, in his fancy Range Rover, he remembers again.

They stop at a red light and Seungcheol turns his head to wordlessly catch his eyes. Jihoon holds his gaze for two seconds before the light turns green and Seungcheol turns his eyes back on the road.

He's not as cheery or as talkative as he usually is. It seems that there's something on his mind since he's not talking, his expression a little tense. Must be something from work.

"What's this place?"

Seungcheol doesn't respond right away, and then two seconds later, he hums as if he wasn't paying attention.

"Hm?"

"What's the place we're going to?"

"Oh, sorry. Didn't hear," he says and makes a left turn. "It's somewhere above the city, you'll see. It's gorgeous, but it's a bit of a drive. Maybe around half an hour from here, is that okay?"

"That's fine," Jihoon answers, and turns his eyes to the buildings to the right. Surprisingly, the silence isn't uncomfortable. An evening show on the radio provides enough background noise, Jihoon drifting half between what they're saying and the lights of the city at night.

_"The weather announcements made it sound like it would rain tonight, but it doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I had a great song prepared in case it did and so I'll play it, maybe some of you feel the rain in your heart anyway."_

One of [Heize's songs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afxLaQiLu-o) comes on, one he loves a lot. The lights of the city and her soothing voice leave him feeling some kind of way, a little bit pensive. He wants to ask Seungcheol why did he ask him to come with him when it's obvious he doesn't feel like talking.

But then Seungcheol starts humming to the song, low and barely audible, and Jihoon can't bear interrupting him, especially to this song. It's not one he'd expect him to listen to, but he never fails to surprise Jihoon in one way or another.

Before the song is over, Seungcheol pulls onto a side road that is paved with stones, turning the high beams on and going up.

"We have to go a bit up from here, but it's safe." Jihoon looks out of the window, and indeed, the road is steep but there are trees on one side and some sort of stone fence on the other, no cliff or anything like that.

Soon enough, they reach a flat section of the road and Seungcheol parks the car off the road, stopping.

"We're here," he announces and opens his door, Jihoon exiting as well. Seungcheol goes to the back to grab his coat and then moves to the trunk. When he comes to Jihoon's side, he has what looks like blankets in his arms, and seeing that Jihoon is eyeing them, he looks at him.

"You don't want to sit on the ground."

He lets Seungcheol lead the way, and pass through some trees until they reach open space, and Jihoon sees immediately what he was talking about.

It's Seoul, the entirety of Seoul in front of them and under them.

"Wow." He can't help but exclaim, because it is gorgeous. They're not even at the edge of a cliff or anything like that, a clearing and stones around them, but the view is everywhere, anywhere he turns. It's a much better view than anything he's ever seen from Namsan Tower or even Naksan Park, so gorgeous his jaw doesn't close from the surprise.

"Do you like it?"

"It's so beautiful. Do you come here often?" He turns to Seungcheol to his left, who's laying a blanket on the ground.

"Sometimes, when I need some time off."

"Thank you for bringing me here. It's gorgeous," he says honestly because he doesn't think he'll be able to ever forget this view. He sits to Seungcheol's right on the blanket, at a fair distance, and receives the blanket he hands him, putting it over his legs. His puffed coat is doing great at keeping out the cold, but his legs are feeling chilly. Seungcheol has a blanket over his shoulders, which contrasts with his fancy suit and coat.

"I never smoked next to you, but do you mind if I do?"

"No, that's alright." He's not surprised Seungcheol smokes. If you're that stressed as he must be, it's understandable. Jihoon's surprised he's never seen him drink, actually.

He takes out a pack of cigarettes from his coat and lights one up, taking it between his fingers, releasing the first smoke. There's something about it, with the city lights in the background, that hits Jihoon. Hard.

Seungcheol feels him stare and turns to him.

"What?"

"Nothing. Is everything okay?" He asks and hugs his knees to his chest, interlocking his hands in front of them.

"Just work stuff," Seungcheol answers, and takes another drag of his cigarette, turning his eyes to the view in front of them. The silence is not oppressive; like this, above the city, he feels freer than he ever has.

"The reason I like to come here is that from here, I can see my company's building. I can't really point it out to you, but it's somewhere there," he points somewhere front and left of him. "When I'm there, it seems like the whole world is concentrated in that big place, and it's on my shoulders. It feels suffocating, like it's somehow foreign, even though it's mine, and I'm in a place I don't really belong. But up here, it's just one of many things that make up a breathtaking sight, and if I want, I can lose sight of it. Does that make any sense?" He asks and turns to Jihoon, who nods.

"I think it makes a lot of sense. I feel like that too sometimes, in my studio. Not as large as a company building, but..."

Seungcheol chuckles. "Doesn't have to be. The feeling's the same anywhere."

"I guess the impostor syndrome reaches everywhere."

"Tell me more," Seungcheol asks, and Jihoon takes a breath. He's actually not feeling the cold much.

"I guess for us, we're meant to apologize and say we'll work harder for everything, even what's not our fault, and I think it reaches inside you, until you think everything's actually your fault. And then you wonder what are you even doing there if you can't do anything properly, from being happy, to always putting a smile on your face, to making no mistakes in the choreography, never being tired, never making any mistakes ever, actually. Others seem to be able to do it even if it's difficult, and you can't."

"You know others probably look at you and think the same way, right?"

"When I think about that, it makes me feel even worse. Like I'm perpetuating it."

"You're not a robot. You're still human."

"That's not an excuse though. I guess we have an influence, so we must be sure we do our best with it." He's somehow internalized Seungcheol's words from that first dinner, realized how much he actually felt like that even before debut, with the cameras on them. They influence people, and so, they must be flawless. It's a moral duty he can't ignore.

"Back then when I told you that, I didn't mean you should be perfect. It means even fixing your fuck-ups, or even showing people that being perfect isn't everything. When I mean a positive influence, you know, that sometimes doesn't agree with the rules or the status quo of what people think should be there."

"Like what?"

Seungcheol takes the last drag of his cigarette and exhales it.

"Like coming out for example. I'm eagerly waiting to see someone come out, when it doesn't ruin careers, of course." Jihoon freezes. That's a topic he really doesn't want to breach because it hits too close to home. Seungcheol looks at him, he can feel his gaze on him, and those moments of silence probably tell him enough. He forces himself to relax.

"I don't think that will happen anytime soon," he snorts.

"I don't think so either. But it's the kind of positive influence that isn't like people's expectations. It's an extreme case but think about it more. Maybe sometimes making mistakes isn't worse, for your image or for the people who look up to you. Not saying you should strive for them, but being human and making mistakes and allowing yourself things that others say you shouldn't matters more than anything in a position like yours."

Maybe. Jihoon quiets down, just taking in the view in front of him. Maybe.

* * *

When they finally decide to go back, it's almost midnight. Two hours he's spent with Seungcheol again, and again, he's never really felt odd with him, never felt like he ran out of things to say. It's maddening, how comfortable he feels.

Walking back, Seungcheol stands a little bit behind him because the path doesn't have room for two people, instructing him where to go to. He's carrying his blanket in his hand, and he doesn't see the corner's dragging on the ground until he trips on it, quickly losing his balance. He doesn't fall though, and he registers a second later Seungcheol's hand around his waist, gripping him hard, preventing him from falling on his face.

"You okay?"

"Yes, thank you so much."

"For nothing. I'm glad you're okay." He says and lets go of him, but there's a delay. Two seconds there where he doesn't really let go of Jihoon, probably to make sure he doesn't fall again.

They eventually reach the car and he hands the blanket to Seungcheol, who puts them in the trunk and puts his cigarette remains in the trashcan next to them. It seems like an actual parking lot, he's surprised there's no one here now. Probably because it's freezing.

He gets in the car and Seungcheol finds a bottle of hand sanitizer in the space between the seats, pouring some in his hand.

"Do you want some?"

Jihoon nods and takes the bottle from him, their fingers touching a little bit. For some reason, it strikes him then that Seungcheol catching him earlier was the first time he's ever properly touched him. Two months now he's pretty much known him, but that was the first. He respects Jihoon's space so much, and in the context of what they are, it means a lot.

When he enters his apartment later, all lights off and everybody sleeping, he breathes. All these times Seungcheol could've done anything to him, and he didn't. He doesn't know why he's fixated on this realization, but it leaves a knot in his chest and his mind thinking about it until he goes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally getting into the stuff haha, hope you enjoyed this chapter and looking forward to your feedback! <3


	4. what should i wish for, honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home snatched me, and the rest of the songs are so good too, I have no words. Amazing. Breathtaking. Also if I thought Getting Closer was going to be perfect for this fic, I was wrong. It's Good to Me.

_"I wanted to chat with you about how sponsoring the kid's going, as an afterthought."_

_"It's going really well. I think I should ask you more about it though."_

_"I think it might be helpful for me to tell you," Junhui starts, settling in his chair to face him. Seungcheol uses the remainder of the last cigarette to light up another one, taking his eyes from the wonderful view to Junhui._

_"I actually met Minghao when he was a trainee..."_

* * *

Jihoon wakes up late in the morning, way later than he would've usually woken up, but they still don't have schedules for a couple of hours. His phone shows he has two messages from Seungcheol, which he opens as soon as he can see straight.

At the bottom, there's a picture of a skyline and a message simply saying _'More beautiful sights.'_ It doesn't look like Seoul.

 _'Business trip?'_ He texts, going to the bathroom. After he's done with his shower and morning routine, he picks his phone back up and goes to his room to get dressed.

_'Yes, in Shenzhen.'_

_'When did you leave?'_

_'Last night, after I dropped you off.'_ Jihoon frowns, it was so late.

_'Did you get any sleep? I'm sorry I held you for so long.'_

_'I did, in the plane, don't worry. And it helped me clear my mind, so thank you. Don't apologize.'_

He doesn't know how to answer when Seungcheol tells him to not apologize. Usually, he leaves it, and this time he does the same. He pockets his phone to go to the kitchen, where Soonyoung is on the laptop. Jihoon grabs a cup of coffee and sits across from him.

"When did you come back?"

"At like 1 AM."

"What did you do?"

"Went for a drive to somewhere where you could see the city," he answers, browsing Naver for the latest news.

"Are you serious? What does he want?" Soonyoung asks accusatorily, pointed. His tone draws Jihoon's eyes to him. Soonyoung seems determined to air out his frustration.

"What are you saying?" Jihoon lifts his head, narrowing his eyes at Soonyoung.

"He comes in saying he doesn't want anything, but then he specifically requests you, takes you to fancy meals, took you to the city at midnight, buys you expensive clothes. Are you seriously not seeing this?"

"How did you know? About the clothes?"

"I picked them up to do laundry this morning like I always do," Soonyoung narrows his eyes too. "I was right then, he bought it for you. You hid it from me, so that means there is something to hide."

"Are you...?"

Soonyoung interrupts him.

"No. Do not ask me that," his expression changes to thinly-veiled shock, a finger pointing to Jihoon. "Do you think I'd be that kind of an asshole, to explicitly go against our agreement?"

"You can't stop feelings," he says, a bit sarcastically. What does Soonyoung want from him?

"You think I caught feelings?" Soonyoung's jaw drops in shock, anger burning in his eyes. "Who are you? You're not like this."

Jihoon looks Soonyoung dead in the eyes. "So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to report to you everything I do?"

"Don't exaggerate, Jihoon. I'm saying he obviously wants you for something. Be it sex or whatever, he's playing you. You're going to see I'm right, and then when you tell me, I'm going to forgive you and help you, because I'm an idiot and that's what we do, we don't keep secrets and we _help each other._ But when that happens, stop to think for a bit about what an asshole you're being right now." Soonyoung finishes and slams the laptop shut, taking it with him and leaving the kitchen. Jihoon wants to throw his damn coffee cup to the wall.

He knows Seungcheol wants something, that's not the problem. What if Jihoon wants it too? What if he came to the realization that thoughts of Seungcheol worm their way inside his head all day every day, along with considerations of what and why and how to keep afloat before he drowns in it? That's the problem.

He can't stop thinking about it. They need Seungcheol, especially now that they've gone through their comeback, they're making plans for this year, and are thinking of pushing much further than they would've thought possible. And yet, he's not stupid. Every time he meets him, it feels like he's bordering a little line, every day closer and closer, to something dangerous.

And it's not only because of Seungcheol. He's done nothing, has not suggested anything or crossed any lines with him. Quite the opposite, he's been nice and understanding, was patient when Jihoon said he'd be crazy with the comeback. Jihoon expected how busy he was to stop him from spending time with him, but it ended up even worse. It ended up with his fingers twitching to text Seungcheol at 4 AM after a variety show or a recording, someone who understood hard work and wasn't one of the members.

Perhaps that's why he felt like that. Jihoon was desperate for someone there who understood and who could listen to him without the added responsibility Jihoon had for their wellbeing as the leader, and his role as one of the eldest. Seungcheol did understand. Seungcheol was incredible at listening and at the same time being open with Jihoon, a kind of interaction he hadn't experienced before.

And like an idiot, Jihoon fell right into it, so deep that now he has to look back and wonder how he'll get out of where he's reached.

* * *

"Jihoon, you're off-beat." It's the third time Soonyoung's pointed out one of his mistakes in the past five minutes, and he's frankly done with it. He sees Soonyoung's eyes on him in the mirror, his eyebrows drawn.

He nods, grinding his teeth so he doesn't say something else to him. Soonyoung corrects Seokmin's posture and they start again, Jihoon forcing his mind to be on the choreography and hitting the beats. They haven't done this particular one in a while and they need to do it at an award show in a couple of days, so they need to sharpen it soon, but it's 2 AM and his mind is not there anymore.

"Jihoon, you missed the move with your fingers, what's wrong with you?" Soonyoung turns to him, cutting the music, and god, Jihoon really is done with him, but he won't make a scene here with everybody.

"Go home," he tells his members, turning his eyes back to Soonyoung again. By this point, they must've noticed something's wrong between them. "We'll be there later." Soonyoung nods and they all start gathering their stuff and shuffling out.

"My studio," he tells Soonyoung, who follows him, the door of the practice room slamming behind him.

He lets Soonyoung walk in first and then locks the door behind himself.

"Do it."

"What are you saying?" Soonyoung looks at him like he's gone crazy, which he might have.

"If you're not jealous. Fuck me like usual and get it out of your system."

Soonyoung grabs an armful of his shirt and backs him up against the door, Jihoon's back hitting it with a loud thud.

"You're messed up, and now you're messing me up too. Do you know that?"

Jihoon keeps silent, challenging him, and sees the change in Soonyoung's eyes when he gives up on fighting him and gives in.

* * *

"I hope you know this doesn't change anything. You still have to get it together and decide what to do so you're not breaking the rules."

Jihoon turns towards Soonyoung, to where he's leaning on the door handle and getting ready to leave.

"That's on me."

"It's not on you. It's on us, and them," he says, pointing his head outside, thinking about the members. "So confront him and figure out what he wants quickly, before it's too late. Until then, don't come to me," he throws and exits, slamming the door behind him. Jihoon puts his head in his hands and wills the tension to go away.

* * *

"What did you fight about?" Hansol asks, in the kitchen with Jihoon and Seungkwan the next morning.

"Some different opinions we had about something." Whenever they fight, the whole atmosphere of the dorm is gloomy, like the members are feeding off of their negative energy, the electric glances they shoot each other. Their fights are never subtle, and it almost feels like they're the parents with issues and everyone else is the kids they let down.

"Did you solve it?" Seungkwan asks.

"Kind of." No. They didn't. He woke up, Soonyoung was still mad at him, refusing to talk to him now, so it's clear he has to somehow come to a resolution for himself with Seungcheol before he can talk things through with Soonyoung. "We'll be okay."

He can see the disappointment in Seungkwan's eyes through his silence.

He doesn't like when things are like this. When he has an issue, he usually figures it out by himself, thinks it through and finds the best solution. But now, everybody's found themselves a place in his mind, bullets coming from whichever side, from Soonyoung, his members, the company, Seungcheol himself, and he feels like his mind is going insane.

* * *

He takes refuge in his studio for the next couple of days besides award shows and schedules, attempting to write some of the songs for the next album. Strangely, he manages, because there's nothing better than stress and annoyance for coming up with a song.

There's a beat that won't stop playing in his head, something he imagines with some scratching sounds and whispers, a bit haunting and a bit dark, so he lays down a raw beginning, a synth melody with low percussion and some generic vocal samples, adds some scratching sounds he thought of, and it sounds really dark, really eerie-like. The whispers he imagines would fit in very well, he could very well turn this into a really sexy song, probably for the rap team or the performance team, with some creepy lyrics added in the mix. They've wanted darker concepts from them, so here they go.

Minghao or Soonyoung's voice would probably fit very well on this, so he guesses it's a performance team song.

He keeps refining it one evening until it's 1 AM, and he figures it really sounds promising, so he picks up his phone and looks for Soonyoung's number to text him to come by so he can see if he likes it. But then right as he starts writing the text, he remembers they're not talking, deletes the text and throws the phone on his desk. This is driving him crazy.

He picks his phone back up, quickly opening his texts and clicking on Seungcheol's name.

_'Hi hyung. Are you free anytime soon? Wanted to talk to you a little bit.'_

He throws the phone back on his desk, waiting for a reply, and he goes back to the song, starting on a part that he figures can be a dance break. A few minutes later, his phone vibrates.

 _'Hello_ _Jihoonie. I'm kind of busy today and tomorrow, but if you can wait until the weekend so I have time, I'd love to meet you.'_

 _'The weekend sounds great.'_ He answers.

_'I was thinking... do you want to come over to my apartment? I promised I'd cook you dinner for your birthday, which is like two months late now, but.'_

He's glad Seungcheol proposed that, because he really doesn't want to bring anything up in a public place. Usually, he wouldn't be the most comfortable going to someone's apartment, but since this is a special case, he's going to have to risk it.

_'Sure, that sounds great. I'm free on Saturday evening if that works.'_

_'That works well, come by any time after 6.'_

_'Thank you hyung, see you then.'_

_'See you then, Jihoonie. Have a good week.'_

What a good week it is. It's already late January, he hasn't properly started working on songs for their spring comeback, he's fighting with the person who he's supposed to be closest to, and he's probably going to fuck up their biggest source of income besides album sales right now. What a good week.

* * *

On Saturday, he puts on the sweater from him, in a spur of the moment decision. Perhaps he thinks it would smooth out the undoubtedly rocky discussion they're going to have. But he puts it on, grabs a coat, a hat, and a mask, and goes out of the dorm before anyone sees him. He gets a Kakao Taxi so his manager doesn't know where he's going, and jumps in it quickly so he's not recognized. There's about a 10-minute drive from his dorm to Seungcheol's apartment in Gangnam, and he takes a few minutes to send him a text.

_'On my way, in a taxi.'_

_'Come right in, I let the doorman know you'd be coming since you didn't let me pick you up. 16th floor, and go to the right. 1604._

When he walks out, it's busy, but Seungcheol's apartment complex is shielded from the sidewalk by trees around the buildings. He walks on a little bridge and finds the right building, walking in. The doorman bows deeply at him, and Jihoon bows in turn.

"Please come this way," the man says and leads him to the elevators, pressing the button for him and letting him enter. He already feels out of his element, the lobby of the building and the elevator sleek and luxurious, in that way that tells you really rich people live here, but are not ostentatious with it.

The elevator pings and announces the 16th floor, and Jihoon exits, identifying the apartment. He takes a few seconds to breathe and calm his heartbeat down before he knocks. A few seconds later, Seungcheol opens the door and lets Jihoon in, Jihoon bowing quickly.

He takes off his shoes and coat and wears the slippers Seungcheol laid out for him.

"Did you get here alright?"

"Yes, thank you for the instructions. It smells great."

"I wanted to make Western food, since I didn't have time to make a full Korean meal, side dishes and everything. I hope that's okay with you."

"Everything is alright with me, you really didn't have to cook," Jihoon answers, following Seungcheol to the kitchen. There's a strong smell of meat, so he guesses he's cooking that.

From behind Seungcheol, he takes the time to look at his apartment a little bit. It's obviously the house of someone wealthy, but it's not anything like he imagined. He would've thought Seungcheol had an apartment like he the sons of chaebols have in dramas, with an open, large space or something. It's not quite like that, it is big, but with a separate living room mostly in white and cream themes with black accents, with some doors leading to other rooms, and then he sees stairs probably leading up to a second floor. It's tasteful, but not in that way that betrays wealth in an ostentatious way.

"The kitchen's this way," Seungcheol leads him to his right, and that is fairly big, with black and white marble counters and shelves, and a black marble table in the middle. He's cooking pasta, from what Jihoon can see, and steak.

"Do you usually cook?" Jihoon asks, peeking at the food. He stands awkwardly in the middle of it, not really sure what to do.

"Quite often, yes. I usually live here and then I have to, or I order takeout. When I'm at my other house sometimes, I don't."

"Other house?"

"Oh. My family house. My father lives there."

"Is it in Seoul?"

"Our central house yes, a bit outside of it. Our family estate, where I grew up and which has most of our properties, is in Daegu, but we don't go there much since business is in Seoul. Only my grandparents are there. Since he retired, my dad goes there more often, but I don't."

Jihoon tries to hold back everything he's imagining right now... a huge mansion, a massive backyard, maids and stuff. He's probably right too.

"Would you mind getting some plates? They're up there," Seungcheol points to somewhere on his right, and Jihoon opens the cabinet, trying to take the plates. His height doesn't let him. If he was at home, he'd climb up on the counter, but he's not, so he has to give up. Seungcheol sees him and chuckles, coming over and taking what he needs.

"You're wearing the sweater," Seungcheol remarks with a little bit of a pleasant surprise in his tone, taking some of the material between two fingers and quickly letting go. It's barely a touch, didn't even touch Jihoon, but he reads into it anyway.

"I am... It's really comfortable, thank you," Jihoon answers.

"I'm almost done, you can actually sit down. Do you want a drink?"

Jihoon would die now for a beer to ease his nerves, but alcohol would make it worse.

"Just water, please. I can take some."

"In the fridge, there's a jug to the right, and glasses in the cabinet to your right."

Jihoon opens the fridge, and takes out one of those water purifying jugs. Of course Seungcheol has one, is environmentally friendly too.

Soon, Seungcheol instructs him to really sit down because the food is done, and it looks amazing. He doesn't know why, but he's surprised. He didn't think CEOs or people like that learned how to cook.

"I'm not incredibly skilled, but I hope you like it." Jihoon takes a bite, and it tastes amazing. He doesn't eat much Western food, but this tastes fantastic, and he makes sure to tell Seungcheol that, who looks happy Jihoon likes it.

They make small chat while eating, he asks Seungcheol about his business trip and Seungcheol asks him about award shows and stuff, but he can't keep the conversation going properly. He's too tense, too preoccupied about how he's going to talk to him, thinking about if he's acting weird that he's actually acting weird.

They finish eventually, and he helps Seungcheol put everything away. He starts to wash the dishes and put them in the dishwasher while Jihoon watches, leaning on the table.

"You're different tonight. What's wrong?" Seungcheol asks, still on the dishes, his back to Jihoon.

"Seungcheol... are you messing with me?" Seungcheol freezes, the line of his shoulders stiff. That came out terribly. Jihoon takes a deep breath in, to get over the fuck up and really start. "I... I don't get it. You've never tried anything with me. Never asked for it. You could ask for _anything_ and I'd have to give it to you," Jihoon starts, shaking his head once to emphasize his point, even though Seungcheol can't see him. This is something he needs to bring up and clarify. Otherwise, this might all blow up in his face.

"But I'm not insane when I think you want something more, am I? You can't just give me gifts and take me places for nothing. So why didn't you? Ask for it I mean. You're not reserved, or afraid of anything, or the kind of person to throw hints. So why don't you?" he throws, resting with his back to the table, and his hands on the edge of it. Seungcheol finishes putting the last dish in the dishwasher and washes his hands in silence. It's killing Jihoon, how he's not saying anything.

"Do you want me to?" He finally answers, turning around and drying his hands with a towel. His tone is flat, like it's nothing. Frustration grows in Jihoon, and he stops himself from getting angry. Seungcheol's making him feel like he's really being played with now.

"I just don't get it, you..."

Faster than he can blink, Seungcheol's lips are on his and his hand in his sweater pulls Jihoon to press against him.

Jihoon's never been kissed like this, so forcefully and so pointedly his thoughts freeze, reduced only to Seungcheol, his lips on him. Even though they're chapped from how often he bites at them and the position is off, Seungcheol bending down to reach him, it feels  _alright._  And yet, Jihoon cannot kick himself out of the shock and kiss Seungcheol back, nor push him away. He's just frozen.

It's impossible for Seungcheol not to notice how he's unmoving, so he pulls away. But instead of feeling relieved, Jihoon hears the little sound of protest his throat makes without him even thinking it. His body doesn't even let him pretend.

Seungcheol chuckles, pushing Jihoon back a few steps until his lower back hits the table and he can grab his thighs and make him jump on it. Jihoon doesn't protest. How stupid would he be to say no to this now, when he basically asked for it? He's also... curious. He can't end this now, before he gets a conclusion. That was a trial kiss, something for Seungcheol to test the waters, not something to really show how he feels.

Like this, he's at eye level with him, and Jihoon can see how Seungcheol analyzes him, waits so as to tease him. He should take this time to wake up, realize how many rules he's breaking here, but Seungcheol is between his legs, his lips five centimeters from Jihoon's and his hands resting on his thighs. His thought process is determinedly messed up.

When Seungcheol kisses him again, Jihoon kisses back, glides his lips on Seungcheol's and grabs his shoulders so he doesn't fall back with Seungcheol leaning on him. It's so overwhelming, Seungcheol really knows what he's doing with the quick sweeps of his tongue and the small bites to Jihoon's bottom lip, and Jihoon can only do his best to keep up and keep himself together.

Him collecting himself only lasts for so long, until Seungcheol moves a hand to his hip to hold him instead and tangles Jihoon's tongue with his. Somebody whines, a muffled sound that gets swallowed between their lips. It's not until Seungcheol smiles into the kiss that he realizes the sound came from him, the embarrassment making him freeze.

Seungcheol breaks away for what feels like barely a centimeter, leaning his forehead on Jihoon's. Jihoon doesn't open his eyes.

"Stop thinking," he whispers breathlessly and dives in to kiss Jihoon again, fast and intense. Jihoon drowns the sound of his heart racing in his ears by grabbing on to Seungcheol's hair, bending his elbow behind his neck to pull him closer. There's no closer because Seungcheol is pressed to him as close as he could be, the weight of his hands on Jihoon's waist keeping him grounded. It's maddening how good he is at this, so dominating and yet letting Jihoon do what he wants as well, spurring him on, teasing him with little pauses, barely there bites to Jihoon's tongue, which he doesn't expect. Jihoon can now admit he's thought about this for so long, but it doesn't even compare to reality. In reality, Seungcheol's touches burn his skin through his sweater, his broad shoulders envelop Jihoon, make him lose himself in the moment, in Seungcheol's lips on his and the electric feeling. It’s good, it’s so good.

He pulls away only when he feels he can't breathe anymore, his heart still racing miles in his chest. In that pause of a few seconds, it dawns on him just how much he let go that he has to pull away, untangling his hands from Seungcheol. He follows for a few centimeters before he lets go too.

The world shifted for the few seconds, minutes he kissed Seungcheol, but now it's upright again, and Jihoon is struck by what he just did. They don't mess with sponsors, it's an exception to even go to their house because it's so out of their safe zones and so many things can happen it's ridiculous, but here Jihoon is, sitting on Seungcheol's kitchen table with the man between his thighs and his hands on Jihoon's body, his lips red, burning from their kiss. He is an idiot. No matter what he thinks or that he really is into someone for the first time, this is his career, his group on the line.

His expression turns, putting on the serious mask he's so familiar with already. Pushing at Seungcheol's shoulders for him to step away, he jumps down from the table and struggles to keep his anger for himself and for him in check.

"I apologize, I made a mistake," he says and bows a little bit, his honorifics turning from polite to business-like in a second. If his tone does not match the redness of his cheeks and his swollen lips, that is it. "I will leave now, I am very sorry," he says, and even though he knows Seungcheol must have so much to say, if he doesn't leave, he doesn't know what will happen. The situation is so out of his comfort zone he doesn't even want to think about it until he has some space, or he feels he will really mess up.

"Let me drive you home," Seungcheol says. Smart, since it's evening and Jihoon is still a celebrity, but being close to him for even the ten-minute drive to his dorm will kill his nerves.

"It's alright, I will take a taxi from the street. Thank you though." He says it in a way that completely explains he can't bear to be with Seungcheol right now, and he hopes he understands.

"Jihoon... please. You're an idol and I'm meant to help you, not hurt you. Just call your manager, you can wait here. I'll go to another room."

"You don't have to, this is your house. I'll be alright."

"No, you won't be," Seungcheol says decisively, his tone forcing Jihoon's gaze to land on him. He looks resigned. "Wait in the living room, I'll be in my office," he finishes and walks away. "Goodbye, Jihoon."

* * *

His manager obviously wants to lecture him since Jihoon had to tell him where he was, but he takes a look at Jihoon's face, sees some of the quiet anger and self-hatred he has for himself right now, and probably tells himself it's not worth it right now. In the car, he can't stay still, and pulls his phone out to text Minghao.

_'Are you up? And at the dorm?'_

One minute later, the message arrives.

_'Nope. At the company, in the practice room.'_

_'Wait there. I'll come and I need your help.'_

"Kangwon hyung, can you take me to the company instead? Thank you."

"Jihoon... You need to rest. You're shaken up."

"I won't do work. I just need to talk to Minghao and he's there. I'll go back with him."

His manager acquiesces, and Jihoon jumps out of the car and quickly walks in when he gets there. Even though it's stupid, he needs to get this out of his head, and Minghao is probably the best person to help him right now.

He opens the practice room, one of their songs running in the background, but Minghao isn't dancing, is sitting on one of the benches on the back wall.

"What's wrong, hyung?" He asks as soon as he sees him.

"Can we go to my studio?" Minghao nods, probably seeing how distressed Jihoon is. Not that he doesn't trust their company and their supervision systems, but he doesn't trust the company and their supervision systems. At least his studio is his, no one has the code, and so, no one has access there without him knowing.

He unlocks the door and Minghao follows him in, sitting at the opposite end of the couch from Jihoon.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"I fucked up, Minghao. Really badly."


	5. this feels so right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is long! Enjoy!

  _"Us, Seungcheolie?" Jeonghan says, affronted. "We could never," he gasps, grasping Jisoo's hand, and Seungcheol chuckles. Jeonghan once swindled an American poker champion out of half a million dollars, just for fun. Jisoo was the other player left at the table. They can definitely act._

* * *

 "I fucked up, Minghao. Really badly."

"How?" Minghao immediately gets serious. He's fantastic at things like these, at listening and calming people down, at knowing how to look and what to say to comfort and help. It's instinct to him.

"I kissed Seungcheol. Or more like I let him kiss me. And not for a second. It was a lot and I wanted it and... I don't know."

Minghao's expression doesn't change, he doesn't look accusative nor surprised. Jihoon shudders at the thought he expected it.

"How did it happen?"

"I made the mistake of going to his apartment because he said he'd make me dinner. The thing is... I was thinking a lot before. It felt like I was toying the line with him. And so I brought it up because I thought it would be better if I clarified that. But I think I brought it up wrongly and he could tell that... I wasn't against it. So he kissed me. And I didn't say no and it just... We made out for a while, but at some point, I realized what I was doing, I stopped and left."

"Without any explanation?"

"Kind of. I spoke to him formally because I didn't know what to do and left. Well not really, since he made me wait for our manager, but he left to another room." When he says it out loud, it sounds ridiculous, but back then, it seemed so dramatic.

"You know that's literally the worst thing you could've done?" Minghao raises an eyebrow at him.

"Don't be like that," Jihoon glares at him, but there's no threat in his eyes. "I know, but if I stayed, I was either going to get angry, probably, or sleep with him, and none of those options seem great either."

Minghao's eyebrow drops and he looks a bit hesitant all of a sudden, drawing a knee to his chest.

"Hyung... before we talk about this. I have to tell you something." Jihoon waits, still. "I have been sleeping with someone for a while."

"Who," he demands, but he knows who it is. Of course he does.

"Wen Junhui. He's..."

"I know who he is, Minghao. Since when?"

"A few months ago. Like around seven or eight." Minghao admits, his eyes boring into Jihoon's, daring him to judge him, even though he seems hesitant. Jihoon won't, he can't.

"Why? And why didn't you tell me?"

"It just... It happened. And then it felt right. I didn't want to put more pressure on you. And Soonyoung hyung knew, so I thought it'd be alright."

"Soonyoung knew?" Jihoon's eyes widen. The stab of betrayal runs through him. They don't have secrets. He doesn't mind anything that comes up, anything anyone does, except secrets.

"I didn't tell him. I just... couldn't practice one day a few months ago because of something. And he figured it out. I asked him not to tell you, because you were stressed with the comeback and writing the songs."

Jihoon pauses, wonders where he's failed in being a leader that they're worried about stressing him more than their wellbeing. He knows he's not the one they reach out to when they need to talk or they have an issue, but Jihoon didn't think they'd _keep it from him._

"Never do that again. Ever, okay? I don't care what it is, how stressed I am, you should never keep anything from me, okay? I can't judge you and I never will, look at me," he points at himself with a humorless laugh. "Nothing I ever do is more important than you. Whatever it is, if we don't have each other's backs, what are we here for? I'm serious." He can't even imagine it, Jihoon's mind literally collapsed after a kiss. Minghao went through that by himself for months.

"Okay, hyung. I get it, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have kept it from you and I regretted that a lot, I'm sorry."

"Do you trust him?" Jihoon asks. Sponsoring is a thing, a rumor that can be quickly squashed and will probably never get out in the first place. But sleeping with someone who sponsors you is... different. It's traceable.

"I do. Not 100%, never, but it's different. I know."

"You're the best judge of character I know, Minghao, but... be careful."

"I will. I'll talk to him, to see if it's okay, and then I'll tell you and Soonyoung hyung everything. But I wanted to tell you that because I know what you're going through now, and I want to help."

He'll definitely keep it in mind to talk to Minghao about this later, after he proceeds to scream at Soonyoung for this.

"What do I do now, Minghao?"

"You need to talk to him."

"That's obvious, but what do I say?"

"Let me ask you honestly," Minghao says and moves to cross his legs on the couch, leaning towards Jihoon. "Do you want him? It's okay to say yes. You have to be honest with yourself."

"Maybe." Since apparently denying it didn't go anywhere. "I like talking to him, and it's interesting. I don't know if it's attraction or just having someone outside the company I can talk to."

"He's not your friend, hyung. He's not someone that's the same age as you that you can complain to, and you like him because he's there for you and he's easy. He's powerful and someone who's funding us, so I don't think it's that. If you're thinking about him listening to you, you're probably attracted to his personality. Think beyond that. Is he your type?"

"I... don't know. I've never thought about a type. Not since I kind of came out to myself. I don't even have a type in girls." It literally hurts him to talk about stuff like this, he's not used to it at all, but this is not the time to think about it.

"If it wasn't for you being an idol, would you imagine yourself dating him?"

"I... Yes. Probably."

"There you go. You do want him."

"I don't know if it's a good idea. He'd probably understand if I said it can't happen, he wouldn't quit sponsoring us."

"Did you think about it the other way? What if you ask him to stop sponsoring us?" Jihoon's eyebrows lift up at him in surprise. "I'm serious."

"Minghao... we can't. Not right now."

"You heard the agency yesterday. We're doing really fine, and our next comeback will probably be a hit. We can deal with it. You deserve to be happy too, hyung."

"No. Absolutely not, Minghao. We didn't work that hard to debut and to comeback and build a fanbase for that. I'd just feel like I'd be disappointing everyone, which I'd be. I can't be that selfish, and for something that can be nothing. Scratch that, I can't do it anyway, no matter what it is."

"Hyung..."

"No. Just... no. Not even an option."

"Alright... Then, just consider dating him anyway. I can tell you, if you trust him and you have a lot of open conversations, it can work."

"Do I trust him though?"

"That's on you to know. You should establish that first. But talk to him anyway, see what he has to say, and make your decision later."

* * *

_'I am sorry for storming out like that earlier. I wasn't thinking clearly. I'd like to talk, if you have some time.'_

The next day, he writes the text and sends it, without thinking much. Overthinking got him to where he is anyway. He'll think if Seungcheol agrees to talk.

The reply comes a few hours later, at a normal hour for people, not the 5 AM Jihoon sent it at.

_'I'd love to. I actually have something you need to know too.'_

* * *

“You hid it from me,” Jihoon storms into Soonyoung’s room, thankfully empty beside him, slamming the door. “You didn’t tell me Minghao was sleeping with somebody.”

Soonyoung removes his headphones, swirling in his chair to face him. “He asked me to keep it secret.”

“And you listened? When we got into this together, when we started, we agreed to be co-leaders on the assumption that whatever happens, we’ll tell each other. Whatever fucked up thing or secret there was, whatever privacy it invaded, we’d tell each other! You went exactly against that!” He fumes, holding on to the metal pole of the bunk bed next to him.

“Like you didn’t hide something from me too,” Soonyoung gets up, walking to Jihoon. He hates how Soonyoung's taller than him, looking down at him in situations like these.

“You hid from me the fact that one of our members has been breaking our rule for months! He just bought me a damn sweater, Soonyoung! And plus I knew he wanted something but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what _I_ wanted!”

“So you want him too, right? I see. Did you sleep with him already? Did you break our rule too?”

“I did, I fucking kissed him, Soonyoung. And here I am, not hiding it from you. Fuck you, you don't seem willing to listen, and I don't need your help.”

“Stay here, and let’s talk about this,” Soonyoung throws, grabbing his wrist when he goes to leave, squeezing it tight. “Do you know who Minghao is sleeping with? With the person who helped him from even before he debuted, who he trusts more than anyone. We can talk about this more with him but... Who are you messing with? Someone who you know barely anything about, and who obviously tried to manipulate you. I’m not saying you need my help, but Jihoon, wake up and listen to me.” Soonyoung says, obviously trying to calm down from Jihoon’s admission. Jihoon tries to do the same, but how can he explain what he’s feeling? There's a mess in his head, frustration and confusion his default state of being for days.

“I don’t want to risk what we’re doing, Soonyoung. But...”

“But you want him.”

“I don’t know.”

“You think you want him, but you only want the image that he’s shown you of him. How do you know he is who he says he is and is not like that just to get into your pants?”

“I’ve seen him. I’m not sure, but...”

“You’re willing to risk it. I see how this is,” Soonyoung’s voice turns cold. Nice while it lasted. “You’re willing to risk our group to fuck him.”

“Are you kidding me?” Jihoon throws in anger. “I don't care about that. I’m thinking the opposite, that if I don’t, he’ll stop sponsoring us. I got myself into this, so I have to play into it the best way I can. But if you think I’m risking our group, fine. I’ll break it with him, are you happy?”

“You shouldn’t have gotten yourself into this in the first place.”

“You’re not fucking helping,” Jihoon says. “Just let me be, if you’re going to be like this.”

“Fine. Look, I’m sorry. I’ll calm down, and you can tell me everything, and I’ll be thinking about this objectively only. To help you.”

“Will you manage to do that, Soonyoung?” He scoffs.

“Don’t be like that. I’m trying, you're the one who fucked up.” Jihoon snorts.

“Find me when you’ve actually calmed down, and not only pretending to say it just to patronize me then,” he throws and wrenches his wrist out of Soonyoung’s grip, exiting the room and slamming the door behind him, just like when he entered.

* * *

Seeing Seungcheol like this was the last thing Jihoon expected. His expression is nothing like usual, his eyes, the purse of his lips, reflecting the uncertainty and the carefulness Jihoon feels around him too. Jihoon's not exactly sure where to leave his shoes, where to go, where to sit in his apartment. The only time he's been here, he ended up sitting on the table with Seungcheol between his legs, and in a state of confusion so pronounced it's taken Jihoon almost a week to come back from.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

Jihoon's throat is parched from the nervousness, but he doesn't know if asking for water would be appropriate right now. _Fuck it,_ he decides, this is still Seungcheol, who's always been way too nice with him anyway.

"Can I have some water?"

"Sure," Seungcheol responds and disappears to the kitchen, Jihoon taking a seat on his couch. While he's alone, Jihoon's eyes wander, and the first thing that he sees is the folder on the coffee table with his name on it. The surprise freezes the blood in his veins, and the room suddenly feels cold.

Seungcheol walks in, Jihoon hears his footsteps next to him and feels the couch shift under his weight, two glasses of water appearing on the table.

"What's this?" Jihoon asks, not taking his eyes off of the table.

"It's a non-disclosure agreement." Jihoon's eyes raise to Seungcheol's. "I have to, for what I'm going to say to you."

"What is it for?"

"I can't tell you unless you sign it. Please read it and do."

Jihoon picks it up, opens the folder, and here it is, in printed letters, his name. One party is his name; the other is blocked out. So he can't even know who he's signing it for.

“Look. Me asking you to sign this doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. It’s the opposite. I trust you and this is why I convinced them to let me do it.”

“Who’s them?”

“My bosses.”

His bosses? What is going on?

“You signing this doesn’t stop you from talking. It just means that if you do, they can make your life very difficult, but you can also make theirs and ours very difficult too. So I am trusting you with a massive thing, but you have to sign this first. It’s the compromise they’re giving me, the precautions and the measures they have to take. Please sign it,” Seungcheol asks, and Jihoon can see the pleading in his eyes, despite how his words are kind of flat, professional. More than them, it is how Seungcheol looks so conflicted that makes him take the pen in his hands.

Being an idol teaches you above everything that appearances are maybe a quarter of the truth, and it also teaches you how to navigate complex situations that you can find yourself in. It teaches Jihoon over and over that secrets abound, and that behind every person he sees, there is a multitude of things and experiences he doesn't have access to. There is a world of secrets and new knowledge that he doesn't know about, and no matter how dangerous it might seem, he goes by the principle that knowledge is power, if it's from the right place. He likes knowing things, and while he doesn't actively go and pursue it, he can't deny when the knowledge comes to him, knocking on his door.

So he signs it. He puts pen to paper, and neatly signs his name.

"Thank you so much," Seungcheol exhales, relieved, and Jihoon finishes signing, closing the folder.

"Tell me. Please."

Seungcheol settles deeper into the couch.

"I'm not a CEO. I guess you could tell from the mention of my bosses," he starts, and Jihoon settles deeper into the couch too. There's an ominous feeling in his chest, but strangely, he's also feeling calm, like the forced one he imposes on himself before going on stage. "I'm a detective working on human trafficking and prostitution cases."

Wait... he's sponsoring Jihoon. That is not quite prostitution, but Jihoon's life flashes before his eyes nonetheless.

"No, no, don't worry," Seungcheol says quickly, his hands reaching towards Jihoon, waving as to say no, that's not it. "You're not my... case subject. I'm sorry I started it that way." Jihoon takes a deep breath in, but his heart is still racing in his chest.

"What is it then?" He mouths in sort of a whisper, his voice hesitant. "Why are you here?"

"For the past four or so years, I've been working on prostitution in the entertainment industry. We're working on dismantling it and clearing it up. But it's not one of those things you might see on TV, when people get arrested and so. We're kind of... working from the inside on dismantling the system agency by agency, and... I'm on Pledis now."

"So why the CEO disguise?" Jihoon asks, his voice more assured. He feels like he's living in an alternate universe, like this is not really him, the shock too large to actually process, so he's feeling capable enough to ask questions. Where it's coming from, he doesn't know.

"I'm sorry, I don't like lying to people. I am undercover as a CEO and sponsor to get more information about it without hurting the company and its artists."

"Did you do this before? Tell the people you sponsor?"

"I have never actually worked in the field. This is my first time, and I kind of massively fucked up here by wanting to tell you," he laughs, but it's humorless. Nothing's funny. "But I insisted. I... might be wrong, but I don't think so. For some reason, I trust you," he says, running a hand through his hair. It falls back on his face, unstyled. "And... if there's something, I don't want it to happen based on lies. If you want something."

Does he want something? Jihoon came here to talk to him, to finally confront him, ask him about his intentions, _and then let him down easy._ Instead, he himself has been confronted with a truth he didn't expect, and now that he has...

"So Pledis doesn't know, is that true?"

"Of course not. They wouldn't do it. We usually bring it up with the company when we are sure we can leverage what we found and make it a choice between a public scandal, thus going out of business, lawsuits and the sort, and killing all activities. Nobody has ever chosen not to do it."

"Is this... legal?"

"In many ways, not quite," Seungcheol admits. "But we have the freedom to choose the means for our most desired outcome, and the government agrees with it. They don't want a public scandal of the sort, it would ruin all the work they did to publish idol culture abroad."

"I have so many questions," Jihoon admits. He does have so many, so many things he wants to ask.

"Ask them. I know... this is a lot, and I don't expect you to trust me or anything of the sort, but I want to at least be able to not lie to you. There might be questions I can't answer, but... ask me."

"Is your real name Seungcheol?"

"It's not. I can't tell you my real one though. I'm sorry, this is one thing I... can't quite do. Just call me Seungcheol. I've been in this position and on this case for so long I don't even know if I am anyone else anymore."

"Was everything lies then?" It comes off as accusatory. He understands this is how it must be, that it's confidential, but he can't help but feel betrayed. Somehow, he kind of let Seungcheol into his heart and into his mind, and hearing that he's not who he thinks he is just... a lot.

"Honestly, no," Seungcheol breathes out, looking at Jihoon. It's that look that is Jihoon's end, the one that truly gets to you, searches you, looks deep into you, while giving you his full attention. It makes you feel listened to and wanted, and important for him, and not even this revelation seems to be changing how Jihoon feels like shivering when that look is directed to him.

"I think a lot of people get their understanding of what it means to be undercover from like TV and so. And while that can be accurate, it's not really like that. It's... we keep our lives. And our thoughts. And our things, and desires. We're not emotionless, we don't just... change entirely according to what we do. What we do changes us, somehow, but instead of being a cover, it becomes a part of us." Seungcheol doesn't stop looking at him, and Jihoon believes him. Despite what he's saying, he does look different now. His expression is more calm, more relieved, even more relaxed, like the invisible wall of tension between Jihoon and him is now gone. Jihoon can feel it too, that he can relate to him differently. "I still believe in entertainment, and in you, and in your group, and if I said I feel very much feel like an imposter, now you understand why," he snorts, and pauses.

"And I wanted to kiss you." The admission and the ghost of the feeling of Seungcheol's lips and hands on him send a shiver through Jihoon. "I know I shouldn't have because of all of this, but I wasn't thinking much. I understand if you want to have nothing to do with me, but I want to put it out there, that... I trusted you with this because I didn't want to lie. But it's up to you. I want you, but whatever you want, I'll do."

It's up to Jihoon. Thoughts and questions are swirling in his head, the confusion, the betrayal and the strange feelings he has towards this leaving him in disarray. But it's not like in movies. He's calmer than he should probably be, he doesn't want to storm out and swear at Seungcheol. Even if it is messed up, he understands the situation, and it doesn't quite _put him off._

"If I ask anything else... will you answer?"

"I will if I can, I promise," Seungcheol breathes out, and is it relief Jihoon hears in his voice?

"I think I get it. I see why you had to lie, I don't blame you, and you telling me this... is a lot. But I appreciate it," he rants, not even knowing if he's saying anything. How does he tell him that he maybe doesn't mind? How does he tell him that while this shifted his perception and his understanding of him, he's not mad at him, and the thoughts of him still make Jihoon's head spin?

The silence is poignant. Whatever Seungcheol might want to say is reflected in his eyes, and Jihoon gulps under the weight of his gaze.

He still wants him. That's it. Even if... this is a mess, he still wants Seungcheol. This is the very reason he's gotten here, that there's something there, and these changes won't change the way he feels. Instead of this whole... thing being a dealbreaker, Jihoon feels like he could get used to it. Seungcheol trusted him with the most important secret of his life despite the fact Jihoon could ruin it all, and the fact that he lied to him is nothing compared to that realization. The power he holds now rushes through his veins, and he struggles to hold it down. He doesn't want to feel like that. He doesn't want it.

Seungcheol's gaze flickers for a split second to Jihoon's lips, and he doesn't miss it. Whatever questions he has, the tension in the room tells him it's not the time to ask them. Whatever they might have been. He suddenly doesn't remember.

"I want to try," he says. In any other situation, he would never take the first step, but it's clear Seungcheol's waiting for him. Seungcheol smiles, a little smile that Jihoon's never quite seen on him.

Whatever it's confirmation for, Seungcheol bridges the gap between them and presses Jihoon's cheek to his palm, drawing him closer. Jihoon goes, tilts his head and closes his eyes, and waits for the fireworks behind his eyelids when his lips touch Seungcheol's.

It's not quite like that. There's no fireworks, just slight butterflies in his stomach, but most of all, a feeling of comfort. It's clear to him now that it's no mistake, how well Seungcheol's lips fit on his, how his now gentle kiss manages to coax Jihoon out of his shell. It doesn't quite feel like he's setting him free, but that Jihoon stepped into it himself, his hands grabbing Seungcheol's biceps.

The kiss is slow, kind of tender, patient; there's no urgency, no confusion. Seungcheol glides his lips on his, gently sucks on Jihoon's bottom lip and tangles his tongue with his, and Jihoon does the same, feeling comfortable enough to kiss him back, pull away for a few seconds just to kiss him again.

The angle's uncomfortable though, both of them sitting on the couch quite far away from each other, and maybe something's taken over Jihoon, but he pulls away for a bit, moving closer to Seungcheol to straddle his thighs and settle into his lap. Like this, Seungcheol has to look up at him a little bit, his expression almost disbelieving. Jihoon doesn't say anything, just slowly moves to kiss him again, slow and light.

It feels good. It feels so comfortable and so right it's not even like Seungcheol's revealed his deepest secret to Jihoon just minutes before. Maybe it doesn't really matter what Seungcheol does; Jihoon feels like above all, he has to know _who he is_ , and Jihoon does, since he doesn't seem to be quite able to hide himself. The rest can come later.

* * *

"I don't want you to leave," Seungcheol tells him a bit later, when they're in the kitchen, a cup of tea in front of Jihoon. It's bitter, lemony, and so hot it burns his tongue. He should have left a long time ago.

"Why did you tell me?" Jihoon asks, because he has to. There needs to be an agreement between what he's told Jihoon and what Jihoon sees in front of him. He needs Seungcheol and his image of him to be the same.

Seungcheol takes a sip of his coffee and settles in front of Jihoon.

"I kissed you back then because I wanted to. It was wrong and I should have asked and you hadn't even said you wanted it, but there haven't been many things I've done simply because I wanted to," he starts, sipping at his coffee. "I guess you've managed to do that to me. Make me not think for once. You're not like that. I can tell you don't do things for the sake of it, and you think a lot, and you're incredibly hard-working and motivated. So I thought that with you, I wouldn't have to be. I could just be me."

"Wouldn't have to be what?"

"A thinker. I don't like thinking, strategizing, wondering. If it was up to me, I'd always make spur of the moment decisions. But I can't do that where I work. The truth is... and me telling you this is just an example of it. When we went up there, to that place, I broke rules I held for a long time. And I think I just gave up on pretending after that."

"So you deciding to reveal _that_ to me was another spur of the moment decision for you?"

"Oh no," Seungcheol shakes his head. "I've thought so much about that, and I had to do so much research, I'm sorry, for them to even consider it. So no."

"You're crazy," Jihoon shakes his head in disapproval. He's just... started to process it, and now that he has... it's a lot.

* * *

Two weeks and he still quite hasn't... processed it. That didn't stop him, however, from seeing Seungcheol. He's made himself a neat little place in his routine, in his life, that Jihoon finds himself sneaking around to see him more and more.

Not quite sneaking around, because everybody kind of knows. Minghao does, at least, and Soonyoung does too, even though he's not happy with it. He's managed to appease him a few days before, when he's told him that everything is okay. Maybe it's Seungcheol's influence that somehow always smooths his edges over, but he was capable to be not fired up with Soonyoung, and calm him down at the same time, so they could talk. He doesn't have his approval, he still thinks Seungcheol is playing him, but time can only tell. If it comes to blows, Jihoon has blows to deal too.

Not that he'd ever tell them... about what Seungcheol is here to do. He's actually started telling Jihoon more details about it, and he's started to ask questions, as much as he can without actually being involved.

He remembers Minghao in his trainee days every time they talk about it. It's also the reason why he was so alright with him dating his sponsor, eventually, because he remembers. He remembers 18-year old Minghao fighting for his life, pretty much, alone in a country he didn't even speak the language of. Even when Minghao wasn't officially part of Seventeen, he lived with some of them in the trainee dorms, and he remembers seeing him at night sometimes, coming back at 4 AM or 5 AM, dressed in clothes that didn't even pass as luxury, with his cheap makeup smudged, looking lost. Jihoon didn't know how to reach out back then, he just bottled the guilt that he couldn't and the pity for him inside himself. He remembers how word got around after he was picked up in an expensive car, that the weird, intimidating Chinese kid got himself an actual sponsor. He remembers how different he looked when he was introduced as the last Seventeen member, the fire in his eyes, how he made it clear nobody would ever play with him again. How slowly he adjusted to the team, but when he did, how they were all so happy to see him smile, his funny yet calm, soothing personality coming through. 

He remembers Minghao telling him about it, about the meetings, the people. He has a long scar on the back of his thigh that never quite healed, that Minghao never exactly actually told him how he got, just when he got it. He remembers being told about the things he had to do, how he was taught to see who was actually powerful and who was not, who was rich and who was not. How he had to learn himself who was there to help and who was there to hurt.

He also remembers him, his sponsor. Minghao doesn't know, and he doesn't think his sponsor, the Junhui guy knows either, but he overheard one of his conversations with the Pledis executives once since he is great at hiding, right when he was threatening them with bankruptcy or much worse if they didn't let Minghao debut and take him away from that life.

He wondered a lot back then what could someone like Minghao give to someone like Wen Junhui. Now, with Seungcheol, he realizes it's not quite about that.

* * *

It's maybe about how Jihoon walks into Seungcheol's apartment one evening, and Seungcheol kisses him right as he walks in, hard and pointed, almost desperate. Jihoon still has his coat on, but his fingers grab onto Seungcheol's hair and he slows the kiss down, paces him. He doesn't want to ask, and he doesn't have to. He doesn't want to be arrogant, but maybe it's about that.

It's about how he can withstand the hungry look Seungcheol has in his eyes when he throws Jihoon on the bed another time, after they've talked about it so many times. Jihoon doesn't have much experience outside of fooling around with members when the nights got too long and the frustration too much, and he's not necessarily taken aback, but a bit unsure of what he should be doing. He's not good with context, not that great with figuring out what people want and what to give to them.

"You look nervous," Seungcheol joins him on the bed, and it changes the mood. Maybe it's about that too. "We don't have to do this," he says, understanding.

"No, no, I'm okay. It's just that... I've always been trained to think sex was this bad, hidden thing." he needs to get over it, and see it simply as something enjoyable between two people because that is what it is.

"We can wait more, I don't mind."

"No, I'm alright. Please."

Maybe it's the please that gets to him, but Seungcheol cups a hand on his cheek and draws him into a kiss, which Jihoon goes to willingly. It's gentler, less intense, and Jihoon makes himself relax. There's nothing he has to worry about; Seungcheol has more secrets than him, his name even being one, and there's a contract there too, so Jihoon can trust he won't release anything to the public.

So he lets go, lets Seungcheol touch him. He's way more gentle with his kisses and his big hands on Jihoon's waist than he expected him to, and doesn't seem to mind him being quiet.

"You do whatever you want," he says and turns them over so that Jihoon is straddling him, and has control of what happens. He doesn't mind that at all, takes the opportunity to lift at Seungcheol's shirt and have him take it off.

It doesn't surprise him that his chest is full of scars, marks, and tattoos; he didn't expect otherwise. They all look they fit in with who he is, from the long, thin scar running from his collarbone to his abs, to the tree tattoo on his hip, to some abstract lines or artwork tattooed on his left side that he can't identify at a first glance. On his other side, he has two thin flowers with long stems, running from his underarm to his hip.

Seungcheol must notice how Jihoon is wondering what they are, tracing their pattern on his skin.

"They're gladiolus flowers. They were my mom's favorites and are mine too. They signify strength of character, and honor, but also remembrance." It's the most personal thing he's ever told Jihoon, and even though his voice is flat, there is something in it. Jihoon keeps quiet, waiting to see if Seungcheol wants to share more.

"She was a high-class escort, but a happy one, out of her own choice. She liked doing it, having that power over men, and she was much smarter than anyone she ever slept with. I was able to give up who I was for what I do because I didn't have much tying me to life anyway, and when she died, I had nothing," he shrugs, Jihoon hearing the respect and the feelings he must still hold for his mother's memory in his voice, despite how he says it flatly, like a fact. It almost feels like he's intruding on a precious part of him he doesn't yet have a place in. "It's for her that I took this case up, since it's maybe my last one before I move on to something else. To free the people that do not want to do it, or if they do, to empower them and help them."

Seungcheol lets him look and admire the fine work of the tattoo for a bit longer, thinking about his words, before his hand wraps around his wrist, and Jihoon looks into his eyes. They're dark and intense, the heaviness of them making Jihoon gulp. Seungcheol's other hand grabs his other wrist, and slowly puts them behind Jihoon's back, not stopping his intense eye contact. When he moves both of his wrists to grip them with his right hand, and tangles the other one in Jihoon's hair, drawing him down, Jihoon goes.

This time, his kiss is intense, overpowering, drawing a small gasp from Jihoon when Seungcheol bites his lip. There's a knot in his stomach and a burning in his veins, a feeling he's never had before; sex was always something born out of necessity, a way to let go of issues and unwind, but never something like this, something that makes him _want._

Seungcheol turns them around again, towering over Jihoon with his larger frame, and Jihoon can't help but hit back, grabbing his biceps, tugging at his hair too. It makes Seungcheol chuckle in the kiss.

"Fiesty, huh?" He asks and kisses Jihoon again, heavy and hard, stirring up Jihoon's heartbeat. It's not good that someone can make him feel like this, and alarm bells sound off in his head, but he puts them off. This is not a time for his usual worries.

No matter how self-conscious he feels about his appearance, stronger people could probably not resist how gently Seungcheol undresses him and caresses his hands over his body, genuine appreciation in his eyes.

"So beautiful, baby," he whispers and Jihoon feels his cheeks and ears redden, turning his head away on reflex. Seungcheol makes a noise of disapproval with his mouth, turning his head around so Jihoon has to look at him, and presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. "Don't be like that. You're gorgeous."

He makes Jihoon believe it, pressing kisses to his chest, his navel, even to his thighs, slowly dragging a hand over his other thigh to brush over his cock before he wraps a hand around it and lightly rubs him off. Jihoon gasps at the unexpected touch, his back arching off of the bed, Seungcheol chuckling from where his lips are on Jihoon's hips.

He has a lot of experience, Jihoon can tell. He knows exactly how to look for the spots that turn him on, the arch of his neck, his hips, his inner thighs, and insist on them with kisses and his tongue until Jihoon starts whining, so out of it with pleasure already he doesn't recognize himself. He's always thought of himself as stronger than that, but now, he's not so sure.

Seungcheol doesn't do anything though, doesn't go beyond kissing and teasing at Jihoon's cock with his fingers, not until Jihoon can't take it anymore and starts whispering a low mantra of _please, please, please._

"What do you want? Tell me," he asks, and Jihoon doesn't know, he just wants him to _do something._ "Do you want me to fuck you?"

Jihoon nods, biting his lip when Seungcheol strokes him harder.

"I need an answer, darling."

"Yes, yes, do it," he says, his eyes closed.

He feels Seungcheol leave him to find something in his drawer, time in which Jihoon allows himself to breathe and compose himself. He hates letting go of himself like that, believes being in control of his mind the most important thing he has to do no matter what, so when Seungcheol comes back, lube and condom packets in his hand, Jihoon is more composed.

"Are you alright?" Seungcheol asks, taking a look at Jihoon.

"Yeah."

That doesn't mean he doesn't want him though. Seungcheol is gorgeous, caring but assertive, and can help him experience things that he hasn't before. So Jihoon can allow himself to let his wilder side shine, and if he's using Seungcheol a little bit for those experiences, that's his business.

When Seungcheol's lubed up fingers circle his hole, he's as ready as he can be, whining when he slides one in. He's gentle but he's not slow, waiting for his body to adjust, but not his mind. He appreciates the fact that Seungcheol is trying to help him get over the stress and the questions and enjoy this, which, if he crooks his fingers like that, he definitely is.

It's not long before Seungcheol's mercilessly rubbing his spot and drawing long moans out of him, and this Jihoon can deal with. He can deal with the pleasure, with his body feeling on fire, if his mind is clear.

Seungcheol turns him around so that Jihoon is on all fours, which leaves him so exposed he's almost embarrassed. Seungcheol's hand rubs his back, from his shoulder to his waist, his hips, and grabs his ass to rub against him. It's good, he's so good, teasing and yet not holding back, and when he enters him, Jihoon sees stars.

He's so thick it's a little bit painful, but he doesn't mind it; Seungcheol didn't go light with the lube, so even if it is painful, he enters him easily, in one long thrust that drives Jihoon's eyes to the back of his head.

This he can truly do, this he likes, feeling the sheer pleasure that comes from being with someone, with feeling them. Truthfully, he's taken it like this many times from Soonyoung, who when he's feeling frustrated can be rougher than anything Seungcheol might put on him. Despite the vibe he gives off, Seungcheol seems gentle, and so, even if his touches can apparently be rough, his personality won't let him go too far with Jihoon anyway.

But he knows how to play Jihoon, makes fireworks pretty much burst behind his eyelids with his thrusts, going from fast to slow, from shallow to deep so flawlessly and unexpectedly, the surprise and the occasional hits to his spot leaving him whining at every hard thrust.

And then Seungcheol bends down, laying on his back and putting one hand around his waist, with the other one helping him stay upright, and bites at his ear.

"God, you are so amazing," he whispers right into Jihoon's ear, the pleasure so obvious in his voice despite his control, that Jihoon can't help but whine.

"So, so good," he continues, the slow, deep thrusts and the feeling of Seungcheol enveloping him, with the words whispered in his ears spiking his pleasure.

He doesn't stop, telling Jihoon how he didn't expect this, how he's so happy to be with him like this, and this, more than hearing how good he is at taking it or whatever, makes Jihoon melt.

Soon enough, he feels Seungcheol pull out, and he almost wants to complain, before he's turned around on his back and Seungcheol kneels between his legs, hiking one up on his shoulder and entering him again. Like this, Jihoon feels so embarrassed he turns his head away, but again, Seungcheol doesn't let him, turning it back and kissing him, deep and pointed. He knows how he must look, flushed and sweaty, but instead of making him feel self-conscious, Seungcheol's looks, his careful hands, his kisses, make him feel confident.

So he doesn't think twice about letting himself be as he is, moaning and whining as he wants, and when Seungcheol gets a hand on his cock again and bites his neck, he's gone, his orgasm washing through him in waves of pleasure that make him gasp. Seungcheol is not too far off as well, and Jihoon feels him come into the condom while burying himself inside him, the knowledge that he made someone like Seungcheol feel good too kind of giving him a different kind of satisfaction.

Seungcheol returns with tissues, wiping down the come on his stomach, but Jihoon knows he probably needs to shower.

"Do I need to shower?"

"Only if you want."

He doesn't, but he has to, so he gets up. _God is he sore,_ he probably actually underestimated how hard Seungcheol went on him, but again, it's not like it's something that he never experienced before. It's just because it's Seungcheol that it's different. He's different.

* * *

"If I want to help, what can I do?" He asks after he finishes showering, walking into the kitchen.

Seungcheol looks at him, stares him down for a couple of seconds. Jihoon holds his stare. It may not be the most appropriate moment, but this feels so right. 

"I have some ideas."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! I hope this gives some preliminary answers to some of you, and I'm looking forward to your thoughts. :)


	6. i want to know this feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late with this chapter, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! <3

_"So what do you want from him?" Jisoo asks._

_"Not sure," Seungcheol hums, listening for his footsteps. The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing rings out. "We'll see."_

* * *

 When he gets out of Seungcheol's car, Seungcheol insisting that he drives him back, he pauses when his car exits the underground parking lot. What has he done?

He's not quite regretting it. It's just that... it feels like this all happened in a world that is not this one. Like now, he has to go back to his group and live his life, but how will he be able to do so with that kind of secret on his back, knowing that he's _sleeping_ with Seungcheol?

It's like messing with him sealed some sort of a deal, and now Jihoon is stuck with two separate worlds that he doesn't know how to bring together. This never happened, Seventeen was always his life and all there was to it, but now... now it's different.

* * *

Soonyoung finds him in the kitchen after Seungcheol drops him off and corners him. He looks _livid._

"Where were you last night? I tried to call you so many times, and all I got was a generic text message you couldn't talk?"

"I know... I'm sorry. Can we talk now?"

Soonyoung doesn't expect his low tone, his defeated expression. It's obvious, because he stops in place, analyzing Jihoon.

"Sure?" He asks, and Jihoon gets up, taking him to his room and locking the door behind him. He turns around and faces Soonyoung.

“I slept with him.”

“You did what?” Soonyoung shrieks. Jihoon wouldn’t be surprised if everyone else in the dorm heard.

“Shh. Please, just... wait. Just listen,” he pacifies Soonyoung, putting a hand on his arm. “I’m not stupid. I know it looks bad, just... Back then, with. With Myeongyeon.”

“You said you’d never bring that up. Never use it against me.” Soonyoung looks torn, like all of a sudden he wants to cry, whispering to Jihoon. He feels terrible. That’s the one thing he never wanted to do, but he needs Soonyoung on this.

“I don’t want to use it against you, I’m sorry for bringing it up like that. It’s just... you trusted him, _we_ trusted him, and it backfired, and we dealt with it together. Can we do the same thing now? I don’t think we could ever go through anything worse than that, but even if it is... I just. There’s something there I think I owe it to myself to work on and see. And follow through with. I don’t think I can give it up now, not because I’m in love with him or anything. It’s just... I have a feeling it might be bigger than me and I don’t want to let it go.” It’s the most he’s ever said about this, but it’s also the closest to what he feels.

“You never have 'feelings'. You’re always the rational one, you don’t pull shit like this.”

“I know. This is why I can’t rationalize this to you. So you just have to trust me... please. If something goes wrong, I have ways to fix it. But it won’t, cause I can prevent it from doing that.”

“What power do you have over him to prevent anything from happening," Soonyoung remarks, and it's not a question. It's sarcasm.

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. I wish I could but... I signed something. A contract to keep quiet.”

“You signed a non-confidentiality agreement?” Soonyoung’s eyes bulge out of his head.

“Yes. That’s as much as I can say. But just know it’s okay, and when the time comes, I’ll say more.”

"God Jihoon, this is insane. What did you get yourself into?"

"I'm still trying to figure it out myself. But it's okay. Let's write songs and have our best performances ever this comeback, and focus on that. And then we'll see. It'll be okay."

* * *

Jihoon is meeting Jeonghan and Jisoo tonight, the two people who are the most important part of Seungcheol's life, the ones he's mentioned so many times in passing it’s clear he’s incredibly close to them. To say he's nervous is an understatement.

Seungcheol immediately notices Jihoon is even more quiet than usual, if possible, and _laughs_ at him.

"Why are you nervous? It's fine. You don't have to impress them or anything."

"I do."

"You don't," Seungcheol says from next to Jihoon on the couch, lifting his chin with a knuckle so Jihoon looks into his eyes. "Just chill. It's fine. They're great."

Jihoon is not convinced, but lets Seungcheol kiss him anyway, his hand ruffling Jihoon's hair. He arranged it by himself, goddammit, so he pulls away and glares at him, attempting to fix it. Seungcheol doesn't feel threatened by his glare apparently, judging by how he tucks his face in Jihoon's neck, the vibrations of his laughter ringing against his skin.

The doorbell rings then, and Seungcheol untangles his hands from him and gets up. Jihoon wonders what he should do. Should he sit on the couch? Should he stand up? If he stands, isn't it awkward? If he sits, how should he sit so they don't feel offended?

He doesn't have time to think because Seungcheol walks in with them, and wow, they look so much different from what Seungcheol explained. They look... pretty. Kind of gentle, soft features, and they're _gorgeous._ Jihoon gets up on instinct anyway, maybe too quick, and bows a little when Seungcheol introduces them.

"Jihoon, these are Jeonghan and Jisoo. Jeonghan and I work together, and Jisoo is his partner, I've told you about them. This is Jihoon, I've also told you about him."

Jeonghan extends a hand to him with a smile, and Jihoon takes it. Two seconds of Jeonghan's eyes on him, and he's already incredibly uncomfortable. His gaze is something else, analyzes you like Seungcheol's does, but it's also so different it's unnerving. Even though he looks relaxed, his eyes are sharper, more pronounced, telling you there are no secrets you can hide from him; this is the kind of person Jihoon doesn't mess with under any circumstances. Jisoo shakes his hand too, and even if his smile is warmer, Jihoon is still very much on edge.

"I wanted you to meet them because we need your help with something really important. But first, does anyone want a drink?"

"Yes," Jeonghan answers, settling down on the couch and crossing his legs, his eyes never wavering from Jihoon.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Jihoon," Jisoo starts. "Seungcheol told us a lot about you." His tone is really sweet, and his smile seems genuine. For some reason, he gives Jihoon a very good vibe.

The same can't be said for Jeonghan, who's still quiet, obviously challenging Jihoon. Jihoon feels like he's walking on eggshells, like he can't really crack or mess up now.

"It's nice to meet you too. He's told me a lot about you too."

It's only half a lie. Seungcheol's mentioned them before, but didn't go into too many details about them per se. He said it was because of the secrecy involved, and wanted Jihoon to meet them anyway.

"Hmm," Jeonghan hums. "Has he?"

"Yes. Not a lot about what you do, but more about your relationship."

Jeonghan nods, a little smirk on his face, and Jihoon wonders what he sees in him. The way Seungcheol's talked about them made it clear that they are a very big part of his life, and Jihoon does feel like this is some sort of ritual where he either passes and keeps going, or fails and risks everything he's built so far with Seungcheol. It's been a while since something has made him nervous, but this does.

Seungcheol comes back and hands Jihoon a beer, and does the same for Jeonghan and Jisoo, settling down on the couch next to Jihoon, their thighs touching. From across, Jeonghan moves his gaze to him, and in the silence, he can tell they're having a silent conversation. They're obviously close, Jihoon doesn't think it's only work. But he definitely will not ask about it, or not yet.

"So, Jihoonie. I wanted to ask you to help us because we kind of do need your help. We've done a lot of work these past months to uncover what Pledis is into and everything, but now it's our time to actually start getting involved with it. The reason we go undercover as CEOs is that we can get access to business meetings that trainees or artists will be at, and we usually try to learn more and get our proof there. The thing is... this has a very high failure rate in what we've done so far. Jeonghan has done more fieldwork than me so far, but we've still not gotten this part down. There's a big event in a few days that a lot of people will go to, and we need to be there as well."

"So what can I help you with?" Jihoon asks, his eyes turning to Seungcheol.

"We need you to tell us what to look for, and how to make it so we are able to talk to the trainees who are there."

"So you need to find them and then be able to ask about their experience?"

"Pretty much," Jeonghan answers. "Again, we are fairly clear on the companies which Pledis works with, and how their prostitution business functions, but we need actual experiences. The reason we need that is to be able to leverage our info on them later, and then see how they change."

"Why doesn't it usually work?" Jihoon asks, curious. It's interesting that they'd want his help. But then again, if he said they often fail, it's probably not the worst idea to ask someone who knows how it works.

"They don't trust us, obviously. I think the trainees that are there are kind of... they obviously don't want to be there, and they don't trust anyone who will approach them. We can't say who we are either, so..." Seungcheol explains, and Jihoon nods. Minghao pops up in his head when they say it, since his story is pretty much the opposite of what they're saying; he ended up trusting Junhui more than anyone.

"Will you both be going?" There are a lot of questions he wants to ask before he can figure something out.

"Yes," Jeonghan asks. "Jisoo will also be there to accompany me. We'll just get a larger understanding of how the event works, and Seungcheol will be there to talk to trainees. We have to do our best to act well, but we also need to know what to target."

"I see... so you basically need to act to convince one of them to talk to you about what's going on."

"One or more," Jisoo pipes in.

"I think... those nights are the worst part of the whole experience. Even if I... didn't have to do sleep with anyone or anything of the sort, most trainees go to those big events 'to entertain.'" Jihoon explains. He doesn't quite get what they need to get out of them, but... he knows what the experience is like. "And I know people who have to sleep with people. The best thing you can do is, I guess... no matter how bad this sounds, is to take advantage of how low this moment is."

Jeonghan smirks a little bit, and Jihoon will pretend like he hasn't seen it. It looks like he is gaining some approval here, and the knowledge makes him think twice about what to say and then keep going.

"Most trainees know who they need to find in a room. So they will probably come to you, if your reputation is good enough. Yours is," he says and points to Seungcheol. It is. He's one of their biggest sponsors in the past years, coming at a time when Pledis is struggling to stay relevant, and when Seventeen is their best bet. "What you can do... get them alone, where there are no Pledis people to monitor them, and then if you act nice to them and won't try to sleep with them or take advantage of them or anything, they'll be taken aback. Just... be nice I guess. Show that you know what they're going through and be honest with the fact you're not trying to play them. And don't go for the female trainees. They are much tougher and go through way more, so you might end up being played in turn. But at the same time, if Pledis figures something out, they'll be way tougher on them than on the male trainees. So... just don't."

"So if we go for the male trainees, they'll... agree? To sleep with men? Or just to flirt with them?" Jeonghan asks, one of his eyebrows raised. 

"They don't have a choice in it. Nobody does."

"Interesting."

"Also... since they know you very well, they'll probably send the best people to you first," he starts again. Why he's actually saying so much, he doesn't know. He guesses this is his life now, helping people work against his own company. "The best people are usually the most experienced ones. You don't want them. Just wait until Pledis gets desperate. Seem uninterested. I don't know if I can help you with more than that since I don't know much, but..."

"You've helped us a lot, we'll see what we can do then. Thank you," Seungcheol says, laying a hand on his thigh and getting up. "I'm going to run to the bathroom. Be back in a second."

Jeonghan and Jisoo watch him leave, and then their gaze immediately turns to Jihoon.

"What do you want from him?" Jeonghan asks, his tone sharp, and Jihoon's mouth opens in shock. Wait,  _what?_ No matter his relationship with Seungcheol, Jeonghan has no right.

"What's the problem?"

"I'm not stupid," he says, narrowing his eyes and leaning forward. "He's really into you, and I want to know what you want."

Seungcheol's 'really into' Jihoon? Instead of focusing on what to answer Jeonghan, his mind is fixed on the way Jeonghan said it, like Seungcheol's told him.

"Talk," Jeonghan snaps, and Jihoon's eyes narrow. Suddenly, he's drawn back to reality. Truly, how dare he?

"I don't want anything from him," he throws back to Jeonghan, his voice ice cold. Even if he seems more threatening than anyone he's ever met, Jihoon won't allow Jeonghan to treat him like that. Like he's a whore trying to get something from Seungcheol, fooling him into whatever. "He was the one who came to us, sponsored us, took me out and did all of this stuff. I don't want anything from him besides his company."

"That's the worst thing you could ever want," Jeonghan lays back on the couch, his eyes still piercing through Jihoon. "You're not letting him focus."

"That's not something you bring up with me," Jihoon throws back, and thanks whoever is up there for the control and the steadiness in his voice. Years of dealing with excitement, of keeping his composure and his focus in intense situations did do something after all. Jeonghan's eyebrows raise, like he can't believe Jihoon is talking back to him. "He's a whole person. He can decide what's best. I don't like things like these," he throws back. Take that.

Jeonghan stays quiet, his eyebrow dropping and an expression of contempt settling on his face, the corners of his lips dropping. He's not happy with him, this much is obvious. 

There goes Jihoon's good impression. Whatever approval he might've gotten is now down the drain. And yet, even if it might backfire against him, he doesn't regret standing up to him. His self-respect is more important than anything, especially since this is a situation that suggests a lower position for him.

Seungcheol doesn't come back for another few minutes, time in which Jihoon's phone vibrates insistently in his pocket. He ignores it the first time, but the second time, he says sorry and goes to the kitchen to take the call. It's Soonyoung.

"What's up?"

_"Where are you?"_

"Seungcheol's apartment. Why?"

_"Our manager told us we're not doing the variety show tomorrow. Just wanted to let you know."_

"Okay. Thanks, see you later."

 _"Bye,"_ Soonyoung says, quite flatly, and hangs up the phone. When he's done, he turns around to see Seungcheol walking into the kitchen, reaching a hand to touch Jihoon's side, rubbing his hand up and down over his waist, like he does sometimes without even thinking.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Got our only schedule canceled tomorrow."

"Okay. Wanna stay over tonight then?"

It sounds... tempting. Except Jeonghan and Jisoo are also here and don't look like they'll leave too soon, and Jihoon would prefer not to deal with them for longer than he already has. It won't go anywhere good anyway.

"What are you thinking?" Seungcheol asks when Jihoon doesn't answer, his thumb rubbing circles on his waist.

"I don't know. I guess I'll stay."

"Something's wrong. What's up?"

"Nothing. I just don't think Jeonghan likes me much. He's not... happy with me."

Seungcheol rolls his eyes a little, puts his other hand on Jihoon's cheek to draw him closer.

"Ignore that. He's like that at first, but that's not his real personality. He'll warm up to you."

Jihoon strongly doubts that. But anyway...

"How is he usually?"

"He's the most protective person I know," Seungcheol says, but he's so close to Jihoon's lips his sentence kind of floats outside of Jihoon's mind. He goes cross-eyed a little trying to look into his eyes before Seungcheol closes the distance and kisses him, a long, sweet peck of lips. Jihoon puts his hands on his chest and gets up on his tiptoes to make it easier for Seungcheol to reach him. 

"You're fine," Seungcheol pulls away to say, resting his forehead against Jihoon's. Jihoon bites his bottom lip out of habit, one he's actually picked up from him. "He'll want to test you, but it's okay. He wouldn't bother if he actually didn't want to get to know you, or if you weren't important. I think you two will actually click very well."

"Why?" Jihoon pulls away to ask and be able to look at Seungcheol without looking funny.

"You're both very independent. Very straightforward too. Don't look very protective, but you care a lot about the people around you, dedicate yourselves to them in the ways you know how. You through recording songs for your members and making sure you fight for them when they don't feel like it. Jeonghan, you'll see, does it through finding what's the best option and then bothering you into considering it until you do, and don't realize it's him that did all the work. It's kind of funny, but I'm sure you'll eventually see past his façade. And he will past his prejudice."

"Tell him that."

"I will," Seungcheol answers, cheery, and grabs his hand to take him to the living room.

"No, don't! Don't say anything, please." Seungcheol ignores him and keeps going, and Jihoon huffs. This is a lost battle.

* * *

Dinner is the worst possible idea. Seungcheol cooks and Jeonghan is all over him while he does, intentionally touching his arm or getting his attention on him all the time. Seungcheol seems oblivious to it, even though Jihoon doesn't think he is. He's just letting Jeonghan test Jihoon, wondering if he'll act pissy and moody. Jeonghan probably expects it.

Unfortunately, Jihoon is above that. He finds in the space of the hour in the kitchen that Jisoo might actually be the sweetest person ever. He's so nice to Jihoon it actually takes him aback, but he doesn't look like he does it out of an obligation to do so. He's just nice.

It's obvious he cares about Jeonghan through the looks he throws him or how he talks about him, but he also seems to want to let Jeonghan do his own thing with Jihoon without getting involved. Even if Jeonghan is putting on a show, it's a one-man show. Seungcheol is not playing into it, Jisoo is watching in a bit of amused exasperation with his antics, and Jihoon, the target of it all, also does his best to ignore it. It goes swimmingly.

Dinner is a bit awkward, but between Jisoo asking about idol life, retellings of some of Seungcheol's experiences as a trainee and some funny stories, it goes actually well. He excuses himself to the bathroom for a few seconds after they're done to go pee, and after, he just stands there for a few seconds, looking into the mirror.

The way Jeonghan is behaving with him is okay, it's expected, it's just that... something feels off. It's just... it's strange. Jeonghan is obviously trying to test him to see how he'll behave, if he actually cares about Seungcheol or whatever. It's just that... he expected more of him. He expected him to not do it so obviously. He's kind of disappointed. Jeonghan is severely underestimating him, and while he usually doesn't care about that, likes proving people wrong, now it seems like it matters.

Whatever. Not like he can do anything at this point anyway. Jeonghan's formed his opinions.

He walks out, where Seungcheol is putting the dishes away and Jeonghan and Jisoo are finishing their wine, chatting with each other.

"Want wine?" Seungcheol asks, and Jihoon confirms. The glasses are on a hanging thing to Seungcheol's right, so he passes by him to get one and pour himself wine.

"Staying tonight?" Seungcheol hums to him in a low voice, turning his head towards Jihoon.

"Yeah."

"Thank you for your advice, Jihoon," Jeonghan starts from behind him. "I'm sure it will prove to be very helpful. It was nice to meet you."

Jihoon turns to him, and is almost taken aback by Jeonghan's expression. He's smiling, a small smile that looks honest.

"It was nice to meet you two as well," Jihoon says, trying not to be taken aback by how abruptly Jeonghan changed. Did Seungcheol tell him off?

"Thank you, Jihoon. I'm sure we will see you around. Bye Seungcheolie," Jisoo says and with Seungcheol taking them to the door, they leave.

Jihoon stays in the kitchen while Seungcheol locks the door behind them and returns. The wine is too dry for Jihoon's taste, but he sips at it nonetheless. Seungcheol gets a glass too and sits at the table, Jihoon sitting across from him.

"You okay?"

"Mhm," Jihoon asks. He's just tired.

"Wanna go to bed?"

"It's so early. I'm trying to not mess my sleep schedule up when I'm not having comebacks."

"Let's watch something then."

"Sure."

"Shower first?"

"Yes. Go ahead, I just need to call Soonyoung."

If Seungcheol wanted to shower with him, he doesn't say it, just puts his glass away, leaves a quick kiss to Jihoon's temple, and goes to the bathroom.

Jihoon dials Soonyoung's number from recent calls, and he picks up right away. Years of training.

_"Everything okay?"_

"Yeah, just wanted to let you know I'm not coming back tonight. Will go straight to the company to work on songs in the morning."

 _"Okay,"_ Soonyoung answers. _"I'll see you tomorrow."_

"See you."

When he goes to Seungcheol's bedroom, he still hasn't finished showering, so Jihoon goes to search through his closet for something to sleep in. It's not the first time he's done it, so he's gotten used to sifting through Seungcheol's way too big closet.

He quickly finds a shirt and sweatpants, and takes them to the bathroom when Seungcheol is done, passing by him. He showers quickly and gets dressed, lamenting how strange Seungcheol's clothes look on him. He's a whole 15 centimeters taller than Jihoon, so he has to roll up sweatpants and his shirts fall to the top or to the middle of Jihoon's thighs. He says it's cute, but Jihoon kind of really hates it.

When he walks out, Seungcheol is on the bed, scrolling through Netflix. His eyes land on Jihoon and of course he has the nerve to chuckle, like he always does.

"What are you laughing at?" Jihoon sulks, getting into bed next to him.

"You look cute." It gains him an eyebrow raised and a glare from Jihoon, who turns around to look at the TV instead.

"Look, about tonight..." Jihoon turns back around to him, laying on the pillows. "I'm sorry about Jeonghan. He was out of line and a bit childish. He thought it would work on you."

"What, trying to make me jealous?"

"Pretty much. It was his way of testing you, I guess."

Jihoon huffs. "Kind of failed."

"Would you be? Jealous though? If someone really hit on me?" He stops. Would he be? Why is Seungcheol asking this now?

"I'm not a jealous person. We're not dating," he says, pointed, to show this conversation is over.

"Makes sense," Seungcheol shrugs and turns back to the TV. It's a forced ending to a conversation they're bound to have at some point, but it's fine.

They settle on some random drama that Jihoon quickly loses interest in, and even if he still is kind of annoyed, he's sleepy, and when he's sleepy, he likes to cuddle to someone or something. So he slowly moves closer and closer to Seungcheol, who _finally_ gets the idea and lifts a hand for Jihoon to settle on his chest.

"Thank you though," Seungcheol whispers in his hair.

"For what?"

"For telling us about... what to do. It must've been hard for you and I appreciate it."

"I said I want to help," Jihoon mumbles and lifts his head up, catching Seungcheol's eyes on his, flicking down to his lips and moving back up.

"Thank you anyway," Seungcheol answers and kisses him, slow and pointed. Jihoon likes these lazy kisses that don't lead anywhere. Seungcheol's hand around his shoulders, on the side of his neck, rubbing circles with his thumb, gets him even more unfocused and lazy.

"Sleep?" Seungcheol asks, pulling away.

"Sure." At this point, his schedule's going to be messed up from too many nights in the studio anyway. He wouldn't mind sleeping more, and if he wakes up earlier in the morning, there'll be time to laze in bed for more, which he loves doing. It's a win-win situation, so he just settles closer to Seungcheol, who turns off the TV, and is out in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got a few big things ahead of us, so I hope you are all ready! Looking forward to your feedback and thoughts! <3


	7. or else i'm gonna be falling (down down)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody asked me a few days ago why I have so many sex scenes in stories, and while I am guilty of that (whoops), I wanted to explain it a little bit too. 
> 
> A quote wrongly attributed to Oscar Wilde goes something like "Everything in this world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power." I think that for Jihoon and Seungcheol's relationship, it is especially fun to write sex scenes from that perspective; there is clearly an undercurrent of unequal power dynamics that range through their relationship, and it can easily go both ways, depending on who has the "upper hand" at that moment - or who lets who have the upper hand and why, more importantly. (Also, someone asked me why I didn't have them be a very clear D/s relationship, because the idea fits well, and I kind of hint at it sometimes. The thing is... I don't think it fits them *at all* and I don't think it works here either. I will probably never write clear-cut D/s relationships also because I don't believe it's simple, but quite the opposite, and I don't think it's as common either. And I also can't... I like writing about balances of power and I genuinely don't think I can do it justice.) 
> 
> I think something important in this story, or how I'm trying to portray it, is the fact that you only see one perspective in this, and even not everything from that, which is somehow like real life. And since a lot of things happen when people lose themselves in the heat of the moment, or not (and why), sex scenes can illuminate a bit more about the other perspective. 
> 
> Sorry for the long note, and I hope you enjoy this! <3

_Seungcheol takes a look at him, smirking. Not too bad, not too bad at all. This is not going badly at all._

_He didn't quite expect it going that well, especially after what Jihoon told them. But now this kid's on his knees, metaphorically and literally, and Seungcheol can_ taste _the win. It's close. He should probably thank Jihoon._

_A bit later though. Not quite right now. Two minutes of distraction won't be too bad._

* * *

Writing music comes easier now. There's emotions playing in his head, memories, thoughts, concerns and worries, all making an amalgam of sound and visuals that translate weirdly well to the moods of what he is working on. He has to give it all a sweet edge, because that's their trademark and that's what they're known for, but it works even with that.

Minghao jokes with him once that he looks lovesick, and maybe because it's Minghao, but also because he doesn't want to think that might be true, it falls a bit short of being funny. Jihoon quickly banishes even the thought from his mind.

'My I' becomes the song that he actually writes the quickest. Bumzu helps him a little with the arrangement on the bridge, but the rhythm and the feel work very well, Jihoon gets it done in maybe two or three days, and he's actually very proud of it. Minghao says he'll dance it with Soonyoung, but sings the Chinese version, the reason why it even happened, himself.

After he records most of it, surprisingly quickly too, he drops down on the couch in Jihoon's studio, obviously tired. Jihoon turns to look at him. He's stayed up for the past few days to perfect the choreography for it, even though there are maybe around 3 months left until their comeback.

"Why did you write it?"

Minghao sees the underlying question.

"I didn't write all of it," he says and opens his eyes.

It’s so obviously meant to be a duet. It works if Minghao sings it by himself, and most of the performances will be with Soonyoung anyway, and in Korean. But there's a lack of something in the lyrics, in the way it's sung, this much is clear. The fact that he’s choosing to sing the Chinese version by himself, even if not on the album, could be glaringly obvious for someone who bothers to look. It’s for someone.

“Are you tired of hiding?”

“Nah. It’s not that. I get I have to hide and I will always do that... but he did so much for our relationship I want this to be the one thing I do. Because I genuinely want to.”

“What if people start suspecting something?”

“I’ll just say it’s a song for the other side of me. But I don’t think they care a lot about what I do. Compared to other members.”

“That’s not true. You have crazy loyal fans. And you’re one of the most popular members.”

“You don’t have to tell me just to make me feel better. I genuinely don’t care. I love being an idol and being with you guys, it's all that matters.”

“Look... we all know Korea’s racist. But you are genuinely one of the most popular members. People see your personality and your talent, don’t think they don’t.” It's true. Minghao is effortlessly charming, fans probably have clued on to his warm personality beyond the "savage" side he put up mostly because of his Korean in the beginning, and he's immensely talented, funny too. Jihoon is not jealous of him because he's not jealous of any of his members, but he notices how much Minghao is made to be an idol. His insecurities are very much unlike Seokmin's or even Seungkwan's, who tend to get unsure about their roles and how well they're holding up as main vocals, even if differently. Minghao is more thoughtful, more reserved with his feelings, and maybe because of everything he's been through and the fact his Korean still isn't perfect yet, especially in unfamiliar situations, Jihoon kind of tends to encourage him more, dote on him more too.

Plus Minghao is never _annoying_ , which seems to be a trait in Seventeen, obvious when you have Soonyoung, Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Mingyu in one group. All these reasons making up the great relationship he has with Minghao are probably why he didn't have reservations in telling him he's sleeping with Seungcheol; Minghao won't tell anyone if Jihoon doesn't want to.

Eventually, Jihoon should be the one to tell them though, so none of them feel blindsided. Not yet though. Not quite yet.

* * *

 _'Are you up?'_ Jihoon gets the text from Seungcheol a bit after midnight, while he's working on songs in the studio.

_'Yeah. Why?'_

_'The event just ended. Can we hang out?'_

The event? Jihoon looks at the date. February 15.  _Oh. That event._

_'Sure. Come pick me up at the studio?'_

_'Be there in a few. I'll text you.'_

Jihoon saves what he's been working on, because now that his focus is gone, he won't be able to do anything for the few minutes until Seungcheol gets here.

He opens Twitter instead, and uploads a picture of the studio. They all agreed they'll start keeping up more with social media presence, to make sure fans don't miss them too much, and they keep up with what happens. Jihoon quite likes sharing snippets of his life with fans, feels like this way, he can give a little bit of insight into the work that means so much to him.

While scrolling through Twitter, Seungcheol texts him that he's downstairs, so Jihoon puts a mask and his coat on and goes to meet him, immediately spotting his car.

He opens the door and jumps in, taking a look at Seungcheol, who's looking at him. He looks tired. Amazing in a suit and what Jihoon thinks is a little bit of makeup, but exhausted nonetheless. Jihoon has never seen him quite like that.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. Let's talk when we get home. Were you working on music?"

"Yeah. It's been going well."

"I'm glad. I'd love to hear some of it, if you want to show me something."

"I will. Nothing's quite ready yet, but when it is, I'll show you."

They get to Seungcheol's apartment soon enough, and Jihoon sits down on his bed while Seungcheol takes his coat off and hangs his blazer up to send to dry cleaning later, as he knows he does.

"Did you eat anything tonight?" He turns to Jihoon to ask, his eyes on him. He's just in his dress shirt and suit pants, the top of his shirt unbuttoned, his right hand reaching to take his watch off. He looks... Jihoon loses his mind for a second, a shiver passing through him. "Hmm?"

"What?" Jihoon shakes his head, fixing his eyes on his. He sees Seungcheol smirk, probably seeing right through Jihoon, and fasten his watch back up. Oh no.

He gulps as Seungcheol takes a few steps to him, crouching a little. His left hand takes Jihoon's chin between his thumb and his forefinger, lifting Jihoon's eyes to him. His watch clinks a little when he does it, and Jihoon swallows again and slowly blinks.

"Food later?" He asks, and Jihoon nods. He should just kiss him already, dammit, if he's like this. Seungcheol doesn't though, just waits, drawing his gaze over his face.

When he does, Jihoon breathes out, the feeling of Seungcheol's lips on him so welcome, finally. Jihoon fists a hand in his shirt to drag him closer, Seungcheol's hands grabbing his thighs. He doesn't know what Seungcheol wants to do until he's suddenly lifted off the bed, his arms immediately around Seungcheol's neck for balance and his thighs wrapping around his waist, letting out a surprised noise and almost biting Seungcheol's tongue in the process.

"Warn me next time," he throws as Seungcheol takes a few steps and backs him up against a wall, but gently. Without any words, Seungcheol kisses him again, more thorough this time, exploring and pacing himself after Jihoon.

He doesn't know what's special about it now, but Jihoon is distinctly aware of Seungcheol's watch pressing on the underside of his thigh, and of the collar of his shirt under his arms. He just kind of looks... deadly, and now that Jihoon knows he's not really a chaebol, when he gets to see him pretend... it's hot. That's what it is. Jihoon finds it hot to be part of that secret, seeing it fold and then unfold in his presence.

When he thinks Seungcheol won't drop him, he slowly takes his arms away from around his neck and pulls away a bit to look at what he does. When he starts undoing the buttons on his shirt and puts a palm on Seungcheol's chest, drawing his finger over one of his scars, Seungcheol looks down at his hands.

"I wanna try something," Jihoon starts.

"What is it?"

"I want to suck you off. Can I?"

Seungcheol's eyes widen and stare at Jihoon, who stares back at him.

"You don't have to."

"I want to." He really does. For some reason, tonight he's too tired and too done with questioning himself.

"Okay... I'll put you down," Seungheol says and slowly does that, Jihoon having to look up to him when Seungcheol drags him to the bed.

"It'll be more comfortable," he says and lays with his back to the headboard, with Jihoon between his legs. Seungcheol kisses him until Jihoon melts into him, getting impatient to get to it.

"Have you done this before?" Seungcheol asks when Jihoon unbuttons the rest of his shirt and undoes his belt, pulling it out.

"A couple of times," Jihoon answers, and he has. Maybe like once and a half.

"Just... go slow," Seungcheol tells him and cuts himself short when Jihoon puts a hand over the bulge in his pants. Jihoon's not quite as fired up as always, feels like teasing and pushing at Seungcheol a little, instead of Seungcheol making him lose his mind again. Also to see if Seungcheol will let him.

Seungcheol kisses him more forcefully though, taking hold of his shirt and dragging him in, stopping just to take it off over Jihoon's head. He's getting hard under Jihoon's touch, and when he figures he's teased him enough, he moves to drag his lips over Seungcheol's chest, making his way down.

It feels like he's fumbling around with stuff he doesn't quite know, but if he sells it hard enough, it won't show. That's how he's lived most of his life until now, and a blowjob probably won't be any different.

When he gets to Seungcheol's waistband he undoes his button and his zipper, Seungcheol's eyes on him and his hands helping Jihoon remove his pants. His bulge is more obvious now that he's only in his boxers, and Jihoon feels kinda proud he did that.

Truthfully, he's done research. He's read about what to do, techniques to use, and most websites or _things_ said to start slow. So that's what he does, drags Seungcheol's boxers down slowly, his hard cock bouncing when his waistband catches on them. He remembers to look up at him when he gets a hand on him, and finds Seungcheol's eyes intensely staring at him, his mouth open just the littlest bit.

Jihoon's gonna lose his nerves, he can tell, so before that happens, he bends down and takes the tip of Seungcheol's cock in his mouth, lightly sucking on it. Seungcheol lets out a little moan, and maybe Jihoon  _is_  doing this right.

Like the other times he's tried, the weight feels kind of uncomfortable in his mouth, but he tries to get over that, taking more of him in. When it stops being comfortable, he remembers people said you should use your hand for the rest, and does that.

"You're doing so good, Jihoon-ah," Seungcheol says with a hard breath, and Jihoon tries to take him deeper, test his limits. "Can I talk to you?"

Jihoon pulls off just a little, spreading his saliva on Seungcheol's cock to make the slide of his hand easier. "Yeah. Tell me." It sounds... kind of hot. Seungcheol has this deep, drawled voice only sometimes, and Jihoon likes hearing it, likes the feeling it gives him. 

"Go slow," Seungcheol says, putting a hand in his hair. "Take just a little, and use your tongue." Jihoon does that, sucking the tip back into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, which, judging by Seungcheol's heavy breaths and whispered curse, works.

"That's good. Go down when you want, suck your cheeks in." Jihoon follows his words, and when he does, Seungcheol's hand minutely tightens in his hair and he hisses. "Fuck. That was good."

Jihoon tries to bob his head a little bit more, stroking the rest of him with his hand, and now he feels like he's getting the hang of it.

"Good?" He pulls away to ask and breathe, looking up at Seungcheol. He's also read about that, can only imagine how it looks when someone is sucking your dick and then looks up at you. Must be a sight.

"Yeah. You're so slow it's kind of teasing. Feels really good," Seungcheol answers, like this is some kind of a lesson for Jihoon. Which it is, except Seungcheol seems to be benefitting from it the most.

This time, when he takes Seungcheol back in his mouth, he makes sure to keep his eyes on him, and is kind of proud to see how Seungcheol looks at him. Like he's in awe of him.

It spurs Jihoon on, and he bobs his head harder, trying to use his tongue more, and move his hand faster.

"Like that, yeah... Tighten your hand," Seungcheol whispers, clearly affected. "Fuck, Jihoon-ah... You're amazing." Jihoon smirks a little at the praise, loves hearing how Seungcheol is letting go with him most of all, so he does his best to continue until he feels the hand in his hair tighten.

"I'm gonna come. You probably should pull off," Seungcheol warns him, and Jihoon does, but just for a second.

"No, it's fine," he says and puts his mouth back on Seungcheol, sucking just the tip in. If he's doing this, he should do it until the end.

So he lets Seungcheol come in his mouth with a groan, does his best to not choke, and eventually swallows, the taste kind of weird in his mouth.

"Ah, Jihoon-ah. Why did you?" Seungcheol kind of chuckles at him, pulling him up to straddle his thighs.

"Wanted to see what it's like. Didn't mind it much."

"You're something else," Seungcheol says, and goes to kiss him. Jihoon stops him with a hand on his chest.

"You wanna kiss me?"

"You let me come in your mouth and you think I have an issue with that? Come here."

Jihoon does, and lets Seungcheol kiss him, deep and pointed. The mood is kind of lazy, slow, even though Jihoon is decidedly very hard. Seungcheol notices, and pulls at his waistband.

"Lemme take care of you," he whispers, taking Jihoon's cock out of his sweatpants and slowly jerking him off, spreading the precum from the tip down. Jihoon's so sensitive he gasps when Seungcheol gets his hand on him, and buries his face in his neck. Seungcheol's other hand wraps around his back, keeping him close to him, the warmth radiating from his body.

"You look good like this. Relaxed and confident," Seungcheol whispers in his ear, nosing into the hair at his temples. He twists his hand at the tip of Jihoon's cock, which feels much better than he should. He knows exactly how to get Jihoon to truly enjoy whatever he's doing in the space of seconds, a mark of experience, or maybe just being able to read Jihoon well. His watch clinks when he speeds his hand up on his cock, and that small sound gets to Jihoon more than he thought.

"I love you letting me see you like this," Seungcheol continues, and Jihoon moans in his neck, shifting his hips in Seungcheol's hold. When he feels he's almost there, he fists his hands in Seungcheol's shirt hanging from his shoulders. "Let go for me, baby."

Jihoon does, comes all over Seungcheol's fist and probably makes a mess of both their clothes, but it feels so good he kind of doesn't care. When he feels more like himself again, he rests his forehead on Seungcheol's, his eyes still closed.

"All good?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"I should be thanking you. You did a lot for me," Seungcheol shakes his head.

"Wanted to. I liked it."

"Thank you anyway," Seungcheol pecks him on his cheekbone, below his eye, a small kiss that burns through Jihoon's skin nonetheless. "Shower and then let's talk a little?"

"Sure," Jihoon agrees and opens his eyes, extracting himself from Seungcheol. As expected, they're a mess, but Jihoon has clothes at his place.

* * *

Later, when they're on the couch with a drink each, Seungcheol having ordered food and Jihoon having successfully stolen his blanket, he actually remembers where Seungcheol was earlier that evening.

"Oh. Tell me."

"About what?"

"The event. How did it go?"

"Oh," Seungcheol nods. "It was... interesting."

"How?"

"You were right, they did send the best people first. I think it wasn't that... smooth sailing. The people were a mix of very confident and very obviously not wanting to be there, so it was strange. If you really looked..."

"So what did you do?"

"Tried my best not to get them in trouble, I guess. Let them down easy, talked a little. Nothing much though."

"So you didn't settle on anyone?"

Seungcheol hums, tilting his head. "Kind of did. Don't think it worked well with him though."

"Why?"

"Didn't get much out of him. He was confident, but then again, also so scared he couldn't actually say anything, immediately closed up. Tried to be nice and kind of push, but... yeah. I think it's fine. I'll see more later."

Wait... later when?

"Hmm. How?"

"I got his number," Seungcheol admits. "He was kind of hesitant to give it, but I managed."

Why does that kind of catch Jihoon by surprise? There's something that goes through him at that knowledge, a hint of something dark he doesn't even want to think about, snaps out of quickly.

"I threw it away though."

"What?" Jihoon's eyebrows raise.

"I think we actually got enough even before that. I don't even know if he was legal, and I got to understand enough about how it works. We're fine."

"Seriously? So you don't need to talk more?" 

"Jeonghan and Jisoo had better luck than me," Seungcheol chuckles, the implication obvious. "Can't say much but... they got some stuff, and I ended up being the one that observed the larger picture."

"Oh? How come?"

"I think... a lot of things. I had to wait a while for people to come to me, I just didn't feel like I could crack someone, and... I don't know. Wasn't it, I guess," he shrugs. Is Jihoon glad? Is he even feeling anything about this? "Anyway, your advice helped a lot. So thank you, seriously. I think we're in a much better position for everything now."

"I'm glad... I hope it works out."

"Me too. Thank you though, let's talk more about this later. Too tired. Wanna move to the kitchen, so we're ready when food is here?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

* * *

His phone is always on silent except for Soonyoung and his manager, so when he hears it ring during the night, he immediately untangles himself from Seungcheol, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yeah?" He whispers, his voice raspy from sleep.

"Channie is sick."

"What? Is it serious? What's wrong? Is manager hyung there?" He whispers quickly, jumping out of bed to go to the kitchen.

"He's not, he's visiting his family. It's okay, not severe, I just wanted to know if he was sick today when he was at the company."

"Not sick, but he said he was feeling lightheaded so I sent him home."

"Oh, okay. I see."

"What's wrong? What does he have?"

"I think he has a slight fever and he was coughing. Hansol woke me up because he was moving in his sleep. I also can't find any fever-reducing pills or painkillers, do you know where they are?"

"Okay. Let me get dressed and get a taxi and I'll be on my way. And no, but I'll call you in two minutes to ask more so I know what to get him from the pharmacy."

"You don't..."

"Soonyoung. I'll call you back."

He rushes back to the bedroom, getting his clothes from the chair where he put them. Seungcheol's still sleeping, he's not enough of a light sleeper to wake up even if Jihoon moves around, but he remembers Seungcheol telling him he doesn't like people leaving without saying anything. In a spur of the moment decision, he goes to shake him.

"Hyung. I'm leaving."

"Oh. You okay?" He groans, barely awake, squinting at Jihoon through the low light from the hall.

"Yes. One of my members has a cold, so I'm going back. I'll see you."

"Want me to drive you?"

"No, you're tired. I'll take a taxi."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Goodbye, hyung."

Jihoon quickly gets dressed in the sliver of light from the door and leaves, picking up his phone to call Soonyoung back after he gets in the taxi and instructs the driver to stop at a pharmacy. He answers right away.

"So what's wrong? Did you put a thermometer on him? Is he awake even?"

"He's kind of awake, but not really. He's sweating a lot and shivering, and he's really warm. Mingyu's making him something right now, but I'll ask him to find a thermometer."

"You said he was coughing. Badly?"

"Yeah, sounds kind of dry. Mingyu's making him tea to soothe his throat."

"Okay. Going into the pharmacy, I'll call you when I get to the dorm. Get his temperature."

He quickly talks to the lady at the counter, who gives him stuff, and then Jihoon asks for even more stuff, just in case, as well as instructions. He pays for it all and rushes back, getting the taxi to the dorm.

It's not until he enters the elevator, which goes way too slow, and checks his phone, that he sees it's almost 3 AM. The night is quiet, but Jihoon's mind is so rushed.

He quickly keys in the code to their apartment and walks in to Hansol and Seungkwan sitting at the table in their kitchen, and Seokmin at the sink doing something else.

"Is everyone up?"

"Yeah, I think we all woke up. They kicked us out cause there were too many people," Hansol nods, Seungkwan laying his head on his shoulder, almost asleep. He knows he was at the company even later than him.

He makes a dash for Chan's room, where Mingyu and Soonyoung are doting on him near the bed, and Minghao is sitting at the bottom of it.

"What's up?"

"He has 38.8 degrees temperature," Mingyu answers, and Jihoon looks at him. It's a lot, but not terrible. It looks like he's fallen asleep again, or is trying to, and Mingyu's holding a hand to his forehead, probably trying to calm him down.

"I have medicine, bring some water. And the lady at the pharmacy said that cold washcloths to his forehead will help with the fever."

"I'll bring water," Minghao gets up and says, and Mingyu joins him to get washcloths. It's just him and Soonyoung left, who's holding on to Chan's hand.

"Thanks for coming back," he whispers, obviously distressed.

Jihoon stops his rummaging in the bag, shooting Soonyoung a pointed look.

"Never say that again."

"Okay... I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he whispers back, finding the main medicine and the cough syrup. "I'm not coming back. This is where I am."

"I know... I'm sorry. I just..."

"I know I've been focusing a bit too much on that, and I know they noticed it too. I'll talk to everybody soon."

"Okay," Soonyoung whispers, right as Minghao and Mingyu come back in.

"Chanie, wake up," he rubs his shoulder, and Chan's eyes slowly blink open. "I have medicine, let's get up a bit."

He looks disoriented but stands up, and hesitantly takes the medicine from Jihoon, taking it with water, as well as the caplet of syrup Jihoon helps him drink. When he's done, Jihoon lets him lay back down and Mingyu puts a cold wet washcloth on his forehead, sitting down on the floor next to the bed.

"I'll stay here, send everyone to bed. Seungkwan can take mine, I'll switch with him," Mingyu says, and Jihoon nods. He probably won't feel like going to sleep anytime soon, so he'll probably join Mingyu and send him to bed too, do some work on his laptop.

Minghao and Soonyoung join him in the kitchen, where everyone looks worried. Getting sick isn't an uncommon occurrence with them, but when they do, they're reminded they're not quite adults, they're kids taking care of kids, and being worried at even the smallest of things is natural.

"He's fine, it's just a cold. He got medicine and he'll be okay. Go to sleep," Soonyoung says, and everyone slowly starts moving.

"Seungkwan, Mingyu said you can take his bed," he says, but he knows Seungkwan will most likely go sleep with Hansol anyway, considering how clingy he looks now.

"Wake us up if there's anything wrong. Good night, hyungs," Seokmin says with a small, warm smile, dragging Minghao to their room.

"Are you going to sleep?" Soonyoung asks him when it's just the two of them left in the kitchen.

"No, probably not. Going to change and do some work in Chan's room, send Mingyu to sleep too. You should go. You look tired."

"No, I'm fine. I'll join you."

Jihoon nods and with some convincing, they manage to send Mingyu to his room, with instructions to take Jihoon's bed if Seungkwan is indeed there, which he doubts. Jihoon settles with his back to the wall next to the bed and powers up his laptop, checking some of the lyrics he's written. Next to him, Soonyoung is on his phone, but when Jihoon looks at him maybe ten minutes later, his head's leaning on the wall, his eyes closed and his breathing steady.

"Soonyoung-ah," he shakes him, and it's the third time he's woken someone up tonight. "Go to bed."

Soonyoung startles and wakes up, blinking quickly to take in his surroundings.

"Go to bed," Jihoon repeats, and Soonyoung looks at him with a shake of his head.

"Will you be okay?"

"Yeah. Good night, sleep well."

Soonyoung nods and goes, and besides Chan's heavy breaths and his occasional movements, Jihoon is now alone. The cursor blinks on the computer, the clock saying 3:45 AM, and there's nothing that comes out. He edits the lyrics to Habit for a while, realizes he's made them worse, and quickly presses undo, closing his laptop quickly after.

Chan is still asleep, and Jihoon goes to refresh his washcloth with cold water from the bathroom and put it back on his forehead. He looks better, like he's calmer now, signs that his fever is probably receding. He hasn't coughed much either and it's been almost an hour, so Jihoon figures he can go to bed too.

He settles into Seungkwan's bed, facing Chan's, and thinks about stuff. About him, about almost not knowing he was sick, about being at the dorm more often, about music, about telling them, about Seungcheol, a mess of things in his head until he eventually drifts to sleep.

* * *

When he comes to, the room is empty besides himself, Chan's bed unoccupied. If he's up, that means he's better.

When he goes to the kitchen, indeed, he sees Chan at one of the kitchen tables, a blanket around his shoulders, a mask under his chin, and eating from a bowl of something Mingyu is staring at him eat, to make sure is okay. Mingyu is a mother hen, one they often don't deserve.

"It's samgyetang. Want some, hyung?"

"No, it's okay. I'll eat some rice with whatever side dishes we have. When did you make samgyetang?"

"I didn't. I just had it delivered," Mingyu answers, and Jihoon raises his eyebrows at him. Samgyetang is probably the most difficult thing to deliver. Damn Mingyu and his charms on people.

"How are you feeling?" He asks Chan, who's inhaling his food. At least his appetite is fine.

"Like I've been hit by a truck," he answers, sniffling. His voice is so nasal it would be kind of funny if he wasn't so obviously sick.

"Did you take some more meds?"

"After I eat, I will."

"Good. Don't take them on an empty stomach."

"Mhm," he answers, and goes back to blowing on the hot soup.

Jihoon goes to get some rice from the rice cooker and scrounge for something in their fridge while Mingyu sits down with some food too.

"Is anyone else up?"

"Don't think so. Soonyoung hyung woke up to check on Channie, but he went back to sleep. Nobody else came out."

It's barely 8 AM. Understandable.

"Going back to sleep too. Thanks, hyung," Chan starts and gets up.

"Meds, Channie," Jihoon reminds him, but Chan is already gone. He probably won't forget, he's not like that.

The relaxation of a day they don't have to do anything in, the joy of boredom despite the fact that Chan is sick, settles into Jihoon so deeply he's already feeling sleepy. He resolves himself to do nothing today, maybe work on some lyrics if he feels like it at most, and he'll make sure everyone else does the same.

"Are you feeling sick too, hyung? You look a little red."

"I'm okay. Going to bed for a little more. You should do the same, you were up late."

"I will."

"I'll see you in the room," he says, and walks to the comfort of his bed.

 _'I know we said we'd hang out today, but can we do tomorrow or another day?'_ He texts Seungcheol. They had plans for the whole weekend, but Jihoon just really wants to be home right now.

The reply comes a few hours after.

_'Yeah, of course. Everything okay with your members?'_

_'Yeah. Just a cold. We're fine. I'll text you later.'_ Jihoon texts, and goes right back to sleep.

* * *

Next time they hang out at his apartment and Jihoon has to leave early, Seungcheol stops him.

"Wait. I have something for you," he hums and comes back with a sealed box he hands Jihoon.

“Next time I pick you up, wear it. If you want. Just... be alone when you open it.” Jihoon takes the box and suppresses the urge to look at what’s inside, waits until he’s home.

When he does open it, he’s so glad he did indeed wait until he was finally alone in the room, immediately blushing. It’s a plug with a jewel at the end, not too big, but god, Jihoon can’t help imagining Seungcheol using it with him, something stirring in him. Seungcheol’s probably going to make him wear it during the day or something, and it goes against everything he’s thought he liked, but because it’s with Seungcheol, it turns him on to no end.

He can’t help get himself off just to the thought of it, images playing in his mind of what Seungcheol did and will do to him, shreds of imagination that make him come in two minutes straight. It's a problem, and yet Jihoon doesn't find he _really_ minds it. It's crazy, that's what it is.


	8. don't even want to let go of your hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness! I took a bit more to edit because I wasn't quite happy with this chapter, I don't know if I'm happy now, but the first smut scene is the favorite one that I've ever written so far, so I hope you like it too!
> 
> Also, last chapter I forgot to add the little beginning part, so make sure to go read that one too. Hope you enjoy it!

_Jeonghan's eyes are sharp, trained on him._

_"You..."_

_"What?"_

_"We might have fucked up somewhere. You know that, right?"_

_"If I didn't, would you be here today?"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"It's fine. It's important. I have something planned anyway."_

* * *

_'Tonight?'_

_'Yeah.'_

_'Great. I’ll pick you up in half an hour. Get ready.'_

Just him texting that stirs the desire in Jihoon’s stomach, and he goes to shower and clean up. God, Seungcheol’s insane and he’s making Jihoon insane too.

He makes sure he doesn’t make any noise when he fingers himself open in the shower, getting ready to put _that_ in him. Usually, he doesn’t have any trouble being quiet, but now, because he’s so turned on at the thought only, he can barely hold back the little moans that escape him. He wishes he could send Seungcheol a photo right now or something, knows it’d turn him on too, but even if it was physically possible, Jihoon can’t.

When he carefully slips it inside himself, it's uncomfortable and he winces, but then his rim closes around the non-flared part, and it’s weirdly more comfortable than he expected. It’s comfortable, but it’s also so comfortable that his dick is showing interest already, and _oh fuck he’s not going to survive this._

He quickly puts his clothes on, and at every movement, the plug shifts inside him. It’s not uncomfortable but it also doesn’t really press onto his spot or anything, so it’s not a constant stream of pleasure. Just an awareness that it’s there, and he’s going to have to be careful so nobody realizes.

He’s so glad he chose large clothes for this. Thankfully, also nobody’s up when he leaves the dorm and takes the elevator down to the parking lot. Walking is interesting to say the least, but at least he’s able to immediately spot Seungcheol because of the car.

It’s that one, the luxurious one he told Jihoon about and Jihoon googled, the Rolls Royce whatever, and when he gets close to it, the door opens and Seungcheol waves at him.

“Hi.”

In any other situation, he’d be able to admire more of the interior, how gorgeous it is and how luxurious it feels, but when he sits down in the passenger seat, the plug gets deeper inside of him and he gasps. Seungcheol’s closed the car door already, automatic, and Jihoon notices the windows are tinted.

One of Seungcheol’s large hands comes to rest on his thigh, and the sight of it makes Jihoon whine. Usually, he’d be more in control of himself, but now he’s just so... lost.

“Are you wearing it?”

Jihoon nods, biting his lip so another whine doesn’t escape him when Seungcheol drags his hand higher over his sensitive cock. Even through two layers of clothing, he can feel the warmth of his touch. Seungcheol rubs the head of his cock through his pants, Jihoon twitching in surprise at the sudden pressure, another whine escaping him.

That’s when Seungcheol takes his hand away, turning the car on and leaving his building parking lot in the night. Jihoon lets his head relax against the headrest because this will be a long trip, he can tell.

“Are we going somewhere?” He’s surprised his voice is this raspy and hoarse.

“Not really, just for a drive. Is that fine?” Seungcheol turns his eyes to him and Jihoon nods at him from where he’s laying his head on the headrest, biting his lip. He’s sure he must look as wrecked as he feels, and Seungcheol’s composure really isn’t helping.

He really doesn’t know what’s gotten into him but he really can’t control himself, out of his mind with something between pleasure and the strange atmosphere of the situation, the tension of not knowing what Seungcheol will do. By the little smirk on Seungcheol’s face, he must be able to tell. Jihoon loves to see him drive too, finds it so hot, the accumulation of all of these things making him grind on the seat a little bit, trying to find some relief from the plug inside of him. But it’s not big enough, so he’s only managing to get himself even more frustrated and turned on, his breaths turning into low pants.

“Is it yours? This?” He asks with a low voice, trying to distract himself a little bit.

“The car? Nope, not permanently. I get it for the job,” Seungcheol answers, his eyes still on the road and his voice cheery, light. Why the fuck does even that turn Jihoon on?

Soon enough, Seungcheol leaves the center of Seoul and pulls up on a highway, his hand back on Jihoon’s thigh in a second, Jihoon’s eyes trained on it. This time though, he doesn’t take it away after stroking it higher on Jihoon’s thigh. Instead, he finds his button and pops it open, dragging his zipper down. The sound and the image of it makes Jihoon shiver, the touch of Seungcheol’s touch barely more than a ghost of a feeling.

Seungcheol doesn’t take his eyes off of the road when he pulls Jihoon’s underwear down too, freeing his cock and _oh god._ The air conditioning in the car makes it a little bit chilly, and Jihoon feels it immediately in his stomach, shivering. Seungcheol doesn’t wait to put his hand on him, and the first touch on bare skin makes Jihoon jump with a long moan that Seungcheol chuckles at. He takes the head of Jihoon’s cock between two fingers, alternating between rolling it slowly between his fingers and teasing his slit with light drags of his fingernail.

It’s nowhere near what he needs, only teasing touches that make Jihoon so hard it hurts, precome leaking from his cock and on Seungcheol’s fingers. He’s biting his lips to not make too much noise, but Seungcheol’s touches are making it practically impossible, because Jihoon’s already so sensitive. It hurts somehow, since he’s also pressing so hard on the plug inside of him, but it hurts in that good way that leaves him unable to think.

Seungcheol takes his fingers away, a string of precome on the tips of them from the head of Jihoon’s cock. He doesn’t know what Seungcheol wants to do until he brings them up to Jihoon’s open, panting mouth. Jihoon gets it, darting his tongue out to lick at them and taking them in his mouth.

He feels so dirty, his cock out, hard and leaking, a plug stretching him open, and moaning around Seungcheol’s fingers in his mouth, licking his own precome from them. Seungcheol’s reduced him to this moaning, filthy mess, but he doesn’t look phased even when Jihoon tries, licks between his fingers and sucks them deeper in his mouth. It drives Jihoon crazy.

He takes them out of Jihoon’s mouth when he’s satisfied, and Jihoon lets go with a pop, hoping Seungcheol will put his hand back on him again. He does, but only squeezes the base of his cock, barely moving it. It’s maddening, but Jihoon doesn’t even have the presence of mind to beg for it. Instinctually, he knows it would do nothing, because when Seungcheol gets something in his head, Jihoon can’t sway him.

“If I touch you properly, you won’t come, right?” Seungcheol asks, and Jihoon can only nod.

“No, I won’t, I won’t,” he whispers. “Please.”

So Seungcheol does, and Jihoon immediately regrets his decision to say he won’t. He feels himself on the edge already, his hips twitching and arching into Seungcheol’s fist. Seungcheol moves his hand even slower, barely a touch, not squeezing at all, but it’s enough for the sensation in Jihoon’s stomach to grow tighter.

He can’t come though, because he promised, and he doesn’t want to disappoint Seungcheol. So he grabs Seungcheol’s wrist with one hand and stops his movement before he can’t hold it back anymore.

“Stop, please. I’ll come,” he says in a broken whisper, and Seungcheol does stop, laying his hand high on his thigh instead. He tries to collect himself, does his best to get his breathing in check and ignore how his body is aching, how much it kind of hurts, and how sensitive he is.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’m fine... just... hurts.”

“You’re doing so good, baby. Thank you,” Seungcheol whispers to him, tightening his grip on his thigh. Fuck, he can’t just go around saying things like that. Jihoon will come even without Seungcheol touching him.

All of a sudden, Seungcheol changes lanes, and takes an exit off of the highway, going for a little bit until he finds a parking lot. It’s mostly empty, but Seungcheol goes to the far corner anyway, where there are no cars in sight, and kills the engine.

A current of anticipation makes Jihoon shake, wondering what Seungcheol will do. He doesn’t say anything when he snaps his seatbelt off, and does the same to Jihoon’s.

“Don’t be too loud, okay?” He tells him, and Jihoon nods.

When Seungcheol gets his mouth of him, in the first second, he fails. He’s so sensitive and Seungcheol’s never done that to him, so the almost scream that comes out of his mouth surprises himself too. Seungcheol isn’t slow either, doesn’t wait for Jihoon to adjust to the feeling or anything, sucks him in and runs his tongue over his slit, taking him in his throat, and Jihoon feels every touch so deep in his bones.

He’s good, so good at it, Jihoon doesn’t dare, wouldn’t even be able to do anything but sit there and take it, Seungcheol in control even with Jihoon’s cock in his mouth. Seungcheol edging him before, how the plug is still pressing inside him, makes him tremble, and it’s probably not even a minute before he feels that he’s not going to be able to stop.

“Hyung, hyung, I’m gonna come,” he whispers, and Seungcheol pulls off, jerking him off with a tight hand, twisting his wrist at the top.

“Come, baby,” he tells him, and Jihoon lets go, lets the tension break. It’s probably the most powerful orgasm he’s ever had, one that makes him tremble under Seungcheol’s hand on his thighs, holding him down, and he feels the pleasure for ages, feels it reach into him, the overstimulation making him black out for a few seconds.

When he comes back to it, the remains of pleasure still in his veins, Seungcheol is still stroking him, and he whines because it’s so much.

“Fuck, Jihoonie,” Seungcheol chuckles, a bit disbelieving, and Jihoon turns his head to him. He’s come, but he doesn’t feel satisfied, wants something else. He wants Seungcheol inside him, over him, owning him.

“Hyung... fuck me, please,” he begs with a hoarse whisper, grinding down on the plug inside him.

“Are you sure? Jihoonie...”

“Please, I want it so bad.”

Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at him, teasing. Even after his mind-blowing orgasm, he’s still kind of hard and aching for something.

“Come here,” Seungcheol tells him, and Jihoon doesn’t quite know how this will work. Seungcheol puts his chair back as far as it will go and takes his hand, pulling him towards him.

“No, not like that. Turn around,” he instructs him when Jihoon goes to straddle him, face towards him. He obliges, turning around and stepping over the console until he drops down in Seungcheol’s lap, his back pressed to his chest. It’s decidedly unsexy, the way he moved over, but honestly, he couldn’t care less at this point.

“Fuck yes,” Seungcheol hisses when Jihoon arches his back in his lap, brushing his ass over his cock. Jihoon can feel him getting hard under him, and he presses down harder.

“Slow, darling,” he whispers in Jihoon’s ear, and _spanks him_ , his right hand coming down on the side of Jihoon’s ass hard. It’s so unexpected Jihoon yelps and jumps a bit, going forward and hitting the steering wheel.

It doesn’t turn him off though. ‘Who is he,’ he can’t help but think, Seungcheol’s rough hands on his hips grinding Jihoon down on him. Like this, his clothes catch on the plug and on the movement of him on his thigh a little bit, pulling it out and pushing it in for just the smallest touch, but he feels it.

“Never quite seen you like this,” Seungcheol comments, like he’s commenting on the weather. His other hand falls heavy on Jihoon’s other asscheek, the sound coupled with Jihoon’s whine resonating in the car. Fuck all for being quiet. “You’re quite something, Jihoon, do you know that?”

Jihoon has something on the tip of his tongue, a remark that doesn’t quite manage to form since Seungcheol chooses that moment to pull at the plug a little, almost taking it out of him. Jihoon clenches on reflex, so he doesn’t.

“Relax,” Seungcheol prods, and Jihoon forces himself to. Before he does anything else, Seungcheol leans over into the middle of the seats and pulls out lube and a condom. Of course he would have it in there, Jihoon is beyond being surprised.

“I’m going to take it out, okay?” Seungcheol whispers.

“Yes, sure,” Jihoon approves with a whisper, and Seungcheol does just that, Jihoon forcing himself to relax. It’s such a strange feeling, really uncomfortable, and Seungcheol pulls it out slowly, making sure Jihoon feels it. He feels so open, kind of empty now, but it lasts for maybe a few seconds, before Seungcheol slides two fingers into him.

“Ow, ow,” he whines, because they’re cold and it’s sudden, and his hips can’t help but try to get away from the sudden sensation.

“Sorry, babe,” Seungcheol apologizes, but Jihoon is sure he isn’t sorry at all. It’s not like it hurts because Jihoon has been stretched out for so long, it’s just sudden, so when he gets used to the temperature, he grinds down on Seungcheol’s fingers quickly.

“Now you’re eager?”

“I’ve been eager for so long. Please fuck me now,” he says, and realizes he’s started feeling more like himself, more like he’s in familiar waters. This he can take, Seungcheol’s fingers inside him, the familiar feeling, not like he’s strung out for Seungcheol to use and do with as he pleases.

“You sure?”

“Yes. Please.”

It’s just two fingers, but Jihoon kind of wants the stretch of Seungcheol’s cock inside of him now anyway. The position doesn’t make it the best for Seungcheol to put a condom on and lube on himself, but Jihoon is patient. Kind of.

When Seungcheol finally takes mercy on him and slides him on his cock, he definitely feels it.

“Ah, hyung,” he cries out, his hands interlocked on the wheel. Seungcheol’s entered him quickly, mercilessly sliding him down until Jihoon is fully in his lap and he can feel him _so deep._

“Good now, that you have my cock inside you? Are you happy?” Seungcheol teases him, lightly flicking one of his nipples. Jihoon doesn’t answer because he doesn’t want to incriminate himself.

He takes it upon himself to bounce up and down, moving his hands to rest on Seungcheol’s thighs. Jihoon’s learned how to tease Seungcheol with rolling his hips, tightening around him, taking him deep, and Seungcheol has also learned, at some point, that Jihoon especially likes his neck and chest toyed with.

One day, when he’s feeling particularly courageous, maybe he’ll ask Seungcheol to choke him, or hold him down, maybe tie him up. Until then, he makes him lightly hold the base of his throat, just a little bit of pressure, press him close to him so Seungcheol can get deeper, making Jihoon cry out with pleasure when he hits his spot. When he does, his grip moves from his throat to his hands, grabbing both of Jihoon's wrists behind his back to drag him down. It's maddening, how dirty he feels, how much he loves it, and shocking too.

The build-up to his second orgasm takes him almost by surprise, making sure to bounce quicker so Seungcheol can hit his spot better, and he lets go, most of his come landing on Seungcheol’s hand, some also on the chair. He’s so out of his mind with pleasure and the feeling of Seungcheol still fucking him and pretty much abusing his spot, he can’t even find it in himself to feel bad. It borders on too much right away, the feeling of Seungcheol's cock dragging inside of him sparking fire in his veins.

However he can’t think about that now, because Seungcheol is determined to fuck him until he comes too, the sensations making Jihoon’s bounces erratic, and whines escape from him every single time Seungcheol hits his now way too sensitive spot.

All of a sudden, Seungcheol pulls him back, slowing his thrusts to grinds inside of him. He’s gripping Jihoon’s hips hard, forceful and heavy.

“One day I’ll come inside of you, maybe make you come again on my fingers, and plug you back up, make sure you feel me in you for the rest of the day. How does that sound, hmm?” He groans and bites Jihoon’s ear.

Jihoon’s jaw drops and he moans, long and loud. How can he just say stuff like that?

“God, hyung, fuck.”

“You deserve it for being so good,” he mouths at Jihoon’s ear, one hand kneading his ass to push it more on him, and if Jihoon didn’t come twice already, he’s sure he’d be hard in seconds again. The images play behind his eyelids, and Jihoon can already tell he’s going to be getting off to these words for a while.

Seungcheol comes too into the condom, deep inside Jihoon, and then carefully pulls out, letting Jihoon adjust to the feeling.

Jihoon rests back on him, catching his breath. It’s kind of interesting how this switched from Jihoon being so... out of his head, to something comfortable that Seungcheol still managed to make exciting. It’s really... coupley. Strange, in a way, caring.

“You good?” Seungcheol asks, pressing his lips to Jihoon’s shoulder.

“Yeah. You just kinda... I’m just kinda thinking about what you said just now. It was really hot.”

“You’d like it? For me to fuck you without a condom?” His lips press against Jihoon's shoulder again, to the nape of his neck, light little kisses that interrupt his sentences. They almost make Jihoon shiver, even though he's not cold at all anymore.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Let’s get tested sometime.”

That means... that means exclusivity. Is Seungcheol... proposing that?

All of a sudden he doesn’t want to think about it. This requires way more thought to commit to.

He gets up, or tries to, awkwardly pulling his underwear and his pants back on before he drops into his seat. Car sex is hot, but the mechanics of it aren’t necessarily pleasant, he can conclude, and he feels kind of gross.

That also reminds him...

“Umm, hyung. What did you... do with the thing?”

Seungcheol lifts up a box at him, shaking it.

“I'll just clean it and throw it away. I’ll get you another one.

Well... Jihoon can’t exactly argue with that.

They clean themselves with the wipes Seungcheol had with him, before Seungcheol leans over the console to grab Jihoon’s face and kisses him lightly.

“You sure you’re okay? You were... out of it for a while. We didn't discuss that.”

“I’m great. You made me feel great.”

“Okay,” Seungcheol doesn’t argue, but he keeps a hand on his thigh for almost the entire drive home. Jihoon wants... maybe to test him, maybe to wonder how he’s feeling about this, so he puts his hand over the back of Seungcheol’s on his thigh. Seungcheol doesn’t even look at him, focused on the road, but he turns his hand palm up, interlocking Jihoon’s fingers with his, squeezing them before relaxing in his hold, but still together. They stay like that until he drops him off, and Jihoon finds himself kind of reluctant to leave. What does that say about him?

* * *

Seungkwan takes one look at him when he enters the dorm, and immediately raises his eyebrows.

"Was it good?"

Jihoon glares at him and walks through the living room. Not until he showers.

There's no surprise that after he does, Seungkwan is still there. He latches on to news like a leech. Not necessarily gossip, but he likes _knowing things,_ which scares even Jihoon sometimes. He wouldn't cross Seungkwan if he didn't actually know how he was, that despite his sassy personality, he loves them all so much.

"So who is it? Who have you been sleeping with? Don't think we don't notice you're not at the studio."

Jihoon sighs. Maybe it's time.

"Where's everyone?"

"Soonyoung hyung is at the company. I think besides that we're all here."

"He's at the company?"

"Yeah. He left a little bit after you did earlier tonight. He didn't seem happy, I don't know."

Jihoon hates to hear it. He really does.

"Gather everyone. I'll explain."

Minghao comes in last, takes a look at Jihoon, and sits down next to him, his knee pressing to Jihoon's. It's a tiny comfort, but it barely makes Jihoon feel better.

"Look... I've been sleeping with someone for a while."

Everyone gasps audibly, Mingyu's gasp probably the loudest.

"Who?" Seokmin shrieks, and Jihoon would laugh, if all eyes weren't fixed on him.

"Choi Seungcheol. Our sponsor."

When their jaws drop, it's silent. Not even Seungkwan expected it, and except Minghao, whose knee is still pressing on his thigh, everybody is stunned silent.

"You're kidding," Seungkwan manages to get out. "You're messing with us."

"I'm not," he says, flat, and draws his knees up to his chest on the couch. "I have. For a while."

"How? When? What... I don't get it," Mingyu starts and shakes his head, like he's trying to shake his thoughts into order.

"It's been a while," Jihoon starts. How does he even explain this while he himself doesn't get it? "I... I'm sorry for not telling you." I didn't know how, he wants to say. I was too scared.

"I am too," Minghao interjects from his right. Jihoon whips his head to him in shock, but he looks resolute. "Not him, but someone else. For almost a year. I'm sorry." He doesn't even have to say who. They all know.

It's safe to say that everyone is beyond themselves with shock. Jihoon wants to know what they think except... he doesn't. He's lied to them for so long, that the title of leader is no longer a shield to hide behind. It's a burden that he has to carry, and he doesn't want to hear the loss of respect in their voices.

"Wow... Mindfuck," Hansol starts. "But I guess... it's fine? I don't know. Do you trust them not to tell or something?"

"I think we do," Jihoon answers for Minghao. Wow, has this gotten weird. What does he even say? He doesn't even know if he trusts Seungcheol. He must be, considering that a few hours ago he was literally getting fucked in a public place by him, comfortable enough to lose his mind during it.

"I don't even know what to say. Do they treat you right, I don't know?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon sees his protective side coming through. Mingyu is a puppy, but would also throw punches for them. Not that they'd need it. Minghao and Jihoon would more readily do so.

"Yeah," Minghao answers. Even in that word, he can feel his conviction. He wishes one day he would have something as strong as they have.

"You don't have to say anything. Just wanted you to know."

"I'm shocked," Seokmin starts again, and stops, surprisingly, his mouth open. Chan hasn't talked at all, Jihoon is a little worried.

"Will we be okay?" Chan asks, small, truly like a maknae, which is often so uncharacteristic of him.

"Yeah. We will," Jihoon says, his confidence half real and half made-up.

If anything, this experience with Seungcheol made him only closer to them. If only a few months before he would've seen them as business partners that he has to be protective of, he has since understood that the love and respect he holds for them is greater than he could have ever imagined. Even if he found someone outside of Seventeen, outside his idol life that sparks whatever Seungcheol sparks in him, it's only made him realize they're the most important thing in his life, and he'd go to the ends of the earth for them. No questions asked. He doesn't know what he'd do, but he'd make it okay.

* * *

"You told them?" Soonyoung asks him, and his voice is pained, but also somehow angry. Jihoon misses the times they could just talk without _everything else_ in the middle. "And I wasn't even there. You didn't even want to have me there."

"It wasn't that," Jihoon starts. "Seungkwan figured it out and everybody was there and I just... said it. Minghao did too."

"You could've called me. I would've come right away." He pauses, looks at Jihoon. He is hurt.

"I'm sorry."

"No, there's nothing to be sorry for. You didn't want me there, it's alright. You can't change your feelings, it's okay."

In what world would this be okay, would anything be okay? Jihoon would like to live in it.

"I..." He takes a look at Soonyoung, wonders if he should say what he wants to say. He needs confirmation for something, has been looking for one for a long time.

Maybe saying it isn't right. Saying things has gotten them to where they are now, so Jihoon just kisses him. Soonyoung kisses back, because of course he does. Jihoon wouldn't think he wouldn't.

The thing is, sleeping with someone because you need the physical and mental release is different from sleeping with someone because you want to sleep _with them._ Jihoon feels it in Soonyoung's touches, in the way he kisses him, in the way he just can't look at him when Jihoon rides him, sliding down on his cock.

It's hell, that's what it is. He thought Soonyoung and he had gone through it and back before debut, but then they had each other. Now he just feels so distant from him, like they are miles away in their understanding of the world.

Why, he can't quite tell. He doesn't like Soonyoung, and Soonyoung doesn't like him, not like as a crush, as someone he's in love with, he knows that much. Soonyoung would never be able to hide it, would crack right away, and Jihoon would be able to push through it. For someone he's in love with, Soonyoung would move mountains, would give himself up in a second.

For Jihoon though, he hasn't. He's fought him at every step of the way, has made sure to tell him how wrong he was. In so many words, he has criticized every single one of his decisions, and detached so quickly sometimes Jihoon almost got whiplash, so unlike Soonyoung. Usually, Soonyoung gets angry as heatedly as he lives life, his anger fiery and warm, palpable. While Jihoon thought it was jealousy at the beginning, he sees how Soonyoung's anger is now icy, cold. It isn't so clear cut now. It's something else, something he doesn't know how to fix.

"What is it?" He grabs Soonyoung's chin, forcing his eyes up to him. It isn't the best time to have a conversation, but alas.

Soonyoung's eyes burn into his, cold. If this wasn't Soonyoung, who he's known, it feels, since forever, he'd be kind of scared. His hand goes into Jihoon's hair and grabs, pulling until Jihoon's neck is exposed. He scoots up, his arm around Jihoon's waist, until he's sitting against the headboard and they're at eye level.

"Didn't I give you enough?" He asks, his lips on Jihoon's neck. Jihoon gives up his grip on his jaw to grab one of his wrists, squeezing it. Soonyoung is pressing against his spot now, and Jihoon sees stars. God, is this weird.

"It's not you," Jihoon pulls back to look at him. "It's not, just..."

"It's fine," Soonyoung says. "I don't mind being here for that."

Before Jihoon can respond, Soonyoung has him on his back, and fucks him so hard Jihoon is in tears in seconds, writhing on the bed. Soonyoung gets him off once on his cock, the second time with his hand on his cock, and by the third time, when his fingers press into Jihoon's spot, he's gone, his pained moans almost yells that Soonyoung muffles with his hand over his mouth.

He wouldn't have trusted anyone else to do this to him, to get him off like that. In the rare, very rare moments he needed it, he'd go to Soonyoung, and Soonyoung would take care of him, and he wouldn't think about anything else. But now his traitorous mind thinks of Seungcheol, of his fingers in Jihoon's mouth and his mouth on him, and when he comes again, he feels _guilty._

Soonyoung leaves him after a while, after he makes sure Jihoon is okay and cleaned up. He is okay, physically and mentally, except that when he closes his eyes, Seungcheol plays behind them. Taking his hand in the car a few days ago, the last meal they had yesterday, which was the best budae jjigae Jihoon ever had, just the stupid things he does sometimes, so unfitting of his role, and by which Jihoon is sometimes so endeared it's strange.

* * *

That night, he locks himself in the studio, turns his phone off. If somebody wants to reach him, they’ll find him.

He lays down the first beats to something, a song that starts off quiet, almost whispered. Much like a good cry, it slowly builds up, until the beat on the chorus gets faster, stops for a second and then truly falls. It’s a title song, he’s decided this much, so he makes it lighter on the ears, speeds up the BPM, deepens the bass, but makes sure to keep it discreet enough so that the vocals can shine.

He names it ‘Don’t Cry.’ Much like he feels. It takes him maybe half an hour to come up with the basic line, and then probably another five to fix the instrumental on the first verse. It’s not the easiest thing he’s done, a lot of work still needs to be done probably to make it a good song, and many times he truly wants to cry, punch something, let go. But he doesn’t. He can’t cry.

So he just moves on, ignores the fact that the clock on his computer says it’s 4 AM, and just keeps going until he feels like the knot inside him unraveled for a little bit, just enough to keep going through the next days, until he can sit down and think a little more about what he needs to do next. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... here it is. Also, I am almost done with the next chapter and I am excited to see what you think haha, so look out for a new one on Saturday or Sunday probably, as a second one for this week. Looking forward to your feedback! <3


	9. only by looking at your eyes I can tell

_Cigarettes and a drink on the balcony have always been Seungcheol's guiltiest pleasure. Usually, everybody knows not to bother him, but now, he hears footsteps. He recognizes they're Jaehwa's._

_In another world, where he wasn't who he is and she wasn't who she is, maybe they would've followed through on that agreement. Seungcheol could've made a lot of people happy if he did._

_"Seungcheol-ah."_

_He takes a drag of his cigarette, eyes the pack to get another one._

_"Jeonghan sent me."_

_"He did?"_

_"Yeah. Said I should talk to you about my marriage."_

_"Hmm. Why so?"_

_"He said you'd know. I can see it too, Seungcheol-ah."_

_"See what?"_

_"You're blaming yourself."_

_"Blaming myself?" Seungcheol huffs._

_"Yeah. Not your fault you fell."_

_"Fell? Jaehwa. You know better." Seungcheol looks at her. "There's no world in which I'd afford falling for anyone."_

_"I'm not saying you can afford it, Seungcheol-ah. I'm saying you have. Don't be blind. Doesn't suit you."_

* * *

"Minghao..."

"I will. And I'll be careful."

"Please be careful with him. I know you trust him, but." Jihoon looks at Minghao from the couch, bags in hand. He knows Junhui is in the parking lot, and he barely forces down the urge to go down there and scare him off. God knows it wouldn't work, and it would only bring more trouble.

"I will, I will. See you in two days, hyung."

Jihoon waves to him, getting back to his phone, burying his thoughts in random Naver articles. Lately, it feels like his mind has been running over the speed limit, and he can never truly take a break, not even to see what's going on with the world.

Mingyu walks into the room, and sits down on the armchair, uncomfortably staring at Jihoon. There goes his break. It's so unlike him to be quiet, so Jihoon furrows his eyebrows at him.

"What?" Jihoon snaps. He hates being looked at like that.

"You don't look happy. Aren't you supposed to have the glow?"

"What glow?"

"That glow you get when you have good sex. Or date someone I guess."

Jihoon humphs. Is he supposed to?

"Does he even make you happy? Is it good sex? Do you need tips for that?" Mingyu continues, half a joke and half not, and Jihoon pauses.

One, it's not funny.

Two, Seungcheol doesn't. It's not quite like that. He's thought about it before, if Seungcheol makes him happy, if this works out. He feels more okay now to break it off if needed, knows it'd be fine.

The answer isn't that he makes him happy. Because Jihoon is never happy. This is the world he's signed himself up for. The closest he feels to happiness is being on a stage at a concert, finishing up a song, having a win on a TV show. But he has never actually felt happy lately, not in the past years, even before he's debuted. His brand of happiness is not actual happiness, the kind of sustained one, that lasts when you have good relationships, a job you love, friends, hobbies, health, no stress. It's not, because the idol world doesn't allow that kind of happiness; in his world, "happiness" is easily confused with that momentary excitement that burns inside you and gets you to keep going when you're shining under stage lights, but that's not truly happiness, he's learned that much.

The thing is that Seungcheol helps keep him sane. Jihoon finds in him another world that's so different from the one he knows, and when he's with him, he feels like he is worth more than the nasty comments he gets on SNS. Like he is appreciated and cared about, like he is a part of something bigger than himself, like he matters. He knows fans love them anyway and there's so much support everywhere, but it also feels like that's not for them, but it's conditional on a performance and on an image they are forced to put out. It's not the fans' fault, not their fault, not the company's fault, but more of the dynamics of the world they live in, the unsaid expectations.

But Seungcheol helps Jihoon understand that he matters too. That besides being an idol, he is a person with desires and wishes and dreams and most importantly, feelings, even if they are mostly negative, he feels. Seungcheol takes them all, takes him no matter how he's like, dark thoughts or needy or distant, and is consistent in how he feels for him. Jihoon's no teenager, has no glow, but he feels saner, and that's his glow.

Mingyu won't understand. He's trying, he can see, is quiet and looking at Jihoon and trying to read through him, and Jihoon appreciates it more than he could ever tell. But Mingyu won't understand because he's not consumed with the same feelings Jihoon is, doesn't process stress in the same way, doesn't bury it inside himself with no end in sight.

"Kind of. It's much better."

"Hyung. We're worried about you."

Jihoon wishes he wouldn't have to have this conversation.

"What are you worried about?"

"You've been working so much lately, spending nights in the studio again, even though the comeback is really far away. You should rest. And with this, you must be overwhelmed."

"I'm not overwhelmed. Music turns out best when stuff happens."

"I know. But we don't know much and you keep it all inside and... we're just worried I guess. You're making amazing music, but it should come after taking care of yourself."

He can't believe Mingyu is lecturing him right now. He's probably taken this on since Soonyoung can't or doesn't wanna do it.

"Also... I wanted to talk to you about Soonyoung hyung."

There it is. He sees how they've been skirting around the issue for a while. How does he explain it to them? They don't know _anything_ about their pre-debut days, aren't even supposed to know that him and Soonyoung sleep, or I guess slept, together.

"He doesn't seem... happy lately. I just wanted to see if you can do something."

Jihoon should talk to him, he supposes. When he figures what he can say.

_'Hey Soonyoung, I think this has gotten really messed up and I think it's clear that me landing in your bed again is the worst possible thing that could happen?'_

He should figure something else out first. An actual plan to deal with these feelings, to find where they're from and address them.

"I'll do my best, Mingyu. I'm sorry you all have to see our issues."

"So it's because of you, right?" Mingyu is not accusing him, he's just being... honest.

"Kind of."

"Hyung... is he jealous?" Mingyu asks, his voice more of a whisper. "We know you... umm..."

"No, he's not. That has nothing to do with it," Jihoon snaps, and gets up. "I'll deal with it. Don't worry. Focus on continuing to do well in practice, Mingyu-ya."

* * *

It's the first time in almost a week and something that Jihoon's had any time off, Seungcheol inviting him over and promising to cook him dinner when he's done. Jihoon's wired up as he always is after a day of practice and several days of almost no sleep from composing, says he doesn't want dinner now, tells Seungcheol that if he has anything ready, he'll be mad.

It's an empty threat, because of course he will. But when he keys in the code Seungcheol gave him and opens the door, Seungcheol's not waiting in the kitchen with dinner ready. There's someone else with him, someone in uniform, whose look immediately raises the hair on Jihoon's arms and puts him into disaster management mode, the calm, collected Jihoon.

"Come in, Jihoon-ah," Seungcheol tells him, and Jihoon walks to his left side, folding his arms over his chest. The man's eyes turn to him, but there's no expression in them. Jihoon can't read anything, and that puts him on guard. "This is Park Wonwoo, he's one of my oldest friends, and he's a senior superintendent for the Seoul Police. We work together in case there's anything they need to work on."

"Nice to meet you, Lee Jihoon."

"Nice to meet you too."

He looks at Seungcheol when this Wonwoo's gaze moves away from Jihoon and to him. He doesn't partake in their silent conversation, but Seungcheol doesn't look friendly. Jihoon very much doubts they're truly friends.

"Thank you for talking to me, Seungcheol. I am sure I will see you around," he says and leaves, the closing door ringing after him.

"What was that about?" Jihoon turns to him when he's gone, and Seungcheol visibly relaxes.

"He was here to ask some questions. They don't quite like what I do."

"Why?" Jihoon inquires, dropping down in the comfortable armchair opposite from the couch Seungcheol sits on.

"They're suckers for rules. They have a sense of justice that doesn't align with ours. They think justice is what closely follows the rules and laws in place. We think justice is whatever gets you to the best result with the fewest negative implications in the middle."

Jihoon isn't quite sure what to make of it. His moral compass falls somewhere in the middle, kind of. He thinks rules are made for a reason, to mix the interests of everyone who does not have a voice in a fair way, but at the same time, he's always been willing to adapt them to whatever he believes the situation needs.

"Will they be an issue?"

"No. They won't get involved," Seungcheol says, looking somewhere behind Jihoon and biting his lip. He looks a little bit annoyed, serious, wired up too, like Jihoon very rarely gets to see him.

"Why does he know me?"

"Everybody who I work with knows you, Jihoon-ah," Seungcheol says and moves his head to him. "Do you mind that? There's not really any secrecy here, but I can make it disappear if you want. Nobody quite knows about us either."

Does he? Mind it? He's signed a contract, hasn't he? Getting himself involved with this.

"It's okay. As long as nobody around me gets involved."

"Don't worry. They won't," Seungcheol affirms, the conviction in his voice almost driving a shiver through Jihoon. He sometimes forgets who he is.

* * *

Instead of giving Jihoon what he wants, the wired up feelings from before coming back, Seungcheol takes his sweet time with him, letting him shower and clean up, and does make him dinner. Even if he doesn't say it, seems like he does it to tease him, he can see Seungcheol is worried. He's been texting him to not forget to eat and sleep lately, and admittedly, Jihoon is not doing too well with that.

Once dinner is done and the dishes are put away though, all bets are off, or at least they are for Jihoon. When Seungcheol turns around, Jihoon is there, cornering him against the counter, and kisses him so forcefully Seungcheol smirks into it. One of his hands pulls Jihoon closer by the waist, while the other jimmies in the back of his jeans, leaving Jihoon gasping in his neck. _Fucking hell he's missed this._

It seems Seungcheol likes leaving kisses on him and teasing him until Jihoon's a mess. He feels self-conscious when Seungcheol does it, because they haven't had a comeback in so long, and he's not that careful with how he looks or what he eats knowing he has months to lose the weight.

Seungcheol doesn't seem to mind though, doesn't say anything different, just that he's beautiful, which always makes Jihoon blush. He doesn't know what to do with all this attention.

He's spread out on Seungcheol's bed, naked, while Seungcheol is almost completely dressed, and it honestly does _something_ to him, the rub of his soft sweater on Jihoon's chest or the feel of his jeans on his inner thighs from where Seungcheol's draped them over his. It always feels like there's so much about Seungcheol in this aspect, he has so much experience, and Jihoon is just dipping his foot in the water with him.

He probably should be nervous, but for some reason, he's not, maybe because Seungcheol is so attentive to him and his needs, even when he doesn't know what he wants. Seungcheol's never hinted at too much, never was anything but overly careful and mindful of him, and over time, Jihoon started being able to really relax with him.

His train of thought is interrupted when Seungcheol leaves a bite on his chest, dragging his tongue over it.

"Low enough?"

"Yes. Keep going."

Seungcheol does, leaving another bite on the other side of his chest, before he moves down and sucks on Jihoon's nipple. _Hard._

"Ah, ah," Jihoon startles, his back arching on Seungcheol and his head immediately tilting down. _Fuck,_  he felt that.

"What's wrong?"

"Hurts," he whispers, trying to relax in the pillows again.

"Sensitive?" Seungcheol chuckles, biting down on his other nipple.

"Ah, hyung," Jihoon moans, grabbing a fistful of Seungcheol's hair. But Seungcheol doesn't let up, a hand pressing his hip down and the other rubbing the nipple he's not sucking on, and no matter how much Jihoon arches his back, trying to both get away and have him continue, Seungcheol holds him down.

Never before has he been that sensitive but now it downright _hurts_  with pleasure, the jolts of pain and intense pleasure from Seungcheol abusing his nipples going straight to his cock. They're already sore, but Seungcheol doesn't let up, drawing whines out of him. Whenever he fixates on something, he doesn't let go until Jihoon's mind is blown, and it seems now is no different.

"Hyung, _please,_ " he breathes out.

"What do you want?"

"Anything."

Seungcheol doesn't say anything, just grabs his hips and turns him around. The soft sheets rubbing against his sore nipples and untouched cock make him the littlest bit desperate, eager for Seungcheol's hands on him. When Seungcheol does put his hands on him, it's to raise him up on his knees by his hips, before he takes two handfuls of Jihoon's cheeks and spreads him apart. _Fuck, he's not..._

Except he is, the first touch of his tongue on Jihoon's hole making him cry out and grab a pillow, something to hold on to. Nobody's ever done that to him, oh god. It feels _so strange._ But Seungcheol is determined to make him feel good, licking over him and then slipping his tongue _in_ , Jihoon couldn't even imagine it if it wasn't happening to him. He tries to relax, biting his lip, grabbing the pillow tighter, but the fact that Seungcheol _really_ knows what he's doing doesn't help with his state of mind.

Once he gets past the awkwardness of never having felt that before, he realizes it feels really good. Seungcheol's pressing him down as much as possible, so his nipples and the tip of his cock are still teasingly rubbing against the sheets, sending jolts of pain and pleasure through him. He's trying to _kill him._

Once he's reduced Jihoon to a moaning mess, so unlike his usual self, Seungcheol pulls away, and Jihoon's breaths stop for a second.

"Stay," he says and moves to the nightstand on his right, where Jihoon knows the condoms and the lube are. Once he's found them, he throws them on the bed next to Jihoon's thighs, but instead of going back, he stops. When he feels the bed doesn't dip, Jihoon turns his head to peek at him, half of his face buried in his arms and half angled up to see Seungcheol.

When their eyes meet, Jihoon almost moans, but he tries not to. Seungcheol's gaze is heavy, scanning over where Jihoon hasn't moved, his ass in the air and his head buried in the pillows. He's feeling a little bit embarrassed at the position he's in, especially since Seungcheol is still fully dressed, but Jihoon won't pull his eyes away, stares at him even through his heavy breaths. After a few seconds, Seungcheol reaches a hand to his jaw, lifting his head and running a thumb over his bottom lip.

The silent encounter, the meeting of their eyes, is more powerful than anything he's ever felt before with Seungcheol. Despite his position and how he's so exposed, how Seungcheol can do anything to him and holds some sort of unspoken power over him here, he's strangely feeling so empowered himself, seeing him break.

"Jihoonie..." Seungcheol says, breaking the silence first, his hand running through Jihoon's hair, slowly over his back and his waist. Even though there was no competition, it feels like he's won.

Seungcheol slowly goes back and rubs a cold, lubed up finger over his hole. Jihoon's almost ready, so he only startles a little, but takes it, pushing back on Seungcheol. It's been a while so he feels the burn, but Seungcheol is really gentle, pressing kisses over his lower back and soothing him with his other hand.

"Slow, baby," he says when Jihoon pushes back too much, but he's fine. He just really wants it.

"More, please," he asks breathlessly, barely a whisper, and Seungcheol obliges him, adding another finger. Jihoon wants to chase the pleasure, get him deeper, but Seungcheol stops him, only scissoring his fingers a little. Why he's being so teasing, Jihoon doesn't know, but he _wants more._

He gets his answer when Seungcheol bites his cheek a little, and then slides his tongue in again between his fingers, and _oh damn._ Jihoon wasn't ready, letting out a low moan muffled by the pillow. It feels amazing again, Seungcheol is so good at making him feel good it should be ridiculous, but he can't _think._ Instead, he can only focus on what Seungcheol is doing to him, on the slow slide of his _tongue_ inside him, drawing pleasure Jihoon has never felt before.

Seungcheol picks up his pace then, drawing Jihoon's slow moans higher, before he takes his tongue out and adds another finger, finally crooking them and looking for his spot. By that time, Jihoon's almost ripping his sheets by how hard he's grabbing at them and trying to pace himself. Precome dribbles steadily from his untouched cock, Seungcheol finally finding his spot and rubbing it on every thrust not helping with his focus.

"Hyung... Hyung, please," he begs with a hoarse voice, and Seungcheol takes mercy on him, the first touch on his cock making him let out what is almost a low-pitched scream. He's not going to last long, that's clear, with Seungcheol single-mindedly deciding to ruin him.

"Can you come like this, baby?" Seungcheol asks him in a whisper, from somewhere to his left. The material of his sweater's rubbing against Jihoon's back, and again, the knowledge that Seungcheol's just focused on his pleasure, still dressed and doing this to him is a lot. He doesn't have the strength to talk anymore so he just nods, his head hanging low.

"So good, darling, you're so good for me," Seungcheol whispers again.

Maybe it's Seungcheol's tightening grip on his cock, or maybe it's his praise or whatever he's doing, but Jihoon feels his orgasm build up steadily in the pit of his stomach, coming in his fist and on his sheets with a long, drawn out moan. Seungcheol's fingers are keeping a steady pressure on his spot and the intense waves of pleasure seem to never end, until Jihoon's exhausted and worn out, drained of energy, that elongated feeling of pleasure settling deep in his body. He keeps going until Jihoon's breaths turn almost into whines from the overstimulation, until Jihoon feels himself shiver and unconsciously tries to get away. He carefully pulls out then, turning Jihoon on his back.

"You've ended me," Jihoon manages to say, and barely so. Seungcheol chuckles and smirks, like he knows exactly what he's done.

"You liked it?"

"Isn't it obvious?" He's practically dead.

He takes a few seconds to come back to his senses, while Seungcheol goes to the bathroom to clean his hands and probably his mouth too, and bring a towel to wipe Jihoon off. The bulge in his pants is really obvious, and it's only then Jihoon realizes he didn't actually fuck him, or do anything.

"Let me suck you off," he says, determined, getting up on his knees.

"You don't have to," Seungcheol says, and he could deny Jihoon, but Jihoon doesn't want to be denied.

"I want to," he says, and pushes Seungcheol until he's sitting on the bed, his legs spread for Jihoon to crawl between them. His cock is so sensitive where he's pressing it against the sheets, but he ignores it to open Seungcheol's zipper, pushing his pants down just a little bit. Seungcheol likes to be teased, likes being turned on before Jihoon even takes him in his mouth, and even though he's obviously hard now, Jihoon teases him more, dragging his tongue over the bulge in his boxers.

He's never been too good at blowjobs, he knows, can't take much or deepthroat or anything, but he can try to make up for that. So he takes his time with mouthing over Seungcheol's cock, until his boxers are almost wet and he can't resist sneaking a hand in Jihoon's hair, his mouth open and looking down at him.

Only when Seungcheol's hand minutely tightens in his hair when Jihoon draws his tongue over the tip of his cock does he pull back, and finally pulls his boxers down just enough to take his cock out. He's long and thick in Jihoon's hand, a little bit too much for him, so he takes it slow, taking just the tip in his mouth and sucking on it. It seems to be enough for Seungcheol, whose breathing quickens.

The power in this is undeniable; he might be the one on his knees, literally or metaphorically, but he's the one giving Seungcheol pleasure, and that makes him feel in control. Especially when Seungcheol enjoys it, his heavy breaths or occasional moans letting him know he does.

Even though his presence is either imposing or occasionally loud and silly, in bed, Seungcheol is kind of quiet, besides occasional moans and praises he likes to tell Jihoon. But he's learned to pick up on the clues of his pleasure, so he knows when he's doing something he likes. He learned Seungcheol doesn't mind him dragging his teeth a little, if he's careful, and likes Jihoon mouthing at the thick vein on the underside of his cock and dragging his outstretched tongue over him. So he does just that, making sure to look at Seungcheol when he does it.

"Feels good," he moans, and Jihoon keeps up the eye contact. He knows he looks wrecked, his lips shiny and his eyes probably still red and teary from his previous orgasm, and Seungcheol likes to see him wrecked.

He picks up his pace until his eyes are getting teary again, and Seungcheol is guiding his head on his cock. He never pushes him too much because Jihoon would choke, which is not ideal. Even if Seungcheol might not find that a turn-off, has said once he'd like to fuck his mouth like that if Jihoon wants, he has drawn the line for himself there until he's more comfortable, and Seungcheol fully accepted it. But he tries to take him as deep as he can, sucking his cheeks in, and not before long, Seungcheol's grip in his hair tightens and he comes in Jihoon's mouth with a low groan.

He swallows easily, he's never had a problem with that since the taste is in his mouth anyway. Some is left on his lips though, and Seungcheol chuckles again when Jihoon gets up on his knees, taking a thumb to wipe the corner of his lips with Jihoon opening his mouth to draw it in his mouth. If before he was kind of uncomfortable with stuff like this, now he's kind of gotten used to it, doesn't even bat an eye when Seungcheol pulls him in his lap and kisses him. His still kind of sensitive cock is rubbing against Seungcheol's sweater, which feels kind of strange, with every touch making him twitch a little, tremble under Seungcheol's lips.

"You okay?" Seungcheol whispers, and Jihoon nods.

"Yeah, just kiss me."

Any other time he'd deny it, but now he can admit at least to himself that one of the things he loves most is just being in Seungcheol's lap and kissing him, Seungcheol's hands under his shirt, in his hair, or on his hips, grounding him.

He loves the way Seungcheol is slow now, taking his time with kissing Jihoon, licking into his mouth easy and light. After sex they both get kind of pliant, no end goal in sight, so Jihoon is very content to just feel Seungcheol's lips on his, have him tilt his head up this time from where Jihoon is kneeling, his legs on both sides of his lap, and hovering over him. Slow kisses turn into long pecks, more teasing than anything, until Jihoon moans in protest, slides a hand in Seungcheol's hair and kisses him this time, biting at his lips and sucking on his tongue. Seungcheol lets him take this semblance of control, like Jihoon's not naked in his lap and Seungcheol's pressing on old bruises on his hips.

Seungcheol breaks the kiss when Jihoon hisses, Seungcheol's fingers pressing on a part he had actually hurt in practice too.

"Do these hurt? I'll put some pain relief cream on you before we sleep."

"Not really. I fell yesterday when dancing."

"Hmm," Seungcheol hums, tilting his head until he's obviously looking at the large purpling bruise on Jihoon's hip, a bit further up from the barely-there bruises from his fingers. "I don't like it."

"What?" Jihoon asks, his eyes on Seungcheol's, even if he's not looking at him.

"Hurting you."

"I asked for it," Jihoon answers, simply, and Seungcheol turns his head up to look into his eyes. Jihoon holds his glance, Seungcheol's hands settling comfortably on his waist once again.

"I don't like it anyway. You get hurt outside enough, I'm supposed to take care of you."

"You're not supposed to do anything, much less take care of me. We're nothing like that, and you do too much anyway," Jihoon answers, his tone assertive. He wanted Seungcheol to stop sponsoring them a long time ago, quickly after he's actually learned about what he actually does, but he refused, said it's not his money anyway, and he can justify it.

"Hmm," Seungcheol hums again, like Jihoon's learned he does when he's thinking hard about something. His thumb reaches to brush his bottom lip, settling on his chin for a second, before his fingers and his eyes brush Jihoon's shoulder, run over his collarbone. Jihoon feels exposed, searched, like he was maybe fifteen minutes ago, but this time, he can tell for sure it's not lust or physical attraction. He's not dumb.

"Date me. For real." Seungcheol's words come out slow, deliberate, not like he's throwing them out just to. Two seconds later, while Jihoon's jaw drops, he turns his eyes from Jihoon's shoulder to his eyes. "You're way more than nothing to me."

Jihoon takes the affirmation like a punch to his chest, leaving him breathless.

"You don't have to answer me now. Think about it. I'll go shower, make some food and tea," Seungcheol says and pats his unbruised hip, sneaking out from under Jihoon, who's left frozen on the bed while Seungcheol goes to clean up and change.

He can't stop thinking about it, unmoving while thoughts run through his head. Why not? Why yes? Dating is such a foreign concept to him he couldn't even begin to imagine it. Sex is already this... strange thing, but emotional attachments Jihoon really doesn't know if he can do.

On the other hand, hasn't he done it already? Hasn't he taken Seungcheol's hand in his so many times when he needed the quiet comfort, hasn't he told him things he hadn't told anyone else, didn't he feel a tug of damn jealousy when meeting his "business partners" and Jeonghan was all over him to test Jihoon?

He probably shouldn't _think_  about it. He's taken aback enough now that whatever decision he makes will not be fully rational. So he goes to shower as well, detouring to Seungcheol's closet, since he doesn't have anything with him now, and picking out a shirt and a pair of sweatpants from his which he has to roll a little bit.

When he walks into the kitchen, Seungcheol turns to him and smiles.

"You look good."

"In your clothes?"

"Yeah. But also just in general."

Seungcheol hands him his fancy tea, the one Jihoon said he liked, the bitter lemony one, and sits down across from him. The way his head is tilted tells Jihoon he has something to say.

"I didn't want to scare you off earlier. When I asked you that."

"You didn't. I just... I don't really know."

"What are you thinking about?"

Jihoon breathes in. "I'm an idol, and you're working on a case with my company. We're also two guys... If this gets out, it's over for both of us. For my group too. I can't do that to them."

"It's not."

"What are you saying?"

"It will never get out because I will never let it get out," Seungcheol says, as easy as that. Like it is that easy. Jihoon, despite his rational thoughts, is inclined to believe him. "I've never dated anyone where I worked, but I helped people that did. Jihoon, I can't tell you everything, obviously, and you know that. But what I do, it's not low-level, and I'm not waiting for a promotion to run everything for me to not be able to do anything. I have covered up or twisted more things, difficult or strange, than you could ever think of. If we want it to not get out, it will not get out." Jihoon looks into his eyes. This is the Seungcheol that he never quite gets to see, the one that's never for him.

"Why do you want me?"

Seungcheol tilts his head, his eyes running over Jihoon.

"Come here."

Jihoon gets up, puts his unfinished tea on the table, and walks to Seungcheol.

"I'll be done soon with Pledis, I was just told." Seungcheol says slowly, looking up at Jihoon and pulling him in his lap. "When I do, I'll move on to something else. A new beginning. You don't have to answer me and you don't have to say yes."

Seungcheol's hand grabs his, interlocking their fingers. He brings their joined hands to his lips and kisses the inside of Jihoon's wrist, a barely there brush of lips.

Jihoon's hands go around his neck, and Seungcheol is warm. Warm and solid, the ends of his hair tickling Jihoon's jaw when he whispers in his ear, hugging him close.

"When thinking about when that'll happen, the only thing I can actually think about..." he stops, pulls away to look into Jihoon's eyes. "Is how I want you next to me."

Jihoon swallows, searching his eyes.

"I... Seungcheol..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) See you on Tuesday.


	10. what in the world do you know about me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! If you are here because of my regular Tuesday updates, just know I posted one more chapter on Saturday, so make sure you're up to date! Have fun! I know I am! <3

Jihoon lounges on Seungcheol's couch, waits for him to be done showering. He takes the time to browse his living room a little, look around. When he wants to relax sometimes, he focuses on what he sees, feels, or hears. Like the couch under him, the rumble of cars outside, far away, maybe, even a car alarm. There's pillows strewn around, the remote crooked on the table, a small teddy bear next to the TV.

Jihoon passes his eyes by it and does a double take. That's not right. That wasn't there a few days ago.

He waits for Seungcheol to get out of the shower, and drags him to the kitchen by his wrist.

"Hyung, I don't wanna be paranoid. But there's a teddy bear next to the TV and you are not the kind of person to own teddy bears. And that wasn't there a few days ago."

Seungcheol's eyes widen.

"Are you saying...?"

"Go and check. Please."

"It's fine. This apartment's specifically wired so that no microphones or cameras can transmit out of here. But I'll go check."

Jihoon breathes in relief. He doesn't understand how, but he trusts Seungcheol, and at least that means no... inappropriate videos could have left his apartment. The last thing he needs is a sex tape of him out on the internet. He shivers even at the thought, his life would be over.

Seungcheol comes back, and in the teddy bear there is a camera, seeing how Seungcheol's pulling out wires from it.

"That means someone broke in though," Seungcheol says, and rubs his temples. "We have to go. I'll stay over at Jeonghan's for a while, and ask for another apartment right now. I'll take you home."

"Are you sure nothing... transmits? Are you really sure?"

"The person who wired this place is the most capable person I know. Nothing got out, but we'll trace this anyway, see where it goes and who put it here." He puts it away, and takes Jihoon's face in his hands. "Trust me. It's alright. I'll deal with this."

"Okay," Jihoon nods, but it wouldn't be fair to say he's not scared. Just the simple thought of something being unraveled leaves him anxious and frankly, kind of angry.

* * *

Jihoon shakes the hands of some of the biggest entertainers in Korea, and feels so small doing it. It's not because of his height, but he's quiet and short-tempered, and his Busan humor, the rare moments it gets through, is more laughed at than laughed with. Variety shows have always been his weakest point since starting the idol journey; some people seem to love how serious he is and how he doesn't joke around that much, his "manliness" perhaps, some don't. The majority don't.

This one didn't go the best for him too. Jihoon feels the most comfortable in variety shows he does with only his members, when he can be comfortable to be serious and make all the weird jokes he wants, tease them and hit them and just be himself. In moments like these, when he's forced to talk, doesn't even have games or anything to rely on to make fun, it gets to be a bit much.

Thankfully, the camera isn't on him for the most part, their "gag trio" fills the part, and they don't hate them. Some amount of tension is there; Soonyoung's jokes fall flat sometimes, and Seungkwan and Seokmin, the typical worriers of the group, instead of picking it up and continuing, they seem a bit worried. But Jihoon takes it as a success that they didn't mess up completely, and the hosts still laughed at their jokes and stories.

He's just ready to go home at this point, get back to the comfort of his studio and keep writing a song he started yesterday. He's a little bit behind where he'd like to be with the number of songs written, and it's not because of a lack of inspiration. It's just because between the increased amount of variety shows they need to go on to subtly build up to their comeback, all the practices to older songs they need to do for shows, discussions with the company, and _everything else,_ Jihoon can't quite find the time to sit down and focus himself to writing.

Many people laugh and think he's kidding when they hear that for a six-song play or album, he has to write at least thirty base songs that he later polishes to get to the few he can actually use. Between working to polish the maybe fifteen he has so far and everything else happening in his life, he hasn't gotten to start new ones, and he'd hate to rely on previous ones.

There's a snap next to him in the changing room, and then another one, that draws his eyes to Mingyu.

"Hyung. You okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry, was just thinking about songs."

Mingyu sighs in that annoying way, with his whole body. "I was just saying we have to go soon."

"I'm changed. Let's wait for Seungkwan and go."

Jihoon takes a look around, sees everybody accounted for except Seungkwan, who's changing into his clothes. They're like 2 minutes behind schedule, which is fine. Seungkwan comes out and rushes, and Jihoon and Soonyoung gather everyone, getting them to the cars.

"Hyung. Can I talk to you about something?" Seokmin asks right before they go to the cars.

"Sure. Now?"

"Yeah. Do you mind?"

"No, it's fine," Jihoon says, and signals Soonyoung that he'll switch cars, lets him go with Minghao, Chan, and Mingyu into the other one.

They climb in first into the back, while Seungkwan and Vernon take the middle. They'll put headphones in and pass out right away, especially since it's dark already and rainy and they're exhausted.

Seokmin climbs with him in the back, and Jihoon turns to face him.

"What's up?"

"Umm... I know Mingyu has talked to you about this but I wanted to talk to you too. I'm kind of worried about Soonyoung-hyung."

"Why?" Jihoon asks. He's too tired for this conversation, but alas, they're worried, and if he can help.

"I was at the company yesterday and I passed by one of the training rooms and I saw him dance and he wasn't... I don't know. He seemed kind of... sad? It was a bit sad and angry. I don't know what to do..."

"You don't need to do anything, Seokmin-ah. I'm sorry you have to see him and us like this."

God damn, what can Jihoon even do? At this point, not even breaking it off with Seungcheol would work. He needs to talk to Soonyoung, maybe be honest, and do it soon. Putting it away and waiting for everything else to fall in place won't do it anymore.

"I know... Just. I know you're dealing with things too, but can you talk to him? I think it'd help."

"I will. I'll talk to him soon, I..."

His words get interrupted by the ringtone of their manager, who answers the phone. Jihoon can't hear what he's saying, can just see how he pulls over on the emergency lane on the right, shouting 'what?' into the phone.

"What's wrong?" Jihoon asks immediately, and their manager turns to them. Seokmin is still next to him.

"The other car. They got into an accident."

The blood freezes cold in Jihoon's veins.

"Are they okay?" He asks, hearing the tremble in his voice.

"Yeah, apparently they're fine. They're a little bit hurt."

"How hurt? Who? What's going on?" Seokmin asks, his voice rising.

"Not bad, just. They didn't give me too many details since they needed to talk to the police and ambulance."

"Let's go first. Please, let's go, now," Jihoon throws, his tone certain, and their manager listens, pulling back onto the driveway and turning around when he can. Jihoon thinks it's not quite legal, but the road is almost empty, and he doesn't care.

Seungkwan and Vernon get up too, and turn around to them. Seokmin grabs his hand and squeezes it so tight Jihoon can't feel the blood flowing to his hands anymore, but he squeezes it back.

"What's wrong?" Seungkwan asks, his face turning when he sees him and Seokmin.

"The others got into a car accident. It's fine," Jihoon says instinctively, trying to have them not panic. They need to not panic until they get there. Seokmin squeezes his hand even tighter.

"What?" Seungkwan whispers, tearing up already.

"It's alright, nobody's really hurt," the manager interjects. Really hurt?

Two seconds after they get there Jihoon can already see traffic is stopped and there are flashing lights on the scene. He might be sick.

He doesn't know how he gets down from the car, how he walks to where people are, Seokmin's hand still gripping his. It's almost like he's out of his mind, his soul out of his body, but when he sees Soonyoung and Mingyu, it wakes him up.

Seokmin throws himself at Soonyoung and hugs him close, and Mingyu hugs Jihoon so, so tight, and he doesn't mind. God, he doesn't mind at all. He's so happy to see them, the relief settling deep in his bones through the sirens and the flashing lights and the panic and all the things he doesn't want to think about.

Except one second later, he realizes it's not all of them.

"Where's Minghao and Chan?" He pulls away to ask Soonyoung, who breaks away from Seokmin.

"They're at a hospital." That's when Jihoon almost breaks. "They said they're okay, they're not hurt much, but Minghao might have a concussion and Chan might have sprained his wrist."

The relief is so overpowering it takes Jihoon by surprise. He was _so worried._

"What happened?" Someone asks, maybe Hansol, maybe Seokmin.

"We had green at an intersection but a car from the right ignored their red, I think, and then came towards us. Manager hyung saw them and sped up, so they only hit the back, instead of fully hitting us, but we still felt it."

"Are they still here?" Jihoon asks and looks around. He doesn't see anyone, but if they are here, Jihoon will _kill them_ with his bare hands.

"No. They left right away. The police said they'd look at the cameras and try to find them. We'll file a report a bit after," their manager says. "You should go home, someone from Pledis will take everyone back. Minghao and Chan will be there right away when they're released in a couple of hours. They're just checking on them, I'll be going there now."

"I'll come with you," Soonyoung tells him, and Jihoon puts out a hand in front of him.

"No, it's okay. You're shaken up, I'll go. You go home with everyone and get food and calm down." It's a testament to how shaken up Soonyoung is that he doesn't argue with him, probably hearing the certainty in Jihoon's voice.

Jihoon gets in the car with their manager after seeing them all in the other one, and feels the tears slip out before he can stop them, wipes at them to try to stop them from coming. He can't cry now.

"Are you alright? You must be shaken up too," Kangwon asks, and turns to Jihoon at a stoplight.

"It's okay. If everyone is okay, I'm okay."

"Everybody will be alright. But it's okay to cry if you're with me, so when you go back you can be strong for them."

"I'll do my best to."

Seeing Chan in the waiting room in the hospital with their other manager is a relief unlike anything he's ever felt before. Right as he sees him, Chan runs to him, his arm already in a sling, and hugs him tight. Jihoon hugs him back, is glad to see that even despite his tears, he seems alright.

"Are you alright? What's wrong, how are you?" He asks, and Chan looks up at him.

"They said I'm okay. My wrist isn't broken, it's just sprained, so it'll heal in a couple days or a few weeks at most."

"I'm so glad, Channie," Jihoon hugs him again, and even though he's taller than him, Chan goes a bit down to be able to bury his face in Jihoon's shirt. Jihoon feels the wetness on his shirt, and it breaks his heart like nothing else.

"Where's Minghao?" He asks Jungwon hyung, their other manager.

"He's going through some tests right now. He has a mild concussion, they're cleaning up the part where he hit his head and injured it a little, but besides that, he's okay."

"How did he get it?"

"He hit his head against something in the backseat, I think. He has a slight fracture, but again, it's fine."

How is it fine? How is any of this fine?

Jihoon breathes out, calms down for Chan, who's still holding onto him. This is all so much.

It feels like years they wait for Minghao, who comes out with a small bandage on his head. Jihoon tries to move to him slowly, not shock him or take him by surprise, because concussions aren't the easiest things to deal with.

"Hi, Minghao-ya. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I'm not hurt much. Let's go home."

He looks exhausted, so Jihoon doesn't wait, grabs his hand and puts another one over Chan's shoulder, even though he hates skinship, and moves to the car.

He wishes he could say something to them. That he's sorry, that this sucks, that he feels helpless too, that even though this is not the first nor the last time they'll get hurt, Jihoon is scared. So scared, because it's not in his hands. It's fate or coincidence, whatever, and no one can mess with that.

* * *

When he gets back, they're all in their rooms probably, except Soonyoung, who's in the kitchen. He sees them and immediately jumps up, rushing to them.

"Are you okay? Everything alright?" He inspects Chan and Minghao, and Jihoon stands a little bit aside.

"Yes. We're okay hyung. We're just going to go sleep," Chan says, and Soonyoung lets them go.

"If you want to eat, there's stuff in the fridge, but if not, good night. Take care. Wake me up if you need anything, we'll talk in the morning."

They leave, and all of a sudden, it's quiet. It's barely 10 PM, but it feels like this day was as long as three.

"There's food. Do you want some? I didn't eat either."

"Yeah," Jihoon nods. He's not hungry, there's a knot in his throat from the stress and the feelings and everything, but he forces himself to, knows it'd be good. Knows it's Soonyoung's way of asking him to talk.

The bossam and the rice and everything is cold, but it's fine. Jihoon takes a few bites.

"Are you okay?" he asks, looking over at Soonyoung.

"I'm alright. I'm not hurt."

"Not about that. Just... in general. I... didn't get to ask you much lately. That's the one thing I should be doing and I didn't get to. I'm sorry." The knot in his throat, the wetness in his eyes loosen his tongue, and even if he doesn't know what he wants to say, he wants to say something.

"I... When it happened, Jihoon, I don't know what I felt. I don't know what I felt the second before I turned around to them. Whatever it was, it almost brought my whole world crashing down," he says quietly, looking down at his food, mostly untouched. Jihoon wants to cry, feels the tears well up even more. "I don't know what to do... it feels like I'm losing my grip on things and tonight was the last straw. I can't protect them, I can't do anything for them, I can't even pretend for them." Jihoon's heart breaks.

"Soonyoung..." He grabs his wrist. He wants the contact, wants to feel close to him again. "It's not your fault. You did whatever you could, and you dealt with it really well. I'm sure you calmed down everyone, look, they're all fine." He doesn't know where it's coming from, because he himself doesn't believe in those words for himself, but maybe he's telling Soonyoung what he wants to hear himself.

"Not only tonight but all the time... I feel like I've lost it all, or I'm losing it all. I don't know if the choreographies are good enough, I'm losing my touch, my sanity... I've lost you." Jihoon freezes. He didn't expect that.

"What do you mean you lost me? I'm here."

Deep in his heart, he knows what Soonyoung means though. They feel so far away from each other now for no reason whatsoever, that it almost feels like they've lost each other. But...

"You see it too."

"I don't, Soonyoung," he says, maybe too forcefully. "I know that whatever came up with us messed us up, but I don't think I fucking lost you. I think this is temporary, and we can figure it out. You and I, we're too deep into this to ever lose each other, you don't get that?"

Soonyoung's eyes widen, finally looking at him.

"I... Jihoon-ah."

"Talk to me, goddamn. I know you don't like what I'm doing with him, and I hate to keep secrets from you too, but I thought you got it, and you trusted me. What's wrong all of a sudden?"

"I felt like I couldn't talk to you," Soonyoung snaps, his look resigned, not angry. "All of a sudden you had someone else that you have _secrets_ with, Jihoon, who you didn't listen to me about. We promised ourselves that we'd put this group first no matter what, we made a pact to do so, but then you go and do things that, I'm sorry, but I don't see how they connect to the wellbeing of the group. You said he can't have him stop sponsoring us, but it stopped being about that a long time ago. Now your mind and heart are somewhere else, and I don't know what to do with that. I literally don't know if there are things I can't say to you or..."

Jihoon stops. There are so many things on the tip of his tongue, but he can't say them either.

"Look, Soonyoung. You and I are co-dependent, as fucked up as it is, and that's fine. Me having someone else doesn't change that. I have always put the group first, and I will always put _you_ first. Please just... get that. You should be with me exactly as you were before."

"Exactly as we were before is not quite possible though, right?" He snorts.

"Who told you that? Did I say that? Whenever I have an issue, _whatever it is_ , you know I'll come to you first. If you want me to come to you. I didn't because I wasn't sure."

"I do. I really do. I'm sorry for... being so far away."

"It's not you... It's me too. I'm sorry. Again. For all that's worth, I promise I'll try to fix it, I think a lot of things will be resolved soon. But just... Tell me everything. Everything you need to tell me. Whenever."

"Fine," Soonyoung says, and takes a deep breath, obviously preparing himself to say something. Jihoon's heart raises to his throat, stops. Whatever it is, it feels important, but Jihoon didn't expect to hear stuff _now._ "If I die, at least you'll know," he snorts like it's funny. It's so not funny, Jihoon hits him, because he doesn't know what else to do.

"Back then, before debut, way before everything, probably from when I met you... I was in love with you. God, I was so in love with you, Jihoon. When we were in the studio that night and you kissed me, no matter how messy and uncoordinated it was, I felt like I touched the stars. When you kissed me again, said you wanted _me_  to be your first, no matter how much you didn't actually care about me and just wanted the experience, I would've done _anything_  for you."

Jihoon swallows. This... he's not prepared to hear this.

"The reason I slept with... him. Is because he threatened he would go to Pledis. He had _pictures_ , Jihoon. Of us."

The words make his eyes widen, his heart stop. He didn't know that. He thought... _No._

"So he told me I should do the same thing with him if I didn't want him to go to them and tell them," Soonyoung says and his voice breaks, his face contorting. Jihoon grabs his hand. He didn't know... How didn't he _know?_  How wasn't he there for him? "I lied to you, and I'm sorry. I lied to you that I wanted it when I didn't, I really didn't. I just thought it would be better and you wouldn't have to know and I wouldn't have to drag you down with me. But instead he... did what he did, took those pictures of me and went to Pledis with them, for some reason. I think he was in love with you... he only tried to bring me down, in the end, I think he wanted to get me kicked out so he could have you. But then Pledis found out it was him behind them, I told them he pressured me into it, and because I was a minor and he wasn't, they kicked him out."

This is insane. This is ridiculous. Jihoon will find him and kill him.

"Soonyoung..." he whispers, his mouth open in shock. "Why didn't you tell me? Is this why they allowed you back?" Tears fall down his cheeks now, after everything, his eyes scrunching. Soonyoung did that for him, and all these years Jihoon had _no idea._ He thought _he_ just convinced Soonyoung, and then he went to Pledis with those photos.

"I think so. I promised this would never happen again... which," he snorts. "I guess was a lie. Since when you told me you still wanted me, I fell down to my knees right away."

"God, Soonyoung... Why did you never tell me?"

"Over time, I figured I couldn't love you that way. So it didn't matter what I did or what I would've done for you. It was all in the past, and I could move on, try to feel differently about you, no matter the fact that we slept together. Since you didn't feel the same way."

Jihoon didn't feel the same way? He did. He did feel the same way.

"I loved you too, you know that, right?" He tells Soonyoung, the tears still falling. Jihoon is beyond trying to control them now. "You said I just wanted the experience. I didn't. I felt the same way, then and after, I wanted _you_ , you idiot." Soonyoung bursts into tears again, Jihoon tries not to let his crying turn into ugly crying too. He's obviously taken aback by Jihoon's confession as well, they've always been two idiots. Jihoon even more so, because back then he couldn't even recognize feelings in himself, much less in others. No matter what Soonyoung did or if he had shown it to him, Jihoon knows he would have probably run away at the first sign of something.

"Does it even matter? We can't have that."

They can't. Outside relationships are a thing, but emotional attachments within a group are that group's end, everyone knows that. Plus... Jihoon has someone now, as fucked up as it is.

"I know, just... Just know that you're not alone, I guess. In what you felt and what you feel. I'm sorry though... for never giving you the feeling that you could tell me all of this. You didn't have to go through it alone, it was on me as much as on you." Jihoon knows that this regret will forever haunt him, now that he knows the full extent of it.

"You helped me no matter what, right? So it doesn't matter. I just wanted you to know now. Maybe I don't love you like that anymore, but you're always going to be first for me, and I'd do the same thing in a heartbeat."

"Me too, Soonyoung, me too. How could you ever think you lost me, you idiot?"

"Yeah, maybe I was a bit dramatic. I'm sorry. I don't think I lost you."

"Please don't apologize," Jihoon says, and gets up to hug Soonyoung. Jihoon loved him like that too once, also learned to get over it when it became clear that's not a life they could have. But that doesn't mean he doesn't think of Soonyoung and their group first all the time too.

"Maybe we should talk a little bit more about this. When we're not so shaken," Soonyoung says to the background of one of their phones vibrating.

"Yes... please. I can't believe you didn't tell me," Jihoon pulls away and says in disbelief, seeing it's his phone which got a message.

It's Seungcheol. There's one text from him, and then another one, and by the looks of it, Soonyoung has seen them too.

"Jihoon, I... I have something. Just wait a second." Soonyoung says, and runs off into his room. Jihoon is tempted to check his messages but waits instead.

Soonyoung comes rushing back with a notebook which Jihoon knows is his choreographies notebook.

"I... there's something I wrote a long time ago. And I wanted to give it to you. Maybe you don't want to put it in anything and it's fine, it's a ramble of words and messy and... But I just wanted to give it to you," he says and rips off one page cleanly, hands it to Jihoon. He's nervous, kind of hesitates to actually give it to him.

Jihoon takes it, and from the first verse, he knows this will not be easy.

"Soonyoung..." He takes a look at him, and Soonyoung is nervous, fiddling with his hands.

It's a lot. They're simple lyrics, but he can tell how much they mean. Jihoon really doesn't want to cry, but he reads _'When my other half is gone how can I live as one?'_ and does cry.

"I don't know what to put in the chorus or if it makes any sense..."

"How about _don't wanna cry_?"

"Huh?"

"For the chorus. Don't wanna cry."

"Oh... that works."

"I think I have something for this," he smiles up at Soonyoung. It might not be perfect, but it's the least he can do.

"Okay... Tell me... If you have something. And... thank you."

"I will. Thank you, Soonyoung-ah."

Jihoon's phone buzzes again with a message, and Soonyoung turns his eyes to it too.

“Meet him.” Jihoon's eyes widen.

“You literally hate this.”

“Look, I don’t like the idea, that’s clear. But I’m trying to trust you, and who am I to stand in front of something that can make you feel better? Go to him. It’s okay.”

“Being with him makes me feel better but... everyone has been through so much tonight and Soonyoung, you just told me a massive thing. I should be here.”

“Go. Everyone is fine, they’re asleep. Just come back in the morning. And I’m fine too. I’ll go to sleep, process this, and then we’ll talk tomorrow. It’s alright.”

“Soonyoung...” He hesitates.

“I’m against the principle of things, I’m not against you being happy, being selfish for once. Go. It’s okay. Come back in the morning.”

* * *

Jihoon puts the dishes away. He feels Seungcheol’s gaze on him, like it’s been since he picked him up. Jihoon is still shaken up, is still trembling a little, but he’s also so surprised by how shaken Seungcheol is as well.

When he turns, from where he’s sitting on the chair, Seungcheol’s gaze is intense, but Jihoon can’t see much through it. He walks to him, and Seungcheol grabs his shirt, pulling him between his legs. Jihoon looks down at him like this, Seungcheol sitting and him standing in front of him.

There’s a twitch in his limbs, an urge to reach out and touch Seungcheol. So he doesn’t ignore it, takes a step closer, burying Seungcheol’s face in his stomach. He can feel his lips on top of his shirt, Seungcheol’s hands coming to rest on his hips, easy and light. His hand runs through Seungcheol’s hair, who hums on his stomach. The vibrations travel through Jihoon's skin, settle in his heart.

“I should be comforting you. Not you me.”

“You are,” Jihoon answers.

Seungcheol allows Jihoon to touch him as he wants, until he suddenly moves his chair back and makes it so Jihoon drops down in his lap, straddling his thighs.

He doesn’t talk, doesn’t do much more than look at Jihoon, run light fingers over his cheekbones, his lips, the bridge of his nose.

This time, Jihoon grabs his wrist, stopping his movements, and kisses him, putting his hands behind his head. Seungcheol hugs him close to him, an arm around his back and a hand on the nape of his neck.

Jihoon breaks the kiss, their lips making a wet sound when they separate, and rests his forehead against Seungcheol’s.

“Were you worried?”

“So worried,” Seungcheol answers, his thumb stroking the baby hairs at Jihoon’s nape. His breath falls on Jihoon’s lips, but he doesn’t mind it.

“I’m sorry. For worrying you.”

“When are you going to stop saying sorry to me?” Seungcheol pulls away a little more to look into his eyes. “It was not your fault, and I don’t mind anything you do anyway.”

“I don’t want to put more stress on you.”

“Is this what you think of me? That you’re stressing me out?” Seungcheol puts his hand on his chin, lightly touching his bottom lip. “God Jihoon, you always make my day.”

Jihoon’s hands tighten on instinct around his neck, and he can feel the blood rising to his face.

“I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else, you’ve been there for me when I was stressed or angry or annoyed, and you think you’re putting more stress on me? I wish I could give you the happiness you give me.”

“I do?”

“So much, Jihoonie. So damn much. I’m the mess here, the awful one,” he says, and even though Jihoon wants to protest that, it’s not the time for it, so he lets Seungcheol kiss him.

* * *

They don't make it to the bedroom. Seungcheol drops him on his couch, making him lean sideways on his back with Seungcheol between his legs so he can kiss him. He only goes away for a few seconds to get the lube and a condom, coming back right away.

He pauses for a second, looking down at Jihoon before he takes his place again.

"I'll never get tired of this," he says, running a hand over Jihoon's clothed waist.

"Of what?"

"Seeing you like this. Under me, waiting for me."

"Sap," Jihoon throws and leans up to kiss Seungcheol again, slowly dragging him back down.

Seungcheol spends what feels like hours kissing him, opening him up on his fingers. He's so slow and thorough, so gentle Jihoon doesn't feel any pain. He has to almost beg Seungcheol to stop and fuck him already, which he probably was waiting for.

He moves them so Jihoon's legs are around his waist, his hands on Seungcheol's chest. He can feel Seungcheol pressing himself closer, grinding down on him, the tip of his cock catching on Jihoon's rim a little, the lube making the slide easy. He's so teasing, Jihoon's need is becoming frustration, little whines escaping him, until Seungcheol finally slides inside him, so slowly he feels every inch of him.

Jihoon's need, his desperation, his thoughts, Seungcheol dissolves all of them with the hands on him enveloping him, pressing Jihoon to him, the little kisses to his temples, to his hair. He wanted an outlet to the panic, the aimlessness he felt before, put it all on Seungcheol and asked for him to take them out, but Seungcheol seems more determined to take care of him instead, put him back together, loving and careful.

"Good?" Seungcheol asks, his eyes boring into Jihoon's when they move to the plush carpet after almost falling from the couch, Jihoon feeling the carpet burn against his back.

Jihoon nods, grabs his jaw and draws him into a kiss, interlocking his hands around his neck.

"You have no idea what you do to me."

* * *

Jihoon sees the gun on the desk before he sees anything else. Seungcheol's in the kitchen, so Jihoon can take the time to look at it. He takes one, two, three steps closer to the desk. Seungcheol must've thrown it there earlier, when he went to change.

He doesn't want to pick it up, doesn't know if it's loaded. There was never one just out and about in Seungcheol's house before, so probably he just didn't have the time to put it somewhere safe now. He doesn't want to pick it up, but he drags a finger over the handle. The metal is cold, ragged.

It raises his heartbeat, just that little touch. He's known everything for so long, it's been more than two months now since Seungcheol's come clean to him. He's been unconsciously playing with danger since. Not only danger of the mental kind, the knowledge that something like this can leave your mind in tatters, but danger of the physical one. Maybe tonight was just a sign, some sort of fate that gave him the warning he should stay away.

But what will he do if he does? How does he go back to his life knowing there's so much that he could have found. That he would give away this thrill, this something else that seems to be so much of his life now. This feeling that takes him out of his routine, keeps him sane, keeps him going.

He can't. Can't break away now. He'd come back anyway. His fate is sealed, has been decided from maybe long ago.

It's maybe time to see if Seungcheol's fate is sealed too.

"You should put your gun away," he says, returning to the kitchen.

"Oh, I left it out? I'm sorry. It's not loaded." Seungcheol apologizes.

"Yeah. Should be safer with things," Jihoon comments, and crowds himself in Seungcheol's space when he's done with taking the wine out of the fridge. Something about earlier gives him the courage to grab Seungcheol's chin in his hand, drawing his eyes down to him. "I have a few questions."

"About what?" Seungcheol looks at him, puts his hands on his waist. There's seriousness still in his eyes, but he's trying to be light, warm for Jihoon. That knowledge still remains unsettled in Jihoon, that he was so scared for him.

"About us."

"Ask me."

* * *

This couch that he dragged away from the old one, this apartment that looks so similar, these repeated interactions, the way everything is the same and also not. Jihoon loves being in control of things, doesn't like the unexpected, doesn't love going out and doing new things and adventure necessarily. So it all works out for him when Seungcheol is just _there._ He's grown so fond of everything that makes up Seungcheol that there's no tremor in his heart when he sits down on the couch, on the side opposite from Seungcheol.

There used to be a nervousness in him every single time he settled down with him, Seungcheol's eyes on him. He's always felt exposed, like Seungcheol could look past his walls and see things he shouldn't have.

That's gone away. Now he feels comfortable; he doesn't know if it's because he doesn't have any walls left, or because Seungcheol doesn't try to search into him anymore. Maybe he's found whatever he was looking for.

Jihoon is still searching, despite how he's found himself in the same position with Seungcheol quite a lot now, Jihoon in his lap, looking down at him, and has grown comfortable with him. There's something about it, about Seungcheol's hands resting on his hips, that shapes the word _yes_ in his head.

"I'll date you," he says. "I've been dating you anyway, haven't I?"

* * *

When he comes back, he sits on the couch in their living room, browses his phone. Everyone roasted each other in their Kakao chat this morning, and Mingyu surprisingly sent a lot of funny stuff. Soonyoung is still doing something in the kitchen, some people are out at the company, and Mingyu is still sleeping. Classic.

All of a sudden, there's a knock at the door, and Jihoon startles. Nobody ever knocks. If they lose their keys or the code, they just text. Jihoon jumps up and goes to the door, where Soonyoung is looking through the peephole and shaking his head in confusion. Jihoon looks too and immediately recognizes the face. It's that policeman from Seungcheol's apartment, that introduced himself as Park Wonwoo. Jihoon thinks for two seconds, and opens the door.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I'm here to talk about something important."

"Come in," Jihoon says and moves away to open the door. Soonyoung hits his arm, and then gives him a look that clearly says 'Are you crazy?' Jihoon widens his eyes and signals for him to be quiet. This might be important.

Wonwoo sits down on their couch, and Jihoon sits on the chair next to it. "This is Soonyoung, my co-leader. Is it okay if he sits on in this conversation?" Sending Soonyoung away right now might not be the best idea. Wonwoo won't ask anything he shouldn't with Soonyoung there.

"You signed a non-disclosure, right?"

"Yes."

"That's worthless for what I'm about to tell you. So it's your choice if he stays or not." Tell him? He's not here to ask questions?

Jihoon looks at Soonyoung, nods at him. Soonyoung grabs their ratty, old bean bag and drags it next to Jihoon.

"I'm here to tell you the truth, Jihoon-ssi. About Seungcheol."

"He already told me. That he is a detective working on a case with Pledis." Wonwoo huffs at his answer, while Soonyoung audibly gasps next to him. He's not in uniform, and that throws Jihoon off.

"That's not the truth, Jihoon-ssi," he leans forward, hands on his knees, expression stern. "That's just one of the lies."

* * *

_"Hyung... Seungcheolie won't be too happy," he pouts, lounging in the armchair._

_"I'll get to you soon, Jeonghanie. Be patient."_

_"You better, hyung. You better." His expression changes, his eyes drawing and the corners of his mouth dropping. "When we get something in our heads, you know we're not too good with stopping." The threat rings loud and clear. We're not too good with stopping, so we will step over you on our way there._

_"What do you need?" Jaehyuk asks, serious all of a sudden. Enough with playing._

_"We need the info on who runs the entertainment prostitution ring."_

_"Entertainment? Jeonghanie... I looked into it but..."_

_"I didn't ask for approval. I asked for the info, and you better tell me the gist of it now, and then have the rest hand-delivered to us by when I have my coffee tomorrow morning. Jaehyuk-ah, you owe us a lot. Don't forget."_

_Seungcheol laughs when seeing Jaehyuk's expression on his screen, hearing Jeonghan's tone switch in the earphone in his ear._

_"I have some stuff. I've found a company that deals with prostitution. That we'd have to work against to take over."_

_"Great. What do they do?" Jeonghan narrows his eyes, leans forward._

_This is where it starts, Seungcheol leans back and thinks. The chapter that can be either their beginning or their end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Not quite done with the best friend-crush trope, so haha.)
> 
> This is not the end, don't worry! I'll do my best to have the next chapter up by this weekend, so see you then. :)


	11. my back faces the sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)
> 
> Menboong = a shortened version of a Korean word meaning mental breakdown; used when something surprises you, leaves you taken aback.  
> Daepyonim = a respectful address term for the CEO of a company; daepyo means representative, and -nim is a respectful suffix added at the end.

He'd recognize the roar of his car anywhere, even from miles away. Jeonghan and Jisoo must be back, Seungcheol really hopes he doesn't regret giving it to them.

When they walk into the office, Seungcheol's sipping at his coffee, back at his desk.

"Everything went well?" He asks, his eyes on the laptop.

"Yeah," Jeonghan answers from afar. Seungcheol sees him come closer to the desk from the corner of his eyes, slamming his hands down to the wooden surface. Seungcheol slowly raises his head, sees the fire in his glance, Jisoo standing a bit behind. They look motivated.

"We have work to do. It's time."

* * *

Seungcheol hates to see it, but they need Jaehyuk on this, even if it's a faint idea. He sends Jeonghan because he is immensely more patient, and sometimes, more persuasive. He puts the camera from Jaehyuk's office on his screen, turns the sound on. He's curious anyway.

_"Hyung... Seungcheolie won't be too happy," he pouts, lounging in the armchair._

_"I'll get to you soon, Jeonghanie. Be patient."_

_"You better, hyung. You better." His expression changes, his eyes drawing and the corners of his mouth dropping. "When we get something in our heads, you know we're not too good with stopping." The threat rings loud and clear. We're not too good with stopping, so we will step over you on our way there._

_"What do you need?" Jaehyuk asks, serious all of a sudden. Enough with playing._

_"We need the info on who runs the entertainment prostitution ring."_

_"Entertainment? Jeonghanie... I looked into it but..."_

_"I didn't ask for approval. I asked for the info, and you better tell me the gist of it now, and then have the rest hand-delivered to us by when I have my coffee tomorrow morning. Jaehyuk-ah, you owe us a lot. Don't forget."_

_Seungcheol laughs when seeing Jaehyuk's expression on his screen, hearing Jeonghan's tone switch in the earphone in his ear._

_"I have some stuff. I've found a company that deals with prostitution with idols and actors. That we'd have to work against to take over."_

_"Great. What do they do?" Jeonghan narrows his eyes, leans forward._

_This is where it starts, Seungcheol leans back and thinks. The chapter that can be either their beginning or their end._

* * *

"You're really thinking about doing the entertainment prostitution business for it? What we've been doing so far is a lot, but entertainment? That's really public." Jeonghan asks, coming back with drinks.

"I've given it a lot of thought after we talked about who owns it now, Junnie says it looks really promising. I think why not? It seems unstable enough, from what I've researched after, and the government doesn't get involved unless it starts to topple over into news and they need to muffle scandals, which they do. I think getting involved would be pretty smart. They'll have to start working with us for real," Seungcheol chuckles, taking the last drag of his cigarette and stubbing it in their ashtray.

"How are you planning to take over?" Jisoo asks, tucking his legs under him on the sofa.

"Didn't think much about that yet. What do you think?"

"Hmm," Jisoo hums. "I think you have to decide on your big approach first, go little to small," he says, lounging on the sofa. Jeonghan even starts paying attention outright, unlike his usual behavior.

"What do you mean?"

"Okay, let's say you have your big goal: taking over as the company in charge. How are you going to do it? Collaborate with who exists? Share the profits?"

"Of course not," Seungcheol huffs. "You know we don't do that."

"Exactly. So that means whoever calls the shots now needs to go. Which will be easy, because they're sloppy," Jisoo says, raising a shoulder.

"What do you mean sloppy? They don't exist," Jeonghan chimes in. It's true, the company that helps run most of it doesn't really exist. The money gets run through a conglomeration registered in the middle of the Pacific somewhere, and the people leading it are very hidden. Nobody would suspect anything. It was even hard for Seungcheol to find much without calling Junhui.

"That's why they're sloppy. Think of what you've done so far, haven't you been hiding in plain sight? I know real estate and investment is not the cover, because it's the most important part of your company, but so far, you've integrated the work behind, the houses, into it. So when they touch you, they can't find anything that's _illegal._ " It's true. Jisoo's always persuaded them to keep that strategy. "But they don't exist. So once you prove that they do, and bring it up to the public, they're as good as done."

Seungcheol hums, lighting another cigarette.

"It should be fairly easy, if you get Jun and his people to follow the track we have and follow it up to see who they are, and then we can talk to whoever we have in the media to push a big reveal and a scandal. But then you need to think of what you want to do to become the company in charge."

"Once they disappear, we go and strike the new deals. Should be easy if we're the first ones there."

"Haven't you studied your history, Seungcheolie? Revolutions that destroy the country's systems are never the ones that succeed. People don't deal well with change in their routine. It's the ones with the new missions and values that take advantage of the systems already in place that truly work."

Jeonghan leans over, exhaling a large breath with a laugh.

 _"Menboong,"_ he says, a glance at Jisoo showing how impressed he is.

"What are you saying?" Seungcheol glances at him.

"I'm saying you should start from before, make your way in, get to know the company and what the system is. And then slowly make the old company crumble, and when they finally do, you already have a base from which to establish yourself. You have the power from even before they disappear, so when they do, you leverage it to take over. You get what I'm saying?"

Seungcheol keeps silent. It makes... a lot of sense.

"Okay, we've established that. But how do we manage to sweep in and learn enough?"

"I think you should talk to your old friends in the entertainment industry, get to know a bit more of the industry secrets as they are now. But from what I know, different companies do different things. Just find one that actually deals with the prostitution business, and then just go easy. What I thought of is that you could sponsor a group or something like Junhui said, get the company's trust and then start digging deeper from there."

"Who?"

"I don't know. That we'll have to look for. Sounds good for now though?"

"Jisoo... I could kiss you right now it sounds that good," Seungcheol says, his jaw to the floor. It's Jisoo indeed.

"Nope," Jeonghan says, moving to join Jisoo on the sofa. "This one's all mine." Jisoo leans his head on Jeonghan's shoulder and smiles. The kind of smile that has the power to make you forget everything he can think of.

* * *

_"Pledis Entertainment," Jeonghan throws the file on Seungcheol's desk, walking over so he can sit on it. Seungcheol swivels in his chair, the ice clinking in his glass. "Jun is actually sponsoring someone there, and he says they're going bankrupt."_

_"Why?"_

_"They're big, but their groups aren't successful anymore, or yet. They were almost purchased by the biggest entertainment company in Korea, but it fell through."_

"Because?"

"I think it's exactly because of what we need. Their prostitution business is mostly with trainees, not artists, or they have their executives involved beyond the agency, and they're pretty good at covering it up, but for their size, their involvement is pretty big. You won't get involved in too much of a mess with artists because they have experience with sponsors, but you'll also have access to insider stuff, because they're desperate. Plus, some of the executives are people we've dealt with before, or friends with them."

"Like?"

"Kim Injung, the one who owned the houses in Gapyeong and Chuncheon before we took those down. His brother, Kim Inhyuk, the movie director, he's... involved in the business too. Known client. Choi Kyungtaek, he's an executive dealing with the artists now, but you know where he came from."

"The last drug deal your mother arranged a few years ago?" Seungcheol raises an eyebrow.

"The one and only. It'll be easy to get dirt on them."

"He'll recognize you, you were involved back then."

"I know. That's why I think you should go," Jeonghan fixes him with that look that tells him the deal's already been done. It's usually Jeonghan that deals with their "field tasks", not Seungcheol. Seungcheol fixes things from behind. "Plus, I have Jisoo now, and I'm really not into flirting with kids anymore."

"So you think I am?" Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at him.

"I found you someone who's not a minor. Your type too, to make it easier."

"Geez, thank you."

He opens the file, and a picture of a very handsome man (guy?) stares at him. It looks like it's taken at a concert, as he's singing into a microphone, and is wearing all black. From his profile, he looks gorgeous. He scrolls through and there are more pictures, and indeed, he is incredibly striking.

"Kim Mingyu from Seventeen. He's a rapper, looks very threatening and tough, but is very naive in reality. Will be easy to get in bed and charm, and also will probably be easy with words." It's true, he gives Seungcheol that vibe. He can tell when something is faked from a look; this kid isn't a ray of sunshine in reality, but he looks somehow... puppy-like. His toughness is trained, not born. Seungcheol is great at making people like that submit to him, but this Mingyu doesn't seem to be like the type that he needs. He doesn't bring it up yet, waits to see if he can find out more.

"You'll have to do research on the whole group to be convincing," Jeonghan continues. "So good luck, I made a list of all variety shows they've been in and all interviews since they debuted a year and like a half ago. Get to watching today, I'll ask Minseo to set up a meeting for next week."

* * *

When he walks into the room, they all bow to him, and he tilts his head in acknowledgment. Choi Kyungtaek, the coincidence, leads him in and sits down next to him; from the head of the table in the conference room, Seungcheol can see all of them.

They're not happy to be here, it's easy to see. Seungcheol gives all of them a cursory glance, trying to gauge their personalities. Some of them are shyer, more introverted. For some, the curiousness is reflected in their gaze; some keep it hidden.

"We will introduce ourselves," the one closest to him on his right says. Hoshi or Soonyoung, one of the leaders, Seungcheol remembers. They do their trademark greeting and bow quickly, lifting their heads. Seungcheol puts on a fond, kind smile like he's excited. He needs to start on the right foot here.

A look at Kim Mingyu tells him indeed he won't be it, his instinct was right. The rapper can't hide his suspicion, his dissatisfaction with being here. If he's that dangerous combination of too open and too suspicious, along with being too naive, he'll talk, and Seungcheol's work here can be ruined before it even starts. Mingyu can also be made to fall for him, but if he does, he'll lose himself, and Seungcheol doesn't need that. He needs someone a bit more independent.

Thankfully, he had another hunch.

"Mr. Choi here is a very big fan of yours."

"It's true. I wanted to be an idol rapper a while ago too, so I kind of relate to where you are. I am here because I truly love how honest you are, and how you put your soul into your music, and if I can't do it anymore, I want to support that," he raises his shoulder in a shrug, smiling. He's done his research.

Some of them look shocked by his admission. They probably expected something different.

"You're very young though..." Seungkwan stumbles a little bit on his words, quiet. Seungcheol can see the lack of fear, the courage in his words and his posture, even if he's forcing himself to be reserved. Too brave, this one, and also too sensitive.

"Thank you for your remark Seungkwan-ah, but I'm not that young anymore," he chuckles. "I don't want to put more pressure on you any more than I bet you already have, but I just wanted to come here and talk. I think you have a lot of potential and you're going to make it big anyway, you don't really need anyone's help, but if I can make the process easier, I'd be more than happy to." Like their trademark, they're a very independent, self-made bunch, these ones, so he needs to hit the right spots.

"We're very grateful, but what do you want from us in turn?" A voice pipes up, and Seungcheol has to stop himself from smirking. It's the one he was waiting for, the other leader. Woozi, or Jihoon.

"I don't want anything. Whatever you want to do with what I have is your choice," he smiles slightly, making sure to look in the eyes of all of them with a smile. It's important he doesn't lose his air of mystery here, but they feel comfortable enough with him.

"There's always a catch. You don't just want to give us money for free and get nothing in return," Jihoon speaks up again. Fiery.

"Who said I don't get something in return?" He smiles, tilting his head. "This is fun for me, trust me." He still looks skeptical. Seungcheol needs to bring out the big guns. "Look, I'll be honest with you. I don't regret giving up on being a trainee because I do lead a good company, as you'll get to see, but I do feel like I'm missing out on a bit of fun in my life. I wrote some of my own music a long time ago, and the reason I'm here is that while watching one of your stages, I actually felt something, like that, it could've been me. But I can't go rap on your stages with you, so at least seeing you up there and knowing I'm a part of that will be very fun. I have way more money than I know what to do with, and I'm not the type to invest them in myself. So I'm investing them in you."

He's got them. And technically he's not lying, since he did train to be a rapper a long time ago, before his duties caught up with him. These kids' skills surprised him though, he can't lie and say they weren't good.

"Rap something for us then," Seungkwan says, all of a sudden. "I'm curious, and we have a karaoke machine in our building," he adds, and everyone else nods. The leaders don't look too convinced, but that's alright. He doesn't mind rapping some bars.

They strike up a conversation with him on the way to the room; they're obviously surprised by him, and he knows his appearance and the persona that he built lends itself to questions and them being impressed. Despite the hard idol life, they're still so young, so hopeful.

He does rap some of the rap parts in their latest song that he's listened to around the house for this exact purpose and they're even more impressed. The job is as good as done, but he just needs to get the one he needs alone in the room for a second.

Thankfully, Choi is a blessing in disguise, who values him _so much_ he does it for him. He's as dumb now as he was back then; Seungcheol is surprised he didn't make any connection. Even if Jeonghan's mother's last name is different, the association between their families was never hidden. "Jihoon, would you mind staying over for a little bit?" Choi asks, and everybody looks surprised, including Jihoon himself, but he does as he's told, everybody leaving with Choi behind them.

"I thought you said you don't want anything from us," he says, politely on the surface.

"I don't want anything from you," he reaffirms. "You just look displeased with this whole situation, and I wanted to see if there's anything I can answer you. You're the leader, and I don't want you to not like the situation. I truly want to help."

"There's nothing I'm displeased with," he answers curtly. Time for Seungcheol to bring out the annoyance.

"Look, I understand you don't like this, and if this is so, I can retract my offer, that's alright," he answers, to show Jihoon he's not a composed man through and through. He has his flaws as well, and he can get annoyed, even if he's understanding. He's human, approachable, relatable, and his patience can run thin.

Jihoon startles minutely, his posture straightening a little bit. Seungcheol can see what flashes behind his eyes: the fate of his group, the punishment from the company, more long nights practicing. It's not something even for the leader to decide, too heavy on his shoulders. He won't say no.

"No, I apologize for coming off as cold, just tiredness from practice. There is nothing I am unhappy with. We are very grateful for your offer, and we would be more than happy to accept it."

"Let me take you out to dinner," he announces, a bit too loud, the spontaneousness practiced. So is the surprise half a second after, like realizing what he's implied, as well as the shake of his hands. "Nothing like that whatsoever, I apologize. You just look like you work very hard, and I identify with that. I am honestly curious to know more about this world from someone who actually is in it before I help promote it. Away from your agency and everything."

Idols and their agencies have very interesting relationships, and idols under Pledis especially do, that much Jeonghan has told him, and he needs to bank on that as early as possible. And plus, Jihoon can't really say no to anything he proposes; Seungcheol just needs to know what to ask so he doesn't scare him away or make him suspicious.

"Oh, okay... I'd be happy to." He stumbles on the first syllable, and that's when Seungcheol knows he's made the right choice. It's even a bit easier than he'd expected, to make this kid fall.

"Look, I'll give you my private number, and you text me whenever you'd like to. I know this is a strange dynamic, but you helped me get some of my excitement back, and I wanted to do more than buy your albums and donate to charities through your fansites. I know you don't trust me now and I understand, but I would truly like to support you," he smiles at Jihoon, his smile the perfect match between happy and understanding, approachable. The fourth time he says the same thing but in a different way, the perfect amount to have it stick, leaving you wondering if this might actually be true, instead of too good to be true. The third one, the honesty, is usually enough, but he finds that with more stubborn ones, a fourth one a bit later, more personal, can drive it through even better. Too less and it's not convincing, too much and it's fake. But he's done well with this one, he thinks.

* * *

"Are you waiting for him to call?" Jeonghan asks, strutting into his office without even knocking. Seungcheol's given up a long time ago.

"He'll text," he answers, closing his work and reaching for his cigarettes.

"How are you so sure?"

"His type is like that. He'll get tired one evening, wondering why he's doing what he's doing, and then remember it, and contact me, to change things in his life. Spontaneity is rare for him, but I feel it might just work; we planted the seed for when he has his next issue with his company. We just need to make sure news about us or the company reach him so he keeps thinking about me."

"Can't you pull his hand or something? Make sure he does it?"

"It has to be out of its own will, otherwise it's pointless."

"Ah, Choi Seungcheol. What a man," Jeonghan smirks, walking to him.

"Go fuck your boyfriend," he chuckles before Jeonghan reaches him and steals his cigarette, perching up on his desk.

"He's busy."

"I won't do it."

"For the sake of old days?" Jeonghan pouts, blowing the smoke out in his face.

"Old days was like a week ago. You have a boyfriend, go to him."

"Please, my boyfriend wants you even more than me."

Seungcheol laughs, stealing the cigarette back from Jeonghan's hand. "If you suck me off, consider it a deal." Jeonghan's blowjob skills are insane, no man in his right mind would ever say no to him. He just has to make sure there's some push and pull, because that's how it needs to be.

"Minseo-ssi, make sure nobody comes in for the next twenty minutes, please," he hits the button on his phone to tell her, and she confirms.

"Twenty minutes? Please. You won't last five," Jeonghan huffs, dropping to his knees in front of his chair. Seungcheol grabs his blonde hair with one hand, and stubs the cigarette in the ashtray with the other, chuckling. He also needs time to do what he was asked to.

* * *

The sound his fingers make drummed on the table is somehow entertaining. Seungcheol's seen thousands of dinners like these, met thousands of types of people over them, but he has to keep his spirits up so he doesn't get bored and somehow slip in this conversation. First (or he guesses second) impressions are important, and he'd hate to make the wrong one.

The kid comes in with the waiter, and Seungcheol gets up to pull the chair for him, sitting down after.

"Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for reserving this," he answers, lifting his head and looking into Seungcheol's eyes. He's pretty interesting, he has to admit. There's a genuine ruggedness in him, something tough. He has yet to see if the kid knows it or not.

He averts his eyes eventually though, which is understandable. Not a lot of people have had Seungcheol's eyes directed to them in a room and didn't.

"I don't want you to be nervous, can I do something to not make you nervous?" He asks, seeing his Adam's apple move. Out of his comfort zone.

"I still don't get it, I'm sorry. This is not what we're used to. People who sponsor us, they all want something. It's business, and so you pay for something. You said you don't want anything, but I still don't believe it."

"You're here, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You came to dinner with me," He points out, folds his hands on the table in the universal subconscious gesture of 'I call the shots here', leans forward. "All I want is to see you succeed and sometimes, if you want, to chat with you. Why do you find this so hard to believe?"

"It's just... our fans are usually young, not to discredit all our fans from different demographics, but our music isn't exactly..."

"What you'd expect me to listen to?"

"Yes."

"You're not wrong, but while I do like some of your more hip-hop and rap-focused songs, I can still see the quality of your music for who you target. And let me be honest, music is not the reason I'm here or a fan of yours. You'll be changing concepts a lot as time goes, and I'm sure I'll find them good anyway. You're a good songwriter."

"What is it then?"

Time to lay on the flattering. The reply has been cooked up for a long time, the perfect thing to tell Jihoon when he undoubtedly asks again. It’s been a while, so he was bound to think about it and wonder a bit more.

"It's the people behind the music. You. Your personalities and your talent." Again, he has to hold back a smirk when seeing his expression.

"What you don't understand, Jihoon, is not what I get out of this. You're right, this is business, but we don't invest in concepts. Your music is one of the few reasons why you'll be popular and build a fanbase; what people follow is you, the people who work to make the music, and I saw you are worth investing in. What I get out of it is your success. What you don't understand is my motivation.

I know you think your fans are only young people because of your music, but now that you see how I view this, can you understand and accept why I'm here? Many people treat entertainment as shallow or childish, but I see it very seriously because it shapes people in ways nothing else does. And so, I also take the people in it seriously. So you shouldn't think so little of what you do, Jihoon. Idol groups have a massive impact on the shaping of a whole generation, but your group is especially poised to be the leaders of it. You are all very independent, self-producing, very honest and very hardworking, and everything you do has an element of strength and power, and people can see that.

I've looked at many groups since I thought about kind of getting involved with entertainment again, but you really stood out to me because of the quality of what you do. You make no mistakes and you are so dedicated to your job, and that is, above all, what will make you successful. It's not surprising to want to be a part of it, it's surprising to not. Do you get it now?"  
Jihoon's shock is so obvious now, Seungcheol does smirk. It's kind of funny.

"Mr. Choi... "

"Call me Seungcheol, please. I know I'm older than you, but you don't have to be too polite to me. I'd ask you to use banmal, but I think you'll refuse." He has always had an issue with being called that, actually. His father is Mr. Choi, not him.

"Do you want to order?" Jihoon quickly nods, and Seungcheol presses the button to call the waiter over. He orders the set menu, sees Jihoon do the same, and shakes his head when the waiter asks for wine.

"I... why did you say no to wine?"

"Because you wouldn't be able to drink it, correct?"

"Yes... thank you."

"So tell me more about your group and yourself. You all seem like amazing people, I'm so excited to hear about you," he says, pasting an encouraging smile, leaning towards him.

* * *

The next time he meets Jihoon, he makes sure that the ambient is not as pressuring as before. He had quite a lot of fun talking to him last time, so he can't say he's not looking forward to it, in a weird sort of way.

"How come you decided to text me?" He asks, resting against the wall. It's been a long day for him too, and he's also really hungry.

"I wanted to see if your offer was true."

"It is. Did something bad happen?"

"Not necessarily. Just the usual. I was kind of hungry though."

"How's your comeback preparation going?" He asks, leaning his head against the wall too. He's actually kind of interested in it. Their music sounds interesting for a boy group.

"Not great. They're on us to make it sexier or something."

"Sexier?" Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. Interesting.

"Something like this. They want us to get a different demographic too."

"Like older people?"

"Yes. Strengthening our international fanbase too."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"It's not... it's just that how they want us to do it is not really us. And it's really late, I don't want to make the members switch this late."

"If it's not you, then I hope you've made your point clear. It's always really obvious when a concept or something doesn't really come from the people that do it. I'm sure they'll understand."

"I hope so too."

While grilling the meat, which smells amazing, he can almost hear how Jihoon takes a breath in sometimes, like he wants to talk. He's gathering his courage.

"Can I ask a question?" He asks, and Seungcheol nods. "How were your trainee days? You've mentioned them but haven't talked much. I'm really curious."

Oh, that. It's been a while, and it's such a far away part of his life he barely thinks about it anymore. But the key to fooling Jihoon is to basically tell the truth without actually telling the whole truth, and Seungcheol doesn't quite mind talking about that.

"It was a long time ago, around 11 years I think, and it was at a no-name company. I don't even think they exist anymore. Big Bang were rookies back then. My father ran the company I run now, but I had an older brother who was poised to take over it. So, characteristic to the younger sibling, I had more freedom. I lived with my grandmother in Daegu actually, for a long while. Then I decided I wanted to be a rapper when I was a teenager, and I did a few underground shows before I moved to Seoul and was cast by this company. They were very small, but I didn't care much since I was convinced I'd make it big anyway.

After a few months, my brother left. Didn't want to do it, went to the US and completely cut contact with my family for years. So my father made me come back to reality, and I started doing a few things, going to college, and preparing to take over the company. Don't imagine it was one of those 'quit your whole life' kind of scenarios, I still partied a lot and made a lot of questionable decisions until I had to actually take over when my father moved to something else, but I still had to quit training. So that was it."

"Do you regret it? If you had a choice..."

"That's two different questions, Jihoonie," he smiles, taking a bite. He was telling his story and he didn't even get to eat, his stomach is rumbling. Man's weaknesses.

"If I did have a choice, I would have probably continued training, but that's different. I don't regret taking over this company exactly because it was not a choice I was able to make. Sometimes, you get things given to you, and you make sure you dedicate yourself to them as much as you can. Regret is pointless," he shrugs. That is true. Whether it was given to him or whether he decided it is a gamble, but nonetheless, fate is sometimes much stronger than your wishes and desires. Learning how to manage that knowledge took Seungcheol years.

"I see..."

"Do you relate?"

"A little bit. With the company."

"Do you regret joining them? Would you have gone somewhere else, if given the choice?" He's genuinely curious. Pledis seems to be a pretty terrible company.

"There are some things I guess I'm not happy about. Many of them. But I have my members, and I can't see myself doing this with someone else, so..."

"Your relationship seems genuinely good. Like you actually care about each other,"

"I'm responsible for them. I have to."

"That's not it. You care about them. You talk about 'us' all the time," he points out. "It's stronger than friendship or responsibility, I can tell." It's a bit of what he has with Jeonghan and Jisoo, he guesses. They're the biggest part of his life and they always will be, no questions asked.

"I guess so." The way he says it tells Seungcheol this conversation is over. A sensitive spot. Seungcheol makes a note of it in his head, that he loves his members but doesn't know it, and goes on.

Jihoon's amazement at his car is quite funny. He can hold his own very well in discussions; even if Seungcheol wasn't purposely trying to act in a way that makes Jihoon like him, he thinks he'd do pretty well if he wasn't either. But in places or situations he doesn't know much about, like in his car, or the fancy dinner, when he's out of his (physical) domain of what he's familiar with, he doesn't do well. The key to getting him is thus a mix between pushing him to those uncomfortable places, and when he does, being his comfort. He doesn't mind. Seungcheol will buy him a couple of gifts, take him to a few fancy places, and then maybe get him comfortable with the apartment he bought just recently, so he doesn't see his house. Seems easy.

* * *

_Seungcheol sees Jeonghan's trademark robe before he sees him lounging on his couch._

_"Why are you here?"_

_"I had something to talk to you about but you weren't answering your phone. I told you this is how it would be if we're neighbors now. Where were you though? It's 3 AM and you smell like meat. You have no friends, who were you with?"_

_"_ Ha ha _," Seungcheol retorts, hanging his car key and his coat in the hall. "I was with Jihoon."_

_"Jihoon?" Jeonghan perks up. "How's that going?"_

_"Great. He's basically doing the work for me."_

"How come?"

"Pour me some of that first," he says, pointing at Jeonghan's glass, with liquor definitely stolen from him. "I drove, so I couldn't even taste soju."

"Pour it yourself. It's your house," Jeonghan retorts.

Now it's his house. When he breaks in on a weekly basis, it's not. Since he's temporarily moved here and stayed over sometimes when he doesn't feel like driving home, he's been ending up with homecooked food in his fridge from it, likely courtesy of Jisoo or their cook, because Jeonghan can't cook for shit, so he can't really complain. Seungcheol gets up to grab a beer from his fridge. Liquor's too much effort.

"He's so trusting, very much so. I thought I had to push a little for him to text me the second time, but I didn't."

"Of course. You're the nice man who's funding his career. He's probably so curious about you."

"Something like that. He's really smart though. I don't really need him anymore, but he's fun to hang around with. And I might learn something interesting about how trainee stuff works."

"I actually came to talk to you about something like that. Junnie called me."

"What did he say?"

"He never went to any events or got any deeper than sponsoring, but he said he can, he knows people who arrange "business meetings". He can get into it and then he can take you along, so you see what it's like. If you want to take over, we're probably going to have to meet all the organizations the main company works with to arrange these events and so, and learn about it, but discreetly. You don't wanna spook the main people."

"Talking about that, if you talk to Junhui, can you ask him to come by for like a weekend when he comes to Korea, hopefully soon? Or we can go? I think I need more explanation on the structure of this whole thing, and to make a detailed plan with you and Jisoo as well. And then I can see what 'business meetings' I'll have to go to."

"Sure," Jeonghan says, getting up.

"Before I forget," Seungcheol starts. "Junhui's told you about Pledis. The kid he sponsors in Seventeen, it's Minghao, right? Does he sleep with him or stuff like that? Buy him things?"

"I can ask," Jeonghan shrugs. "I know he does take him away for weekends sometimes, so I would assume they do, but I think they are not supposed to. I recall him telling me to tell you to be careful with that."

"Thank you for telling me," he retorts.

"You weren't gonna do it anyway."

Jeonghan's eyebrows raise at his silence. "Are you thinking about it?"

"Maybe. I think it'd be easier. He's not used to it, I can tell."

"Be careful then. Don't fuck it up, and don't fuck the kid up."

"I won't, mom. Go home. Tell Jisoo I said hi and he can come by to get the guitar if he needs it tomorrow. You have the code anyway, apparently."

"Will do. Good night, Cheolie," Jeonghan smirks.

* * *

Jaehwa, the woman who's in charge of the operations of all the houses he has around the northeast accompanies him on one of his visits to the houses which seem to have the most issues. She keeps an incredibly close watch on them, but sometimes things happen. Seungcheol doesn't blame her. Things like assholes or horny idiots who can't control themselves you really can't predict.

Indeed, five minutes after he walks in and starts chatting with the woman in charge here, Minsung, there's a dude throwing a tantrum and walking down the stairs, lunging for his coat in the coat room they provide. Two of his girls are following close behind him, barely wrapped in silky robes.

"He slapped Jiwoon. We heard it from the coffee room," one of them quickly says, and Minsung looks livid.

"You did what, sir?" She approaches him, disbelieving, her tone cold and accusatory. She's scary, Jaehwa doesn't hire just anyone.

"She deserved it. She was acting up, you should teach your girls better. Now get out of my way," the man says, pushing at Minsung with his coat on.

"You broke one of our rules, sir, perhaps you should learn to be more respectful."

The man looks angry now, and grabs Minsung's wrist, who tries to wrench her hand free, but does not succeed, her expression turning fierce. Seungcheol moves in an instant before it escalates, the sound of the crackling when he grabs the man's arm in two places and bends his elbow back registering right before his bloodcurdling scream. He didn't even break his joint, that would have been worth the screaming.

The man crumbles to the floor in an instant, and Seungcheol drags him back up, ripping some of his shirt buttons in the process.

"Now, sir, you will not come back here ever again, or you will experience much worse. Leave," Seungcheol threatens, and the man scurs away immediately through the door, holding his elbow. Minsung looks at him in thinly-veiled surprise.

"Thank you very much, _daepyonim._ You didn't have to, I would've called security."

"Let them take their coffee break. You don't mind writing about that, to make sure we put him on our list and take care of him?"

"Of course not. Thank you. You can come to my office and we can talk further."

The two girls, shellshocked, bow to him when they pass by them. Seungcheol can hear them whisper _'Daepyonim?'_ behind him. He hasn't met them yet, they must be new, considering he comes by here every so often because of the issues. He should put more effort into getting to know them, since they put effort in what they do, and Seungcheol respects that immensely.

* * *

There's nothing going wrong per se, but Seungcheol feels like he's hitting a wall nonetheless, which means it's time to take a break. He's probably going to go up to the cliff, smoke a couple of cigarettes, relax. But then right as he leaves, an idea pops up in his mind. He could text Jihoon.

So he does, and to his surprise, Jihoon answers right away.

"Hi," he starts, and when Jihoon looks at him, Seungcheol can see his guard is kind of down. He's probably surprised Seungcheol texted him now.

"Hello."

"How are you doing?"

"Good. I was just relaxing with members. How about you?"

"Doing alright. Just came from work."

The drive takes his mind away, the rushing lights of Seoul letting him think. In a way, he's gotten weirdly comfortable with Jihoon too, realized he doesn't need to keep up the act the entire time. Jihoon has fallen already, Seungcheol doesn't need to actively push things that much.

He hears Jihoon say something, but then figures he didn't quite pick up what it was.

"Hm?"

"What's the place we're going to?"

"Oh, sorry. Didn't hear," he says, turning a corner. He knows the road by heart from Gangnam, doesn't even have to think anymore." It's somewhere above the city, you'll see. It's gorgeous, but it's a bit of a drive. Maybe around half an hour from here, is that okay?"

"That's fine."

There's a song he likes on the radio, one that Jeonghan made him listen to. The rhythm is familiar, and he finds himself humming to it, seeing one of the restaurants he frequents pass by to the left.

When they get there, he explains to Jihoon why they need blankets, and walks him there. He knows he'll be struck, just like Seungcheol was the first time, back in high school. So much had changed since then, and yet, when he comes there, he realizes nothing has.

"Wow."

"Do you like it?"

"It's so beautiful. Do you come here often?" Jihoon's eyes turn to him, he feels them on the side of his neck.

"Sometimes, when I need some time off."

"Thank you for bringing me here. It's gorgeous." Jihoon seems genuinely appreciative, way more unguarded now.

"I never smoked next to you, but do you mind if I do?" He asks, reaching for his pack. He feels the need for a cigarette to smooth his thoughts over.

"No, that's alright."

Seungcheol feels his stare again; it's pointed. Jihoon can be lost in a crowd before, he's seen that in interviews. His members' strong personalities can sometimes seem to overwhelm his since he's quiet, but when you're with him, you can see his electric personality. It attracts sights, probably since he's an idol, and the best word for it is _present._ Seungcheol feels when Jihoon looks at him, when he wants to say something too. He's quite easy to read, maybe that's also why Seungcheol can just tell.

"What?"

"Nothing. Is everything okay?"

"Just work stuff." Kind of. There's nothing wrong, but even Seungcheol can recognize sometimes when life is getting overwhelming. Not taking breaks is not the key to success, that's for sure.

"The reason I like to come here is that from here, I can see my company's building. I can't really point it out to you, but it's somewhere there," he points somewhere front and left of him. He's not lying. It's there, he's noticed it since that first time, when he felt conflicted about his role in it, in his family. "When I'm there, it seems like the whole world is concentrated in that big place, and it's on my shoulders. It feels suffocating, like it's somehow foreign, even though it's mine, and I'm in a place I don't really belong. But up here, it's just one of many things that make up a breathtaking sight, and if I want, I can lose sight of it. Does that make any sense?" He asks and turns his eyes to Jihoon, sees him nod.

"I think it makes a lot of sense. I feel like that too sometimes, in my studio. Not as large as a company building, but..."

"Doesn't have to be. The feeling's the same anywhere."

"I guess the impostor syndrome reaches everywhere."

"Tell me more," he asks. Jihoon seems to truly understand that, Seungcheol figured as much.

"I guess for us, we're meant to apologize and say we'll work harder for everything, even what's not our fault, and I think it reaches inside you, until you think everything's actually your fault. And then you wonder what are you even doing there if you can't do anything properly, from being happy, to always putting a smile on your face, to making no mistakes in the choreography, never being tired, never making any mistakes ever, actually. Others seem to be able to do it even if it's difficult, and you can't."

"You know others probably look at you and think the same way, right?"

"When I think about that, it makes me feel even worse. Like I'm perpetuating it."

"You're not a robot. You're still human."

"That's not an excuse though. I guess we have an influence, so we must be sure we do our best with it."

"Back then when I told you that, I didn't mean you should be perfect. It means even fixing your fuck-ups, or even showing people that being perfect isn't everything. When I mean a positive influence, you know, that sometimes doesn't agree with the rules or the status quo of what people think should be there." Seungcheol knows that. His entire life has been a string of trying to do something good that's not quite right in the eyes of others.

"Like what?"

"Like coming out for example. I'm eagerly waiting to see someone come out, when it doesn't ruin careers, of course." He's been waiting to bring that up. He doesn't think he's wrong in thinking that Jihoon is definitely attracted to men. By his reaction, by how he freezes, like he's under a spotlight, he was definitely not wrong.

"I don't think that will happen anytime soon."

"I don't think so either. But it's the kind of positive influence that isn't like people's expectations. It's an extreme case but think about it more. Maybe sometimes making mistakes isn't worse, for your image or for the people who look up to you. Not saying you should strive for them, but being human and making mistakes and allowing yourself things that others say you shouldn't matters more than anything in a position like yours."

Humanity... it's a concept that's not that easy to understand, doesn't come naturally. He feels for Jihoon, in a way. It must not be easy for him either.

* * *

"Are we going?" Seungcheol walks in, sees Jeonghan and Jisoo with packed suitcases in his apartment, exhales. He's tired, but that's never an excuse.

"Yeah. He said he's ready to talk to us about it, has enough info."

"Ah, Wen Junhui. Didn't even take him a couple of weeks," he sighs, but smiles.

"Let's go," Jeonghan chuckles. Seungcheol goes to pack his suitcase. At least he can see the sight from Junhui's apartment again, maybe his second favorite sight in the world. At least there's that.

And finally being able to start, that's another point. Seungcheol has been waiting for it for a long time. All his life, you could say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D <3 
> 
> (Also, I guess in the same tone? subject?, I just want to say that the news about Seungri surprised me a lot. I don't know how much is true or whether anything is, but it's interesting to say the least.)


	12. turning sharp and growing thorns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness of this chapter! Because of the size, it took a little more to edit, but I hope you enjoy it! (As last week, I also posted on Saturday, so make sure you are caught up!)

Junhui joins him in the closed balcony the second day they're there, even though it's still chilly from one of the open windows he keeps so he can smoke freely, a beer on the table next to him. Junhui sits down in the other plush chair, a blanket over him.

_"I wanted to chat with you about how sponsoring the kid's going, I'm curious," Junhui starts._

_"It's going really well. I think I should ask you more about it though."_

_"I think it might be helpful for me to tell you the story," Junhui starts, settling better in his chair and facing him. Seungcheol lights up another cigarette._

_"I actually met Minghao when he was a trainee._ To tell you more about it, he had entered the company when he was 17, so he was a minor. He trained for a couple of months until he turned 18, and then they decided they needed him for business with Chinese moguls. They probably actually accepted him with that in mind. This was like really late 2015. So he told me they brought him to meetings, where he was... expected to sleep with them. He said he never got money from anyone, but the company told him that to succeed, he'd better do that. They made it seem like they weren't involved, like it was out of his own will that he went home with these men and women." Seungcheol sees on his face how he's not happy with saying that. For how chill and relaxed Junhui is, when he cares about something, you can see it in him.

"I met him at one of these things, when he and some other trainees from other companies came to some sort of party thrown by a Chinese company collaborating with one in Korea. I had to go because my father was trying to get involved with that partnership. He was at the bar next to me, and I think he had to 'entertain' someone else, but I stopped him because I was curious what he was doing there, a Chinese kid in an ill-fitting suit in Korea at that party. He lied about some stuff, like his age and whatever he was doing there, which I could tell, but I started talking to him. And then he left to talk to someone on the phone and when he came back, he started making moves on me. I got curious as to why all of a sudden I was a target, so I took him up to my hotel room, and then I immediately realized how badly he actually didn't want to do anything, so I kind of pressured him to tell me the truth. I got so mad when he told me, he was an 18-year old who didn't even speak the language properly, who was cast for something he wanted to do to reach his dreams, and then they kind of played his determination and his goals to make him do something like that. He's the smartest and most determined person I know... No offense, Seungcheolie..."

"None taken at all," he smiles, understanding.

"Anyway... so I got really mad because of his story and I eventually helped him fight the company. I'm pretty sure they weren't going to debut him, but he wanted to fight, so I helped him fight and said I'd sponsor him, and then he was put in this group because they had really messed up their line-up, they lied about his training time so it made sense, and he debuted. I didn't see him after his debut for like a year until he contacted me a few months ago and we started, I guess, dating. I insisted on keeping helping him, but only him, not the company, not like you do, although they're not supposed to sleep with sponsors anyway. He really doesn't let me do much because if I get more attention, they'll look into it, but that's the large story of why I know so much. Seungcheol, besides that, I care for him. I care for him a lot."

"I can see that. So then... why are you helping me do this? You're helping me basically be the person that did that to him."

"You were a trainee, weren't you?" Junhui asks, all of a sudden. Seungcheol turns his eyes to him.

"Yeah, for a couple of months."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yeah. If I had a choice, I would've debuted, I'm pretty sure."

"It's still funny to me. How you did so many things."

"You know my father. The first son does one thing, take over the company. The second does everything else, to be able to advise."

"Hmm... just out of curiosity, did the second son ever survive? In the company or... in general?"

Seungcheol pretends to think. What does he even have to think about?

"No. Not quite. They always... died. Or left. Somehow."

"If your brother ever had to fight you, tried to get rid of you. You would have won, right? Everybody in that company respects you more than him."

"Probably."

"Would you have killed him?" Seungcheol pauses.

"Right now, I don't know if I could have not killed him. But I think under stress and pressure, our minds think differently. So if I came up with a way not to, which I could have, I wouldn't have, of course. I care about him and... he's my older brother."

"But it didn't come down to that. Because he left. Was kicked out, when he was outed, right?"

"Yeah. It came perfectly well, right before he ended college, before father would have actually started putting him in charge."

"Hmm," Junhui hums, taking a sip of his drink. "You outed him, didn't you? You sent those pictures," Junhui turns to him. Seungcheol looks at him, breathes in. It's the first time anyone's asked him that outright. Jeonghan obviously knew, but nobody else ever did.

"Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"See Seungcheol, this is why I trust you. You didn't want to do this shit; I've known you for a long time. You could have outed yourself instead, you're the second son, your father would have let you get away. You could have fucked off to the US like him, done whatever, it would've taken less effort. But you didn't. Because you knew he wouldn't have been able to handle it anyway, that at some point on, he would've cracked, and disaster would've come to the company, because everyone in the business knew he wasn't cut out for it, was too sensitive and too kind. Even I did, and I was young back then. They would've found you after, and dragged you back. But by that point, you would've known nothing about it, would you? It would have been a disaster anyway, everything would've been a mess. Everyone would've struggled for power, and very likely a war between families and companies would've broken out. So many people would have died.

I know everyone thinks you're a greedy asshole for power and control, but I know you, Seungcheol. You did it because you knew this would end with you in charge anyway, it was just a matter of everything falling apart or not. It was just a matter of your brother ending up dead or alive too. You sacrificed yourself for him to end up alive and for everything to have worked out, as difficult as it was. You thought ahead, and knew this was how it was going to be, and pulled the strings for everything to be right.

When you told me about running prostitution back then, as your choice to expand, you said you wanted to clean it up because of your mother, don't you? You don't want to make money because I know you don't make much money off of it, you just want to make sure it's okay and they're not forced to do this, even if it means giving up on a lot of profits. You're not greedy for power. This business is not going away, Seungcheolie, prostitution, or your father's company. No matter what you and I do, or the government or whoever, it's the oldest profession in the world. So I'd rather have someone who cares about the people that do it and respects them, rather than someone who treats them as objects. I get you like many other people don't, you know that."

Seungcheol looks at him, struck. Not a lot of things shock him these days, but this... "Junhui..."

"Tomorrow, let's start planning this. With the info I have on the companies, what that Jaehyuk gave you, and then what we can find out from someone I know, we can set it up pretty well. You said you're here for a week, right?"

"Yes. Then I have to fly to the US for a week. Jeonghan and Jisoo can stay for longer though."

"Great. There's enough time. It's possible, we'll do it."

* * *

"You mentioned knowing someone yesterday," Seungcheol asks Junhui, settling down on the couch next to Jeonghan with a big sheet of paper on the coffee table in the middle. Jisoo is sitting on the floor in front of it with markers around him.

"This is pretty fucked up, but one of my father's business friends works with a Korean transport company to bring drugs into Korea. I know those people deal especially in entertainment or high-level business, because it's high-class stuff. I'm pretty sure you dealt with them before, or Jeonghan's mother did."

"Who is it? What do they bring?" Jeonghan asks.

"I can't tell you the names of the Korean people cause I don't know all of them yet, I'll tell you the name of the Chinese company later, cause he has a few. And they bring mostly pure cocaine, ecstasy, and meth, as far as I know. But anyway... the owner of this company and the owner of the Korean company were at that party I mentioned to you yesterday, Seungcheol. And since there were a lot of trainees there, and a lot of them from Pledis, I do think we could scrounge some info from him on that part of business, there is a connection. I think knowing how the drug trade works here, even though entertainment is pretty insignificant, would be essential. If you later need to go to those parties, you'd probably be able to find a lot from business people who are not in their right mind, and dealing with addiction is a pretty big deal. Jeonghan, your mother would know some stuff here too."

"2016 would still be when Choi Kyungtaek was working with it, so the Korean transport company is probably the one he worked for," Seungcheol starts. "There's a link with Pledis."

"She doesn't deal with drugs anymore, but I'll find out. Worst of all, Seungcheol can find out, since I'm sure your father is still involved." Jeonghan nods.

"Not quite involved, he pretends not to know about drug trades now," he scoffs. "Junhui..." Seungcheol turns to him. "Your kid, did he ever use?"

"I don't think so. I chose to believe him when he said no."

"Is it common that they do?"

"It makes sense that they wouldn't. Addiction is way more serious, the companies would be easily messed up if it was found out," Jisoo chips in, twirling a pencil between his fingers.

"Anyway, we're getting in too deep here," Seungcheol waves his hand, changing his position on the couch. "Let's treat this as one thing, but let's start large. Explain to us what that big company is."

"Okay," Junhui starts, and joins Jisoo on the floor. "I did a lot of research on this when I helped Minghao because I was curious, but I looked for more recent stuff too.

Basically, the reason why entertainment is so big in the prostitution industry is first mostly because of money coming into Korea laundered via entertainment sponsorships and deals, in business meetings they use idols and trainees at because of their contracts. Basically, they take projects likes movies, dramas, or idols, and then launder money through contracts that are pumped up; they use the idols and actors to "broker" these meetings. To a lesser degree, inside entertainment, companies use idols or actors to get sponsorship deals and help people or companies advance. It's not like what you deal with, Seungcheol, because there's no structure to this. Part two this company isn't exactly involved in, so we'll discuss it later."

Jisoo takes a marker and starts drawing on the paper, a big circle to the left, while Junhui explains.

"What this company deals in is the first part, coordinating interested groups abroad who want to do business with entertainment groups in Korea. There's a gathering of connected people with their own companies who use their connections to land deals with firms abroad, create the accounts, discuss the deals, and ensure that the films or projects that money gets laundered through are done; think famous big-budget movies, dramas, acting contracts etc. Thus, these people are mostly entertainment moguls, owners of tech companies that have film equipment, stuff like that. They are not quite a company, and it's not the one we are talking about; think about these people like an exclusive club of business moguls that land deals.

It'd be easy to say you can bring this down and uncover them, and you're done with that part. But if you do that, we're all dead. This is dozens, hundreds of billions of US dollars we're talking here, and these firms aren't run of the mill. What prostitution has to do in here is that these Korean firms will take upon actors and idols and stuff to seal these deals, and there's where this small company I mentioned gets involved. That company that doesn't exist coordinates between the Korean firms that own equipment or make movies and which have connections to firms abroad and entertainment agencies to ensure that people are available at those parties where the deals happen, and to act in the dramas and movies needed. Of course entertainment agencies try to get favors with this firm to make sure their idols or actors get contracts. Imagine large parties, lavish stuff, whatever, to convince the people abroad this is worth investing in. So basically, you have firms or mafia abroad who supplies the money, the big companies in Korea who own tech or make movies, and then entertainment agencies. The company we want to take over is the one that links between the last two, deals mostly in Korea.

This company also sometimes "supplies" idols to other business deals outside of those Korean firms if they want like "entertainers", so think private performances and stuff, but this is mostly kept in entertainment because it's more easily covered up in entertainment as sponsorship and investment deals. So here, where you can get involved is in creating the bridge between those Korean companies and Korean entertainment agencies, basically sweeping over this company which "doesn't really exist" and we can uncover. Clear for now?"

Jisoo's drawn a large map of this on the left side of the page, and looking at it, he can tell where everything should go, so it seems pretty clear. He nods at Junhui.

"We can go into details more on this. To take over this firm, which as I mentioned before, also supplies the drugs and other stuff in these meetings, you need to make the necessary connections: one, with the Korean firms that ask for the artists in the businesses, and then with the entertainment agencies with actors and trainees. What Jaehyuk gave us is pretty much a list of most agencies that will provide trainees or actors to these deals, and then we can fill it in with the ones who are not there by going through some transactions of the entertainment firms we can flag. What I can help you determine are the Korean firms this company works with, mostly. It will be hard though, and you have to figure out how to build a connection with these agencies and firms without tipping them off as to what you want to do. That's on you to strategize in a detailed way. You've worked it out with Pledis, from what I hear, and Pledis is big, but it's also desperate, and you have many more who are left; you can't sponsor someone from all of them. These agencies usually won't debut trainees who they've put into this business, who usually stay there for a couple of years and then go back to their lives, being well aware they shouldn't talk, and they rotate them often."

"I might be wrong," Seungcheol starts, "But I'm pretty sure we have some girls who were previously in entertainment. I thought it was because it was easy money when you can't debut or work and your dreams get crushed, but maybe it's not. Maybe it's just them already being used to this."

"Probably," Jeonghan chips in. "Let's ask Jaehwa about it, if they can tell us more about what they did."

"Doing that will help, but I think you got to keep sight of the big fish first. I think you're going too small, with the sponsoring and talking to people. I know I proposed it at the beginning, but I don't think the old strategy will work." Jisoo says. "You got to do much more systematic work to manage this, from what I hear."

"What are you thinking?" Jeonghan asks.

"What about trying to buy this company?"

Seungcheol raises his eyebrows.

"Think about it. It's pretty much like starting from nothing, if you destroy it. No matter how much base work you do, I think you won't manage to cover being this bridge and working out everything with every single agency and firm when you bring them down and take over. They've probably built their work over a long time, so buying it might actually be smarter, to keep the contracts and the ties, but manage it your own way and slowly change it."

"That doesn't sound bad," Junhui shrugs.

"This company seems probably very profitable and very powerful though, so we have to figure out how to weaken it without drawing it public, so we don't shoot ourselves in the foot and bring the whole industry down," Seungcheol says.

"I think it might be easier."

"I have the info on it anyway, as much as I tried to gather. I think it might be helpful for you to go to some of those meetings or parties they broker and try to find who they actually are. I have some names, but I don't know much so far, or the structure. Not even the CEO."

"I think eventually, I might be able to draw them out of hiding by saying I want to get involved. If you said they sometimes give artists to firms out of entertainment, I can pretend I heard about them, and want people for a business deal. I just need to make an initial connection first, which I could probably get either from Pledis, or from these meetings," Seungcheol says.

"Try both, but be careful with Pledis." Junhui says. "They can be really feisty."

"Once you give me the info, I'll look over it more and find their weaknesses. These few days I have left, I'll come with you to get the info, we can gather this more in Seoul, and I can brief you when you come next month."

"Ah, about that," Junhui scratches his head. "I probably won't be able to be there for more than a day or two. Booked a holiday."

"With who?"

"With my boyfriend, obviously," Junhui deadpans, and Jeonghan tilts his head at him.

"You have a boyfriend?"

"He's one of the members in the group Seungcheol's sponsoring. I've mentioned him to you before so many times."

"He's your boyfriend? Like actually so? He knows everything?"

"Not everything, but he knows enough, yeah."

"Damn, Joshuji, we need to find us a member in that group too," Jeonghan tells Jisoo, who smiles at him. Knowing them... Seungcheol doesn't put it past them. He'd honestly be glad for them to have someone else to bother besides him.

* * *

Seungcheol can tell Jihoon's uncertainty from the first step he takes in his apartment. That's his do or die, right now. Seungcheol respects that.

He doesn't have any doubt that Jihoon will either break it with him, or let him know what he thinks. Seungcheol quickly runs in his head through all scenarios, so he's prepared to push through everything he might say when he does.

The tension through dinner is palpable. Seungcheol doesn't do anything to dispel it, keeps mostly quiet, to let him fester in the thoughts. When he thinks it's perfectly appropriate, right before he speaks himself, Seungcheol pushes.

"You're different tonight. What's wrong?"

"Seungcheol... are you messing with me?" Seungcheol stops for a few seconds, forces himself to hide his smirk. Here we go. He returns to the dishes after a little bit, to frustrate him, get him to continue. "I... I don't get it. You've never tried anything with me. Never asked for it. You could ask for anything and I'd have to give it to you."

He could. But why would he?

"But I'm not insane when I think you want something more, am I? You can't just give me gifts and take me places for nothing. So why didn't you? Ask for it I mean. You're not reserved, or afraid of anything, or the kind of person to throw hints. So why don't you?"

Ah, Jihoon. He'd lie to say he hasn't thought about it before. Jihoon is interestingly attractive, and very much his type. It's just that he wasn't clear that was the best course of action.

Despite everything, he would've liked not to mess with Jihoon. It would've been easiest for Seungcheol to keep his distance, and it would have been the easiest thing for Jihoon as well. But he wants him, that's clear, and now that he's come to terms enough with it to confront Seungcheol, there's no going back. Seungcheol wanted someone independent so they could be alright with the sponsorship and not fall for him, but it seems that he picked someone that would get something in his mind and go for it instead. It's also his fault for going for the feisty ones; he doesn't like people submitting to him, he doesn't like having that artificial power over people, especially those he has personal relationships with. His fault.

"Do you want me to?" He answers and turns, putting the last dish away. If he reads in him that he wants this, he'll go for it.

"I just don't get it, you..." He does.

He doesn't let him finish, waits for the perfect moment and quite literally swoops in, kisses Jihoon with all the appropriate tension for the moment. He's kind of frozen, obviously in shock, so Seungcheol pulls away, waits to see what Jihoon will do.

All he does is let out a little sound of protest; he must've not even thought about it. Seungcheol's happy, he can work with that. He pushes him back, gets him on the table so he doesn't destroy his back doing this, and waits as to tease Jihoon. This needs to leave an impression on him, if Seungcheol's committed to doing this now.

He makes it so it does, kisses him so good it's kind of nice for him too, Seungcheol figures. He pulls away for a second to get him to stop thinking, throw himself into this, like he should.

Him pulling away isn't unexpected. Seungcheol actually thought he wouldn't have this much time to "get his point across." Despite the fact that this is all a play, Jihoon is nice, and Seungcheol would hate to see something happen to him. So he convinces him to wait for the manager and goes to his room, laying on the bed until the front door closes, closing his eyes and resting his hands behind his head.

He wasn't quite sure what he'd do with him, in the beginning, if it would work for him to take him out and give him gifts and get him to crack without him suspecting something. This must be the best way to do things, maybe. Getting Jihoon to trust him like that doesn't seem difficult. Despite how strong he is, and how much integrity Seungcheol sees in him, he's stressed, starved for something else to take him out of his life. Seungcheol can do that for him, no issue whatsoever.

He'll keep him around for a while, see where it goes, if he needs help from him or not.

* * *

"I'm pretty sure he's figuring something out," Seungcheol says, taking a bite of the food. Jisoo's actually quite good at cooking, he's kind of impressed every time he eats what he makes, as simple as it might be.

"Who? Jihoon?" Jeonghan asks.

"Yeah. He kind of confronted me a few days ago about what I wanted from him. He's not dumb at all, quite the opposite."

"What did you do?" Jisoo asks, taking another bite.

"I kissed him. Shut him up pretty quickly, even though he left after." Jeonghan raises an eyebrow at him.

"Seriously? Why?"

"I'm not against it," he shrugs. He really is not. He wouldn't mind getting him in his bed, it probably is the best way to go forward now, since Jihoon has made it quite clear he wants him. "I'm probably going to have to do something to gain his trust. I was thinking about revealing something or I don't know."

"Revealing something? So he can help?"

"Yeah. He'll help, he just wouldn't know he's helping kind of thing. I was thinking about pretending to be a detective working on dismantling the prostitution ring at Pledis. He probably feels very strongly about that, since his groupmate and everything had to do it."

"Do you care that much about it?" Jeonghan asks. It's a good question. Does he?

"I think it would be a good way to ensure he doesn't go to the company. He doesn't fully trust me now, but I know he's into me, so if I could pull this to gain his trust and ensure he doesn't go to the company to talk about me, and then probably lead him on for a little bit, it might be better. Junhui said Pledis are pretty connected, so if they start digging, it might not be good."

"Do it," Jisoo nods. "Anything that can tie up some loose ends is good."

"Okay, I will," Seungcheol says and finishes his bowl of bibimbap. "If I pull on you to make it believable, just act. You know how to act."

_"Us, Seungcheolie?" Jeonghan says, affronted. "We could never," he gasps, and Seungcheol chuckles. Jeonghan once swindled an American poker champion out of half a million dollars, just for fun. He can definitely act._

"Now..." Jeonghan's expression switches in a second when dinner is done. His eyes smoothen, the corners of his mouth pull up in a lopsided smirk. It's the beginning of his hunt. Maybe it would have worked on Seungcheol if he hadn't seen it used millions of times before.

"What if I'd tell you I'm wearing something right now?" Jeonghan comes closer, whispers in his ear, puts his hands on his chest.

"What is it?" Seungcheol buys into it. Sometimes you need to _"lose"._ Better for everyone involved.

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

Seungcheol's eyes go to Jisoo's, meet them over Jeonghan's shoulder.

"He'll watch," Jeonghan whispers. "It was his idea anyway."

Seungcheol lets himself be dragged by his hand, takes Jisoo's wrist in his other hand on the way out. Watch. Sure.

* * *

"What's this?" Jihoon asks right as he walks into the living room, water in his hand.

"It's a non-disclosure agreement. I have to, for what I'm going to say to you."

He doesn't quite need it, he guesses. He doesn't need it at all, in the scheme of things, the agreement is worthless. But it will probably have an effect in making Jihoon not talk, so it's worth it.

"What is it for?"

"I can't tell you unless you sign it. Please read it and do."

Jihoon picks it up, stares at it. Seungcheol needs to push how serious this situation is while not breaking Jihoon's trust in him.

“Look. Me asking you to sign this doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. It’s the opposite. I trust you and this is why I convinced them to let me do it.”

“Who’s them?”

“My bosses," he says, short and sweet. “You signing this doesn’t stop you from talking. It just means that if you do, they can make your life very difficult, but you can also make theirs and ours very difficult too. So I am trusting you with a massive thing, but you have to sign this first. It’s the compromise they’re giving me, the precautions and the measures they have to take. Please sign it,” he says, theoretically lets his guard down, lets it show that he's vulnerable too right now.

He signs it. Seungcheol pats himself on the back for a job well done.

"Thank you so much."

"Tell me. Please."

He settles deeper into the couch; he worked out today and he's kind of sore.

"I'm not a CEO. I guess you could tell from the mention of my bosses... I'm a detective working on human trafficking and prostitution cases."

Jihoon's life flashes before his eyes right then, Seungcheol sees it.

"No, no, don't worry," he says quickly, reaching his hands reaching towards Jihoon. "You're not my... case subject. I'm sorry I started it that way."

"What is it then? Why are you here?"

"For the past four or so years, I've been working on prostitution in the entertainment industry. We're working on dismantling it and clearing it up. But it's not one of those things you might see on TV, when people get arrested and so. We're kind of... working from the inside on dismantling the system agency by agency, and... I'm on Pledis now."

Dismantling is a word for it, he guesses. Dismantling the status quo is kind of right; not the industry as a whole though.

"So why the CEO disguise?"

"I'm sorry, I don't like lying to people. I am undercover as a CEO and sponsor to get more information about it without hurting the company and its artists."

"Did you do this before? Tell the people you sponsor?"

"I have never actually worked in the field. This is my first time, and I kind of massively fucked up here by wanting to tell you." Seungcheol's surprised it's coming out this easily. Maybe in another life he's meant to be an undercover cop. "But I insisted. I... might be wrong, but I don't think so. For some reason, I trust you... And... if there's something, I don't want it to happen based on lies. If you want something."

He's such a hypocrite.

"So Pledis doesn't know, is that true?"

"Of course not. They wouldn't do it. We usually bring it up with the company when we are sure we can leverage what we found and make it a choice between a public scandal, thus going out of business, lawsuits and the sort, and killing all activities. Nobody has ever chosen not to do it."

"Is this... legal?"

"In many ways, not quite. But we have the freedom to choose the means for our most desired outcome, and the government agrees with it. They don't want a public scandal of the sort, it would ruin all the work they did to publish idol culture abroad."

That part is true. It would; except the government doesn't agree with what he does in the slightest.

"I have so many questions."

"Ask them. I know... this is a lot, and I don't expect you to trust me or anything of the sort, but I want to at least be able to not lie to you. There might be questions I can't answer, but... ask me."

"Is your real name Seungcheol?"

Oh, damn. Seungcheol didn't think about that one. Whoops.

"It's not. I can't tell you my real one though," he says, hopes it sounds about right. "I'm sorry, this is one thing I... can't quite do. Just call me Seungcheol. I've been in this position and on this case for so long I don't even know if I am anyone else anymore."

He's not. He's not anyone else. The escape out of that one was flimsy, he has to admit.

"Was everything lies then?"

"Honestly, no." He takes a breath, fixes his eyes on Jihoon. Out of all looks he's ever had to throw to people, the one where he allows himself to feel vulnerable is the hardest one to do. Looking at Jihoon gulp and swallow, he thinks he might have succeeded though.

"I think a lot of people get their understanding of what it means to be undercover from like TV and so. And while that can be accurate, it's not really like that. It's... we keep our lives. And our thoughts. And our things, and desires. We're not emotionless, we don't just... change entirely according to what we do. What we do changes us, somehow, but instead of being a cover, it becomes a part of us. I still believe in entertainment, and in you, and in your group, and if I said I feel very much feel like an imposter, now you understand why."

God damn, Seungcheol needs an Oscar for this performance.

"And I wanted to kiss you. I know I shouldn't have because of all of this, but I wasn't thinking much. I understand if you want to have nothing to do with me, but I want to put it out there, that... I trusted you with this because I didn't want to lie. But it's up to you. I want you, but whatever you want, I'll do."

To be fully honest here, it's not like he _doesn't_ like Jihoon. Again, if he had a choice, he would have chosen not to get involved with him. But Jihoon can hold his own, is quite a good kisser, and will probably prove to be as good of a fuck. If a relationship is what he needs to fake here, that's fine.

"If I ask anything else... will you answer?"

"I will if I can, I promise."

"I think I get it. I see why you had to lie, I don't blame you, and you telling me this... is a lot. But I appreciate it."

There's nothing else for him to answer here. It's time for Jihoon to take the lead here, for Seungcheol to leave him some wiggle room. Plus, he's kind of looking cute right now, with his furrowed brows, his confused expression, how he's trying to look into Seungcheol.

"I want to try." _There we go._

It's as much confirmation as anything for him to touch Jihoon, draw him to him. Too much talk, Seungcheol almost got bored. Jihoon in his lap, tangling his tongue with his? That's way more interesting.

* * *

Most of all, he's wondering how Jihoon will react to the scars and marks on his chest. Will he be scared, will he be turned off?

But when Jihoon actually touches him, he looks nothing of the sort. He just looks… questioning, like he’s wondering where Seungcheol got them, how he has gotten to have them. Most of all, though, he looks fascinated by the flowers on his right side, can’t hold back from running a finger over them. It kind of tickles.

"They're gladiolus flowers. They were my mom's favorites and are mine too. They signify strength of character, and honor, but also remembrance.” Why he started, he doesn’t know. He just felt the desire to tell Jihoon that, and didn’t hold back.

She would have wanted Seungcheol to tell him, maybe.

"She was a high-class escort, but a happy one, out of her own choice. She liked doing it, having that power over men, and she was much smarter than anyone she ever slept with. I was able to give up who I was for what I do because I didn't have much tying me to life anyway, and when she died, I had nothing. It's for her that I took this case up, since it's maybe my last one before I move on to something else. To free the people that do not want to do it, or if they do, to empower them and help them."

That’s perhaps the only thing he hasn’t lied about to Jihoon so far. Back then, when he was given the choice to do something, he didn’t even think twice before taking prostitution on. Many called him crazy and many still do, and perhaps Seungcheol is crazy. But he doesn’t mind it, because every day he feels one step closer to his mother, and for him, that is enough.

But now is not the time to think about stuff like that, he thinks, and draws Jihoon down, fixes his gaze on him, compliments him, because all in all, he deserves it. Seungcheol doesn't lie when saying he finds him gorgeous.

* * *

Jihoon looks lost, out of his head when Seungcheol caresses him, looks for his sensitive spots and kisses them, or leaves barely-there bites. His whines are so cute Seungcheol can't help but chuckle, seeing him so desperate, so he figures he'll give in to what he wants.

Not that Seungcheol minds.

But by the time he figures out where he's put the damn lube and condoms, Jihoon looks different when he comes back, more collected; he's breathing hard, but his eyes are clear.

That won't do.

He makes sure to push him a bit more than he otherwise would when he's being "gentle", to make him lose some of that comfort he's obviously feeling. He wants to keep him on edge, wants to put a sliver of pain in a little bit, to test if Jihoon can be subsided by that.

He doesn't, he barely seems to notice the tinge of pain he must be feeling, so Seungcheol has to figure something else up. Sex is always dangerous; things can be revealed unwillingly when people are led by pleasure, so he has to be very careful with it.

If usually he fucks everyone on their back for the first time, to be able to see them, even if it's not necessarily better for what he needs, Jihoon's behavior and posture are telling enough, so he turns him around and arranges him on all fours. Nothing like a little bit of the embarrassment you feel when being exposed like that, made to kneel and bow, to usually get people to whine and lose themselves. Jihoon's probably not that aware of how Seungcheol seems to be running through different moods and situations, since he doesn't seem to have much experience, so he's not scared he'll be suspicious.

So he doesn't hold back. He enters him in one smooth motion, and pulls on some of the techniques that usually make people lose their minds. He makes sure to keep it varied, thrusting into him slow then fast, powerful and then not as much, hitting his spot sometimes.

But it doesn't work as he wants. Jihoon's obviously enjoying it, and he looks so good under him Seungcheol is kind of impressed, but this is not what he's here for.

So he bends down, laying over Jihoon's back and enveloping him, hugging him close, to whisper in his ear.

"God, you are so amazing," he says, and thrusts slow, deep, to drive Jihoon crazy. "So, so good," he continues and doesn't stop, running through how grateful he is and how amazing Jihoon's making him feel.

And it's working, god it's working, Seungcheol feels Jihoon melt into his arms and start whining, obviously losing his composure. So this is it, he smirks a little bit, biting his lip to get his mask back on before he pulls out and turns Jihoon around on his back.

He had a hunch and of course it was true; Jihoon doesn't need the pleasure, the rush, or the sex itself, he probably gets enough of that as he's an idol, and that, plus the excitement he gets from being on stage make him desensitized to the kind of physical ecstasy you can get from a good round. What he needs is the connection, the feelings, despite looking unapproachable and reserved. Seungcheol can give him that.

So he does his best to kiss and caress him like before, while also letting himself feel it, so he can come soon as well. It's not hard because Jihoon is drop-dead gorgeous, and Seungcheol has a thing for the kind of people that are strong and confident even while he gets them under him. He's learned that Jihoon is fairly self-conscious, but by how he looks now, you wouldn't say so; it's just that it's Seungcheol's job to be good at playing the right cards. Left unleashed, Jihoon could prove to be quite fun.

His hand rubs Jihoon's cock again to get him to come, biting at his neck, which he's learned is probably his most sensitive spot, after his inner thighs. And when Jihoon does, Seungcheol comforts him with well-chosen words and well-placed kisses.

Jihoon trembles when he comes, and clenches so tight around Seungcheol he comes as well, into the condom and buried deep inside Jihoon. His orgasms never made him lose it or anything, but when he pulls out, he can truly appreciate that Jihoon is a very good fuck. Makes his job much more _pleasurable._

* * *

"Am I doing well?" Jeonghan asks quietly when Jihoon is in the bathroom, twirling the wine in his glass.

"I think you can lay off of it. He doesn't look like he cares much. Or is pretending to," Seungcheol chuckles. When Jeonghan does something, he does it all the way.

"He does," Jisoo chimes in. "He's forcing himself not to care, but he looks a lot. Even if he doesn't realize it now, he will later. When you need to."

"Sometimes you scare me," Jeonghan shakes his head to Jisoo. "I think he's sweet though. Obviously smart, pretty controlled too. Shy, but pretty confident even though he's insecure, I see what you've been telling us about. Must be the idol life. Gotta perform no matter what, and do it well. But I like him."

_"So what do you want from him?" Jisoo asks._

_"Not sure," Seungcheol hums, listening for his footsteps. The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing rings out. "We'll see."_

When they leave, Seungcheol finds himself so tired all of a sudden too, he didn't even think about sex or anything of the sort. It's kind of... weirdly domestic, how quickly he was okay with Jihoon staying over. It feels like this lie is getting to him a little bit too, he quickly realizes.

* * *

Choi Kyungtaek welcomes him at the door, and Seungcheol takes off his coat to give to the attendant. It's good that he put on one of his more impressive suits and watch; this is not a casual party in the slightest.

Looking around, he sees people chatting with each other, congregating around tables or around parts of the big ballroom. He can tell at a glance who seems to be powerful and who is not, who is pretending and who is not. For someone new to this, it might be hard to distinguish the trainees from everyone else; for Seungcheol, it's so easy.

Despite what they told Jihoon, however, their main goal here is not to reach out to trainees. Seungcheol's main goal here is to identify who the heads of the company which is the link between entertainment companies and Korean companies is, and preferably, to stake out some of its projects depending on who else is in the room.

"I feel like I should have brought a date," he tells Choi, who chuckles.

"It's alright. Between you and I, not many people go home with the people they came with."

Of course they don't, when they make it so easy for that happen.

"I also don't seem to know many people around the room," he tells Choi, trying to get him to introduce him to some people so Junhui, who's listening, can quickly stake out who is who. "Very late to this whole entertainment business."

"It's alright. We would like you to meet some people."

Seems like he's Choi's keeper for tonight. Jeonghan would probably bend over backward laughing.

Choi does keep to his promise, and does introduce him to many businessmen around the room. Junhui's whispering in his ear who's who, until they reach someone named Kim Kyungwon and some people around them, and Junhui's whispers in his ears become frantic.

_"Wait wait wait don't leave this one. He's familiar."_

So Seungcheol lays on his charm, says hello, shakes his hand, flashes his watch because that means something to them, Seungcheol didn't put on his most expensive Vacheron Constantin for nothing.

A few minutes after, Seungcheol kind of figures out why he's familiar. The people around him look at him a bit reverently, laugh at his jokes in a bit of a fake way. He doesn't seem to be the CEO, he doesn't have that vibe, but Seungcheol would bet he's pretty far up in the company. If you ask Seungcheol, he looks a little bit like someone who tried to get to the top but fell a few positions short, lacking in the skills needed for it. Seungcheol's dealt with many people of his kind who tried to come for him.

_"I think he might be the CFO or something. He's an accountant by training, so it might be so. When we were looking around, his name popped up a couple of times. He's definitely part of it."_

Okay, Seungcheol thinks. He needs to figure it out. He tunes him out for a second, focuses on a strategy; he needs to get to the backroom conversation here, find a way to get him drunk.

Tuning back in, he hears him say what he thinks is a funny story, puts a smile on.

"I bet you a bottle of the best whiskey they have here it's not true," Seungcheol says, pasting in the appropriate reactions, a smirk, joking laughter, a bit of an 'I challenge you' vibe.

"Oh let me tell you," he says, and Seungcheol has no doubt the story involving some sort of hunting prey is true. He's glad to lose, for once.

He gets him, what seems to be his wife, and some other people at a table eventually, and true to his word, gets a nice bottle of whiskey. He makes sure to plant them at a corner of the room where a trashcan or a plant is more likely to be, and takes the seat next to the plant. Poor plant is going to die, Seungcheol feels a little bit guilty.

But he can't get drunk. Thankfully, he's younger, so he has to turn his head and put a hand in front of his drink when he drinks, the perfect decoy to slip the plant 100,000 won worth of whiskey.

He doesn't know who these other people are except someone who Seungcheol thinks is a Korean film company executive, and that leaves him unsettled. Some of them give him police or military vibes, but Junhui's kept quiet about them, so they're probably not threatening. Still, he'd like to know. So he excuses himself to the bathroom for a second, and finds a quiet corner to whisper to him.

"Who are they? The other people at the table?"

_"I was looking. Besides Choi, two of them are film company executives, I am guessing some others are people from the company, I'm taking down their names, but interesting enough, two of them seem to be cops."_

"Corrupt ones?"

_"Probably. Can't find much about them, but will whisper if I do. Stay vigilant."_

Seungcheol does, returns to the table, and gets another couple of bottles of something. Kim seems well on his way to being drunk, but some others are faking it. Now that he looks, he can see how two of them are sitting at opposite ends of the table, kind of quiet. The posture is what gives them away, now that Seungcheol knows what exactly to look for.

Why are they here? That's interesting. Seungcheol needs to get rid of them, and quick, if he wants more info from Kim. Thankfully, they came single, which is also a dead giveaway. He should mention this to Wonwoo next time he sees him.

He gets Choi's attention, leans to whisper in his ear.

"You mentioned something about... some people of yours being here. Do you think we can get some over here? Not for me, but it seems some people at this table need dates too."

A few minutes later, a few girls arrive and sit down. Seungcheol honestly feels bad for them, but this is not the time for regrets. Kim obviously ignores them, and some others with dates do as well, but the two policemen are stuck. The girls are persistent, he has to give it to them, and soon enough, they give in. Easy prey. If they're here for the same purpose as he is, they probably did a cost-benefit analysis and realized the CFO is not really enough for this hunt; although Seungcheol doubts they are. They wouldn't be smart enough.

Now that they're gone, Seungcheol can start.

"So what business did you say you were doing? I heard some things, but I wasn't sure I heard well."

"We do..." he stops, looks at someone else at the table. What an idiot. Seungcheol is starting to think everyone he has to deal with in this world is completely and utterly incapable of holding themselves back. Seungcheol keeps the face of the guy he looked to in mind to ask about him later. "I deal with entertainment, work on investing in movie projects, financials, actors, you know, that kind of stuff."

"I hear that's getting much harder today, there's so much competition."

"It is. Damned Americans come in, try to buy everything. But we do what we can do."

"Foreign influence will take us nowhere, I think so too. What can be done should be done in Korea."

"That's what I think too! That's why we only deal with Korean firms and people. That's what we need to do."

The other people at the table have fallen quiet, also a bit too drunk to fully stop him or figure out how to intervene. This conversation doesn't make any sense, but Seungcheol needs to give a last final push and go. Choi has been subtly sending people to him for the past 10 minutes or so; Seungcheol has looked once at them but didn't go further, subtly rejecting them. Choi's getting desperate, that much is obvious; just like Jihoon told them.

"The only thing I'm worried about is that the government doesn't like it much, you know what I'm saying. They don't like what's been happening in entertainment."

"The government doesn't know anything," he huffs, waving a shaky hand. "They are way more corrupt than us."

"They are, aren't they? I've been dealing with them for a while, and they don't know much. From music, movies, prostitution, money laundering, they don't know much. It's the same thing for them. But I can't complain, it lets us do things as we want them to be, put them together as we want, connect them. I'm lucky to be running a profitable company, I believe you are too."

There it is; he's thrown the words. In his tipsy haze, Kim realizes it, that Seungcheol's unto him. He barely holds back from smirking when he sees his expression.

It works just like Junhui and he discussed it. Throw them a bone, make them realize Seungcheol wasn't playing, that it's getting real, that they messed up, and then they get desperate. They reach out to him, and reveal themselves in the process. He just needs to protect himself.

There's a kid who's been there for a while, probably Choi's last resort. But he looks at him, beckons the kid to come closer. He's clueless, even now Seungcheol has to do all the work.

"Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I have business to attend to," he winks. "It was a pleasure to be acquainted."

The kid looks like he's either shit his pants or found the end of a rainbow when Seungcheol puts a hand around his waist.

"Nice to meet you. What's your name?"

* * *

_Seungcheol takes a look at him, smirking. Not too bad, not too bad at all. This is not going badly at all._

_He didn't quite expect it going that well, especially after what Jihoon told them. But now this kid's on his knees, metaphorically and literally, and Seungcheol can taste the win. It's close. He should probably thank Jihoon._

_A bit later though. Not quite right now. Two minutes of distraction won't be too bad._

But then he looks down at the kid, sees his foundation running from the sweat, probably since it's cheap, sees how he is on his knees and gulping, obviously trying to psych himself up to do this. No matter how much he flirted with him before, how much he seems to be actually into him because Seungcheol could tell the kid felt like he struck gold and fell to his knees right as they entered the room, _he can't do this._ It goes against everything he's ever worked for, no matter where it gets him.

So he puts a hand on the trainee's shoulder, stops him from trying to reach and undo his zipper. Instead, he crouches down, to be eye-level with him.

"You don't have to do this."

"It's okay, it's okay, please, let me," he instantly panics, reaching to Seungcheol, sensing that he might have messed up.

"Hey, hey, calm down. It's fine, it's fine," Seungcheol grabs both his arms, waits for him to understand he's not in danger. "I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do. You are not here for my pleasure."

"I want to do it. I don't mind, it's okay, I like it," he says, rushed, bobbing his head up and down, but there's tears in his eyes. He's young, way too young. Barely legal, probably. His emotions are so clear on his face he's not even an open book. Seungcheol doesn't even have to read.

"You don't. It's alright."

"No I do, it's fine, that's what they put me here for."

"They?" Seungcheol catches on to what he's here for. The kid immediately shuts up, clamping his mouth shut quite comically.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that, I'm so sorry."

"Why are you apologizing to me? You don't need to, you did nothing wrong. Who put you here?" He asks, enough anger in his voice to scare him a little bit into answering, let it shine that he's frustrated with this entire situation but not with him. Which he honestly is.

"Nobody, nobody did. It was a mistake."

"Listen, kid," Seungcheol starts, staring down at him. "I'm not here to get you in trouble. I really am not. And I can help you at least get out of here safe."

His eyes raise to Seungcheol, and god damn, Seungcheol really hates that look. He's seen it many times in his girls, the ones he found and took out of the streets, when he talked to them. When their eyes are teary and they're barely holding back from crying, but there's a kind of hesitant relief in there, a knowledge that tells them this might be good, but they're too scared to believe in it, because of the walls they put up. He hates it, because he's seen it thousands of times, and every single time, it raises anger in him.

But he's dealt with it thousands of times. So it's not hard for him to say what's best for the situation, make the kid trust him, see what he needs to get out of there safely and not get in trouble with Pledis.

In the meantime, he also gets enough details about who in Pledis is doing this, and why. He doesn't want to say many things, but Seungcheol can read through the answers, piece them together with the meetings he's had with Pledis. For something they don't quite need, it's enough.

It serves as enough time for Jeonghan and Jisoo to find out if there are other people in there they need to care about. When he gets the message that it's clear, he takes the trainee out as he promised, and remembers to mention him, also as promised, maybe push Pledis into debuting him. Talent is built, not born with, so whatever it is, they can figure it out. Not Seungcheol's problem.

The kid gives him his number, and after some thought, Seungcheol throws it away. Maybe it's on principle, maybe it's not, but Seungcheol can intervene for him once without ever seeing him again.

* * *

His cock in Jihoon's mouth, on the other hand, that's something he doesn't mind _at all._ He's obviously not experienced, and after a few almost accidents with Jihoon's teeth way too close to his cock, he decides to take the reins.

"You're doing so good, Jihoon-ah," he says when Jihoon takes him deeper. He's almost surprised at how deep his voice sounds. "Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah. Tell me."

Oh, Jihoon's voice sounds wrecked already. God, he would sound so pretty getting his mouth fucked, Seungcheol can only imagine.

"Go slow," Seungcheol says, putting a hand in his hair. The light reflects off of his watch, the reason why Jihoon got so hot and bothered in the first place. It gave Seungcheol a little ego burst, seeing him crack so obviously. "Take just a little, and use your tongue." He does that, swirls his tongue over his tip and his slit which honestly feels much better than he thought. Instead of consistency, these little bursts of pleasure kind of turn Seungcheol on.

"That's good. Go down when you want, suck your cheeks in." Jihoon follows his words, and when he tightens his cheeks abruptly, Seungcheol _feels it._ "Fuck. That was good," his words escape him, because it was.

"Good?" Jihoon pulls away to ask, looking up at him with teary eyes and red lips, and seriously, he's really testing Seungcheol's patience here. If this was anyone else, Seungcheol would have had his cock buried in their throat five minutes ago.

"Yeah. You're so slow it's kind of teasing. Feels really good," he answers, doing his best not to let his expression change. He's surprised, all in all, is sure some of it is in reflected when Jihoon locks his eyes with his.

He's never had any issues with his size, knows he's quite larger than average, and seeing Jihoon struggle with that, his pretty red lips wrapped taut around him... it's something.

"Like that, yeah... Tighten your hand. Fuck, Jihoon-ah... You're amazing." He says, mostly truth. He might be exaggerating it a little, but he's impressed, and he lets the tension build up in his stomach, warns Jihoon.

Instead of pulling off, Jihoon says it's fine and keeps going, and that's fine by Seungcheol. *Really fine.* Maybe he would've liked to come on his face, but that's alright. There will surely be another time.

Jihoon seems surprised when Seungcheol wants to kiss him after he's come in his mouth. Seungcheol actually has very strong feelings about that, about how some men will refuse to kiss their partners after they've gotten a blowjob; Seungcheol finds that awful and so ridiculous, but he digresses.

He should take care of Jihoon, he figures, draws him in his lap, takes his cock out of his sweatpants. He's hard, already turned on just from having sucked Seungcheol off, and that is quite interesting. Seungcheol kind of likes knowing that.

Jihoon writhes in his arms and grinds down on him, obviously sensitive and so close, and Seungcheol kind of wants to push him. This Jihoon is so different from the Jihoon he expected and also not at all; he expected him to be way more careful with how he is, way more collected, but Jihoon fell for him easily, so he's not surprised he can also let go easily.

"You look good like this. Relaxed and confident." He kind of does. It's a virtue, to be so independent and yet so able to let go. Seungcheol thinks he has some stuff to learn from him, maybe.

"I love you letting me see you like this," he continues, feeling the vibrations of Jihoon's moan on his neck. "Let go for me, baby."

The pet name seems to get to him and he does, coming all over Seungcheol's fist and sheets. Ah, he has to do laundry. Some other time, he can just grab new sheets now.

"All good?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"I should be thanking you. You did a lot for me," he shakes his head. Despite what he's doing with Jihoon, he's not ungrateful.

"Wanted to. I liked it."

"Thank you anyway. Shower and then let's talk a little?" He'll tell Jihoon about the event, figures he can be honest. Jeonghan and Jisoo did get more  _action_ than him, that's one, and he doesn't have to mention anything about the company.

"Sure."

* * *

The day after Jihoon leaves during the night, over a cup of coffee in the morning, he figures he fucked up a little bit, might have let go a little too much. Jihoon had clearly been a little bit jealous when he told him the story, and especially after the blowjob and everything, something seems to have cracked. A wall between them or something of the sort.

He figures he has to get some of it back, should stake his power a little stronger here. Maybe he'll do some shopping for Jihoon.

* * *

 _"It worked. They've tried to find us, but the thing is. There's somebody else looking,"_ Junhui tells him on the phone a few days after.

"Who?"

_"Government computers cannot hide their origin that well, especially Korean ones. Some of them are tracing us, and trying to hit a couple of places I didn't expect them to, like personal in-system files."_

"What are you saying?"

_"I'm saying the government's somehow trying to get involved again. I don't know how yet, I'm trying to trace the exact source, but just thought you might want to know."_

"Do you think they're linked? To the company?"

_"Don't know yet. Remains to be seen."_

"Can you send me the technical details of who tried to access each file? You have that system, right? I'll try to figure out who has access to them."

_"Will do."_

It gives Seungcheol an ominous feeling, Junhui's phone call. Maybe it's just paranoia, but Seungcheol never gets paranoid for no reason. He has had a feeling for the past while that everything was too quiet, going too well. Usually, the government would have a few random visits to houses, some police would find a way to get involved. But now, it's been months and almost nothing happened.

Seungcheol needs to get his bearings back and stop being distracted, that's what he needs. Especially now, when it's so important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't quite know if I'll be able to have the next chapter by Saturday because there's a lot to write for it, but I might, so keep an eye out! Thank you for reading <3


	13. although you break the roots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SERIOUS WARNING: This chapter contains explicit drug use. If you want to skip it, the start of the scene is marked with ********. If you want to skip only the part where the drug use is detailed, skip down to the next ********. If you want to skip the entire scene it is mentioned in, skip down to the -------------.
> 
> (I'm actually SO excited for this chapter, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do! <3)

"How sure are you?" Jeonghan puts his hands on his desk, leans forward. There's nobody else in here because right now, there's nobody else he can trust.

"Almost entirely so. Come here," he beckons him over to the screen. "Check this out. Many files I've found were hit had a lot of people who could access them, so doing cross checks didn't help. But there's this one here, that's a list of house profits for above the river in Seoul. This is only accessible by you, me, Jaehwa, and Jaehyuk, since we worked on modernizing the system two times ago. I... am choosing to trust Jaehwa because she said she was on it at that time, and they tried to access it when we were in the Pledis event that night. Nobody opened our computers at those times, and Jaehwa said she was on it, as I said, which checks out: one access here.

The only person who has access to it and could've done it is him. It might be more difficult than that, but besides the security system, you have to have the file itself to try to get through the system. So he took the file to someone's computer and I think he assumed security would be easily broken and not traceable, but it wasn't since I had Junhui change a lot of things without telling him a couple of weeks ago."

"Seungcheol... are you serious?"

"I am very serious. If Junhui's latest system update didn't help strengthen the security system when files are accessed outside computers and put tracing patterns, along with other stuff, it would've been broken without us knowing due to his skill."

"And he did it?"

"Do you see any other explanation?" He leans back in his chair. "I've been thinking for three days. I have nothing else."

"That little fucker. I'm going to kill him myself. After everything we've done for him?" 

"Not yet. We have to figure out how long this has been going on, if they have other stuff from before the system was updated."

"How much do you think whoever Jaehyuk gave this to know?" Jeonghan asks, putting his face in his hands, sighing. "How bad can it be?"

"Honestly? It could be pretty bad."

"Do you think they'll reveal anything before we can get to them, whoever they might be?" He throws, leaning forward. There's sudden exhaustion on his face. Seungcheol knows; he hasn't slept much in the past week either.

"I really don't know. Junhui said it came from an IT division of the police or something, he couldn't tell really tell yet. I have a suspicion though."

"Who?" Jeonghan demands.

"Park."

Jeonghan's eyebrows raise. "Park Cheolsoo? Wonwoo's stepfather?"

"Mhm."

"Why?"

"When I was at the event, there were two policemen at the table. Junhui and I found them later, and they were two of the people who worked at the Seoul central police station when he was the chief there. Must be two of his trusted men. I thought then they were there for who we're targeting, but they were not. They were there for me."

"Hm. I thought he learned his lesson."

"Clearly not. I think this is his grand heist now. He's a little too close though, I don't like it," Seungcheol says, looks at Jeonghan. He is worried, and truthfully, so is Seungcheol. Right now, in the context of them reaching out and trying to break careful bonds, it could spell disaster.

* * *

The smoke in the basement of the building envelops Seungcheol right as he walks in. Not exactly what you'd think of an afterparty for the kind of party that was just thrown, these low-lit halls and private rooms.

An employee leads him through the narrow corridors until they reach a door which he opens, signals for Seungcheol to walk in and bows. At the head of the table, there's somebody he's never seen before, and around him, there are people at different stages of sobriety and at different stages of undress, laughing.

The man at the head of the table looks utterly unimpressed, unattached to the ruckus around him. The cacophony of sounds gets to Seungcheol's ears, he couldn't make his presence known even if he wanted to.

He switches his arm on the door, checks his gun with a brush of his wrist. Right then, the man at the head of the table switches his eyes to him, keeps them there. He's not old, maybe in his 40s or 50s, and he's incredibly well groomed. Flawless.

"Choi Seungcheol. Come in," he gestures to somewhere next to him. Around him, the low rectangular table is full, and there are people everywhere around him on the low couches. Each of the men has a woman whom they're either kissing or trying to go further with, and nobody's paying any attention, obviously on something. Seungcheol sits down in the only spot available, across from him at the other head of the table. He wonders if he'll be able to hear the man through the mess, but he can.

"I am surprised you came."

"You invited me. Why wouldn't I come?"

Lee Hyunbin. The CEO. There are not many things to this man beside there being nothing on this man. He's like his company, existent and not, unable to be gauged or determined, squared or quantified. Seungcheol is blind here.

"You gave my CFO quite a scare. But I think it's fair for me to trust you're on our side?"

"Of course," Seungcheol smiles.

There's no trust in here. Seungcheol will die at the slightest sign of something off.

But he mentally cracks his fingers, gets ready to get to work.

*******************************************

  
"Would you like some?" Lee points to the table, to the mounds of white powder on it. If Seungcheol says no, that's a potential problem. He has to do it.

Lee's eyes are on him the entire time, unmoving. Seungcheol hasn't done cocaine in such a long time, he doesn't even know how he'll react to it. He was never particularly sensitive to drugs of any kind; hopefully, that's still the case and they won't hit him too badly.

He takes the credit card on the table, a very prestigious one. A show-off too. Lee might not be as untypical as he thought.

He has his tactics though. He puts it into a clean line, hides it behind the mound on the table so Lee can't exactly see, clearly thins it out and puts way less than he should, brings it to the edge of the table. Right when he bends down, he spreads it into two lines, clearing the thicker one out from the edge of the table and to the floor with the card in a split second. What's left is barely anything, and he takes it easily.

Lee's eyes are still on him when his head comes up. He must be on it himself, but he can't tell cause he hasn't met him before, can't quite judge the level of awareness in his eyes. He'll say he's not, just to not underestimate him.

He needs to get this done quick though, in the 5-10 minutes before it hits.

  
*******************************************

"I am surprised you invited me. I thought I would have to reach out to you."

"Of course not. After the stunt you pulled at that party, of course we had to invite you. How did you find out?"

"I have my ways. But it was very difficult to find you indeed."

"Really?" The man nods, smirks.

"Let's get down to business," Seungcheol interlocks his fingers on the table, leans forward. It's hitting him a little bit, firing him up. Nothing like he remembers though. That's good. It will probably be gone in less than an hour. "I am here because I need something from you."

"Really? What could you need from us? Don't you own like all the houses up here?" Lee leans back and asks.

"Those won't do. I need something more entertainment-focused."

"How come?"

"As I am sure you know, I have been doing a lot of work in the US. Still an underrated market. They seem to be very interested in _our_ entertainment market for some deals." Seungcheol's way more straightforward now than he'd usually be, but he feels there is no messing around with Lee. The less he says, the better.

"What kind of deals?"

Goddamn, Seungcheol's heartbeat is quickening, his legs shaking. He hates this shit.

"Mostly American debuts. Some trainees to go to America, some world tours. They are some companies you don't already work with, I can tell you that."

"And what kind of work do you do with them?"

"The work I do is independent of this. They just brought it up with me since they weren't sure how far I extend. So I came to you."

Maybe the cocaine was a good thing. Lee seems like he believes him, hesitantly; he's tried to weaken Seungcheol, and with that assumption, since everything Seungcheol's saying is making sense, he knows because he's run through it so many times, it works. It's not far from the truth as well, except Seungcheol doesn't exactly want to concede his business to them. 

"What's your role in here?"

"Just to be the middleman. I know you are already the middlemen, but I can make the connections. Maintaining good relationships with them is important to me, and if this is what they want, I need to give it to them."

The high is only rising; he hates how slow the effects of cocaine are. If Seungcheol didn't convince him until now, he won't be able to do it now.

He forces himself to stay calm, keep his heart rate under control when Lee seems a bit further away, thinking.

"How about you send me some proposals and we can talk further about this?"

He doesn't trust him. That's fine. Seungcheol can work with that. Truly, all he needed was to know who he is.

"Until then, you can have fun," Lee smirks, leans back in his chair again, signs to a girl to come over to him and sends one to Seungcheol.

She takes her place in Seungcheol's lap. He doesn't want to know where she came from. When he looks into her eyes, there's nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

Seungcheol puts his hands on her hips, forces his mind to disconnect while still being careful of his surroundings. He needs to ride the high before he can leave, so he can drive and not die on the way.

  
\--------------------------

 

He doesn't go to work the next day, does stuff from home, goes to get tested for whatever the fuck happened the night before, and gets cleared. As much as he'd like to pretend it's not happening, he's getting older, and the smallest amount of drugs or alcohol that are not part of his routine get to him.

Instead, he figures he'll call Jihoon, finally have him make use of that thing. He needs to unwind a little bit too.

When he picks him up, Seungcheol can see how needy Jihoon is. He knew Jihoon would break and let go with him eventually, but this is even more than he expected. It didn’t even come to his mind that Jihoon would ever be able to get as open as this, as trusting of Seungcheol.

So that’s why it surprises him even more when Jihoon’s hand envelops his wrist and stops him from moving his hand on his cock when it’s clear he’s seconds away from coming.

“Stop, please. I’ll come,” he hears him whisper, in a broken tone that lays his pleasure out for Seungcheol to see. He does stop, feeling Jihoon squeezing his wrist hard to control himself.

He’s surprised. He hadn’t planned on holding back, wanted to make Jihoon come and play on his oversensitivity, on his desperation. In reality, he didn’t actually think Jihoon _would be able_ to stop since he’s so obviously desperate to come, but he has.

It isn’t quite the first time Jihoon surprises him, but this he really didn’t expect.

Despite himself, despite the fact that he’s been in way dirtier and more exciting positions than this, it’s... strange. It’s been so long since something got him turned on besides his will, since being able to control your emotions and your urges are the most important things you have to do in his position. And yet, it kind of stirs something in him, seeing Jihoon like this, so willingly obeying him, but in that way that’s clearly him making the decisions. Wrecked like this, his body calls the shots, and yet Jihoon still is able to make the decision to stop, maybe because of his training as an idol, maybe because of his personality.

It’s not the first time Jihoon’s surprised him, but it’s the first time Seungcheol realizes he’s perhaps underestimated him.

A man needs to be able to realize when he's made a mistake, and he’s made one here. Maybe Jihoon won’t know it, but Seungcheol feels like he owes him an apology for that one.

So he takes him in his mouth, which is something he's not done in a while, makes him come even though he planned to wait longer, because damn, he deserves it.

Except when he's actually come, Jihoon turns his eyes to him, and what Seungcheol sees in him leaves him dumbfounded. His eyes are open, clear; there's something there Seungcheol has never seen. It's not a game anymore. It's way past that. He tries not to let it show. He tries really hard to be like he usually is, but his careful mask of composure and teasing attitude is mostly show this time.

And on the way back, Jihoon lays his hand on his and Seungcheol naturally just turns his hand around and this is _really_ not a game anymore.

* * *

Back home, with a glass of whiskey, he takes the time to think.

The thing is... he likes it. He likes seeing Jihoon naked on his bed, he likes seeing him spread himself up and hold himself open for Seungcheol’s cock to slip inside him. He likes seeing Jihoon tremble on his fingers or with Seungcheol’s mouth around him. This should have been the first sign, since Seungcheol doesn’t really like sucking people off. But he did it to Jihoon.

He likes it even when it doesn’t bring him pleasure, likes putting a plug or a vibrator inside Jihoon to watch him struggle to come, and it _turns him on too._ He’ll wring Jihoon dry, make him come until he can’t remember his name, or so he thinks, but then Jihoon notices Seungcheol didn’t do anything to himself and he has a hard-on, and makes sure he takes care of him too.

He could easily tell when Jihoon was in control of himself and when he wasn’t, to be able to play around his emotions and encourage him to let go with him, build that feeling of trust. When he’d be gone with pleasure, Seungcheol would make sure to keep going as hard as needed, but be caring with him. When he wouldn’t be, Seungcheol would make sure he did something that could make him get out of his head, to make sure Jihoon trusts him so he could use him. But recently... he doesn’t care about that. Recently, he fucks Jihoon or touches him or kisses him just the same, he's realized.

There are no words to say how bad that is, since he doesn’t really need Jihoon anymore, fuck it, he didn’t even need him much in the beginning. He doesn’t even need his connection with Pledis anymore since they’ve changed their plan to focus on the company, not building relationships with its partners.

It’s plain and simple: he should have gotten rid of Jihoon a long time ago. But Jihoon has made his way into his life one damn orgasm at a time.

The thing is, he’s not stupid. He knows sex is just the means, the surface of the connection he’s built with Jihoon. It’s everything, the conversations, how Jihoon knows the right words for how Seungcheol's feeling even when Seungcheol doesn't let it show, which he didn’t even expect, how he stands his ground. Seungcheol can pretend during sex, and can touch him and tell him things, but he can’t pretend his feelings or how Jihoon is affecting him. He can hide them, but what’s the use if he doesn’t admit to himself they exist? He’s met very few people whose personalities are as strong and as grounded, who are smart as Jihoon, and he works with all of them, to make sure they don’t escape him.

So he can’t quite give him away. He likes it. _He likes him._ But it’s not like those he works with. He doesn’t like anyone he works with like this, a simple admiration or respect of their personalities, that’s the problem. Jihoon’s special, and he can’t deny it anymore. And if he can’t deny it anymore, this needs to be kept controlled. He can’t feel like this and risk Jihoon leaving; he has to date him, and that’s Seungcheol’s fate. It's just not one he's happy with.

* * *

On that day, he makes sure he's not meeting Jihoon, or anyone for that matter. Out of all days in the year, this is the one when he can't quite do anything significant.

But then there's a knock on his house door, and when Seungcheol looks, it's Jeonghan. He lets him in, and takes his questioning gaze when he enters the house.

_Jeonghan's eyes are sharp, trained on him._

_"You..."_

_"What?"_

_"We might have fucked up somewhere. You know that, right?"_

_"If I didn't, would you be here today?"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"It's fine. It's important. I have something planned anyway."_

"So it's us? It's true, he betrayed us because of something we did. And we didn't notice it."

"I don't think it's something we did. I think he just couldn't take it anymore."

Jeonghan pinches the bridge of his nose.

"We have to get rid of him, don't we?"

"Yeah. He's done too much already. I know where he is, I started stuff."

"How do you...?"

Seungcheol takes his second phone out, the secure one, turns it to Jeonghan. There are coordinates on a text message.

"Wonwoo?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Just let me know what I need to do."

"I will. Tomorrow," he says, turns back to the living room. Jeonghan follows him.

"How are you doing?"

"It's been 20 years. I'd say I'm doing better."

It's a lie. The feeling has never changed; if all, it's only gotten worse. Every year, the desire to avenge her has only grown stronger, and yet, Seungcheol still doesn't know who did it and why. This year, it's particularly strong. Or maybe he just doesn't remember how bad it was last year.

Jeonghan doesn't say anything; he pushes him on the wide couch until he's laying on his side, and Jeonghan can hug him close, tuck his head in Seungcheol's neck. Seungcheol doesn't say anything either, just hugs him back, lays his chin on his hair and closes his eyes.

* * *

The next day, Seungcheol makes calls. He and Junhui have found out enough about these people's pasts and connections to be able to know what to do.

One call, there's a scandal about a club a member of the board owns.

Another, someone's daughter gets followed home; not attacked, just followed.

Another one, one of their "after-parties" almost gets found by the police.

The fourth, they realize there's an internal leak in their servers. Not a big deal, he just had to install a little thing in their computers when he met with Lee again.

The fifth is not a call, but it just so happened that after the meeting, somebody reached out to him. An old friend from college that was also not happy with how the company was run. Seungcheol has chosen to reluctantly trust him with some of his ideas, while closely following him, and now he has support in there, or at least some knowledge about how it works. So far, it's proven to be true, but Seungcheol is still ready to act at the first sign it is not.

Sixth, he calls Jeonghan, to deal with their other issue. Not a pleasant task, but it must be done.

After talking to him, he concedes that he might need help, and this they might not be able to do by themselves, if at all. So Seungcheol makes a final call; the one he dreaded the most.

"Hello, dad," he says, stops. "I need your help. I did not want to do it, but..."

_"Why did you not want to do it? I want you to do well, not refuse to ask for my help, son."_

* * *

“It’s almost 4 hours. Ready?” He asks Jeonghan.

“For what, Seungcheolie?” He chuckles. “Please.”

Seungcheol smirks at him and exits the car, Jeonghan following.

He can hear the pacing even from outside, even with the closed blinds and doors. It might just be his head making it up, but also, it’s probably happening.

The code he was told works perfectly, and the door to the safe house opens, Seungcheol letting Jeonghan walk ahead and into the living room.

The look that Jaehyuk has when he sees them. That's what he's here for.

“Hello, Jaehyuk-ah. Nice to see you here,” Jeonghan starts, and Seungcheol wasn’t wrong. He was pacing the living room.

“How did you get here? What did you do with them? Why are they not answering the phone?”

The security guard enters then, and Jaehyuk looks relieved for a second, before the guard turns to Seungcheol and Jeonghan and bows.

“Thank you, Eunwook-ah. You’ve done a great job.” The guard bows again and leaves like Seungcheol’s instructed him, to patrol the outside in case Park decides to suddenly show up to check on his informant.

Jaehyuk looks struck, but it also looks like he’s finally understood.

“What have you done with them?” Jaehyuk asks again, the desperation in his voice letting it show he knows it’s over for him.

“Relax, Jaehyuk-ah. I didn’t go through all that trouble years ago to save your wife and daughter to kill them now. They’ve left the country. Safely. You should thank Jeonghanie here for that, he convinced me to move them to another country so someone else wouldn’t hurt them.” Jeonghan tilts his head when he gets recognized, a smirk on his face. “You know I don’t like hurting innocent people. You’re the one that was at fault here, Jaehyuk-ah. What did you think? You’d help them if you betrayed us? You should’ve known better.”

He keeps silent. There’s no point in talking now.

“Just kill me now.”

“Didn’t I tell you to relax?” He sits down on the armchair in the living room, Jaehyuk glaring daggers at him. What a hero. In another world, he could’ve been a good actor, would’ve fit the dramatic lead role well. “You’ve been poisoned hours ago. We’re just here to make sure the job is done.”

Right then, Jaehyuk’s eyes widen. It’s not the poison yet, but if he panics, he’s only going to make it worse. Seungcheol loves a good timing, a healthy dose of desperation. He doesn’t necessarily love having to get rid of people, but it comes with the job.

Jaehyuk collapses soon enough. He’s not going to die, Seungcheol _really_ doesn’t like finishing people off unless he really has to. He’s just going to be put on life support, but since his wife waived the rights to his life, he’ll be taken out of it in 30 days. He should put a reminder on his phone to check for that; his to-do list is quite funny, actually. Humor in the midst of darkness.

Anyway, it’s because of Jeonghan again, making sure that his wife doesn’t know about him dying. It’s pretty sweet, all in all.

“Let’s go, Jeonghanie.”

So they leave. Seungcheol has way more important business at home anyway.

* * *

His apartment is not empty when he walks in. Wonwoo is lounging on his couch, still in his uniform. He's never come here.

Seungcheol puts away his keys and his coat, hangs it up. When he turns, calm, Wonwoo is standing up.

"Welcome. I hope you made yourself at home," Seungcheol says, takes his shoes off and goes to the kitchen to get a drink. He barely spares him a look.

"I heard it is over."

"What is?" Seungcheol asks, leaning on the handrest of the armchair, sipping at his water.

"Jaehyuk."

"I don't know what you're talking about." His stare falls heavily on Wonwoo.

"Seungcheol... you better keep up your part of the deal, or I swear."

Right then, he hears the door close. Must be Jihoon.

"Come in, Jihoon-ah," he calls out to him, and Jihoon walks to his left side. Seungcheol looks at him and can't help but smile; Jihoon's not playing. "This is Park Wonwoo, he's one of my oldest friends, and he's a senior superintendent for the Seoul Police. We work together in case there's anything they need to work on," he smirks at Wonwoo, subtly. He's not happy.

"Nice to meet you, Lee Jihoon."

"Nice to meet you too."

This is Wonwoo's sign he should leave. If Jihoon wasn't here, Seungcheol is sure he would've had to answer a couple of unsettling questions. But Wonwoo knows this is not the time, heard about Jihoon, and so, his eyes tell Seungcheol this will be dealt with later.

"Thank you for talking to me, Seungcheol. I am sure I will see you around."

Now, Seungcheol can focus.

* * *

Getting Jihoon under him now, he kind of wants to take his time. He figured Jihoon's nipples are kind of sensitive, and indeed, when he moves his mouth over them, Jihoon instantly twitches, unconsciously trying to get away and then relaxing.

There's something about him tonight, or maybe it's still Seungcheol... but he wants him. He wants him so bad it's ridiculous, raw and instinctual in a way he hasn't felt in a long time.

Or maybe now that he's admitted it to himself, maybe he can tell that's a little bit how he's felt with him for a while, without the added layer of forced control he imposes on himself.

It feels good, seeing him like this. Seungcheol smirks and teases him, wants to truly make him feel good, bring out the pleasure in ways Jihoon has probably never seen before.

And he begs _so nicely._ So what can Seungcheol do?

He turns him around on his knees, figures that since he has the time, maybe he'll introduce Jihoon to something new, or at least new for them. He reacts so suddenly when Seungcheol gets his tongue on him, twitches and grabs on to something next to him; one touch and he's gone.

So he goes slow, licks over him, bites his cheek, and slips his tongue in, flattening it and trying to reach as deep as possible. He knows it feels so strange until you get used to it, so he gives Jihoon the time to do that. He doesn't know if he can tell, but he can't stay still; be it grabbing on to the pillows, grinding on Seungcheol's tongue, twitching in his grip. That's a little bit how Seungcheol knows he's giving in to the pleasure when Seungcheol pushes him, that he can't control himself and stay calm.

He stops when he thinks Jihoon can take more, pulls away to grab stuff from the side table, turns around.

And stops.

It hits him like a freight train, how Jihoon looks right now. Naked and on his knees, ass in the air, face buried in his arms on the bed. Only his now blonde hair is peeking out, and he's blushing down to his chest. He's... open.

He turns his head enough for one of his eyes to peek out, glancing at Seungcheol almost shyly. What does Seungcheol do with that?

There's this need in him to put his hands on him, to break the haze, so Seungcheol does. One thumb on his chin, feeling the little bit of stubble there, drawing by his bottom lip, seeing it bounce when he lets go. _Goddamn._

"Jihoonie..." he says, out of nowhere, a word with no meaning. And yet right now...

Jihoon is his. That's it. Body and soul, if Seungcheol wants him, he has him. Running a hand from the tops of his shoulders to the dip in his waist, it fits. It fits so well.

He goes back and can't even focus on what he wanted to do before. The entire way back he's thought about tonight more or less, about getting inside of him, releasing all the stress with him, and now he figures he won't even do it. He'll have Jihoon come, slides one then two fingers inside of him, slips his tongue in again. It's not long before Jihoon begs, almost unconsciously, and Seungcheol gets his other hand on him. The praise comes naturally from Seungcheol now, fueling Jihoon's pleasure until he comes and drops down on the bed, boneless.

He looks exhausted, like Seungcheol's taken everything out of him, and yet, once again, when he realizes Seungcheol hasn't come, he pushes him on the bed and moves to suck him off.

That might be Seungcheol's favorite sight, maybe; seeing Jihoon with his eyes watery and his lips red, his hair messy from Seungcheol's grip. Or maybe his second favorite, after him on his back, his hands gripping to Seungcheol in whatever way he can, his neck arched and mouth open.

He's not going to last long, that's for sure; Jihoon doesn't even bat an eye when Seungcheol comes in his mouth, pulls him in his lap. He's gotten comfortable too, like he knows Seungcheol won't hurt him. He knew that before even Seungcheol did.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just kiss me."

So he does, slow and content. Jihoon's a good kisser, knows when to let go and when to take control, whenever Seungcheol lets him; his hands settle easily in Seungcheol's hair, pulling. How have they gotten here?

His hands press on his hips, a little bit more insistent now, before he hisses, and Seungcheol pulls away. Oh. Those.

"Do these hurt? I'll put some pain relief cream on you before we sleep."

"Not really. I fell yesterday when dancing."

"Hmm," he hums, tilting his head, trying to look. Indeed, he can tell where the fading bruises from him are, but there's another larger one, purple and angry, on his left hip. It looks out of place, they all do. "I don't like it."

"What?"

"Hurting you."

"I asked for it." He did, and Seungcheol didn't mind giving it to him then. Now... it just feels like Seungcheol's branded the fact that he's hurting Jihoon on his skin. Jihoon asked for it, but... did he really?

"I don't like it anyway. You get hurt outside enough, I'm supposed to take care of you."

"You're not supposed to do anything, much less take care of me. We're nothing like that, and you do too much anyway."

Right. Because Jihoon is not his. He hums, his fingers brushing over his shoulder, seeing the dip in his collarbone. He's getting thin again, Seungcheol notices.

He has to date Jihoon. That's how it needs to be... Whatever happens in the future, that seems like the correct, natural conclusion for now.

"Date me. For real. You're way more than nothing to me."

If only it wasn't fucking true.

"You don't have to answer me now. Think about it. I'll go shower, make some food and tea," he says, trying to lighten up the mood, goes to shower and think more.

"You look good," he tells him when he walks into the kitchen. His sweatpants are rolled up, and his shirt is falling from Jihoon's shoulder.

"In your clothes?"

"Yeah. But also just in general." He gives him the tea, his concession so he doesn't drink that much coffee.

"I didn't want to scare you off earlier. When I asked you that."

"You didn't. I just... I don't really know."

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm an idol, and you're working on a case with my company. We're also two guys... If this gets out, it's over for both of us. For my group too. I can't do that to them."

"It's not."

"What are you saying?"

"It will never get out because I will never let it get out. I've never dated anyone where I worked, but I helped people that did. Jihoon, I can't tell you everything, obviously, and you know that. But what I do, it's not low-level, and I'm not waiting for a promotion to run everything for me to not be able to do anything. I have covered up or twisted more things, difficult or strange, than you could ever think of. If we want it to not get out, it will not get out."

That much is true; whatever Seungcheol wants, he can get. If it's silence, then silence it is.

"Why do you want me?"

The million-dollar question. How does he explain this to Jihoon?

"Come here," he says and waits for him to come, pulls him in his lap. "I'll be done soon with Pledis, I was just told. When I do, I'll move on to something else. A new beginning. You don't have to answer me and you don't have to say yes."

But he will. That much he knows. He brands his question with a kiss to the inside of Jihoon's wrist, leaves it there for him to remember.

"When thinking about when that'll happen, the only thing I can actually think about..." he stops, pulls away to look into Jihoon's eyes. "Is how I want you next to me."

* * *

_Cigarettes and a drink on the balcony have always been Seungcheol's guiltiest pleasure. Usually, everybody knows not to bother him, but now, he hears footsteps. He recognizes they're Jaehwa's._

_In another world, where he wasn't who he is and she wasn't who she is, maybe they would've followed through on that agreement. Seungcheol could've made a lot of people happy if he did._

_"Seungcheol-ah."_

_He takes a drag of his cigarette, eyes the pack to get another one._

_"Jeonghan sent me."_

_"He did?"_

_"Yeah. Said I should talk to you about my marriage."_

_"Hmm. Why so?"_

_"He said you'd know. I can see it too, Seungcheol-ah."_

_"See what?"_

_"You're blaming yourself."_

_"Blaming myself?" Seungcheol huffs._

_"Yeah. Not your fault you fell."_

_"Fell? Jaehwa. You know better." Seungcheol looks at her. "There's no world in which I'd afford falling for anyone."_

_"I'm not saying you can afford it, Seungcheol-ah. I'm saying you have. Don't be blind. Doesn't suit you._ Why are you feeling guilty?"

Seungcheol pauses, sighs. He's thought a lot about what he's done with Jihoon, to Jihoon.

"It would've been easier if he fell for me and I hadn't. I would've let go of him, broken his heart, but it would have been fine because he has people next to him that would've made it better, and a career to focus on. It would not have been good, but it would not have been terrible; he could've lived a normal life, I guess. But he's not dumb, so he knows I fell for him too, and now I can't just push him away and let him go. He'll ask himself questions, push to get the answer, and if he won't, he'll spend the rest of his life agonizing over why. It's way worse for him, and it's because I messed up and let it go beyond the job." It's the first time he's been honest with himself about this, maybe. But now that it's out, it's only giving him a headache.

"Look, Seungcheol. When I met my wife years ago, I would have never imagined she would have been alright with what I do. I fell for her also when I was on the job, and after lying to her for a while about what I did, I felt _so guilty._ I couldn't sleep for nights at a time, I spent so much time crying, and you know I don't cry. I couldn't imagine letting go of her, but I also couldn't imagine bringing her into this world.

The thing is... what you have to understand is that it's not your decision. You fucked up indeed, let me be fair with you. You purposefully lied to him twice, and then kept going as if you didn't. You were a little bit selfish, but I also think you're too stupid to have seen it. That's how you men are, always clueless." If it came from anyone else, Seungcheol would have them quiet in seconds. But it's from Jaehwa, who knows him better than most people. Plus, she's right. "What you can do at this point is not forcefully let go of him. That would be the worst for you and for him."

"I can't not do it. I seriously don't want him involved, it's dangerous. Plus, he's a public figure. It's just a mess for everyone."

"Don't be stupid thrice, Seungcheol-ah. You have to eventually tell him and let him make his own decision."

"He doesn't know what he's getting himself into, how can he make the right decision? Even if I tell him, what we do... is messed up. We pretend to be good, but the reality is just that we're bad by definition, and trying to make the best of it. He's not like that."

"I think you underestimate him. I underestimated my wife too, and almost messed up the best thing in my life," she raises her shoulders, looks at him. "Not everything is black and white, good or bad, Seungcheol-ah. You're not corrupting him if he chooses to stay by your side. I don't think you're automatically a bad person if you get involved in this world. We might be because of the nature of what we're required to do, to clean up after things and to persuade people who might not necessarily want to be persuaded, but not everyone is. My wife is as good as she was when I met her, and that didn't change.

For Jihoon... I've never met him, but I think you know you want him to be by your side because he's capable of dealing with it. You would never fall for someone who wasn't, that much I know. When the time comes, don't overthink it. Just do what you actually need to do, and when it's over, tell him. And then listen to him."

"It will mess up the company, Jaehwa, and everything involved. I know that. I can't be that selfish, and fuck up everyone's lives for my pleasure."

"Everything you've done in the past more than 10 years has been for the sake of this damn company," she says, turning serious, voice rising. "I don't recognize you anymore. Where's the idiot Seungcheol from college who fell in love with his one-night stand and then got beaten up while serenading her cause he didn't know she had a boyfriend? Who almost drowned trying to save a puppy and spent days more than he should have in the hospital after cause he realized he could miss exams and watch dramas? Seriously, Seungcheol. You knew back then you'd take over, and you were different. This is not you, and you know it. Don't be a fool. You're more than capable of dealing with whatever comes up because of him, if anything even will."

"I'll think about it."

"And you better think right," she glares at him.

"Why are you still here though? It's almost midnight."

"I have work to do, one of the houses in Incheon had a few security issues yesterday."

"Give it to me, I'll deal with it," he says, glaring back. He's still the boss here, and he shouldn't allow his people to work this hard. "Go home, take care of your wife. You should be more careful, now that you two have a baby on the way."

"She's okay, her mother's here. She's come from the US to be here for a while, help us with stuff before and after the baby is born."

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't be there. Listen to me and go home. Come back Monday, take her somewhere this weekend." His look says he won't be argued with. Jaehwa works too hard way too often.

"Fine. But Monday you'll let me deal with the new month stuff."

"I will. Be careful."

* * *

He hasn't been to the apartment in a few days, so he hopes nothing is out of place. Between settling things or the company and seeing how they are weakening, solidifying his plans, and trying to figure out what Park wants, he didn't have much time, and slept at the office more often than not.

He goes straight to shower, leaves Jihoon in the living room, but doesn't find him there, so he walks to the kitchen. When he does, Jihoon looks panicked. Calm, but you can see the panic in his eyes.

"Hyung, I don't wanna be paranoid. But there's a teddy bear next to the TV and you are not the kind of person to own teddy bears. And that wasn't there a few days ago."

Wait...

"Are you saying...?"

"Go and check. Please."

"It's fine. This apartment's specifically wired so that no microphones or cameras can transmit out of here. But I'll go check."

It's true; Junhui spent days making sure the technology worked, and so their office, their houses, this apartment, even Seungcheol at certain times, everything is sealed. However... someone put that there that either doesn't know that, which means somebody's following them, or knowing that, which means they're trying to scare them.

"That means someone broke in though," Seungcheol says when he goes back to the kitchen, having destroyed the wires. Ah, he's getting a headache. "We have to go. I'll stay over at Jeonghan's for a while, and ask for another apartment right now. I'll take you home."

"Are you sure nothing... transmits? Are you really sure?"

"The person who wired this place is the most capable person I know. Nothing got out, but we'll trace this anyway, see where it goes and who put it here. Trust me. It's alright. I'll deal with this."

"Okay," Jihoon nods, and Seungcheol looks at his expression. He's figured that out in the space of minutes, once again surprising Seungcheol. Perhaps he should have no expectations of him anymore, since Jihoon seems to blow them all out of the water.

If Jihoon was somehow born in a position that would've allowed Seungcheol to actually easily have him... something tells him he could run the world with him at his side.

* * *

During his weekly Sunday night activity of scrolling through the latest profit files from Jaehwa, he pours himself a dash of whiskey and turns the TV on to news, letting it play in the background while he works. First, he looks to see if everything checks out; it's all alright like always, but he still likes to keep up with what's doing well and what not.

He's scrolling through the reports for the Incheon places to see what the security issue was when he hears it.

_"Boy group Seventeen was just involved in an accident on Olympic-daero just outside of Gangnam earlier this evening."_

No. Not this again.

_"The accident was caused by another car wrongly crossing at a red light and hitting one of Seventeen's cars who was just crossing at the intersection from the back. No casualties were reported, however, some Seventeen members were taken to the hospital for light to potentially severe injuries."_

His hand immediately takes his phone out of his pocket on instinct, and finds Jihoon's number. It rings and rings before it goes to voicemail, and he tries a couple more times. He's trying to keep calm and not let the thoughts and the memories and the panic rise up. He's probably fine, everybody is fine.

A while later, way too long later, his phone vibrates with a text.

_'Pick me up from the dorm.'_

Just as he stands up and finds his hoodie and his keys, quickly grabbing them, Jeonghan bursts through the door. He forgot he stayed at the office too.

"Seungcheol."

"It's fine."

Jeonghan looks at him, and he can probably pick up in a second from Seungcheol's expression what kinds of thoughts are going on through his head. No words need to be exchanged; Jeonghan sighs in understanding.

"I have to go," he says, and Jeonghan nods, opening the door for him. "Jeonghannie... Tomorrow, let's talk."

"I think we should."

* * *

Touching Jihoon, seeing he's okay, punches the air out of Seungcheol. He's freaked out, obviously, but is also so calm, seeing Seungcheol freak out in turn. It's right now that he wishes he could tell Jihoon everything.

“I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else, you’ve been there for me when I was stressed or angry or annoyed, and you think you’re putting more stress on me? I wish I could give you the happiness you give me," he says, and it's true. Fucking hell it's true.

* * *

It doesn't hit him then, but a few days after, the day after Jihoon agrees to date him, that the accident wasn't coincidental. It hits him all of a sudden, that Jihoon is a _target._ And unless the shit they're in all gets solved, which Seungcheol doubts it will, he has to make a decision nobody will be happy with.

* * *

"You freaked out, Seungcheol. By your standards, it was a freakout."

"I think any mention of a car accident is enough to freak me out," he snorts, settling in with a glass of whiskey and a cigarette.

"No, it's not. You didn't stop to think why it really freaked you out? You think it's just because your mother died in a car accident?" Jeonghan throws, tilting his head in disbelief. "You obviously don't care about him as much as you do for your mother and her memory, but Seungcheol, you do. You're not the type to deny reality."

"I messed up Jeonghan, I know. But it's over, I can put it away. We need to focus."

Jeonghan sighs, lighting a cigarette too, considering his next words.

"Love isn't bad, Cheolie," he starts, his tone more mellow, more understanding. It's almost like he's lecturing a child. "If there's something you should've learned from your mom and your dad, it's that; love is made for everyone, even people like us, even if it doesn't take the forms you'd expect."

"Love isn't bad when it's love like yours and Jisoo's, or like my parents', or even like Jaehwa and her wife's. The kind that's open and understanding of each other's bad parts, which for us it's most, and will outlast any fuck-ups, whatever form it takes. It's bad when it's based on nothing but lies."

"There's a point you stopped lying at. Jihoon isn't an idiot, he could tell. And even if he doesn't know the truth, he knows you, better than you know," Jeonghan says, taking a drag from his cigarette, to make his point last. "Let me be honest, he's not a righteous person. I don't think he believes in the right thing necessarily being the good one. Don't underestimate him. Talk to him."

It'd be foolish to assume that Seungcheol can walk away with the win and the guy after all the lies and the twisted truths he's said. Seungcheol doesn't assume, not when it can cost him. No matter what they're telling him... he has a feeling it will not end well.

"I will. Later."

"Seungcheol..."

"Let's go. We have a couple of things to think about today."

Indeed, Seungcheol messed up and let himself get too far. It was fun and games, and in an ideal world, maybe he'd convince Jihoon to date him a little bit more, maybe he'd fall until the end, and would live happily with him. Or sort of happily.

But then something happened that could have hurt Jihoon. No matter how much the people behind it planned it, they didn't manage to do anything, but even so, the realization of how much Jihoon mattered to him that he became a target too made Seungcheol lose his mind. No matter how much he might care about him or can envision a future with him, he can't let anything get between him and his goals, mess with his head like that in the position he is _right now._ Seungcheol will make sure to protect him to make sure nothing happens to him, but that is it. This has always been about his, Jeonghan, and Jisoo's life and what they are meant to do.

And anyway, he's living with worse things on his conscience than the memory of Jihoon's accidental _I love you_ when he came.

* * *

He settles in his chair when Jeonghan leaves because he still needs an answer to fixing all the things Jaehyuk's told Park in their favor, before he sees his phone vibrate on the desk. It's Jeonghan, and he picks it up slowly. He's probably bored and going to nag him over Jihoon.

"Yes?"

"They've taken Jisoo."

Seungcheol immediately gets up, putting his holster on and his jacket on top.

"Already?"

"Yes. Pick me up."

"Make the calls, I'll be there in 20."

"30, don't drive too fast. Don't be dumb now."

"20. Call Junhui first, and then Yejun, to get people together."

"Wonwoo?"

"No. He's probably there. Jeonghan..."

"I'm fine, it's fine. He's fine. It's okay. Let's focus."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next week! :) <3 (Maybe Saturday, depending on how writing goes. Keep an eye out.)


	14. the end of a beginning

 Seokmin walks into the living room, sees Wonwoo and stops in his tracks, his expression confused. Everybody's probably home, so...

"Wait a second," he tells Wonwoo, looks at Seokmin, gulps, his expression serious. "Gather everyone." Seokmin nods.

"Why?" Soonyoung whispers to him.

"I don't want to repeat this. You all have a right to know as much as I do."

Wonwoo keeps his eyes on him, questioning. Jihoon turns his to him, and keeps them there. 

* * *

When Seungcheol gets Jeonghan, he can tell how frazzled he is. It's not easy to have the person you love most be in this position; it's maybe the hardest thing of all.

He runs through the plan while in the car, driving to the location, courtesy of Junhui. They didn't even try to hide it, that's what's a bit unnerving. It's either that Park is getting cocky, or there's something else at play here.

"Just you and I?" He asks Jeonghan, putting a hand on his thigh to calm him down.

"Like always. Let's do this."

Seungcheol leaves the car in front of the warehouse, and subtly checks his gun and his other stuff. Jeonghan does the same, and he opens the door, preparing for the sight.

It's what he expected: Park with an army of men, Jisoo tied up in a chair further down. Seungcheol calms his heartbeat down.

"Choi Seungcheol, Yoon Jeonghan. Welcome," Park smiles, and god, Seungcheol would wipe that smirk off his face in a second if he could. What a despicable man. Park has stooped down to lower things than Seungcheol has in his quest to get personal revenge on his family, and did it in the name of Korea.

People call Seungcheol bad when Park didn't have an issue visiting their brothels and snapping people's heads, his trademark, before he turned around to the side of "justice".

"Park Cheolsoo. I'd say it's a pleasure to see you, but it's far away from one," he sneers, walking towards him.

"Take their weapons," Park orders, and two men immediately rush to Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Seungcheol stops and keeps the eye contact, sneering at him, while the gun in his holster is taken away.

Jeonghan's teeth crunch next to him. He'd love to have a go at him even more than Seungcheol, he knows.

"Thank you for coming so readily. I thought I might have had to call you, but it didn't seem to be the case. It seems your little bitches get to you quicker than anything else," he laughs, and Seungcheol puts a hand in front of Jeonghan preemptively. He can't try anything yet.

Park takes his gun out, walks closer, turns them around until Seungcheol and Jeonghan's backs are to where Jisoo is, a few meters in front of him. Like this, Seungcheol sees the exit and the doors and looks around, sees what they have to work with.

Park showed up with the Special Operations Unit, it seems, really brought the elite of the police out against Seungcheol and Jeonghan, 30 people against only the two of them. He's not playing.

"I'm glad you also made it here on time. I was a bit scared you would make it later than what I thought. Wouldn't want to miss the show, would you?"

Seungcheol keeps quiet while he approaches them even closer, and Seungcheol is staring down the barrel of his gun. 

"Oh, wait, you don't know! Well, it is my pleasure to tell you-you'll be getting your own segment on the news tonight."

* * *

Everyone gathers, takes their place around Jihoon, sits on the floor around. Seokmin sits next to him on the chair's arm, puts his hand around his shoulder.

"As I said, I'm here to tell you the truth. But before, I should check what he told you," he says, looking at Jihoon. Jihoon nods. Seokmin's hand around his shoulder tightens. "He told you he's a detective, correct? Working on prostitution cases in entertainment?" Jihoon nods again.

Everybody's shocked; Jihoon can feel it in the air since he's so attuned to all of them.

"What else did he tell you?"

"That he was working on Pledis now, working undercover to get more information about the business and how it works. Asked for my help for events they needed to get information from."

Wonwoo nods. "Did you give them any?"

"Yeah. Some."

"Who's they?"

"I'm sure you know," Jihoon says and stops.

"Yes. I do."

Wonwoo takes a deep breath, leans forward. Jihoon gets ready.

"He's not a detective, as you could probably tell. He is actually a CEO, owning one of the biggest real estate and investment companies in Korea." He explains and stops, makes sure to look at everyone in the room. Jihoon wants to shield them, but he's powerless. "It is your choice to have them here, Lee Jihoon, as what I am about to tell you is not bound under any sort of confidentiality and is not coming from an official place." Wonwoo is not here in uniform, he could have guessed. "But I am warning you that taking this outside yourselves is more trouble than you could ever imagine. So if there's somebody that does not want to hear this and have that responsibility, please leave."

Jihoon nods. He's so selfish, having them here. But he just doesn't feel like doing this alone anymore. Nobody leaves and Jihoon feels that even if they could, they wouldn't. Despite how he's feeling right now, he's so grateful for them.

Wonwoo sighs in disappointment and starts.

"Behind his company is a chain of more _illegal_ activities. He owns all the brothels in Gyeonggi-do and Gangwon-do, hundreds to thousands in number, and is pushing further south to Chungcheon-do. His company, during his father's reign, had a partnership with other powerful companies to control the drug trade coming in through the coastlines of Gyeonggi-do and Gangwon-do, mostly from China; it's unclear where that is now and how it operates. There are many more rumors involving weapons trade, money laundering and more, but those are not confirmed even within the police or the government."

Jihoon closes his eyes. Next to him, Seokmin freezes, and nobody is breathing.

"His goal with Pledis was not to destroy the entertainment prostitution industry, but take over, since that is something different. Pledis, and you, were just a way in. By this point, it can fairly be said he succeeded and took over another multi-billion dollar industry.

However, Seungcheol's methods are not quite... the usual. It's believed he will probably end up disbanding most of what is illegally happening in the entertainment industry, or at least the prostitution aspect of it, keeping only... other aspects. Despite the fact that all of his brothels are very obviously illegal, Seungcheol keeps them at very high standards and does not aim for profits."

Jihoon remembers what he told him about his mother and figures out that wasn't a lie; he respects women and especially those in that profession, but does that absolve him of everything?

"It's up to you to decide whether you see that as a bad thing or not," Wonwoo continues. "I am here to warn you about what is happening right now though."

Jihoon opens his eyes fully, turning them up to him again.

"I am revealing this to you out of courtesy, because I believe you should know before everything unravels."

If he has not been feeling anything until now, fear now paralyzes Jihoon. What will unravel?

"My father is one of the Chief Superintendent Generals in the Korean police and has been working on this case for almost 20 years. Now, as Seungcheol chose to expand, he was finally sloppy enough to not notice when he was being followed and investigated. His company and all the illegal activities will be soon revealed on the news, and he will most likely be arrested, along with everyone else who has been involved."

Jihoon sees his life flash before his eyes.

"Even though you have signed something to him, you will not be investigated, and I have managed to have you not called in as a witness due to your nature as a public figure. Your name has been erased from this case; not Pledis though, so be ready for that."

Wonwoo stops, looks at them. Despite what he's just said, Jihoon can't find it in himself to be relieved.

"Thank you for listening to me," he says with a nod, stands up and walks to the door. "Lee Jihoon... I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but... don't get involved," Wonwoo says, his hand on the door handle, right before he leaves.

Jihoon closes the door behind him and crouches down with its back to it for a few seconds. He feels... nothing.

Someone silently turned on the TV for the news coming soon, and no one is saying a word. Jihoon prepares to see Seungcheol's face on the news, his name being mentioned, his company, everything they've done. Prepares for the worst.

* * *

"Too bad your boytoy refused to come here. It would've been even more pleasant to squash you twice at the same time," Park sneers.

"He did." Seungcheol tilts his head, smiling. He looks at Wonwoo, who must have been the one who went there. "He did?"

"Yes, he said no," Wonwoo says, blank.

"Hmm. Nice," he smirks.

* * *

Jihoon prepares to see Seungcheol's face on the news, his name being mentioned, his company, everything they've done.

It never comes.

* * *

There's no greater pleasure than seeing the expression on Park's face as the commander of his "elite squadron" turns the gun to his head. All Seungcheol needs is a slightly creepy orchestral piece, and he'd be the perfect villain.

"Don't move," he announces with a smirk, and at his cue, dozens of his men start swarming in. All of them look shocked, except Seungcheol's "friend" and Wonwoo.

His "friend" puts handcuffs on Park, and as discussed, tapes his mouth shut in the first two seconds. The pleasure here is all Seungcheol's. Some of the surprised men startle, their guns out and pointed at Seungcheol and Jeonghan in an instant.

"Park-chonggyeongnim," one says, surprised, waiting for Wonwoo's order, the second in command here.

"Stand down," Wonwoo says flatly, even now, when he could get rid of them easily. Seungcheol's not surprised enough to pretend to be shocked. Despite his honor and his beliefs, Wonwoo is the smartest person from the other side he's ever dealt with. Makes sense, since they've learned about the world together. They'll need to have a talk soon.

"Park, Park... you planned this well, haven't you? When my father told you 18 years ago you would never get to touch us, did you think he lied? Why do you think I went to a military academy for, to not even have connections in the Seoul police?" He says with a smirk, approaching him. Behind him, Jeonghan dashes to free Jisoo.

"Let me tell you a secret that you'll take with you to your grave," Seungcheol whispers, puts a hand on his shoulder. "The company you've spent almost 20 years of your life trying to bring down? It's a trial run. It's only a part, admittedly a pretty large part, of an empire," Seungcheol pulls away, smiles. "Like seriously, 20 years for a company that doesn't even control the entire prostitution business, just the north, and you thought that was it? Seriously."

Seungcheol presses his hand on his shoulder down until he kneels. Seungcheol crouches down in front of him, sees him struggle with the knowledge, sees the look in his eyes. Joy, pure joy. For Seungcheol.

"Let me tell you why you could have never touched us. This company that you've been trying to bring down, for my father and I and all the other sons in our family is only, again, the trial run. The children take over this, and then, when we're ready, we take the chair of the whole empire. _And you just helped me pass._

You think we fight governments? We _create_ governments, and then we bring them down. We change regimes, we start and end wars, we bankrupt companies, we imprison presidents. The entire time, you've been playing with something you didn't even know you were playing with, and our patience kind of ran thin. Admittedly, I had fun when I thought you might have known more than I thought, but you didn't. You thought men like Jaehyuk would know anything?" He laughs. What a joke. "Your 'wife' and 'son' didn't even tell you, did they? Let me tell you why: they can't. _Nobody_ ever leaves, and if they are allowed to, they don't ever say anything because _they never truly leave._

It was my pleasure though," Seungcheol gets up and pats the insignia on his shoulder. "I'll be going now, but you'll be in good hands. Thank you for your service."

* * *

When three knocks ring out on the door, Jihoon goes to open it, not even looking. Seungcheol's eyes stare him down.

“You said no,” Seungcheol smirks, leaning on his open door.

“I didn’t say anything. It’s not my business.”

“A lack of an answer is most definitely not a yes, so...” He says, coming in after Jihoon steps to the side to let him in. “And it’s exactly your business too. It’s your company, your job.”

“The only thing I care about right now are my members,” he affirms, his voice flat, but his conviction coming across.

“Let me add myself to that list,” Seungcheol says, lightly grabbing his sweater, the black one from him. Jihoon didn't even notice he had it on.

“Try explaining yourself first.”

Seungcheol takes his hand away, his lips still turned up. They make eye contact, and Jihoon holds it.

“How much time do you have?”

“For this? All the time in the world.”

“Good. Because that’s how much time I’ll need from you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon gets up and opens the door with a loud noise, getting Wonwoo, who is waiting for the elevator, to turn around in surprise.

“Can you come back in?” He asks Wonwoo, who, after a second of hesitation, moves back inside. Jihoon closes the door behind him.

“I knew.”

“You did what?”

“I knew. About him. About the company. That he wasn’t who he pretended to be. I didn’t know all the details, but I knew he was lying.”

“You did?” It’s the first time he sees Wonwoo's expression change, his face betraying his surprise.

“I knew from a while ago.”

Wonwoo sits down back on the couch, and Jihoon goes to sit on the arm of the chair, to stand up straighter. There's so many thoughts in his head, and he tries to put them straight. It's time to talk now, not the time to reconsider.

“How?”

“I thought it was weird ever since he started hanging out with me. He only needed to sponsor me, not to take me out. There was nothing I could give him. But I thought... he thought I was interesting so I just went with it, and then I kind of fell for him, and he told me the "truth", and I just... yeah, went with it.

But I started really suspecting it when I met Jeonghan and Jisoo at his house. It was kind of ridiculous, the fact that Jeonghan was all over him. It was clearly to make me jealous, but why? He didn’t need anything from me, and we’re not in a drama. The protagonist won’t fall madly in love with the guy who he sponsors to the jealousy of his friends around him. It was just all... so sudden. It didn't feel real; I don't think they intended it to feel real. I am still doubting whether they actually didn't want me to find out at that point. But anyway, maybe in a way it worked, to manipulate me into falling for him. Or maybe it had happened even from before.” It's hard to say all this, especially with everyone around. But he has to; there's no point not to now. So he stops, thinks about where to start; it's as much for him as it's for everyone else.

“How did you figure it out though?"

“After I figured that I would eventually have to date him, before I said yes, I had actually started looking into it, into his undercover life and connections. Like very deeply. And I saw something that I found interesting. There was an article somewhere about him being in college with a lot of rich people on a ski trip someone got hurt at," he starts, switches on the armchair, his arms crossed in front of him.

"I didn't not believe his story at that point, because he had told me his family was rich and he just chose to walk away from that life because his mother wasn't. And I was kind of falling for him, like... a lot, so I could ignore what was in front of me. Him going to college with rich people and on fancy trips wouldn't be weird because his story checked out. But then I went back and realized someone in that photo looked like someone I knew... Wen Junhui."

Minghao's eyes bulge out of his head when Jihoon looks at him. He couldn't have told him since back then he had nothing more than vague suspicions, but he hates to have used Minghao like that. "I realized that Seungcheol had once sent me a photo from Shenzen. Which is where Wen Junhui lives. So I asked Minghao to go there on a trip, and when he does, to send me a photo from the balcony, on the off-chance I was right. And I was. It was the same thing. The exact same view Seungcheol sent me.

It wouldn't have been weird if it was college, but... Wen Junhui's company is not... the best. I very much doubted that he was also "undercover." I realized it a few weeks ago, and that's when I really started to suspect that things didn't add up. He's a detective and he's friends with a Chinese mob leader, pretty much? That just didn't sound right. The whole excuse, nothing there seemed right, it seemed like it was balancing on a thread and so many things didn't check out.

I had actually done something I shouldn't have before and paid someone to... find their birth certificates and family records. When they came back, after I figured out the photo, I thought that all of the names that were ever used with me were real. They could have been fake because I am sure that when you are undercover, they get made easily. But I had the strong feeling that wasn't it, especially since the family he had told me about checked out with the actual Choi family history; how many things could you plant to build someone's life?

Plus... his cars. He said that Rolls Royce isn't his, that he "gets it for work", and I thought the others must be too." Despite how crazy Jihoon was then, he remembered. "But then, when I checked the third car he has ever mentioned to me that I haven't seen before, it was in his name since 2010, along with the two others I have seen and some others; 2010 was before he would have even gone to a police academy, since he was in college then, not even starting the case. So the name he gave me was not his "undercover" name, it was his real name. Nothing was fake.

But again, you could plant this... So I tried to look for more. And I found a photo in his bedroom, of him and presumably his parents when he was a child; it looked like him and it looked like his father from what I had found before. You could manipulate this, but again, how many things can you manipulate? And why in his apartment? Only people who would have known the truth could go there, and perhaps me. So it was either to reinforce his image for me, or it was there because it was a genuine photo. And I leaned towards the latter, especially since he told me about his mother, who was in that picture and had a tattoo like the one he has.

It was then when I kind of started assuming that the "truth" he told me was the lie, and what I knew in the beginning was the truth; except he wasn't there to sponsor us - he had business with Pledis, or more likely, Pledis was a part of something else. The event they went to... wasn't a Pledis-sponsored event. It was one thrown for the entire industry, with not only Pledis trainees, and I thought this was bigger than just us. I didn't know the details, but I know they did it to keep me quiet in the grand scheme of things, and to have me not talk to anyone, which I didn't do even when I knew. But it made sense. Now that you told me what you did... it's just confirmation I was right."

Wonwoo's jaw is to the floor. Jihoon knows he did stuff he wasn't expected to do, but he's quite proud at Wonwoo's reaction.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I know who you are too," Jihoon answers, laying on his bent hand on the armchair. "I searched you up too when I decided to look into all the names Seungcheol ever told me or all the people I met. You grew up with him. There's another family photo in his apartment with someone that kind of looks like you. You won't betray him.

Plus... that night when I met you, in his apartment... I know why you were there, and you let something as far as that go. I was already listening in to the whole conversation, when you told him to keep his part of the deal; you heard me when I closed the door, not when I opened it." He's not going to say it, that Seungcheol had someone die that night, not in front of everyone, because it would scare them off. But he does know.

This is a leap of faith, since Wonwoo could very well not be who Jihoon thinks he is, since his name is different, for one, and his suspicion about that night could be wrong. What he said about his father... is also true. The thing is... there's something that tells Jihoon Seungcheol wouldn't let anyone hurt him. Nobody would come to Jihoon that wasn't supposed to. 

When he found out Seungcheol had lied to him for so long, he felt betrayed, the stab of hurt was so prominent he almost went insane. He took weeks to even process it properly, weeks Jihoon almost blocked out from his memory, faked everything and just spent in his studio. Thankfully, it was like his usual behavior enough that members weren't too inquisitive, and he could fake it also by just not seeing Seungcheol for a while under the pretense of being busy for the comeback.

But then he sat down and calmly thought that he could either lose everything, or play it to his advantage. Despite all the lies, Seungcheol hadn't lied about feeling things for him. He could hide who he is very well, but didn't hide what he feels, especially not after Jihoon almost got hurt that night and Seungcheol had let go with him; Jihoon figured out then there was honesty there. Jihoon was in so deep anyway that unraveling the lies and getting to the truth felt like what he should do, and walking away just wasn't an option. Walking away from Seungcheol still isn't.

Especially since he thinks Seungcheol wanted to know he was lying. He let him listen, put those photos there, set everything up for him. He's the smartest man Jihoon's ever met, there's no way that if he really wanted to cover his tracks, he couldn't have.

"Lee Jihoon, I think we all underestimated you," Wonwoo says, getting up. Jihoon stands up and looks up at Wonwoo. "If... it works... he'll come to you. Wait."

"I know he will. Thank you for talking to me, _Jeon Wonwoo._ Don't get hurt."

* * *

"You knew. About Jihoon. That he knew." Jeonghan asks, his arms around Jisoo. Jeonghan should just take him home. No matter how planned out it was, it must have not been easy for him.

"Of course I knew."

"You were scared too though. You were unsure of whether to reach out to him, if you'd have him after this whole mess was over."

"That's why we trust instincts. Indeed, for a while I was a little bit unsure, I wasn't sure if it could end well. Sometimes, things might not turn out the way you want them to right then, but that's why we set things up to play the long game, don't we?"

"You always said instincts are overrated, Seungcheol-ah."

"Maybe for running a company they are. But not for people... I think I've learned that for people, they're mostly right. If you set them up right." He stops, swings his jacket over his shoulder. "I think with Jihoon, I set them up right. But we will see, time will tell...

And that time is now, so I'll be going. Be careful, get home safe, and rest. Please. You've been through a lot, but our work is just starting," he smiles and hugs them both before pulling away. He throws Jeonghan his keys, his footsteps ringing on the concrete.

Jihoon's dorm isn't that far, so he figures he'll walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are! I hope you enjoyed this, and now, that we are at the end of this part, I can answer any questions you might have or things that don't check out! (Hopefully there's none haha.) 
> 
> I also never end things with one story because I cannot, so you can consider this the prequel for the bigger story that is to come, when they get settled into their life. ;) I will be posting a one-shot for another surprise! pairing (if you suspect it hmm I'm curious) to set things up in a week or two or so, and then I already have a fair amount of the larger story written. I hope you keep reading, because here is when the fun starts. (I mean it also already started but even more fun will start.) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this and I'm looking forward to your thoughts and comments. <3 Thank you for all your support! <3


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